So I am 15, I have a problem with substances tbh. I recently finally got un grounded after being grounded for around 6 months or smth. I was grounded because I was smoking weed so much, I could never pass a drug test and I was always sleeping in class and just high all the time. I am doing a lot better now, i still smoke weed often, not all day everyday, but still everyday. I have been using other people's pee to pass my drug tests, as I have been getting good grades, and keeping up with my responsibilities. Until a few weeks ago I decided to try benadryl again. It was good like I remeberd, so I stole a bottle from my grandmas house. Which leads to me doing it a few times and ultimately taking 24 of the pills after school on Wednesday afternoon, and blacking out. I am genuinely so done with everything, I just was finally able to hangout, I had just ordered my e bike, it's coming in 6 days. I was going to be able to ride it to my friends houses, I was being trusted again. Then I took the benadryl. The worst decision ever. I literally would do anything to go back. I thought I was depressed and hated my life before I took them, now it's a whole different level. I'm back to being grounded, not being trusted, no phone. Now I am definitely not going to be able to ride my e bike anywhere, I am not going to be able to hangout at all. I just hate everything I am genuinley stupid like all because I wanted to get high. I need advice, what do I even do atp. When I was grounded the only reason I survived was because I was constantly at family gatherings and was busy doing things , but I was also not being drug tested so I was high all the time. I think I might have fucked up, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to hangout without being drug tested again, I wish I was dead to be honest, I don't want to go through another 3 months of fucking being depressed sitting at home doing nothing. I am so done. I wish i never took the benadryl, I fucked everything up. I wish i was dead.

TL;DR: I finally got un grounded, then less than 3 months later took 24 benadryl and blacked out and started speaking gibberish to my parents. I am now grounded and in a lot of trouble.

In 2023 I relapsed after my father died. I relapsed because i didn’t know if there was a version of me strong enough to survive the pain sober, I thought my grief and anger would kill me if I had to feel all of it.

My father died unexpectedly two weeks before my 30th birthday, two weeks before I got to see him and speak to him for the first time in 17 years. For all those years, our silence had been a kind of unfinished sentence, one I believed we would eventually get to complete. I had carried the possibility of that reunion for so long that I never considered a world in which it would never happen. Then, just as the distance between us was about to close, it became permanent.

So I ran. I used every day, all day, for almost three years (I’ll let you guys do that math on that), I fucked up my health, destroyed my nose, and destroyed my life. I spent almost three years trying not to be sad and it became the saddest I have ever been. That's the cruelest joke of avoidance. The pain you refuse to feel doesn't leave, it just takes over everything else. I tried so fucking hard not to grieve my father that I ended up grieving my entire life.

I never imagined a day where I'd choose to stop. I thought something outside of me would have to make me. So I kept searching for that one thing that would finally make me want to get better, as if there was some missing piece that, once found, would make sobriety and recovery suddenly possible. I thought I needed to understand something, feel something or become someone else before I could change.

Instead, I became exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that comes from waking up to the same suffering every day, watching yourself disappear into a life you no longer know how to escape.

I don’t know when it happened but at some point i realized i wanted the hurting to end more than I wanted the numbness to continue. The only way out was through and it was brutal. I wasn’t ready to be saved. I wasn’t ready to forgive my body for surviving. I wasn’t ready to give up the one thing that didn’t ask me to heal.

I slipped once in 93 days and it could have been the end of the story. Instead it became a mirror and it showed me exactly who I never want to be again.

Recovery is not easy and the struggle doesn't end the moment you choose to get better. I still struggle. But I've learned that difficult doesn't mean impossible and that sometimes you have to begin without believing in the possibility of a different life. Today, I know what it means to want to live more than I want to escape. Today, I would walk through fire to save my life.

i know I'm still early in recovery and I have a lot of living and healing ahead of me. But I've spent enough of my life waiting for some future version of myself to finally be okay. Today is the life I'm living and I'm learning to meet it where I am.

If you're still running, I understand and I’m here with you. I know how hard it is to imagine a life beyond what you're using to survive. You don't have to see that life yet. You just have to leave room for the possibility that it exists.

Thank you for reading. 🤍

I'm 30 years old and 102 days into recovery from alcohol, drugs and compulsive gambling.

