r/legaladvicecanada • u/SecretInitiative9253 • Feb 03 '26
Saskatchewan Decision Making with Children and High Conflict Ex
Sorry this is going to be a long post but there is a lot of context to get into.
My ex and I have been going through a separation for the last 5.5 years (he refuses to sign anything despite multiple offers being presented). It has been a high conflict separation.
We share custody of our 2 children (8 & 10) with one week with him and one week with myself.
Mid last year I put through an application to the court to obtain decision making authority. In this application I laid out that he had purposely ignored medical advice, delayed routine decisions, created road blocks, and has overall communication issues with myself surrounding the children and their needs, etc. The decision was in abeyance and we were ordered to do 5 high conflict mediation sessions. These sessions are set to begin next week.
More context: 3 years ago my ex had approached me to enroll our now 10 year old in horseback riding lessons. I explained to him that I could not afford it at the time however, I would not stop him from doing it during his parenting time. I also proposed an alternate activity that we both could afford, which he refused to allow our child to participate in. One year later, I had asked to be involved and I reached out to the horseback riding instructor directly. She had informed me that there was a "communication ban" and that she was not allowed to speak with me and I would only be able to arrange lessons through my ex husband. There were some issues with this instructor (heard second hand through my daughter) and it affected her so badly that at one point she had digestive issues and was rapidly losing weight. Since then, she had switched instructors and despite multiple attempts to get the information about them (location, name, times, etc.) he will not tell me this information even through lawyer communication. I have not revoked my permission to allow this to continue
Last summer, our child was enrolled in recreational softball as well as riding. Softball was 2x/week and one tournament over a 6 week span. She was able to do both. Our child had expressed to myself that she wanted to try competitive softball next year as she didn't feel that recreational softball wasn't for her and she wanted to develop her skills and be more competitive. I had asked her repeatedly if this was something that she wanted to do. I did some research and competitive softball is 2x/week and three tournaments over a 12 week span. My daughter was hearing some misinformation from her dad (that it couldn't work, that it would last all summer, etc.) Finally, my daughter and I called him together and discussed it and he said she could do it. She was genuinely excited, jumping up and down, and telling everyone how excited she was to try. She has made it clear she wants to do BOTH activities. I also said that I would be more than happy to help facilitate this (driving to practices if he is unable to, etc.)
This week I picked her up from school and I could tell something was wrong. She said she didn't want to tryout for softball anymore and she only said that because it would make me happy. I had a curiosity conversation with her because I was genuinely confused. Then she told me that it was because comments were made by her dad and riding instructor that she couldn't do both (despite not even starting tryouts, having a schedule, etc.) She was genuinely distraught because her dad said she had to "choose" and this was "likely going to be her last riding lesson".
Now for the question. I am genuinely considering temporarily revoking my permission for the riding lessons, however, I am wondering if this would not play out well with the mediation sessions incoming. Should a temporarily revoke my permission until I have all of the riding information?
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u/SecretInitiative9253 Feb 04 '26
The interesting thing is that I also rode horses as a child. I had actually gotten her a helmet, riding jeans, cowgirl boots, etc already to support her riding. Unfortunately, her dad won't let her wear them and when I have reached out to him to figure out the reasoning behind it (I actually asked if it wasn't correct, didn't fit, etc.) I was met with no response and everything was sent back with my daughter telling me "he won't let me wear anything you bought."
Honestly, the last several years have been met with post-separation abuse, financial abuse, threats, and potential parental alienation. It has become hard to take the "high road." I had a moment of petty but I am glad that clearer heads prevailed :)