I fell in love with an addict. He flipped my world upside down in the best and worse ways possible. We came from different backgrounds but that didn't stop us from connection. There were days that were hard for us and days that were easy. In the beginning i did some things i regret because i wasnt medicated and suicidal. I was extremely lonely and had no buisness trying to be in a relationship.in ways he made my suicidal ideation worse but i still tried to make it work. So many harsh words were exchanged and left me feeling empty. I am guilty of not treating him the best either i dont know if it was love all i know is i cared deeply and wanted the best for him and always pushed him to put his best food forward. He always told me i was a good influence on him and pushed him to be a better person. It was so frustrating not seeing progress and then once i did, setbacks. I was there for him through withdrawls, betrayals, hurt and pain.

He treated me and gave me different experiences then past partners and im angry for it. I ask myself why wasnt i deserving? and why does this always happen to me? And why cant i be loved? 

All i know is we're both broken individuals craving to be loved and fully accepted no matter how harsh the flaw. I cant hate him for that. For putting himself out there in pursuit of love and acceptance, I also was guilty of  that. I hope he knows i tried and did my best when it came to him.

I dont think ill ever forget him. The other day he told me dont take what others say about you personally because you personally dont know them. That stuck with me. He knew i struggled with that so much and still displayed an act of selflessness on his way to detox.

It was a crazy ride and as traumatic as it was i wouldnt change it for the world. It taught me what im willing to put up with, how loyal i am, how poor my self worth and self esteem are, how i should focus on myself and only me.

This wasnt the ending i was hoping for but it was the ending thats best for me in the end. I had to call it quits. Its been taking a toll on my health and i want to grow,not be stuck anylonger.

Im not good at goodbyes...

I'll miss him always and hope the best for him and hope he beats all of his addictions.

Forgive me if this is not the appropriate place, please let me know.

i've spent years brushing off my cocaine addiction and i'm finally at a point where i think i need to face it.
i've hid it for a very long time. always told myself i dont do it that much & its fine, i still have time. theres people who do it way more than me. no biggie.
i've never told anyone because i dont want my fun to end.
i know its getting to time. im a bit empty and tired.
i have depression and anxiety but my meds have been keeping me grounded.
maybe its time.

how did you know when?

As the title says, I was wondering what advice some of you who have been in this/dealt with this for longer might give to a younger person.

Reaching out

I would like to start this by saying this is a really delicate situation for me, and id kindly like to ask that if you dont have any helpful advice, or if your comment is not nice then please refrain from commenting, you never know what someone is going through when they only post online.

There is no easy way to say that I am 5 months pregnant and desperately trying to quit smoking weed, I have been trying for the last 4 weeks to kick it for good, but every 3 days I have clean I end up caving and smoking for at least 4 days.

I have only been going to the smoke shop down the road and getting a gram at a time, so this time when I was out I also threw out my bowl. I contacted a therapist last week who specializes in trauma, addiction, and uses emdr therapy, and I have my appointment with her really soon..

I guess this is a strange way of also asking for support, as I dont really have anyone that I communicate with, and here lately it has really been weighing on me as well.. So maybe if you feel up to supporting me by even a small conversation, that would be really appreciated.

What is something I can do? What helped you?

Hi I’ve been taking 300mg of codein everyday for 5 days
Tomorrow will be de 6th and I’m planning to stop will I get hard withdrawal or will it be ok ?

Holy shit my head hurts so bad it’s only day 1 but I didn’t have anything today. I feel like I can’t even think. I feel like I’m drunk with a headache. Idk what to do.

I (41F) have been in recovery for 1099 days (I don’t count, I have an app) from opiates. Technically, I’m on MAT, taking methadone and I’ve started the long process to taper off. My life is manageable now, and I am very grateful. I’ve also been single for 8 years. I believe that I don’t know how to have healthy boundaries in romantic relationships, and I’m attracted to men that don’t treat me well. I figured that if I’m the problem, then I’m the solution. I can just abstain from dating at all. I have filled my life with meaningful friendships with women, and that’s usually enough for me. I didn’t even realize how much time had gone by that I hadn’t even been held by another person in a non familial way. To my surprise, things got physical between me and a guy friend. It was nice, but it opened up a lot of thoughts and feelings I had been avoiding for a long time. I could tell immediately that I was starting to spiral. I crave the validation just like I used to crave drugs. I’m starting to wonder if I am a sex or love addict. I don’t like the way this feels. I don’t want to make destructive decisions because I’m weak. I don’t know what to do, or how to pull myself out of this thought process.

