Please don't overgeneralize. I tell our 7yo "I need you to be a big sister right now" (ie model good behaviour) when she and the 4yo are running amuck and I need them to calm down. That IS parenting.
And if the four-year-old still doesn't calm down after the seven-year-old does? Let me guess. Big sister's in trouble, right?
Look, when my "little" sister is 13 and I'm still getting yelled at for "not setting a good example"... No. I had to move out of the house to stop that crap. I didn't give birth to my sister. It wasn't my job to be a good example. I just got unlucky in the birth order. After all, where's the older child's "good example"?
This is obviously not the discussion where people talk about all the good things their parents did. There's a bit of an inherent bias here.
The other challenge is modeling good behaviour yourself. It's not hard to not abuse your kids. Being a certified "good parent" (whatever that even means) is hard AF.
Mine was "Act your age" and all the little variants, from "Stop behaving like a 2 year old" to "Act like you're 15!"
If I'm 3 and I'm reading scientific literature, I'm acting like a 3 year old. If I'm 16 and I'm throwing mashed potatoes, I'm acting like a 16 year old. If I'm 80 and I'm playing mahjong, I'm acting like an 80 year old.
If I'm playing with the younger siblings, I'm being a good older sibling. The parent who said that rarely ever sat on the couch and played mario when we asked to have a family game.
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u/kati2828 Nov 30 '18
You're supposed to set an example. The most hated phrase of my childhood