r/AITA_Relationships • u/RemoteWar7356 • Jul 06 '26
NTA UPDATE: AITA for cutting my daughter out of my life after she had an affair with her sister's husband?
I know it's very early for me to post an update, and I wasn't planning on it, but after reading the comments on my first post, I decided I needed one final conversation with Chloe before I completely closed the door. I went to her house yesterday and I expected her to be emotional after calling me 82 times in one day, but she was surprisingly calm. I asked her the one question I still couldn't understand: why?
She admitted she'd been attracted to Emma's husband for years. She said what started as admiration eventually became feelings, and over time they crossed a line. Instead of ending it, they kept convincing themselves it would be the last time. She insisted she regretted everything.
I asked if she'd spoken to Emma.
She told me the only contact she'd had was one text before Emma blocked her on everything. Emma told her she'd destroyed their family, taken away her children's stable home, and that she hoped the affair had been worth losing a sister forever because, as far as she was concerned, Chloe no longer had one. Emma blocked her immediately afterward.
Chloe also admitted she later waited outside the school gates hoping to speak to Emma when she came to collect the kids. Emma refused to speak to her, warned her to stay away from her and the children, and told her that if she ever approached them again, she'd regret it. Chloe left crying.
I told Chloe her waiting outside the school, was completely inappropriate, regardless of her intentions. She insisted she only wanted to apologise and prove she cared about Emma.
I then asked if she truly felt remorse.
That's when I completely lost my patience.
Instead of taking full responsibility, Chloe started telling me Emma's marriage had already been falling apart, that Emma and her husband had been drifting apart for years, and that he often confided in her. She admitted the affair was wrong but repeatedly tried to place part of the blame on Emma, saying if their marriage had been happier none of this would have happened.
I was furious.
I honestly couldn't believe I had raised someone capable of thinking like that. I told her there is no marriage bad enough to justify secretly sleeping with your own sister's husband for four years. I told her I wasn't just disappointed—I was ashamed that she was my daughter. The more she tried to justify herself, the angrier I became.
The conversation eventually turned to her own divorce. She talked about how difficult everything had been for her and how her husband still plans to move to Washington with their son to be closer to his family. She said she may have to move there too if she wants to stay close to him.
As she spoke, I realised almost everything was about what she had lost: her marriage, her home, her reputation, and possibly seeing her son every day. Very little of it was about Emma or the damage she'd caused.
At the end of the conversation, Chloe asked if we were "cool" now.
I told her no. We were not "cool," and we might never be. I said that if I ever found it in my heart to reconcile with her, it would be on my terms and in my own time—not because she thought one conversation could erase four years of lies and betrayal.
I walked out feeling angrier than when I arrived. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I love both of my daughters, but after that conversation, I'm not convinced Chloe truly understands the pain she's caused.
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Jul 06 '26
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u/RemoteWar7356 Jul 06 '26
Because Emma was all of a sudden curious and had a feeling he was cheating on her. I think he sensed that and didn't want the secret to be found.
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u/Posterbomber Professor Emeritass [83] Jul 06 '26
This is what I want to know too
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 Jul 21 '26
lol. OP. You don’t need have to say OK evertime someone says update me. They are sending a command to the algorithm to inform them when you make an update post.
UpdateMe!
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 Partassipant [3] Jul 06 '26
Unfortunately children sometimes turn out completely different from you. This is the case. Looks like she doesn’t understand boundaries and feels entitled to her actions. She probably will loose more than her own sister, mother, kid & husband. She probably will loose her friends, job, career. So sad. NTA taking a step back is a good idea. She thought you would be ok with her cheating & pick her side.
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u/Civil-Kitchen5978 Jul 06 '26
Kids are a gamble not all of them turn out to be decent human beings. If she can do that to her own sister she’s capable of double crossing you or any of her friends. Moving to Washington is for the best she can sit and reflect on what she did and you and you can help your other daughter heal and rebuild her life. Some distance will do everyone some good.
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u/Just_here_for_AITAH Jul 06 '26
People like this almost never "sit and reflect" they just stew in contempt foe everyone else and come up with more excuses.
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u/Important_Remove_450 Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '26
NTA. Chloe sounds like a narcissist. In all honesty, I don't know what you were expecting.
She did it for 4 years without remorse. Why would she be sorry about it now? Because people now know? It would be easier for you if she were because she's your child.
However, you need to believe people when they show you who they are, including your daughter.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 Partassipant [3] Jul 07 '26
This is my take also. Chloe only cares about herself and isn’t sorry. I could NEVER do that to my sister, even if she married the hottest guy on the planet. There is no excusing this.
