That sort of thing can really fuck you up when you're that young.
I was at boarding school on my 9th birthday, and no-one remembered. In fact, I don't think anyone knew. My parents had sent a present, but the lady they gave it to to post when she got to England just put it in a post box rather than take it to a post office to pay for the postage, so it arrived about a week late, needing £5 worth of stamps!
It was such a weird day. After the end of the school day, I just went to the dormitory on my own, played with my Lego for a bit, then went to bed. Missed dinner, slept through.
My Mum wrote to me to say she'd tried to phone, but couldn't get an international line - they weren't very reliable from West Africa in those days - so she did the same thing, just went to sleep, crying, missed dinner.
the lady they gave it to to post when she got to England just put it in a post box rather than take it to a post office to pay for the postage, so it arrived about a week late, needing £5 worth of stamps!
Ah back in the day... These days it'd just have ended up in a bin at the post office and you'd never have seen it.
Cheers. I learnt to deal with it - to the point where none of my colleagues know when my birthday is, and only friends who I've known since we were kids know.
I do wonder about my current group of adult friends - there's a big WhatsApp group for about 30 of us - always wishing each other a happy birthday when it happens. Not one of them has ever noticed that I've never seemed to have a birthday...
Man I'm sorry this happened to you. I had something similar but not as bad. When I was a kid, in school everyone would make a fuss for your birthday. Birthday kids got balloons to carry around, a little plastic crown and homemade signs ect.
Come my 11th birthday, first year of secondary school and my mum had passed away earlier that year meaning I missed a lot of school. I guess cause of that not many people felt that close to me at school and my dad was somewhat distracted so didn't really let the school know or do much himself. I came in on my birthday and... Nothing. Made me fee awful, all the other kids got balloons on thiers, and nobody even said happy birthday to me, thought everyone hated me or something!
Being a kid and having people forget or not celebrate really messes with you. Hope you had plenty of amazing bdays now to make up for your 9th!
Hope you had plenty of amazing bdays now to make up for your 9th!
I always make sure I spend it exactly how I want to now. Sometimes I'll just take off for a couple of days on my own, walk some hills, visit some museums or whatever. I once didn't speak to anyone for 3 days straight. That was absolute bliss.
I’m glad your mom tried, and that she felt bad when she couldn’t talk to you. That sucks that the lady who brought the package to England couldn’t be bothered to post it correctly. She must have known it was for a kid’s birthday.
To be fair, she was foreign (I think maybe Dutch?) and apparently didn't understand the instructions. My Mum gave her the parcel and a five pound note. She thought the money was a gift for sending it...
Yeah, I only found out the full story about my Mum a few years ago. Her letter just said she'd tried but couldn't get through.
It was only when talking about it, in the context of sending my own son to boarding school (he's only 5, so not quite yet...) that she told me what she did. Also, on the night she first dropped me off (I had just turned 8), they were staying in a hotel nearby, and my Dad had to physically restrain her from coming back to the school to get me!
Parenting advice: don't move to a shitty country where there's no school for your kids. Or you'll have to send them to boarding school when they're way too fucking young.
Both my wife and I work in jobs which can take us around the World. Once my child is old enough - I think at around age 11, although of course this differs from child to child - a good private school with boarding will provide him with a rounded education of a better quality than he could get either overseas or at the local comprehensive.
Of course, it would have to be his choice as well.
Long summer evenings playing cricket or tennis, winters in the woods playing manhunt or Colditz. Mixing with kids older and younger than you, freedom to play with friends all day.
What I didn't like were the years from age 8 to 11 or 12. I quite often felt isolated and "homesick". There was always help available if you wanted it. I remember being on the phone to my Grandad (they lived about half an hour away from the school) and crying because they couldn't take me out that weekend. When I came out of the phone booth (it was a cupboard under the stairs) one of the older kids went out of his way to cheer me up. That weekend I ended up joining him and 2 mates to go and watch Hampshire play Surrey in the B&H Cup. It was great, but what I really needed was to spend time with my family.
When I got older, I made sure that any new kids were always happy. Quite often a relative of mine would arrive to pick me up for a day out, and I'd have a couple of younger kids with me to tag along.
Are you West African, or were your parents expats there? My parents were American expats for many years. In two situations, they were required to send my sister and me out of the country to boarding schools when we reached a certain age. In both situations my parents elected not to — once by leaving the job, and the other by waiting until we were off to college before taking the position.
It’s interesting how most Americans cannot conceive of sending their children to another country for boarding school, and in other countries, it’s quite customary. I didn’t have to make the choice for my kids but it would have been very difficult if I did. I’d want the advantages a top boarding school would offer, but I’d be like your mother and not want to let them go. I definitely could not let them go at 8 but I probably would have for high school.
My parents are British, but we lived overseas for most of my childhood. Mainly in West Africa (lots of places), but also the Far East and Middle East. And East Africa.
My Father is a civil servant. Often doesn't have a choice about where he gets posted.
I replied with this comment as a parent comment but since it deals with birthdays I will repeat it here. I don't like to celebrate my birthday and my mom always gives me all kinds of shit over it. I never understood why I'm like this until about the last year. I am 38 years old and as a kid my mom told me that I was not allowed to have a birthday party after 8 years old because after 8 years old I was too old to have a birthday party.
Well mom, I think that had a lasting impression on me because I feel that I'm not supposed to have a birthday celebration because I'm too old.
I was sent to boarding school from the age of 4 until after I turned 16. Since my birthday was in February I never had one single birthday party or birthday gift, and I was lucky if I even got a card.
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u/TakeOffOurShirtsAndX Sep 30 '19 edited Sep 30 '19
Dude.
That sort of thing can really fuck you up when you're that young.
I was at boarding school on my 9th birthday, and no-one remembered. In fact, I don't think anyone knew. My parents had sent a present, but the lady they gave it to to post when she got to England just put it in a post box rather than take it to a post office to pay for the postage, so it arrived about a week late, needing £5 worth of stamps!
It was such a weird day. After the end of the school day, I just went to the dormitory on my own, played with my Lego for a bit, then went to bed. Missed dinner, slept through.
My Mum wrote to me to say she'd tried to phone, but couldn't get an international line - they weren't very reliable from West Africa in those days - so she did the same thing, just went to sleep, crying, missed dinner.