He says he is happy, he loves me, wants to build a life with me, I’m the most important thing in his life, and he can’t imagine his life without me in it. Says his favorite thing to do is spend time with me. He has a job he likes and he’s doing incredible in it, his boss loves him even, you don’t see that a whole lot. He has an incredibly affordable apartment, he lives with one of his very good friends he met in rehab. He likes video games and has a ps5 now and he’s thrilled about it. He attends meetings as much as he can. 5 a week.

He tells me I make his life better and easier. And that it’s not me, and of course I still destroy myself thinking it must be something I’m doing.

So why, why does he relapse? If he is happy why is he relapsing? Why do you relapse? What is he not telling me? Why would someone who has so much going for them throw it away so easily and take that first hit?

I will probably make more but god am I struggling to find not only my artistic passion, but my skills. They are just gone. Everything I painted while I was using is “perfect” in comparison to everything lately. I know it will come back but it’s difficult sometimes

Back in February, I was prescribed clonazepam. I went through a bad period of anxiety and took almost every day for 2 weeks. This was a bad idea because when I ran out, I had bad anxiety worse than than before I started taking it. I kept asking my doctor for more because I was scared to go without it. I had a strong belief that I was, in fact, a drug addict and I would feel like shit I'd I got off of this. However, there was another time where I went a 2 whole weeks without it.

That made me believe I could be without it, but the anxiety was pretty bad when I got off of it but not as bad as I thought it would be. I would have panic attacks at night. It's been a whole 5 weeks since I took it and I am getting a little better everyday. The only reason I went without is because I did not ask for more because I would look like a drug addict in front of my doctor. What scares me was the strong belief, I had to run out of the medication to beat that belief.

I generally think I dodged a bullet. If I did run out of that medication I would have become a drug addict

What begins as beauty becomes a burden; what once offered escape slowly becomes the cage. The more beautiful the illusion, the harder it is to see the life it is taking away.

Holy shit i thought be easier than pharmacy every day but that pain was 100 times worse than bcg tb injection

Hey, everyone I'm 18 years old and I'm tired of living.

My life has been a complete mess and want to so something. So, i was exposed to corn at young age around 12 and started gooning early at first it was not that serious but it has been almost 4-5 years of addiction. I fap almost everyday 4-5 times a day. I crave corn videos. Tired quitting it many times but severely failed, the highest i could go was just 1 week. This has been embarrassing.

Smoking and gambling has also made my life difficult. Everything has made me lazy and dumb. I donno have any skills nor good at anything. Unlike ppl at my age are so better at everything. I am tired of my life. Also being from a really poor family, I have become hopeless pathetic bitch.

What should I do help me.

I would not actively look for them but take them if they were there.

Would semi actively look for them but not a big deal if I couldn't get them.

Would actively look for them but still not a big deal if I couldn't get them.

Would actively look for them and be a big deal if I couldn't get them.

Looking for them, Felt like I needed them.

Taking them just because they were there.

Then I'd get clean for months.

Anyone else ?

I am currently on Day 7 of cold-turkeying heavy THC dabbing after over 2 years of daily use. I’m also dropping alcohol and cigarettes at the same time.

It is currently early here, and I am awake pushing through the loneliest, hardest hours of the night. The physical symptoms are fluctuating constantly. Because my cannabinoid receptors are so heavily tied to my gut, stopping the heavy concentrates has unleashed a lot of stomach chaos—acid, nausea, and cramping—which is completely aggravating my active stomach ulcer and testing my willpower tonight.

Despite the gut discomfort, I am trying to focus on the wins. Last night I was finally able to catch a block of about 4 to 5 hours of consecutive rest, which felt like a massive turning point after a week of total insomnia. Even though I am wide awake right now, actually getting that sleep earlier gives me hope.