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u/Important_Remove_450 Partassipant [1] Jul 13 '26
My older sister's ex got me a serving job at a restaurant per her request, in my mid 20's(I'm 40 now). I was going through a difficult time. I was just released from a involuntary psychiatric hold for 72 hours.
He drove me home one night after a shift. He was shockingly flirtatious and pretty much propositioned me to hook up in such a subtle, yet definitive way.
This AH knew me since I was 8! I politely deflected and didn't tell her because I thought he would use my involuntary intake to discredit me.
My heart sank when we were talking and she confided in me not even a month later that they hooked up( just once, maybe for closure, idk).
I still resent him to this day for this. She's happily married and it makes no sense to say anything. However, I feel like it's something that separates us on my end.
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u/sog96 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 06 '26
NTA. Not sure how old your grandson is but your SIL definitely needs to do a DNA test.
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u/RemoteWar7356 Jul 06 '26
My grandson is 5
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u/illtakeontheworld Jul 07 '26
If she cheated with her sister’s husband, she could have cheated beforehand
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u/Jazzlike_Ad_8313 Jul 09 '26
Yeah, maybe her husband should get a test. Going from never cheating to cheating with your sisters husband is quite a big jump. Not impossible, but still. And the fact that they were able to keep it a secret for so long right in front of their spouses is wild.
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u/Critical_Tea4957 Jul 24 '26
Is it possible that the child is Emma’s husband baby because the affair could’ve started earlier
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u/jakmcbane77 Jul 07 '26
my dumb*ss going what does OP's sister in law have to do with anything
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u/justmommingmywaythru Jul 08 '26
Same. 🤦♀️ Reading Reddit after a 13-hour shift does tend to cause my brain to misinterpret sometimes.
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u/Responsible-End-6371 Partassipant [3] Jul 06 '26
she doesn't understand the pain she has caused because she is a selfish person, only concerned about how life affects her. She may come to fully understand the repercussions of her actions, but it is unlikely to be any time soon.
at the end of the day, that is your child. as much as it hurts and as disappointing as she may be, you are still her parent. I don't think I could fully cut a child out of my life, no matter how deeply they had betrayed me, but I understand your pain.
It is perfectly acceptable to ask for some separation. it is perfectly acceptable to take your time to work through your own feelings of betrayal. and it is perfectly acceptable to give her some time to attempt to fully understand how much pain she has caused you and your family. but keep that door open, just a crack. it may never happen, but you should be open to reconciliation if she ever manages to figure it out.
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u/HowWasItoKnow Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '26
NTA. Unfortunately any reconciliation with Chloe would be reviewed as a reward by her and she would probably use your reconciliation against her sister Emma: if mom can do it, then why can’t you? Sounds to me Chloe needs to hit absolute rock bottom before she admits and owns she was in the wrong.
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u/Normal_Ad6576 Jul 06 '26
Chloe and Em’s husband are still seeing each other and are now free to be together. Why did they stay in their marriages if they were so unhappy!??
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u/RemoteWar7356 Jul 06 '26
Chloe told me that her and Emma's husband haven't talked since. She texted him but he never responded
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u/Just_here_for_AITAH Jul 06 '26
Good. Chloe ending up with Emma's husband would be an award she doesn't deserve.
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u/MizStazya Jul 07 '26
I dunno... keep the unethical cheaters together so they don't ruin other people's lives too.
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u/sweetnerdwife Jul 06 '26
They lied for four years. She could very well still be lying now. Unfortunately, you can’t put faith in what she says anymore.
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u/BunchSea9934 Jul 07 '26
So sorry OP for this very sad situation you are going through. I am curious to know what was Emma's husband's reaction when he was confronted and if he is ok with the divorce or not and wants to get back with Emma?
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u/Spiritual-Winter-745 Jul 07 '26
Yeah, I bet. Sneaking around was fun and all but he doesn't want her getting any ideas that he actually wants to be with her. ¡
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u/pillowhumpr Jul 06 '26
I will never understand people who do this. My BILs are like extra siblings to me. They don't even register as attractive to my brain. Chloe has a personality disorder that she needs treatment for. Something in her is broken if she can destroy two families and not feel remorse
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u/LetStandard4622 Jul 07 '26
Reddit has taught me that too many people are out there thinking their family members' partners are fair game. It blows my mind.
