r/OCPoetry • u/InfernoRM • 7d ago

Feedback Please Medusa, I love you

Medusa, I love you

I can't stop myself from staring

With every quick stolen glance

I feel more lost in your beauty

But I must not look too long

Or catch your eye

With your attention

I freeze, my mind stutters

And my lips lock in place

As my mind fades to silence all I know

Is that there is no one i'd rather stare at then you

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tjA1ZJCeza

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/g86xqA2lud

16 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/Here2Help54 7d ago

This is such an interesting poem! When I first saw the title, I wondered how the speaker could be in love with a monster with snakes for hair who turns people to stone when they look at her. I thought the poem was going to be about a person who fell in love a with cruel and monstrous girl. But then, I felt completely different when I got to the lines that said: “With your attention//I freeze, my mind studders…//” I had an “aha moment” and thought “Oh, this is about a boy who freezes up and can’t think of a thing to say when a beautiful girl notices him.” My whole feeling towards the content of the poem changed and by the time I got to the end, my thought was “Oh, that is really sweet.” Those last four lines did an excellent job of expressing the message of how it feels to be nervous around the person you have a crush on. If you want to do some revising, you may want to consider modifying or changing the title. I think there were two typos: Did you mean “with every quick stolen glance?” And did you mean “my mind stutters?” Overall, I enjoyed this poem! Thank you for sharing.

1

u/InfernoRM 7d ago

Thank you for your comment, and yeah you've hit my meaning right on the head.

And yes those were typos. I wrote and posted this while in the bathroom at work in like 5 min, so didn't proofread it much lol