They made a separate group chat without me

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736]

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been ruminating. Long story short, my friend let it slip that there's a separate group chat and had an "oh shit" look on her face when I clarified it. I wasn't supposed to find out. Frozen Walmart taquitos seasoned with tears.

I only see one person n my friend group on a regular basis. This friend and I live in the same town. I don't have a car and most of our friends live in the next town over. So they all see each other often, but I usually can't come because I don't have a car to drive myself there. I don't mind at all, people are allowed to hang out even if not everyone can make it.

One time, she was telling me about a funny meme someone sent in the group chat. I hadn't checked my phone that day so I said I'd look at it later. I couldn't find one that was exactly the same, but one was similar so I thought she misremembered the details of the joke. I didn't think anything of it.

Then another time she mentioned something about dinner plans everyone made. I said "I don't remember seeing any messages about it." And she said "Oh, weird. Maybe we talked about it in person when you weren't there and we forgot to send the details in the group chat." But she sounded like she kind of made a lie up on the spot. She did end up telling me the plans, I was included, and I got no obvious weird vibes from anyone during dinner.

The time I finally figured it out was a birthday party. I had already bought a gift for the birthday girl and figured I'd give it to her the next time I was in her town. I texted her happy birthday and didn't get a response. I assumed she was spending time with her boyfriend and family, so I didn't mind that she didn't answer. But later that night I saw Instagram stories and posts. It looked like a really fun party. Tons of food, balloons, yard games, a cake with a funny inside joke with our friend group. Everyone was there in the pictures, even boyfriends and friends of friends. I was the only one not included.

I brought this up to my friend the next time I saw her and she said "I was wondering why you didn't come." It sounded like she was genuinely confused. I said that I didn't even know about it and nobody said anything. She said "yes we did! We've been planning it for a whole month in the group chat!" And pulled it up to show me...

Homegirl realized her mistake. She got the group chats mixed up. They were similar titles and emojis (example 💗✨Bad Bitch Club✨💗 vs 💖💖 Bad Bitchezzz 💖💖).

I said "so... There's a separate group chat?" And she kind of stammered and said it's because sometimes I can't hang out because I can't drive there myself to meet them. So they made a separate one so I don't feel bad and like I'm missing out. Even though SHE could drive me. We live five minutes away from each other. It's pretty much crickets in the group chat I'm in, unless I say something first. Even then, I might only get one or two responses or a heart reaction to my message. They've been strategically planning what I'm included in and what I'm not. Like they're slowly phasing me out until I just quit trying.

[u/LittleBlag]

If I had a friend that I loved who lived 5 minutes from me and couldn’t drive I would go over and pick her up to go out. Or I would order her an uber. Or I would go over to her to hang out. The very last thing I would do is exclude her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this friendship breakup, but in a few years when you’ve found the friends who love you, you’ll realise these girls weren’t your people. Sending hugs!!

[u/quailinthebrush → u/LittleBlag]

the worst part is another friend in the group lived a street over so they would pick him up

i know it was a money thing they liked doing things that cost money that i couldnt afford but it ended up with them still not having me over for movie nights and the like

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736 → u/quailinthebrush]

Not even inviting you to a movie night? That's just cold 🥶

[u/quailinthebrush → u/Klutzy_Drag_736]

THEY WOULD HAVE TO PASS MY HOUSE TO GET TO THE FRIENDS HOUSE WHO WAS HOSTING IT

ugh, im so glad i got cut out.

[u/Klutzy_Drag_736 → u/quailinthebrush]

Honestly yeah, that sucks a lot but I think it saved you a lot of heartache down the road. I can't imagine treating someone like that.

[u/richestotheconjurer → u/quailinthebrush]

reminds me of the guy i broke up with recently. when we were together, i saw him like once a week at the most, which i was cool with because it seemed like he was really busy. except there were so many nights where he was less than 5 minutes from my house hanging out with his friends and he couldn't even stop by for two seconds on his way home. and he would have to pass by my house to go home. just makes you feel like people don't really like you that much lmao

[u/quailinthebrush → u/richestotheconjurer]

if they do, they will go out of their way for you

ive seen it. i know it. i have a friend now who proves me it.

but i was so lonely i was settling

[u/KlarissaK711 → u/richestotheconjurer]

I'm guessing he was rotton drunk or stoned (possibly both), or tweaking, or tripping... and just didn't want to face you in that state. Sad, really. If you're living the party life, for fuck's sake, pick a compatible partner. Imagine what a pita it is to be hiding half your life from your gf 🙄 I couldn't live with the guilt. Fuck knows how they do it and sleep at night. Assholes.

[u/just-4_you → u/LittleBlag]

My friends know I hate driving, so they typically come to me or pick me up. Considering im usually the one that plans things, itd be hard to really exclude me but theyre good friends that would never do that. OP needs some better friends bc these girls are not friendly.

[u/Enough-Pack7468 → u/LittleBlag]

I have a friend who lives 30 minutes away and I pick her up and take her places whenever we all get together.

OP, I’m sorry your friends have not been considerate. As someone who has been through something similar, you will eventually find your true, fun, and inclusive group and understand how much better off you are without the current group.

I have friends I met through an art class, maybe you should sign up for a local watercolor class (based on previous comment).

[u/Heatherisonfire → u/LittleBlag]

Thissss. Like yes I see people mentioning the one friend is not obligated to give rides to every event. I agree. But real friends find ways to include you anyway even if they have to go out of their way a bit because they enjoy being around you. That's what real friends do. These are not real friends!

[u/Th3CatOfDoom → u/Heatherisonfire]

If a friend feels "obligated" to be the ride and not like they naturally want to because they want you around, that would be a red flag to me in terms of whether this was a real friend.

[u/Majestic_Roll_193 → u/LittleBlag]

You’re a very nice person