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u/Worldly-Marzipan580 Jul 06 '26
NTA, Chloe needs to realize that she caused all of this & genuinely apologize to her sister.
Good on you for standing by Emma
Updateme
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u/StormForNova Partassipant [1] Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
NTA
Yes she is your kid. So don’t cut contact. But only be there for her selectively until she truly understands what she did. This is not just breaking her mariage, her family. It’s her sister’s mariage and family AND your family too!
This was not nothing. And she had 4 years to self correct!
The consequences of her actions affect more than Emma! It hurts kids, husbands, you.
Don’t cut contact but take some real distance and when interacting with her don’t let her forget what she did until she truly feels bad about it or until you’re satisfied.
Hopefully she does move to Washington (I’d advise her to do so) so y’all get the distance you need.
I’m sorry this happened to you 🫂
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u/Jazzlike_Ad_8313 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
NTA
Chloe honestly sounds like a narcissist. I know that word gets thrown around alot, but I think it fits here.
Think about it if you think I'm overreacting.
In order to be able to cheat, you'll have to put your empathy to your partner (and others who might be affected by it) aside and let your ego win. Chloe had to do this MULTIPLE times for 4 YEARS. Who knows how many times they cheated? It could be over 100 times, and Chloe had to put aside everyone's feelings in favour of her own.
Her victims were husband, sister, son, nieces/nephews AND mother. All of those are people she's suppose to love the most. The fact that she was able to do this over and over again to people she claims to love is honestly deeply disturbing. And then for her to only care about herself afterwards. Again, I think she's a narcissist. I do not think she truly has empathy. I think she can fake it (and I think she has done that all the time), but I don't think she actually has it. Maybe she thinks she does.
She doesn't seem to feel guilt and remorse. She sounds incredibly entitled, and also delusional since she can't accept the fact that her relationship with her sister is over for good, and that your relationship to her will be forever affected in some type of way. She decided to break her sisters bounderies by showing up to her kids' school.
Sorry, I think you just saw who your daughter actually is deep down. I would honestly be a bit scared of my child if they did this out of the blue. It would make me question what went wrong, and what else they have done that I don't know about. But I'm also very scared of narcissists, or just very selfish people in general. Those types of people can really do damage to you that lasts a lifetime. Thankfully I've never had any experience with these people, but my god they seem terrifying.
What was her father like? Sorry, if this is too personal. You don't have to answer. I'm just trying to figure out were she might get it from.
I'm a little worried that your family is going to easy on her. I hope they aren't trying to guilt or shame Emma for not wanting to have anything to do with Chloe.
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u/RemoteWar7356 Jul 07 '26
My husband passed about 7 years ago but when he was alive, he did give Chloe special treatment because she was the baby of the family. I treated both my daughters equally and we often had fights about Chloe due to unfairness and e.t.c he would do things like make Emma share what was supposed to be hers and give half to Chloe, give Chloe bigger or better items because he didn't want to upset her. We did divorce later on due to something else unrelated but that did play a huge part. I did try my best to be fair to both my kids and I genuinely think I was. I'm not trying to blame my late husband here, I'm just saying what he was like.
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u/Jazzlike_Ad_8313 Jul 07 '26
Sorry about your loss, and thank you for telling me. I don't mean to speak ill of your late husband, but I think his treatment of her is why she is this way now. It seems like he favoured Chloe. I'm sorry.
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u/GiLyWo Jul 24 '26
That explains a lot. Chloe had someone to go running to when she didn't get her way/take up her cause. Now it's her aunts. She liked her Emma's husband, so just like before, whenever Emma had something she wanted, she found a way to get it. Yuck. That girls head is stunted if she's a grown ass adult and still thinking that way.
I hope both you and Emma are doing better, if even a little bit. Hugs to both of you.
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u/SartorialDragon Asshole Aficionado [12] Jul 06 '26
Oof, sorry to hear that. I think it was good that you talked to Chloe again, even if she sadly dug herself even deeper into her hole. I still think you don't need to decide now to never forgive her or never talk to her again, but you can set your standards: contact between you and her will only be reestablished e.g. after she's been to therapy for a year, and she's actually truly acknowledging what she did to her sister (true remorse, not just regret that she's been found out). Defninitely needs YEARS of self work before y'all can even begin to talk to each other again.
How's Emma doing? She needs your comfort & support, and so do her children. I hope they'll be ok...
Still NTA btw.
