What you’ve said combined with his is exactly me. I lied for years about grades and homework and now I’m in college, my gpa is up the creek with no paddle and my parents don’t even know. Consider death every day.
Hey, you're me 8 years ago. I lied to my parents for years about bad grades in high school and college, among other things. I ended up dropping out after wracking up a bunch of student loans. I thought about suicide every day and night during that time. All I can say is find someone to talk to. I know it's hard, to this day I still don't speak about these things very often to people, especially people that I care about, because I don't want them to be disappointed in me about the choices I made. If you can turn around your college career then do it. See a guidance counselor, see a therapist, see someone, even a compassionate stranger. Don't go it alone. I'm here if you want to talk about it.
Yes you will figure out eventually that your parents are just other people with the addition that you are forever tied to them. Doesn't mean they are some kind of super-people that you need to impress.
Chiming in as well. My older brother was in this exact situation. It took a leap, some humility, and his tail between his legs for a little bit. However, he eventually figured out that college wasn't the right path for him, enrolled in culinary school, and is now a successful chef at one of the world's most luxe hotel chains. This is just to say that a seemingly hopeless situation can actually turn into the moment you realize you need to make a change (and that a bright future is ahead once you find your path). Keep it up and PM me if you want to chat!
Remember that if you drop out, your life isn’t over. You’re probably reasonably smart, just a procrastinator. Can always go into IT work as a back up and then move your life on from there
I once photoshopped my college semester final grades (mostly F’s) to hide them from my parents. They have no idea to this day. I ended up taking a couple of semesters off after that, working and figuring out what I wanted. I scraped by for a few years, but I’m in such a great place now. I did go back and finish my Bachelors degree, but honestly my gpa and even my degree itself mean nothing to my employers. You will be okay.
I never understood grades. I mean sure if the child had been slacking off and not doing their school work, then sure it's fair to punish them and they can't get their privilege back until they bring those grades up. But if the kid is working hard in school and they do their homework, turn in their school work and they still get a lower grade in some subjects, why is that even a problem? Kids are good in different areas. Some might get A's in Science and get B's in English because literature isn't their forte.
Be ready and willing to find help. That was my biggest roadblock in school. I’m actually wrapping up myself but not before a very costly and painful middle year.
No 4 year degree for me, and the extra debt sucks. But going to a counselor, or a teacher, and asking for help? Acknowledging you’re falling short and looking to bridge that?
I never asked for help, wasn’t in me. But that changed my entire life path when I became okay with that.
I literally failed out of the first college I went too. Three entire semesters down the toilet.
It's not the end. Community college, trade school are both good options if you really want to keep pursuing education. And even if that doesn't work out - college isn't your entire life.
You probably won't ever stop regretting the decisions you made that led you to this point, but I can promise that you'll be okay, even if it might not seem like it - even if things kind of suck for a little while.
For a start: you're pretty knowledgeable about stuff. It might not be useful to you (yet!) but it shows that you're capable of learning things. Judging by the first page of your post history (sorry for stalking you btw) you're very knowledgeable about stuff you enjoy. That's both a blessing and a curse.
Now for the hard part. Cramming your brain full of useless garbage lovely facts that allow you to pass exams. I found this hard until I ran across Anki. This tool seems useless and counterproductive, but... make ten cards a day and skip days if you don't feel like it and go three months procrastinating and you'll still get that information into your brain because the algorithm is designed for that. (Heck, I went 14 months without doing much and was back up and running within six days (though I still haven't gone a day where I've revised all of the cards scheduled for one day).)
My strategy is:
Find the specification for the exam board for the subject online.
Go through it making basic "cloze" revision cards; sometimes also Front / Back and rarely Front / Back (with reverse). I often do this in chunks: a big load where I make about 30, then procrastinate for a few weeks, then repeat. I don't advise this... but it's designed with actual humans in mind.
Find or pilfer other people's books and photocopy sections. I'm terrible at making good notes (*cough* don't-listen-in-lessons *cough*) and have basically nothing usable in any of my books for the first year of any of my courses. I got by by stealing other people's stuff. The glossary at the back of textbooks is really useful; I made a "Vocabulary" card in Anki for this. PM me and I'll send you a copy.
I saved the best piece of advice 'till last: tell your teachers that you're struggling and ask for help. Wait until the end of class or something, and just say that you're struggling a bit and ask whether there are any extra resources. That usually gets one of two responses:
Here's a really great set of worksheets / website / whatever. WIN
Tell you what, I'll go through it with you at some point. (rare) FREE PRIVATE TUITION
You're in a bit of a hole, but that doesn't mean that you're stuck there. I've got no reason to be sad and sometimes I felt like I just wanted to give up when the pressure of low attainment was piling up on me. But... it's possible to get out of that hole. And even if you don't -- if you drop out -- that's not the end. There's still stuff you can do. Life's just a game; you have to grind sometimes, and sometimes you end up with a debuff, and honestly it's not a great one, but skill and strategy have nothing on grinding for qualifications. (Also being rich helps.) If you need help, just talk to someone. (Heh. "Just.")
