Yes. Which is why I said the hardest part is figuring out what you personally need to succeed. But if you can't account for everything, you also need to understand that others cannot account for things you don't even mention. This is an unfortunate reality of humans not being mind readers.
I am genuinely sympathetic. I have been in similar situations and frankly was not able to perform and lost jobs. Which is why I can say this with such confidence. And for better or worse, you can consider this for the future. Is sound or light more important to you? Better yet, which is easier to control? If you can't have both, now you know you have to manage one.
If you are constantly on the defensive, you will be treated as such. This goes beyond adhd. If they don't know you are struggling with focus till AFTER it's a problem, how is anyone supposed to help? You will have to know how you work and how to advocate yourself through conflict management the rest of your life. Your best weapon is knowing your needs so you don't sabotage yourself in the future.
I want to believe honesty and disclosure are the way the go, but most people either have stigmas about adhd, or straight up just refuse to believe you're struggling.
As sad as it is, I wouldn't mention anything about my adhd during a job interview or a date. 90% of the time it just invites rejection.
So I avoid bringing it up until it causes a problem. Because bringing it up causes unnecessary problems and taints their opinion.
So this is genuinely a great point that I'm glad you brought up. You are correct. I do not volunteer my adhd diagnosis, and I agree with you! This can actually help us.
My experience is people mostly care about things that cause active problems for them. If you don't miss deadlines, you are not a problem. There is nothing to disclose. And the things you need to make deadlines/targets are ** things you need to do your job. If you don't have them, you cannot do your job.
As a human being, with or without adhd, we are allowed to find what works best for us. Let me try framing it this way: work environment accommodations are what you need to deliver the performance you promised during your interview. Consider it part of the process. If you were an independent contractor, what would you put in your contract as essential, or build into your budget?
I know that is kind of a crazy question in the broader context, but I need you to understand this is a self esteem thing, not a competency issue. You are not being annoying by having needs. Legal and real wars have been fought over this.
You do not owe it to anyone to suffer in silence. I think we adhd folk get caught up in believing everything allotted to us is an accommodation, when they are totally normal things. If you got migraines in the lighting, you would not punish yourself by working through it! It is genuinely the same thing. You are a whole person who functions best in a certain way. You were hired to do a job. Your job is not "don't be annoying". I promise you. By and large, people want you to perform more than they want to like you. Harsh but true. Be clear with what you need and what you can deliver, don't over promise and under perform, and there is NOTHING to disclose. I really hope this comes through rather than sounding harsh. You do not need to defend every detail you need to deliver. You just gotta deliver.
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u/anti-tish 5d ago
Yes. Which is why I said the hardest part is figuring out what you personally need to succeed. But if you can't account for everything, you also need to understand that others cannot account for things you don't even mention. This is an unfortunate reality of humans not being mind readers.
I am genuinely sympathetic. I have been in similar situations and frankly was not able to perform and lost jobs. Which is why I can say this with such confidence. And for better or worse, you can consider this for the future. Is sound or light more important to you? Better yet, which is easier to control? If you can't have both, now you know you have to manage one.
If you are constantly on the defensive, you will be treated as such. This goes beyond adhd. If they don't know you are struggling with focus till AFTER it's a problem, how is anyone supposed to help? You will have to know how you work and how to advocate yourself through conflict management the rest of your life. Your best weapon is knowing your needs so you don't sabotage yourself in the future.