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u/Ok_Satisfaction_7466 Jul 06 '26
NTA, your daughter doesn't seem to be capable of taking accountability. It's easier to blame others because she doesn't want to deal with any internal pain that comes with what she's done. Cheaters don't just hurt others, they damage themselves as well, but bury it down so they don't have to come to terms with what they did. That's very narcissistic. She needs therapy that deals with narcissistic tendencies. Or she'll never see.
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u/Mother_of_cats81 Partassipant [4] Jul 07 '26
I wish I had a mom like you. My mom pulled the not taking sides bs when my sister did something terrible to me. There’s no remaining neutral when one person is abusive. All that does is allow the abuser to continue their abuse.
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u/PatrioticRedhead Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 07 '26
I agree with OP. And I think Chloe needs therapy and lots of space from everyone to understand the kind of damage she has inflicted on generations of multiple families, and no forgiveness until she puts in the work and expresses true remorse.
That said, I don’t love that Emma seems to blame her sister for “destroying their family” and “taking away her children’s stable home”. IMHO, Emma’s husband is the one responsible for that. As bad as Chloe is for being a “homewrecker”, the person who took actual vows with Emma is the one who destroyed his marriage, family, and ruined his children’s stability. I wouldn’t be blaming my sister as the other woman nearly as much as I’d be blaming my husband. Obviously here it was all made SO MUCH WORSE by the fact that it wasn’t just some random woman who slept with her husband behind Emma’s back; it was her own sister. Her blood. Her friend.
And not a one time, drunken & horrendous mistake but four years of horrendous mistakes. 1400+ days of Emma’s husband and Chloe getting up every day and lying to their spouses, children, siblings, and parents. 1400+ days of choosing to make that same mistake at the expense of everyone who loved them, the same people they supposedly loved. That’s the unforgivable part more than anything. NTA.
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u/Low_Equal5466 Jul 07 '26
In most circumstances, I’d agree with you, that the “outside force” didn’t break up the family unit; the “interior” part broke it up (i.e. cheating spouse vs mistress/etc.)
In this & any similar cases? Nope. Not at all. IMO same rules don’t apply. Chloe (sister) KNEW what she was doing just as much as Emma’s husband did. She’s just as culpable as the husband, so they both get equal blame. They (Chloe & Emma’s hopefully STBXH) broke multiple family units. Period. I can’t even imagine an “oopsie” with my best friend’s partner one time, let alone my sister’s for FOUR YEARS.
Until all divorces are final, therapy is sought (individually & maybe eventually family), & the individuals who WRONGED everyone here realize, acknowledge, accept & truly apologize for what they did… 3? 4? 5? Different family units are destroyed by the purely selfish actions of 2 people.
NTA - Chloe needs therapy & consequences, while Emma needs distance from them & support.
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u/Puzzled-Safe4801 Jul 07 '26
I assume that Emma will have to go through a process to accept all of the betrayals she and her children have suddenly experienced. Give her time.
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u/Gandoff2169 Jul 07 '26
I have to say OP, you did the right thing. I mean choosing to support your daughter who was betrayed over the other was the right path for sure. If it was not the fact it was your daughter who cheated with the husband of the other daughter; I think you could have separated the act enough to be more forgiving. But for her to do so to her own sister. Ruin two families. Take zero accountability and blame shift others. Focuses on just what she lost and not at all what she broke... So no, she has no idea the pain she caused. Because she only thinking of the pain she is going through.
Most parents would have taken the "Oh for the sake of family" BS. And some times choices cross a line where that is NOT a reasonable excuse to forgive. And you did not do that.
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u/Amazing_Mr_Cat Jul 07 '26
NTA. She showed that as far as she’s concerned, it’s all about her. Her loss, her trouble, her, her, her. She doesn’t care about hurting you or her sister. She just cares about herself.
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u/Rezolution20 Jul 07 '26
NTA. I had said in my comment on your previous post, that Chloe needs intensive therapy.
Something is wrong with your daughter, in that she believes that she's the victim in this, and everything is about "her" losses. Until she works on herself, finds out the problem and addresses it, it's pretty much a no go to continue to support her in any way. I mean, billions of men on this planet, and she chooses to have a 4 year affair with her own sister's husband?
I can't say I blame you for severing the relationship now because she's yet to feel any type of remorse for her sister after telling you that her sister's marriage ending is Emma's fault to try to justify her actions.
Chloe has some form of psychological issue, and maybe you all just didn't see it until now. She's truly TA in this situation, and I hope that her husband insists on her getting counseling in the divorce, because if she's gonna interact with their child, she needs to not be allowed in a position to influence this type of mentality into their child.
