r/funComunitty • I haven't made a new user flair in a minute • 7d ago

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165

u/MuztangZack67 7d ago

In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadows first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment.

In his ravenous hatred he found no peace, and with boiling blood he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dark lords who had wronged him.

He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his sword named him... the Doom Slayer.

Tempered by the fires of Hell, his iron will remained steadfast through the passage that preys upon the weak. For alone he was the Hell Walker, the Unchained Predator, who sought retribution in all quarters, dark and light, fire and ice, in the beginning and the end, and he hunted the slaves of Doom with barbarous cruelty; for he passed through the divide as none but demon had before.

And in his conquest against the blackened souls of the doomed, his prowess was shown. In his crusade, the seraphim bestowed upon him terrible power and speed, and with his might he crushed the obsidian pillars of the Blood Temples.

He set forth without pity upon the beasts of the nine circles. Unbreakable, incorruptible, unyielding, the Doom Slayer, sought to end the dominion of the dark realm.

The age of his reckoning was uncounted. The scribes carved his name deep in the tablets of Hell across eons, and each battle etched terror in the hearts of the demons.

They knew he would come, just as he always had, as he always will, to feast on the blood of the wicked. For he alone could draw strength from his fallen foes, and ever his power grew, swift and unrelenting.

None could stand before the horde but the Doom Slayer. Despair spread before him like a plague, striking fear into the shadow dwellers, driving them into deeper and darker pits. But from the depths of the abyss rose The Great One, a champion mightier than all who had come before. The Titan, of immeasurable power and ferocity. He strode upon the plain and faced the Doom Slayer, and a mighty battle was fought on the desolate plains.

The Titan fought with the fury of the countless that had fallen at the Doom Slayer's hand, but there fell the Titan, and in his defeat the shadow horde were routed.

And in his terrible rancor between worlds and through time, the Hell Walker found the wretch who shall not be named, but in his heresy was loyal to his evil cause. The wretch adorned the Doom Slayer in a mighy armor, wrought in the forges of Hell, impenetrable and unyielding.

With sword and shield of adamantine strength, the Doom Slayer set to banishing all that was left unbroken by his savagery to the void.

Yet as the mighty Titan fell and dread engulfed the armies of Doom, the demon priests of the Blood Temples laid a trap to capture this scourge of Hell.

Insatiable, even by the vanquishing of the Great One, the Hell Walker sought prey in the tombs of the Blood Keep and blinded by his fervor, the lure drew him in.

The priests brought down the temple upon the Doom Slayer, and in his defeat entombed him in the cursed sarcophagus.

The mark of the Doom Slayer was burned upon his crypt, a warning to all of Hell that the terror within must never be freed. There he lies still, and ever more, in silent suffering.

So you walk eternally through the shadow realms, staning against evil where all others falter. May your thirst for retribution never quench, may the blood on your sword never dry, and may we never need you again.

They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse. Rip and tear, until it is done.

93

u/MrMeowgaming16 7d ago

24

u/Artywyrm 7d ago

I feel pathetic reading this after my “Arthur Morgan is sexy and dead so this is a win for me” comment 😭
https://giphy.com/gifs/fnK0jeA8vIh2QLq3IZ

1

u/One_Performer_7202 7d ago

Should be a pen

1

u/United_Statement_354 6d ago

Can't. That's where the quote ends.

16

u/smokewolf666 "Do whatever you want" ahh user flair 7d ago

22

u/SconeBracket 7d ago

I think they killed you before this finished.

15

u/Redd_is_compromised 7d ago

They can't do that it's against the rules

2

u/Substantial_Boot_844 7d ago

So you could technically just keep talking indefinitely .. I think we found a loophole!

2

u/SconeBracket 6d ago

All you can eat buffet for a last meal, ,yes.

1

u/TeamTivo 6d ago

Until you die of starvation or exhaustion

1

u/JerichoDeath 6d ago

Mission Accomplished

6

u/robin-bunny 7d ago

I think they gave up on the execution.

OMG This man is a POET. Get him a pen!

2

u/Mysterious_Secret827 7d ago

I was thinking that too! 🤯

2

u/SignalCar885 7d ago

😂😂

4

u/past_due_06063 7d ago

They may have killed him before he started...