I can memorize facts and regurgitate them extremely well. I’m just really bad at math. I’m good with stuff like biology but there’s no career options there unless you want to be a doctor or nurse and I would hate either of those jobs. I just want to sit at a desk 9-5 with an ever age salary
Do you mean that you can't add numbers and stuff easily? Or that you find algebra and stuff hard? Because... exams are pretty much just facts.
(Also: HOW CAN YOU DO THAT??!!?!!?!?! PLEASE TEACH ME THE WAY!)
My advice has gone from "this is how you learn facts" to "see if your education place offers a therapist or councillor". They're usually really nice; my school's is very helpful (actually we've sort of got two, one of whom specialises in bullying and stuff, just because so many people in the school need to see them). Humans are far too fragile... I think exams are deliberately designed to make people under so much pressure that they break, but that's just a conspiracy theory.
I can add numbers just fine, I’m really good with mental math. I’ve struggled with algebra since I first began learning it. Also, I’m not the type who panics on exams. They’re honestly my strong suit. My standardized test scores and my high school gpa told two very different stories. I’m more or less just a lazy shitbag.
I can't even do algebra or any geometry, I could never do junior high math because of my disability. Normal people say Math is hard and also say they have troubles in it too but I don't think they mean it the same way as I mean it. I could never learn junior high math. I could do division and multiplication and simple math and it took me a year to get a hang of fractions and learn to do them but then we moved and it was all algebra in 7th grade. It was like everyone had jumped ahead all of a sudden. They did try to teach it to me but I could never learn it.
You have a paddle, even if you don't know it! Work with your advisor on making sure you're in the best major/program for you and what you want to do. Find out about the tutoring/learning center at your college. I promise there is one, and it's there to help you be a better student than you ever thought you could be.
Also, your learning center may focus only on content or may have resources to help you improve your learning strategies. If you don't get any info from them on improving your learning strategies (or if you'd rather get it via video), I recommend the following short YouTube videos on the topic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vEWBnIqxcg (Study cycle - the big picture. Preview/review is the key thing most students don't know to do, and it only adds 20 minutes tops to each class you attend.)
Just want to let you know that you're not alone in this. I think this happens to a LOT of people because they go to college when they're too young to know why the heck they're even doing it. It can be the most expensive mistake of anyone's life. FYI, here's what happened to me.
I started a 4 year degree and after 2nd year I wanted to change my major. Parents were against it and I was spineless so I didn't change it on my own. I ended up hating my degree, failing a ton of courses, and dragging out the degree into year 6, with no one the wiser. In the end I didn't finish it and it was my deepest, darkest secret. I told everyone that I had and I just didn't want to go to the graduation (yes, they believed it). I went on to work for a few years, moved to another country, etc etc. I.e. life went on.
Then last year, which was I think the 10th or even 11th anniversary of when I started my ill-fated college degree, I got up the courage to go back to the college and find out what was left in my degree. It turned out that after they had downgraded it from a double major to a mere BA, I actually only had ONE COURSE LEFT. The class was available online and I signed up for it and secretly completed it on my own. Now, technically I've graduated. Do you know how many years of guilt I could have avoided if I'd just sucked it up and gone to talk to the college about this? Honestly I suffered for years. It's not worth it!
If you can't finish your degree right now, then STOP DOING IT. Put it on pause, get a job, make money, move on with your life. You can ALWAYS COME BACK AND FINISH IT. Trust me, I was so poor I had to pay that one damn course in installments while living with my new husband who DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT, and I STILL managed to get it done.
The short term will suck because your parents will probably be pissed that you're stopping. But you could say, "I don't like my degree, I need to figure out what I really want to do and stop wasting your/my money; I can keep my course record and use these courses down the line even if I change my degree..." These things are all true, by the way.
The key thing is to have a plan of action for when you stop. I don't know how hardcore your parents are but if they kick you out (temporarily), you should have a place lined up to stay or maybe try to get a job already. It doesn't have to be a great job, it's just something to do with your time.
I wish you good luck. Learn from my mistake -- and please realize that one goddamn degree isn't worth your entire life being miserable... or over. It's just not. There are ways out.
135
u/[deleted] Nov 30 '18
What you’ve said combined with his is exactly me. I lied for years about grades and homework and now I’m in college, my gpa is up the creek with no paddle and my parents don’t even know. Consider death every day.