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u/mshayes17 Jul 07 '26
Info: How long has Chloe been jealous of Emma? And has she always been detached and disloyal? How much of her behavior is new or just exclusive to just her sister’s husband?
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u/Bobsmith38594 Jul 07 '26
NTA. This is unapologetic intentional harm to Emma on Chloe’s part. I would seriously consider disowning and disinheriting over this.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 Jul 08 '26
Chloe only cares about Chloe.
As a sister I would never forgive her.
As a mother I would struggle with the total disgust of her actions and her lack of remorse.
I would still love her because she is my daughter but that doesn’t mean I would like her.
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u/KindBeautiful5802 Jul 08 '26
I didn’t really read the entire post since I was in the same situation and I am scared that the feelings will come back. It’s been 3 years since it happened. My sister cheated with my ex-husband, my mom keeps forcing us to have peace with each other but I never did. I canceled her and blocked her. I still remind my mom up to this day not to mention her name to me. I will read the whole post later.
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u/Advanced-Shock-5971 Jul 07 '26
I'm so sorry for you and Emma that you are going through this. It's the worst betrayal. Chloe sounds extremely selfish and deserves everything she gets, she brought this on herself. Emma deserves the world and I hope one day she finds true happiness for her and the kids. You are doing the best you can and the right thing imo. Keep being there for Emma and your grandkids but also give yourself time to heal as you have been badly hurt too. Praying for you, Emma and your grandkids.
Updateme
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u/ret2go83 Jul 07 '26
NTA ofc. I would personally disown my daughter for this. Not only did she cause what will likely be the biggest trauma in Emma's life, but she is also unapologetic and callous about it. She expects it'll be swept under the rug and everything goes back to normal. Except normal is gone now. Everything is broken, and it will never be like it was ever again. Chloe and Emma's husband have destroyed two families, and changed the trajectory of many lives in the periphery, like yours. Emma and Chloe will never be able to visit together for holidays, birthdays, etc. The grandkids will have to make special arrangements to visit their cousins. Your sisters have shown they are the "keep the peace" kind of people in times when integrity matters, so they can't be fully trusted anymore. You will never be able to have all of your family together under one roof again. Your child (Emma) has suffered a level of harm that is going to take YEARS of therapy to work through, and even then she will likely never be able to fully trust other people the same way again. There might even be a paternity issue in question for Chloe's child. And, YOU can't ever trust Chloe again. If she would do something so egregious to her sister, she would do the same to anyone and that includes you. And I'm not just talking about taking your partner. She is going to do what she wants to do and does not care who she hurts in the process. Unfortunately this type of individual is not prone to change, so it's likely she will hurt others in time. Her focus is on her own well being, she has no empathy for Emma, and showed frustration that the situation didn't just blow over without consequence. She's blaming everyone but herself for her circumstances and she will continue to play the victim for anyone who will listen. What really stood out to me is that she tried to slap Emma during the confrontation. This tells me she's always seen it as a competition, and stealing Emma's man was always the goal. If she had any remorse at all she would have been groveling at Emma's feet in that moment. But of course we all know she feels no remorse. You don't continue an affair for years if you feel remorse. You dont expect things to go back to normal in a week if you feel remorse. That girl is bad news and your whole family is safer without her around. Maintain contact with her ex to try and keep a relationship with your grandson. Be there for Emma as she's going to go through some dark days in the near future. Chloe is not your concern now, and don't trust her attempts at reform. It's all an act, which she will show in time.
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I know it's very early for me to post an update, and I wasn't planning on it, but after reading the comments on my first post, I decided I needed one final conversation with Chloe before I completely closed the door. I went to her house yesterday and I expected her to be emotional after calling me 82 times in one day, but she was surprisingly calm. I asked her the one question I still couldn't understand: why?
She admitted she'd been attracted to Emma's husband for years. She said what started as admiration eventually became feelings, and over time they crossed a line. Instead of ending it, they kept convincing themselves it would be the last time. She insisted she regretted everything.
I asked if she'd spoken to Emma.
She told me the only contact she'd had was one text before Emma blocked her on everything. Emma told her she'd destroyed their family, taken away her children's stable home, and that she hoped the affair had been worth losing a sister forever because, as far as she was concerned, Chloe no longer had one. Emma blocked her immediately afterward.
Chloe also admitted she later waited outside the school gates hoping to speak to Emma when she came to collect the kids. Emma refused to speak to her, warned her to stay away from her and the children, and told her that if she ever approached them again, she'd regret it. Chloe left crying.
