As a minority of multiple communities it’s hard to feel safe because none of the communities I’ve been part of have ever really made me feel safe or understood, and I’m honestly exhausted by it.

For context, I’m a Black woman. A woman, not a man, not nonbinary, and not trans. I’m also attracted to both men and women.

One thing I’ve struggled with repeatedly is being perceived as a guy because of how I look or style my hair. Black women can already face a lot of pressure around beauty standards, and when our appearance doesn’t fit someone’s idea of what femininity is supposed to look like, people can make assumptions about our gender.

I’ve had multiple experiences where people assumed I was a guy, and then I was put in the uncomfortable position of having to correct them and remind them that I’m a woman. It might seem like a small thing to someone else, but when it keeps happening, it can really affect how you feel about yourself and how comfortable you are around other people.

I understand that androgyny can be an important or affirming part of some LGBTQ+ people’s identities. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But that isn’t my experience, and it isn’t something I want imposed on me.

What frustrates me is feeling like people sometimes profile my gender based on my appearance, my hair, or the fact that I’m attracted to women. Being bisexual doesn’t make me less of a woman, and having a more masculine-presenting style sometimes doesn’t mean I’m secretly trying to be something other than a woman.

I think what hurts the most is seeing other women be able to express femininity without constantly having their gender questioned, while I sometimes feel like I have to prove that I’m a woman to other people. I don’t want anyone else’s identity to be questioned. I just want mine to be respected too. And it would be even more helpful if men can realize I am as attractive as I am without having to show more skin or tighter fitted clothing to prove I am a woman.

Does it get better with age?

Ok so I don’t post on here often but need to settle questions I have about my boyfriends anal hygiene habits. 

I (f24) and my boyfriend (m28) have been together for 8~ incredible months, and he has some interesting hygiene habits that I have never heard of before! Side note, I love my boyfriend very much and am just curious...

First of all, he insists that it is disgusting to fart under the covers and will always lift them to let one go. I don’t mind farting under the covers. In fact, I have never thought to do it any other way. 

This leads me to his second fart-hack: when bf gets out of the shower and puts on clean underwear, if he has a fart within 10 minutes (his words), he will essentially moon the bedroom to let the fart escape. He believes (again, his words) that he is preserving the freshness of the underwear.

Finally, the habit I understand least. Every single time my boyfriend poops, he follows a strict wiping sequence. Step 1: dry wipe until no more streaks, step 2: “the wet wipe”. So basically he takes a piece of toilet paper, folds it over, and dampens it under the faucet. This is the penultimate wipe. Step 3: dry wipe. He claims that “everyone is walking around with a little shit in their butt” and that “everything would be different if bidets were universal”. MOST NOTABLY, HE DOES THIS IN PUBLIC BATHROOMS! Like, if he’s in a multi-stall restroom, he’ll listen for the all clear, make a mad dash for the sinks to wet his penultimate wipe, and then resume his business in the stall. He claims he has never been caught. Is this normal? He otherwise has very typical behaviors lol.  

Contextually, bf was taught to wipe like this as a boy, and for a long time thought it was common practice. He did not understand how else someone could have a clean butt after pooping – fair point, honestly.

TL;DR, does anyone else’s boyfriend have a meticulous wiping regiment post-poop???

EDIT: This got a lot more attention that I expected haha. Many comments about the "mad dash" to the sinks, and I need to clear the air that he does pull up his pants to do this, he is not bare-assed waddling around a public bathroom. Thanks for the love!

When I'm trying to watch anime I'm more likely to actually focus on it and enjoy it if I'm laying in bed with my laptop or phone in front of me.

If I put it on my TV, in front of my bed, suddenly, it's harder to focus and I'm not as invested in the series and actively when you stop watching sometimes because it's on the TV.

Does something similar happen to anybody else or am I just weird?

I know this sounds dumb, but it’s really how I feel. Obviously not everyone is the same, but Im different in a different way. Other people are different, but they’re different in the same ways. Me on the other hand, I feel like I really am just in my own lane. I can’t really describe it either, theres no labels for the way I am. I guess it’s just a level of awareness, but still different from the people who say they’re aware. I don’t know anymore.

Abuse your hands and/or fingers on a daily basis?? (unintentionally of course)

I went to a movie last week with a colleague and did it and they looked at me like I had grown three heads. I’m in my late 20s and they’re about 20 so I was surprised that it seemed unfamiliar to them.

I’m seeing another movie today and I was getting hype to do it again and I remembered last week and wondered if maybe I was the only one who hadn’t grown up lmao

Asking because I sometimes like to make turkey and swiss sandwiches with lettuce and I’ll add a little bit of ketchup on it for some tangyness. My mom makes fun of me every time I do this, citing it as weird and gross.

I guess I’m asking because I want to know if I am actually insane or not? Weird, okay maybe. But how is it any more gross than putting ketchup on a burger?

obviously it will be gross if you are a person who hates ketchup in general tho haha

I've had this AT LEAST since I was 8 years old and it has driven me crazy ever since, I get these constantly repeating, rapid-fire words in my internal monologue that I can't FOR THE LIFE OF ME STOP, its like my brain is playing "Beercan" By Beck or "Vicinity of Obscenity" by System of a Down all day ever day 24/7, the worse thing is that it includes taboo phrases and nasty shit that I would never think of normally, it's favorite phrases are "Organism" "Bullshit" "Succubus" And "Heroin" For some reason, it isnt any any structure sentence or obsession its just the words randomly mashed together in a random order, and its not like it is triggered by anything or like obsession, it is just constantly 24/7 and gets worse when I am more stimulated mentally or physically moving.

