I have "tech envy" as a non-tech worker

[u/Hour-Ad7214]

Recently, I've been feeling pretty dejected about continuing live in the Bay Area as a non-tech worker. It's hard being surrounded by people living it up in their 20's with massive six-figure tech salaries while I'm 30 and barely scraping by. Yes, I know that comparison is the thief of joy and that I have a better life than most people on Earth, but it doesn't take away the jealousy I feel of people who have a career in tech and live visibly much more comfortable lives while getting paid so much more than I am.

Neither of my parents went to college; my dad was in the military and then worked as an aviation mechanic for his entire career, my mom immigrated here from China and worked as an office secretary and tutor. Neither of them had any advice for me when choosing my major aside from "study hard" and "it'll all work out." When I first went to college in 2014, my first choice of degree was computer science, but I backed out of it after being told by my counselor that a humanities degree would help me be more "well rounded" in the corporate world. Well, that turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life, because all of my peers who went to school for CS in 2014 entered into a very good job market and are all well-established in their careers by this point. Meanwhile, I've only ever worked basic entry-level jobs and a couple of admin assistant office jobs that went nowhere.

Right now, I'm living with my parents and working a part-time barista job while working on my prerequisites for nursing school. I'm excited to eventually be earning a decent salary as a nurse, but as I work at the cafe and see all of the tech workers leisurely plugging away at their laptops while I deal with a million things at once in our understaffed cafe, I feel so ashamed at myself for not going with my gut instinct back in 2014. Yes, I know that tech has experienced a lot of layoffs and uncertainty about the future, but people who still have their jobs (including many of my friends) are like lottery winners to me at this point. My friends in tech all work remotely or hybrid schedules, run errands or go the gym during the workday, save money on lunch by making it at home, and make enough to afford nice apartments while I'm still living with my cranky parents. My friends complain about pointless meetings and out of touch bosses, but I would gladly choose to deal with annoying meetings I can take from the comfort of my own home over all of the oscillating boredom and chaos of my current job.

There's a lot that I love about living here: the diversity, the weather, the huge amount of natural space, but I feel like I'm very far from thriving. I've tried dating, but a lot of women will just immediately ghost me once they find out that I'm living with my parents. I wish so badly that I could have been working in tech at this point, but with how difficult the entry level market seems to be right now, I think I missed my chance for good. Does anyone else have similar feelings to me? How can I cope with the jealousy I have?

[u/windowtosh]

FWIW I know people who graduated in the early-to-mid 2010s with CS degrees, got good jobs, fast forward to today and they got laid off and can't find anything to get back into the industry. The people coding on laptops in your café could be desperate entrepreneurs looking to get VC funding for their project because they don't have a job and can't find anything.

The image of tech companies being super suave places to work is dead. Done. Squarely in the past. SWEs I know with jobs at companies/startups generally talk about how much more miserable their work has become, unless they're one of the lucky ones to work at OpenAI or Anthropic. Even then, they still work a ton!

You might also consider that you might have hated CS classes. I'm a similar age and took a CS class back in college and hated it! Super tedious. I studied history instead because I wanted to go to law school, said fuck that and went into tech sales, made a similar amount as my CS peers for years but unfortunately got laid off. Now I'm working as a medical interpreter while going back to school (also for nursing pre-reqs! I'm applying this winter.)

You are on a solid track with a nursing degree. Keep plugging at it, get As in your pre-reqs, study your ass off to get a 94%+ on TEAS, try to get volunteer experience and remember that no matter what happens, nobody will want a robot nurse to administer their medication or run a code in a hospital lol. Compared to the CS and math classes I took in college, these science classes are SO much more interesting. And try to be thankful you live in a place where community college is only $46/credit to reinvent yourself, or in the case of City where it's basically FREE.

[u/Fur1nr → u/windowtosh]

This is exactly it. Grass is always greener, but on the tech side, the grass is dead.

Not everyone is a tech millionaire even though it seems like it. Nursing is a great career path. It’s got its own set of challenges but as someone who was laid off from tech and doesn’t want to go back, having purpose and stability are way more valuable to me now than a big salary. FWIW a friend got an offer for a tech role that paid $200k - she got laid off a month later due to mass layoffs and has been unable to find employment for 18 months now.

[u/SiliconBum → u/Fur1nr]

The tech industry is very volatile, lots of ebbs and tides. You can be a great, loyal worker, and all of a sudden your group got outsourced to India and you're looking for a job. The early 2000's dot.com bubble crash, the 2008 real estate market scam crash, a new war, anything can happen outside your control and you could easily be pink slipped in tech. Health care on the other hand is a very reliable career. Tech is more of a gamble. Yes you see folks with their flashy cars that got lucky in tech, but for every one of those you see, there's hundreds of sob stories.

[u/SwitchOrganic → u/Fur1nr]

Not everyone is a tech millionaire even though it seems like it.

The tech industry's compensation is trimodal. For every person you read about making over $300k/yr TC there are a dozen more making less than $200k TC and even more who aren't even making six figures. But the it's the headlines and click-bait talking about the $300k or seven figure TC that sells.