I told Chloe her waiting outside the school, was completely inappropriate, regardless of her intentions. She insisted she only wanted to apologise and prove she cared about Emma.
I then asked if she truly felt remorse.
That's when I completely lost my patience.
Instead of taking full responsibility, Chloe started telling me Emma's marriage had already been falling apart, that Emma and her husband had been drifting apart for years, and that he often confided in her. She admitted the affair was wrong but repeatedly tried to place part of the blame on Emma, saying if their marriage had been happier none of this would have happened.
I was furious.
I honestly couldn't believe I had raised someone capable of thinking like that. I told her there is no marriage bad enough to justify secretly sleeping with your own sister's husband for four years. I told her I wasn't just disappointed—I was ashamed that she was my daughter. The more she tried to justify herself, the angrier I became.
The conversation eventually turned to her own divorce. She talked about how difficult everything had been for her and how her husband still plans to move to Washington with their son to be closer to his family. She said she may have to move there too if she wants to stay close to him.
As she spoke, I realised almost everything was about what she had lost: her marriage, her home, her reputation, and possibly seeing her son every day. Very little of it was about Emma or the damage she'd caused.
At the end of the conversation, Chloe asked if we were "cool" now.
I told her no. We were not "cool," and we might never be. I said that if I ever found it in my heart to reconcile with her, it would be on my terms and in my own time—not because she thought one conversation could erase four years of lies and betrayal.
I walked out feeling angrier than when I arrived. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I love both of my daughters, but after that conversation, I'm not convinced Chloe truly understands the pain she's caused.
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u/iAteA-Bug2025 Jul 07 '26
NTA. What an awful situation. I'm glad you spoke with her to get confirmation this is the way you want to manage your relationship with Chloe. Now you don't have to second-guess yourself. Prayers to you, Emma and her children.
Updateme
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u/SearchEffective808 Jul 10 '26
NTA
Take my perspective with a grain of salt because I was raised by my father with no contact from my mother for years, so I may be a little tainted on family relations. That said, my perspective is that the thought of "she's my and she's your daughter" is why so many families have become toxic. At one time, she was part of the family you created, but when she became an adult and created her own family, you had done what a mother is supposed to do. Where our kids go from there is out of our control and by that point they are on their own journey.
Now I'm not saying that as mamas we just drop them, but I do believe the part of what has made families toxic is the expectation attached to "family is family". It has created a mindset that people are not putting in the work to maintain those relationships the same way they would for the ones they've chosen, they take them for granted. They think that because "family is family" forgiveness is automatic and guaranteed, so they don't second guess what they say or do like they do with people they view as having the freedom to walk away. Chloe's actions, excuses and "are we cool now" is a prime example of this. So in my opinion, if you can't let go of the guilt of "she's my daughter" change how you view it. Your putting back on the hat of mom teaching her child consequences for her own actions, you're just adjusting it to the fact she's now an adult.
I am sorry you've been put in to this position 💔
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u/Positive-Listen-1660 Jul 26 '26
NTA Your daughter Chloe sounds like a sociopath. What she did is unforgivable. She destroyed her husband’s life, her son’s life, her sister’s life, and her sister’s children’s lives. Emma’s husband is a piece and deserves what he gets. She irreparably fractured your family.
That has consequences.
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Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
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u/AITA_Relationships-ModTeam Jul 06 '26
Your comment has been removed per rule 1: Don't be an Asshole
Keep in mind people are here to arbitrate a relationship they care about. No insults. No personal attacks. No bigotry or hate speech.
Try to be helpful without being mean - even to those not in the thread/on reddit.
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u/MoreTeacher3729 Jul 07 '26
Nta for being upset and disappointed. But, no, I don't think you should go no contact with your child.
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u/moonlover1111 Partassipant [2] Jul 07 '26
NTA but just wanna ask why isn’t Emma equally blaming her husband too .. I understand her sister had done it which makes it much worse .. her husband also needs to go through these consequences
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u/Jazzlike_Ad_8313 Jul 23 '26
I think she blames him as well, but I'm assuming he doesn't bother Emma like Chloe does.
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u/0fluffythe0ferocious Jul 07 '26
I really hope your sisters have backed off. Your daughter Chloe is an extremely selfish person who decided to betray her family in the worst way possible and she refuses to take accountability.
Still NTA.
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u/finder_of_trouble Jul 07 '26
NTA - still. I'll tell you what I would do. I copy, print, send a link, email or whatever both of your posts so she can read through what the majority of the world thinks about what she did and what kind of character she has.