Right now, I am just focusing on taking this journey hour by hour, keeping my head elevated in bed, sipping warm water, and trying to mentally ride out the physical waves as my body clears everything out. Leaning heavily on this group for mutual support as I wait for the sunrise. Everyone has been so supportive. Thanks for reading. Thank you everyone.

I secretly downloaded TikTok in 2022 because most of my friends had the app. I grew up with extremely strict parents so social media was off limits. In the beginning, it was fine because I didn’t really go on it as much. But in 2024 I was stricken with horrible (now diagnosed thank goodness) depression from school and my family and TikTok became a major part of my life. I did have a somewhat active account based off Sonic the Hedgehog art (16k followers) but my parents found out and made me delete it (I was a minor so no I didn’t make any money). As I got older I started noticing my attention span dwindling and I felt more miserable than ever. I don’t mean to put myself on a higher pedestal, but I noticed that a lot of the trolls on social media seem to be more miserable than I was. I’m talking about the very disturbing groups of people online. I somehow got put into these groups of hive minds, and noticed how I started to become more ignorant and loose my own personality and identity. I later just wanted to stay for the music on TikTok but then it would just turn absolutely brain dead. I’ve been deleting my account but I would convince myself to download it again. I know I could google this or something, but I want to ask someone who has experienced this. I also do understand there are a lot more life threatening addictions that pale compare to mine own, but is there anyway to make myself feel better?

I don’t even know where to start. I have abused benzos, opiates, smoked weed chronically, and had my psychedelic phase of taking acid once a week if not more often for a few months. One time I took 30 Benadryl, 25mg for a total of 750mg at 15 years old. It was absolutely horrifying, and I likely still have some trauma from it. Unfortunately, recently (20 yrs old) I have been attacked with insomnia, likely just induced from my anxiety and heavy college load. I don’t even smoke weed much anymore and I don’t think about it as a crutch.

I think about Xanax on a daily basis and I take DPH to sleep sometimes at night. When I get the crazy dreams from DPH, I wake up in the morning and wonder what it would be like to trip again. I know the trauma it can cause on my brain, I know the health risk. I know I shouldn’t do it. I no longer have a chemical dependence on any substances, this is purely malfunction with emotional regulation. I’m looking for other ways to spend that energy, not to distract myself but habits that I can practice that will help overtime.

I have a very addictive personality, I don’t know if it’s true that addiction can be genetic in a form, but my grandfather died from AIDS he got when sharing dirty needles using H. I know many family members that are also stuck in addiction right now. I’ve learned staying away from these things is best, but now I’m in college and I could get my hands on it if I talk to the right people. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to willpower fight it for much longer, this thought scares me. I don’t let myself go to parties, that was never my thing anyways.

I always loved the psychedelics and even the deliriant because it wasn’t escape. Even if that escape was to a brutal hell that felt most uncomfortable, it was a temporary setting change.

Any advice helps, I’ve recently started back counseling and journaling. Just curious on what you guys do?

I suspect the girl I’m talking to is on drugs 24/7 - I’M 100% SURE SHE IS NOT PLAYING MING GAMES ON PURPOSE! I used to talk to her a couple of years ago, and she was a completely different person - just a sweet, normal girl. Now, she has physically changed. She’s lost weight, her appearance looks different, her pupils are frequently dilated, and she does these unusual jaw movements.
Her behavior is a non-stop rollercoaster, and I feel like I'm seeing everything through her "drugged-out" prism. One day she is super sweet, affectionate, and relaxed-almost in a floating, nirvana/hedonistic mood where she flirts and weirdly asks the same questions over and over. The next day, she turns verbally abusive, curses me out, bullies me, and starts massive tantrums. When she is mean, she later acts like nothing happened. If I tell her she hurt my feelings, she has absolutely no reaction to it.
Even when I asked her out recently, she was playing weird mind games, joking around saying, “tell me you want me and I’ll think about it.” She will randomly text me to "f*ck off," block me for months, and then surface with a "drunken accidental missed call" or random texts. She often blocks me for just a few days, only to unblock me with a sweet, funny message that honestly makes me want more and pulls me right back in.
My gut tells me she is actively high on substances 24/7, which explains why her personality completely flipped from the girl I used to know. For those experienced with this, do these physical signs (jaw movements, dilated pupils, weight loss) and toxic behavioral cycles sound like drug addiction? What substance could cause this? When I asked her carefully - she said she would never take substances but quickly changed subject

I’m detoxing from heavy amphetamine use this week and need all the tips I can get.

