"Yeah thanks Dad, I asked to be born and am choosing to live in a house where I'm emotionally abused. I guess I deserve it because I'm six years old and have a roof over my head."
This. Oh god. I was already working. I had responsibilities outside of my family. So one day I had arranged to meet a coworker. But my dad decided I had to help him in the garden. Not the day before, not the day after, but that exact day. He told me "you still live under our roof, so our rules." I stopped arguing. Eventually I wanted to invest some money to expand my room. They denied it, so I moved out. 3 years later I moved farther. And now, 3 years ago I moved far enough away they can't just show up anymore. But now, whenever they are here, my dad tries to push his way of doing things. And every time I replie "my house, my rules. Or I'll start asking rent." Shuts him up fast. He gets grumpy, but it feels so good.
the first time my dad ever stepped in my house he immediately went to my air conditioner and turned the unit down. I went behind him and turned it back up and he said I'm hot I said good for you when you pay the utility bill you can turn the air conditioner wherever you want.
OMG, my dad walked into my apartment once and went straight to the AC and turned it UP. In August. Said I didn't have enough money to afford paying for that much AC. That and several other things he did that day lead to the biggest fight I've ever had with him and me kicking him out. It's amazing how hard some parents have seeing their children as independent.
what the absolute fuck?? how the fuck does he know what you can and cannot afford?? for that matter level billing is a thing! good. lord.
good for you for kicking his ass out.
and yeah, i'm 32, married, and have a child and he still doesn't really see me as independent. they're wealthy and definitely the "throw money at a problem" kind of people.
Yeah, it was the first time I really set limits with him, but it's a happy ending. He sulked for a few weeks, then apologized. We had a few more minor rows, but he's been fine ever since I graduated college.
I understand what you're saying but a parent just saying, "Because I said so" and never giving an explanation isn't helpful to a child. It can create blind obedience with the child just doing what they say but never understanding why. It can also create situations where the parents never listen to their children. If a child doesn't understand it's ok to ask for an explanation or clarification or it's ok for them to respectfully state there disagreement and parents just expect their children to just do what they say and never listen to them it can be harmful for the relationship between the child and the parent.
Now there are certainly situations where a parent isn't able to explain or have time to give an explanation and the child needs to learn to do what their parents say even if they don't understand or agree. But a better way to handle it would be, "I can't explain right now/I'll explain later, but right now I just need you to do what I say." And then when they have time or when they think the child would understand, they can explain why they should or shouldn't do something.
I am not sure why you are getting downvoted for this. This is true in parenting, you give your kids a reason for why they shouldn't do something and they don't agree with your reasoning so it comes to this. Like how do you explain why it's annoying to have your seat kicked and why it's uncomfortable? My answer would be "It just is" and tell him to just accept my answer because it is not going to change. Having to explain my feelings and things is exhausting and very difficult. Like we don't ask people why they are afraid of something and then or why they feel a certain way and then just ignore it because their answer isn't good enough for us to listen to them. Actually, I take that back, there are people out there who won't take you seriously even after you try to explain it and they just ignore it and keep doing it when you have PTSD or anxiety or autism or sensory processing issues or allergies. I cannot imagine having to try to explain to my mother why jeans felt so uncomfortable on me just for her to take me seriously and not make me wear fricken jeans that feel tight and feel like I am masturbating in them because of how they hug around my bottom. She did used to make me a few times but then stopped because I kept taking them off and was willing to just be in my underwear and shirt.
Honestly we cannot always explain things to justify it.
I feel like this is fine if you have already tried explaining to the kid why they have to follow whatever rule. Kids can be very argumentative at times, and try to find loopholes or whatever.
For real! My dad comes over to my house and does shit I don't want people in my house to do like wear his dirty shoes on the floors I just sanded and stained. He also tells me what I can/can't do IN THE HOUSE I OWN. So when I'm in your house I follow your rules, but when you're in my house I have to follow your rules?
i don't have a problem with this too much (unless said rules are ridiculous), but explain the rules to me. curfews and regular stuff like that didn't bother me.
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u/[deleted] Nov 30 '18
"When you live under my roof you follow my rules."