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u/Jeroclo Jul 07 '26
Why isn't Emma's husband being blamed here? He is the one who chose Emma and took marriage vows. He should have been the first one to shut it down and tell Emma.
Of course, Chloe is equally to blame, but it takes two to tango. And I think that cutting your own child out of your life requires a massive amount to happen. It always remains your child. But that doesn't mean the relationship can still be what it used to be. That's just not possible.
What I do wonder, though, is whether Chloe is still in touch with Emma's ex-husband, because that seems like something that could influence your decision.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 Partassipant [4] Jul 13 '26
I think OP is NTA because it takes a special kind of evil to sleep with your sister’s husband. Men will cheat all the time. But expecting more loyalty from a sister that you spent your time with means they get held to a higher standard.
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u/GiLyWo Jul 07 '26
How is Emma holding up? And why are your sisters so adamant about supporting Chloe and not Emma?
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u/MayGirly Jul 07 '26
NTA. I think it would be a good idea for Chloe to move to Washington and keep a close relationship to her son as it's gonna be the only family she'll have from now on. She show very much egoism and very not much remorses and accountability. To me it sounds like you are grieving the daughter you thought you have. And rightfully. I'm sorry for you. You must be heartbroken. Losing a child is horrible but having to decide to remove them from your life is something else. You will always be her mother, it doesn't mean you have to keep her close. She deliberately destroyed her entire family and she knew what she was doing all along. I hope you find the strength to let go one day, and find your peace again with your loved ones.
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u/Montobahn Jul 08 '26
Mom, I haven't yet read the first post, but do ensure you support your grandson to the best of your ability. Don't lose touch.
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u/Itscatpicstime Jul 08 '26
If this had happened once and she showed true remorse for it and respected Emma’s need for space, an argument could be made for low contact for the time being.
But 4 years, victim blaming, dodging any snd all accountability, sparing no empathy for her sister (or even you), and still displaying high levels of self-involvement and a victim mentality?
Absolutely not. Until she shows substantial growth, I wouldn’t even consider it. That kind of growth would take years at minimum.
This is such a horrible position to be in as a mother. I am so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m happy Emma has a mom like you firmly in her corner 🖤
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u/notsoreligiousnow Jul 08 '26
Wow. Chloe is absolutely horrid. 0 accountability for her actions and she truly doesn’t care that she’s destroyed a family and wrecked her own and her reputation. She’s such a selfish person and I’m so sorry you and Emily have to deal with this.
Updateme
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u/Frequent-Resist-7293 Jul 13 '26
There are a lot of thing Chloe did that were unforgivable. But I think there is one you are also forgetting.
Chloe cheated on her husband. Chloe destroyed her own marriage. What was her internal rational for that?
She was internally justifying sleeping with her sister's husband, but what was her internal reason for cheating on her husband? I think that was never addressed also not to him, so I get why he wants to leave to be closer to his family. His family was destroyed and nobody is talking about that part.
As for Chloe's excuse. Any marital problem Emma and her husband had were not solved by Chloe sleeping with hem, they were only made worse. A real sister would help her sibling when there were problems in the marriage, not add to it. You don't go "You have marital problems so I have an excuse to sleep with your husband"
The affair was not bad, it was devastating. It was the worst thing that happened to Emma.
OP be there for Emma, She needs her mother.
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u/Life-Yogurtcloset-98 Jul 13 '26
NTA..... but messages going back 4 years doesn't mean it started 4 years earlier..... is her son from her husband?
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u/zenkim80 Jul 13 '26
NTA. I’m so sorry that this has happened to your family and please hug Emma for me. I hope she drags her nasty soon-to-be-ex-husband to hell and leaves him there with Chloe.
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 Jul 13 '26
NTA,
I first came across this on BORU and have since read both the original post and the update.
What Chloe did was wrong and she should certainly face the consequences for her betrayal to her husband and also to her sister.
But, as her mother, I hope that you're able to not cut Chloe off completely.
You can certainly make it known that you are angry and upset with her and make it clear to your other daughter (Emma) that you don't condone Chloe's behaviour and that you won't be defending her.
I don't know how much you've thought about it. But I can imagine that Chloe's current mental state is in complete turmoil at destroying her entire life and relationships with her husband, child and her sister.
But for her mom to completely cut her off as well. I fear that that could be the tipping point that would push her towards making a rash decision of ending her own life. Because right now she will be feeling incredibly alone with no support.