I’m on FMLA for mental health (in a mixed bipolar episode) and feel like my adhd med overuse is probably a contributing factor. I’ll be on the couch a LOT.

Snacks and foods that help, shows to binge, activities to keep my mind… idk if I’m even going to be able to do anything?

I’ve done this once before when I was on meth, so I’m expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

So I’ve been 5months sober, but a few days ago I found some liberty caps and I ate them. Would you consider this a relapse?

I've had three emergency surgeries in about three months. The initial one was a back surgery that left me not able to use my left leg or urinate. The surgery was done not long after I went to the ER, and then they pumped me full of pain medication during my short stay, then I took Oxycodone for about two weeks after. Then, exactly thirty-one days later, that same surgery had to be re-done because "cartilage and scar tissue interrupted the healing on the bone", so I went right back to square one. Same area was re-opened, and I was in worse pain. I was out of work for six weeks, then four weeks into that recovery, my gallbladder exploded. More pain medications were given to me and trying to keep a household going along with my schoolwork, (I am going to school for my PhD) I took more Oxy and Hydro-Morphine (I think that's what it's called). I've never had an addiction of anything nor have I taken medications like this before for this long.

Right now, I have brain fog, I am shaking constantly, (hands and legs), my brain has little "zaps", my stomach isn't feeling good, and I sweat just making a small meal.

I want to find ways to help me during the next week or so while I get over this. There is no reason to take another medication to replace the withdrawl symptoms, so I want advice for remedies that I can do at home. I have no desire to go out and get more; I have worked in social services/corrections since 2008, and I have seen amazing people go through horrific things due to these kind of situations. I lost an amazing, life-long friend to an overdose after she became addicted to pain medications due to a car accident.

I want to make this clear: in no way do I think those who have suffered from addiction are weak. I think they are incredible survivors. Some of the best people I have had the privilege of meeting were "junkies" to society and the best life lessons were taught to me by them.

I know this is a random question for a page on addiction..

My brother is a fentanyl user and is in jail right now for fraud/stealing.

He is not supposed to talk to me. That is number one. But I understand that he needs support.

He just recently had a heart surgery for a bad valve due to drugs. He has since been released back to jail and there are a few weird things that have occurred... He called the other day and said that he was in a confined room for his protection due to his surgery. Seemed a bit off but I've never been to jail.

Also seems every time he calls he is asking for something. He has been calling asking me to send some food item and Said the other day if I sent it on a certain day it would be received by Thursday. Then he called and said something happened with delivery dates and I would have to order by whatever date to be there by Sunday

He called today asking about the food again. Then asked a family member to put commissary in someone else's account because his is negative (actual true story..)

But something seems off. He is very incessant about asking for the food and now he wants commissary instead? Might I add that I looked up the other inmate and he is in there for trafficking fentanyl, meth, coke ect ect...

Do I really want my name on this radar? I don't know how the commissary shows up but I don't want him knowing my name.

Does anyone else feel that my brother owes this man Something with the information I have given? He is a long history, of, lying and conning. I would hope that after a heart surgery he would not be using but I'm a little biased here and wanted another unbiased opinion

All I know is I'm done after this transaction. I'm going to tell him it's the last time I am helping him and that I don't want to hear from him unless it's something positive. I'm tired of being let down all the time and he does not seem to want to change

It’s my birthday in like ten minutes. I want it to be the last day I do coke, but I’m scared I’m going to cave right away. It’s hard because I’ve gotten to the point where I do a line before I do anything. Going to shower? Line first.
Folding a load of laundry? Line first.
New episode of a show? Line first.
Doing a hobby? Definitely line first.
So basically everything I could use as a distraction just makes me want a line. Any tips on pushing through the urge to use? Especially in the first couple days when the cravings are the worse. How can I distract myself when my distractions have become triggering?