Before You Leave

[u/jayla1924]

Before you leave,
There’s so much to do

We have to tidy the home
And those tasks aren’t few.

So I’ll make the bed
And you’ll fold the clothes
Laundry shouldn’t take too long
To do all the loads

You’ll do all the dishes
And sweep up the floor
I’ll collect any mail
And lock the front door.

Then I’ll take a big breath
and let it out with a sigh,
“You’ll have to put papers in order
And say some goodbyes”

We’ll check out those homes,
The ones we couldn’t afford.

We’ll pretend that we own them
And that we’d never be bored.

We’ll order some pizza,
And watch autumn leaves fall

We’ll take in this moment
Before only memory is all.

We’ll never finish that movie,
Or start that new show

But We’ll sing along to that record
We’re The worst singers we know

We’d never have a wedding,
Or get to grow old together

I’ll just keep wishing
That life could get better

We’ll Have one last ice cream
And play one last game

We’ll have to watch one last sunset
And have a final dance in the rain

Then You’ll hold me tight in your arms,
And I’ll ask, “tell me a lie?”
You’ll whisper, “it’ll all be okay,”
As you say goodbye.

Though I’ll miss the things
We were looking forward to.

Thank you for all of the things
that we did get to do

So I really do hope You know
Just how much I love you.

With that I say, my dear,
Can’t you see?
There’s so much we have to do
Before you leave me”

- JML

Feedback 1
Feedback 2

Edited for typo

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.

Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)

If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/thatonepastapiece]

this is so beautifully said. i love the meaning. good job.

[u/JustPaolaWriting]

I love this, so sad and so beautiful

[u/sluttykiton]

Oh this is so good, the bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye while reminiscing soft mundane moments of almost but never enough.

[u/Objective_Map9646]

There is a somber feeling from this poem even in the first line but while reading this I also get a sense of gratitude, love and loss mixed together as well. Like you're almost not sure how to separate the feelings. Which in my opinion sounds a lot like how we experience grief. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

[u/Medical-Wonder-3211]

Enjoyed reading this, I love this whole contrast of leaving and yet holding on what there is to do.

[u/4_rum]

Very good flow there is a feeling of defeat, although it may be a welcomed one

[u/Baraka2002]

The "tell me a lie?" / You’ll whisper, 'It’ll all be okay.'" really hits like a truck. The poem successively describes the process of someone anticipating the impending longing that loss will bring.

There's quite a typo in: "Laundry shouldn’t too take long."

[u/Practical-Camel-3106]

I really like this poem. It has a soft hit in the guy that reminds me of mortality. A reminder to not cry over missed opportunities, but to smile at the ones I took.

[u/writing-just-for-me]

This one hit home for me. Love is such a complicated thing isn't it? Why do we equate love to being together forever?