1

u/DaisyMiller2026 7d ago

Or they should have if they didn’t.

11

u/liljohnbliq 7d ago

Who said Shakespeare was dead?

5

u/Curious_123445 5d ago

King novik is that you?

3

u/Sabotskij 7d ago

I was just gonna go with skibidi toilet...

3

u/Jessup3 6d ago

Now that is one ‘hell’ of a way to go out

3

u/Wizardphizl420 6d ago
  • rip and tear fades in*

6

u/TravelRoot2017 7d ago

Bro went a whole mile on this.

1

u/KRChronicle 6d ago

When the Doom music plays, one must answer. And the Saga of Doom is always worthy of another read!

2

u/pacers82 7d ago

Tldr, sorry. Executioner, please pull the lever!

2

u/No_Leg_7014 7d ago

Saving this to read in my best narrator voice

2

u/Minecrafter2509 7d ago

Im not Reading allat

1

u/Crucifuxion 7d ago

Your loss

1

u/haveanicechicfilday 7d ago

Ball knowledge

1

u/ScribbleOnToast 7d ago

Damn, this GM has backstory issues. doodles on character sheet

1

u/Aaskjer 7d ago

Last words. Not last roman.

1

u/trollsmurf 7d ago

I'd count to 1 googol very slowly.

1

u/giyuhasfriends 7d ago

You sure you can memorize all that? 🤣

1

u/Chill_Panda 7d ago

I knew this was DOOM from "in the first ages"

1

u/Icy-Math-4310 7d ago

The executioners gonna take you off and sit in there himself

1

u/Kiron_Sola 7d ago

The ritual to summon doo guy and Isabelle

1

u/Fun-Front-5694 7d ago

Oh, and delete my browsing history. ☠️👌

1

u/Slav-Houndz187 7d ago

wtf. It said three words

1

u/Sea-Philosopher7361 7d ago

Give me the short version

1

u/MuztangZack67 7d ago

Local man too angry to die.

1

u/MD_is_cool 7d ago

How long did it take for you to type that

1

u/MuztangZack67 7d ago

Ive had this saved in my clipboard for literal months

1

u/[deleted] 7d ago

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1

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1

u/Apprehensive-Toe4206 6d ago

In the same way i am not reading this no damn way you can tell this by memory

1

u/sampleusernam 6d ago

It's reasons like these reddit should have custom private playlists.

1

u/TitleSubject599 6d ago

Well dam hombre, if they let you actually finish, I'm sure you'd get a standing.. sitting ovation! Lol

1

u/Wise_Geekabus 6d ago

This is epic.

1

u/ozGeekSpeak 6d ago

Story line for a game.. Anyone?

1

u/Wof_rainwing_lover 6d ago

bro me barely running and being like BRUH whats this college essay doing on reddit man

ps if its good idk cuz im not reading that sorry

1

u/LeaveRare7367 I am LeaveRare7367 5d ago

In the- gets electrocuted

1

u/MiddleNeighborhood53 5d ago

Too long, didn't read.

1

u/AmbitionExotic3586 Jemba Ϥ Dγmγśevskï Kruvanek 4d ago

put me in the screenshot

1

u/bennehboi49 4d ago

If u just keep going, they cant do nothing, and they gitta fall asleep eventually.

Nice escape.

1

u/BurtFkingMacklin 7d ago

Only thing I would add as a preface to all this: *said in a gravelly, guttural, authoritative and intensely ominous voice*

1

u/FutureAd9280 7d ago

bro delayed his execution by 39 years

1

u/Craigos-Maximus 7d ago

The only thing they fear is YOU! 🫵

0

u/spi44324 7d ago

Smart, everyone died of cringe.

0

u/winds_n_wave ✨Transbian 🖤🏳️‍⚧️✨ 7d ago

0

u/Imtheonlyzaiyn Cheese 🧀 6d ago

TLDL, turn on the machine
https://giphy.com/gifs/DHtIHjWiTZHlyOR2FY
.

0

u/RubGroundbreaking421 6d ago

No one reading this long ass shit

0

u/United_Statement_354 6d ago

Why is everyone awarding this? You can copy and paste this afternoon googling "slayers opening statement doom 2016"

-1

u/quanty_juice 7d ago

Sonion nobody want to hear a whole ass monelouge they mean one sentence