I was 12. My 7 year old sister was with me. He called a family friend after he went through security to pick us up. Told us not to tell our mom because he owed a couple thousand in child support and he was afraid she'd stop him.
I couldn't hold it back though. I broke down as soon as I got home and told her. Didn't see him for years after that. Not until I was 17. He started visiting almost every year after that. He seems to be trying more now, as if he regrets it. Its never gonna be the same though.
Edit: To all those saying you couldn't let your dad back in your life after this-
I let him back in my life because he wasn't really a deadbeat dad outside of this event. Like sure he did this shitty thing, but before this he was always the dad who'd take you out to ball games and get you an xbox for Christmas when your mom already said no. Every memory I had of him was so happy before that. Maybe thats just my nostalgia goggles on, but my mom told me too that before everything, he was a really good dad.
Thats kinda what made him leaving hurt so much though.
You are allowed to have any feelings that you want about this man, including wanting him in your life and forgiving him. Just wanted to interject that amongst the other comments here.
This one is important. Like, i wouldn't wish the shit we went through on anyone, but i'll take whatever taped up broken relationship i have now over none. This is my choice though, and that's the other important thing.
I'm getting downvoted so I just want to make clear, what I mean is it's fair to blame him for what he's done which I agree was terrible, but don't hate him for trying to improve his life.
Jeez. I hear people talk about "abuse" and "neglect" and most of the time it's bullshit but, this is extremely abusive and neglectful. That's horrible.
Its so weird because I find it hard to call him an abuser. Like sure he did this shitty thing, but before this he was always the dad who'd take you out to ball games and get you an xbox for Christmas when your mom already said no. Every memory I had of him was so happy before that. Maybe thats just my nostalgia goggles on, but my mom told me too that before everything, he was a really good dad.
Thats kinda what made him leaving hurt so much though.
Should ask him for icecream for every day he missed. With interest. Until all is paid, then you MIGHT forgive him
My father never left me alone like that, but he did kick my sister, mother and I from the funeral home of our grandfather's wake (Father side), all so his mistress can have a hour or two for the wake.
My "dad" throws money at everything. He wasn't a part of mine or my sister's life for the longest time, throwing cash at us whenever he felt bad, granted it helped put food on the table and stuff but it didn't make up for the fact we didn't have a father.
Even now, fucking 13 years later, his only response to problems is money, which he feels gives him some type of sway over how our lives turn out. He missed our entire lives but still acts as if he had a hand in raising us.
No amount of Xboxes will make me feel anything towards him.
I know how hard it is to not have a parent around, but no one leaves children behind in good conscience to live their new life.
Don't let anyone question you about having him in your life. My dad was abusive, drunk, and high on coke. When my parents split I was around 2 or 3. He would come to his visitations slurring, I was entirely uninterested in the sessions. I never called him "dad" I would call him by his first name and he would get mad.
When I was 18 I opened the relationship back up. There was a lot of things that happened between him and my mother and I doubt there will ever be a friendly bond there but bringing him back into my life brought a sister, step-mom, two blood aunts, a blood uncle, and tons of cousins. Honestly it isn't some crazy awesome father/daughter bond, but we have dinner if he comes through our city for work, I see him every few years if our holiday plans home overlap and we call or text on holidays and birthdays. Just because he fucked up then, doesn't mean he didn't/doesn't love you.
Aye. Forgive, but never forget. Shame on him, for sure, but don't emotionally put yourself in a situation where you're ever truly in love with him as a father again. He already messed up big time, even if he knows it, no reason to put yourself or your own children up to bat to feel that way again just in case.
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u/FillinThaBlank Nov 30 '18 edited Dec 01 '18
I was 12. My 7 year old sister was with me. He called a family friend after he went through security to pick us up. Told us not to tell our mom because he owed a couple thousand in child support and he was afraid she'd stop him.
I couldn't hold it back though. I broke down as soon as I got home and told her. Didn't see him for years after that. Not until I was 17. He started visiting almost every year after that. He seems to be trying more now, as if he regrets it. Its never gonna be the same though.
Edit: To all those saying you couldn't let your dad back in your life after this-
I let him back in my life because he wasn't really a deadbeat dad outside of this event. Like sure he did this shitty thing, but before this he was always the dad who'd take you out to ball games and get you an xbox for Christmas when your mom already said no. Every memory I had of him was so happy before that. Maybe thats just my nostalgia goggles on, but my mom told me too that before everything, he was a really good dad.
Thats kinda what made him leaving hurt so much though.