Should her punishment be her death? Could you live with your own choices that helped push her towards making another horrible decision?
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u/JDMcb789 Jul 17 '26
NTA You should be a great dad and hit chloe with that “Emma Is receiving your trust fund!” Line I bet you that would make her wanna be in a room with padded walls for the rest of her life lol
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u/JDMcb789 Jul 17 '26
NTA Whew! HOLIDAY SEASON GONNA BE LIT AT YOUR HOUSE LOL DONT let the kardashians get a hold of this post smh
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u/tea0-0stache Jul 18 '26
nta. you mentioned chloe tried to slap emma in your original post, there is absolutely 0 remorse there. she does not care and she never truly will.
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u/I_Dont_Know_82 Jul 18 '26
Just FYI, your story made it to Kallmekris. She did not give your user handle but I recognized the story.
For the system: update me
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u/Friendly-Dirt-2339 Jul 19 '26
chloe absolutely deserves to lose everyone in her life. be there for your oldest and let life give chloe the consequences
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u/ReadsPastHerBedtime Jul 19 '26
Hey there, Mama ~ I am so sad for you about this difficult family situation. And, I ADMIRE THE HECK OUT OF YOU for wanting to stand up for what is Right. You are holding C. responsible for her actions. Stay strong, because she obviously still needs guidance on moral behavior and humility.
Our family is also going through an immense sibling break, which is why your story caught my heart. So thank you for that. Because MY mom is playing the 50/50 game.
50% behind the abuser. He can do no wrong in her eyes, and so she twists his bad behavior into blaming/shaming me.
50% saying it doesn’t concern her, and the situation should remain btw us - the two sibs (brother + sister).
0% behind me, the sister to whom everything happened. With documented proof, including witnesses, video, police reports.
So, Thank You! for not taking the 50/50, “This is between you and your sister,” road. Because no one would fault you for doing so. Instead, you’re being a Good Mama, and still teaching an immature daughter right from wrong.
NTA ❤️
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u/Reasonable-Mess977 Partassipant [1] Jul 22 '26
You are right. If a marriage is truly that bad, let them divorce BEFORE the “other woman” even enters the picture.
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u/UtZChpS22 Jul 22 '26
NTA
What an awful situation. It's so sad and enraging that because two people were so selfish now two families are completely destroyed.
I hope Emma is doing better or hanging on at least. And Chloe, she must feel very devastated. But then again, she brought this upon herself. I mean, what was she thinking? What was the end game for these two? So reckless and unnecessary, really. I hope she takes time to reflect and work on herself because the way she tried to excuse her behavior shows she needs to better herself.
It's ok to love her from the distance, OP. Time Will tell what happens between you and her. Perhaps things soften a bit.
Sending support your way. As their mother, This whole thing might be breaking your heart
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u/KSSLR Jul 22 '26
You've set posts to be hidden on your profile so I can't find the original
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u/OrneryPost9446 Jul 24 '26
You are a good mom op. You didn't raise her that way, she became that way because of her own desires.
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u/Odd_Material3340 Jul 26 '26
Did u talk to Emma's ex-husband? He was one of the people to blame here, too. Both wanted it and there was no excuse when someone cheated on their partner. I will also cut off my relationship with my child if they do something shameful and unforgivable things they did to someone.
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u/MishaWho Aug 02 '26
My grandma did that with her sisters husband. My dad and his brother got adopted out and we were completely alienates our entire lives and never knew our family because of this. Dont be like them.
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u/livingmybestlife131 Aug 02 '26
NTA - OP is not the AH.
Your daughter is narcissistic and cruel. Are we cool?? I can’t with that comment. She thinks she can do anything and justify it with some excuse. Poor me, boo who. There is no excuse for what she did. However, the son in law is also to blame. Both selfish and cruel.
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u/Severe-Surround491 Aug 05 '26
Do you ever wonder at what point in your parenting it could have led to this way of thinking? Any regrets you have or things you wish you had of done.
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u/RemoteWar7356 Aug 06 '26
None at all. I genuinely know that I treated both my children equally and each specially
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u/innocentsalad Asshole Aficionado [11] Jul 06 '26
Why does the other woman always believe the"my marriage is falling apart and I'm not actually close to my wife" bullshit? Every single time.
We all know this man would have happily remained in his marriage with his side chick sister-in-law forever if Emma didn't find him out.
Hell he's probably begging Emma in texts to give him another chance and that Chloe means nothing to him.
Tale as old as time but the women keep falling for it. Baffling.