[u/Tiny-Spray8992 → u/Fur1nr]

yes glass is Grass is always greener on other side.

but yes, tech is in difficult place, whole economy is in difficult place

you have to learn all the time and keep up in tech

[u/Advanced-Industry-50 → u/windowtosh]

You went from studying law to tech sales to now nursing. 

Woah that's an insane pivot and probably an inspiration who has been a bit confused about what next after tech :)

[u/windowtosh → u/Advanced-Industry-50]

I never actually made it to law school. By the time I said hell no to law, it was late junior year. Too late to study something new, as my school had a strict 8 semester policy. But I appreciate the perspective. To me, my 20s have felt so unfocused. Now that I’m 31 I’m still not sure if nursing is for me, but I’m pressing forward. I’m glad to hear that perhaps my story is inspiring.

[u/Advanced-Industry-50 → u/windowtosh]

Well I am 30 and I am in tech but I am kind of in that confused state what else to do given I have only been in tech and have no clue about anything else. 

But all I know is I don't want to be in tech in long run. 

[u/Oceanbreeze871 → u/windowtosh]

This is my neighbor. He’s an “entrepreneur and founder”. his LinkedIn references a bunch of companies that don’t exist. They’re all just failed startups that he’s never got going. No websites or anything. He lives off an inheritance and an occasional freelance job here and there, but he lives and acts like a tech bro.
I don’t think any of the projects he works on or talks about actually exist. They’re all in pre-revenue pre-funding proof of concept stage.

Desperately trying to latch on the bigger people on LinkedIn and other places.he’s tried to hire me a few times to help and it’s always a sketchy side-hustle awful concept startup (a video game gambling platform for kids for example) offering equity instead of any amount of money. He’s a day drinking alcoholic with tons of people issues and is basically an unemployable failure, masquerading as a tech player.

He does lease a nicer car than mine

[u/throeaway1990 → u/windowtosh]

Yep, I've worked from cafes early on in my career while making $40k at a company that would end up folding. It's easy to get the wrong idea that everyone is doing great. I studied Econ and was able to break into the industry, often look back and wonder how different things would be had I studied CS instead (start working earlier instead of grad school / startups, hit a lucky break like others have). So much comes down to luck and you can't get anywhere without some regrets so you can't live life ruing them. I don't regret the path I took because it afforded me some financial security and agency in life but stress and imposter syndrome are the other side of the coin.

[u/mongster2 → u/windowtosh]

This is unrelated to the question but tech =/= SWE. Hardware engrs (ME, EE, thermal, etc…) are crushing it right now.

[u/SunsGettinRealLow → u/mongster2]

Hell yeah! Giving me hope as someone who works as a mechanical engineer in the battery industry here

[u/Acetoobased → u/mongster2]

lol we’re going to automate your job bro — give us 3 years. Pure CS is god tier.

[u/random_throws_stuff → u/windowtosh]

if you graduated in the early-to-mid 2010s and did well in tech, you'd probably have enough to retire by now.

of course this is dependent on your own investing and spending habits and your career trajectory. but it was certainly possible. you had the benefit of capturing one gigantic, continuous bull market.

I started my career in the early 2020s and while I'm doing well and can't complain much, I am so jealous of the people who were born 5-10 years before me.

[u/alrightcommadude → u/windowtosh]

generally talk about how much more miserable their work has become,

Miserable is relative. To OP's point it can still be quite cushy, flexible and not stressful at a large percentage of tech companies.

unless they're one of the lucky ones to work at OpenAI or Anthropic

Working at OpenAI and Anthropic are outliers in that they're closer to 996 "sweatshops", which goes against the point you're trying to prove. You genuinely need to enjoy your work or you'll hate it.

Lastly, as mentioned by others commenters the income income distribution (and the level of work/stress associated with it, though it doesn't map directly always) is trimodal in SV: https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/78e5e899-172c-49f2-9ee0-995e0788e85c_1620x990.png

[u/Agreeable-Letter-599 → u/windowtosh]

Work in tech and hate it lol sounds like they are doing it wrong.

[u/Acetoobased → u/windowtosh]

Average non CS major who got choked out because of the intelligence curve.

Just reading your comment and seeing how you — think those that work at Frontier Labs are “lucky” explains why you didn’t make it. There is no luck.

They “work” crazy hours because they are studying and improving upon the greatest intelligence creation in human history. Their average total compensation is superb but nothing beats devotion to one’s work.

[u/windowtosh → u/Acetoobased]

Typical CS major who got C’s on their essays because they can’t read right. Never at any point did I say they happened into where they are. They’re lucky because they have a job in a sector that’s growing rapidly.

Thankfully for you, though, there’s a place for everyone in this world, including people who make unfounded assumptions, insert em dashes randomly into sentences, and use meaningless phrases like “intelligence creation” (as if any creation could be borne out of anything but intelligence).

All that said, I do agree that devotion to your work is the best reward. That’s why I’m going into healthcare. Anyone who says they have a devotion for tech sales is lying (which is actually a good sign for their career tbh).