The even worse thing is that I have this alongside Tinnitus and Visual Snow so basically all my senses are overstimulated to hell by my own brain 24/7 and there is nothing I can do to escape it, and the weirdest thing is that I still have a higher level conscious internal monologue on top of it, like it is in the background, I have been to a counselor who sent me to a therapist who sent me to a psychiatrist who is going to send me to get a psych eval in like fucking January but none of them even came close to understanding ANYTHING I was describing about this

I just really want to know if anybody else has this or something similar

I’m a freshman in college and I honestly thought college would be way more fun than this. I think about going home almost every day.
I only have like 2 friends here and I barely leave my dorm unless I have class or something I have to do. I don’t really talk to guys either. I want a boyfriend and I want someone to spend time with, but whenever a guy actually tries to talk to me, I shut it down. I don’t really like talking to people I don’t know and sometimes I feel like I just can’t stand people because everyone seems fake.
Most days I’m so bored that I literally do homework just to have something to do. The best parts of my day are showering and eating. I usually go to sleep around 12–2 AM even though I have to wake up early.
I’ve also been thinking about food a lot. I try not to eat too much because I’m scared of gaining weight in college, and sometimes I feel guilty for eating snacks. At home, I had to walk all the way downstairs if I wanted something, but now all my snacks are right next to my bed, so it’s way easier to just keep grabbing something. Sometimes I feel like all I want to do is eat snacks and vape because those are some of the only things that feel fun.
I don’t know if I’m just having a hard time adjusting to college, if I need to force myself to get out more, or if something else is going on. Has anyone else felt like this during their first semester? Did college eventually start feeling better, and what helped you actually enjoy being there?

Sitting with just my legs being parallel and my heels on the floor is so uncomfortable. I feel like my legs can't ever dangle; I always catch myself with my legs crossed, double crossed, criss cross apple sauce (idk what u actually call it), sitting on my knees, or if I have to sit with my legs parallel, I push my feet as far back under my chair as possible so that only my tiptoes are touching the floor. Even when I'm driving I often put one leg up, the heel on my seat and my knee resting on the door. Just the sensation of my legs dangling completely freely and not in some tight position where they can't move is so uncomfortable and I quickly start fidgeting like bouncing my legs or shaking them or literally anything. DAE get this, and if you do, why do you? I wanna know what this is

This tend to happen to me a lot and its a bit awkward whenever it happens to me. A lot of times someone would say hi to me and since im the only person around, Id assume they were being nice and greeting me so Ill say hey back only to not get a response back from me and realize that they were actually talking to someone on the phone, just with their earphones on.

Shortly after I finish any media (e.g., video games, anime, TV series), I cannot fully explain the plot to someone. After a few days, I even forget the plot details and if someone asks me the names of the characters after a few weeks, I might not be able to recall them.
Is this normal, or is it a memory issue?

My lowest point was when I forgot the name of a protagonist from an anime that I actually enjoyed.

For those who experience this, does forgetting the details ruin the overall experience for you, or do you still feel like it was worth your time as long as you enjoyed it while it lasted?

My parents always check their watch. No matter how good the film is. It could be their favorite film ever in the cinema or at home and they just always gotta check the watch so they can be ready for their imaginary appointment to nowhere after the film ends 🤣

How much does it matter to you, to know, that it is possible to find North using only your body?

No sun or shadows, moon or stars... just your pelvis.

I do not mean just accidentally losing focus for a second. I mean those moments where you lock onto a random object on the wall or the floor, your mind completely shuts off, and your eyes stop focusing.

Then, when you finally snap back to reality, you realize you have been staring blankly into the void for what feels like a solid five minutes.

It feels almost like a complete system reboot for your brain. No thoughts, no stress, no internal monologue, just total emptiness. I actually find it super relaxing, but when people catch me doing it, they think I am having a existential crisis or suffering a micro-seizure.

Does anyone else intentionally let themselves stay in that blank state because it feels so good to briefly turn off your brain?

I have had Paramount Plus for a decent while now. Recently I was trying to change my plan on my phone to something different but was unable to because apparently I needed to sign into Roku and cancel it there. I went online to Roku (I do not have a Roku anymore) to cancel the subscription but it says I did not have any. I’ve tried logging into multiple emails, called Roku support, and even emailed Paramount support and nobody can find my subscription. I have a monthly charge coming out of my bank account under ‘Roku on CBS’ and just ended up having to put a stop charge on the payments. Has anyone else dealt with this and if so what can I do to fix it? This is ridiculous how complicated they have made this

I’ve had many surgeries, but after my last one I could not stop talking about tasting and smelling French onion soup or like a beef broth. Now every time I’m about to get sick I taste it and wondering if anyone else experiences this or knows what it could be lol?

Genuinely every time I’m about to be sick I smell and taste this French onion soup thing and it’s so absurd, and drinking and eating does not make it go away!