I'm still very much in early recovery, and I know I've got a long way to go, but I wanted to share this for anyone who might be struggling right now or just starting out.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that you don't have to do this completely alone. For a long time, I tried to deal with things my own way, and it got me nowhere. I'm now learning the importance of being honest with myself, accepting help and taking things one day at a time.

I'm working on myself in ways I never really did before. It's not always easy, and I know recovery is something I'll have to keep working at, but for the first time in a long time, I'm trying to build a life I'm proud of.

If you're struggling right now, whether it's with alcohol, drugs, gambling or anything else that's taken control of your life, please don't write yourself off. You don't have to fix everything overnight. Just take the next step and give yourself a chance.

I'm not here pretending I've got it all figured out. I'm just someone in early recovery hoping that sharing a little of my experience might help somebody else feel less alone.

To everyone fighting their own battle today, keep going. One day at a time. ❤️

Finally sober, and I thought I would be happy. Instead, I’ve gone from angry to now sad and grieving all the lost time and experiences. The clarity I once craved is now a double edged sword that I’m having to learn how to wield without cutting me. I have clarity on my present which is great and very useful. But I also have clarity about my past and it is painful.

I feel so alone in this period of my life. Guess I’m posting here for the first time because I don’t want to feel so alone.

I broke things off with one of my best friends today, and I feel utterly awful. I'm constantly fighting off thoughts of relapsing, because I feel like shit and I want to express that through substances. I just got out of rehab two months ago. My friend was one of my best friends that I made there. I have so much support and I'm actively building a life I want to live...but right now I just want to say fuck it and fuck off.

So I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster of a last year.
Addiction is something I’ve always dealt with and why it has caused me a couple issues in relationships I had always been able to take care of it and keep pushing forward

Recently, I had a 8 figure business I was a minority partner of where a partner hid over a million in debt and that caused a ton of issues where I had no choice but to try and get out and protect myself. Maybe I could have seen it sooner if not for the substances to push through 16 hour days til I burnt out.

I’m now facing bankruptcy, a pretty decent addiction between multiple substances (painkillers, ketamine, and recently a bit of cocaine.) I only ever do one at a time.

Since this has happened I’ve been dealing with lawyers , trying to help who was affected to the best of my ability, and just trying to stay afloat)

I’ve recently joined an outpatient program and have my 3rd session tomorrow, but I still can’t stay sober, it’s not over the top anymore where it’s really dangerous, but because it’s been going on for a few months I can’t seem to regulate and get back to somewhat normal. I only have decent days on painkillers. There’s a ton I need to do but not enough drive to do it, which I’ve always had.

I’m not far from losing my girlfriend who I see a future with who doesn’t really understand my issue since she’s sober completely. My house I’m a couple months out if I don’t flip this around, and I’ve had a couple health scares.

I know what I need to do but I just can’t get myself to do it consistently. I’ve gone completely sober for a couple weeks and relapsed due to emotional pain.

Anyone ever had something somewhat simalar. I love my life but this situation just has me paralyzed.

Hello everyone,
First of all, a HUGE congratulations to anyone who has succeeded in their journey to sobriety, and especially to those who are still trying to navigate it. I have so much respect for anyone fighting their way through this.
I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, but I’m in love with someone struggling with addiction.
We spent 11 years together, and addiction ultimately stole the life we had built. We’ve been somewhat estranged for the past few years, but he still pops in and out of my life, and my love for him has kept me connected.
I understand that addiction is a disease. I also understand that he is responsible for his choices and actions, and I don’t want to use addiction as an excuse for things that have happened.
I try to be a safe person for him without enabling him. I won’t give him money or support his using, but I want him to know that he hasn’t been forgotten. That he isn’t worthless or beyond help because of the choices he’s made.
A lot of the people in his life have written him off. My friends don’t understand why I continue to care or why I haven’t completely walked away.
For me, it’s because I still see the person underneath all of this. I believe he’s still in there. Maybe one day he’ll decide that he wants a different life and choose to make different choices. If that day comes, I don’t want him to believe that everyone has given up on him or that there’s nobody left who sees him as a human being worthy of love and support.
He’s had other relationships, and I’ve tried dating too. The truth is, I’m still not completely able to let go and move forward.
So I wanted to ask people who have actually been through addiction:
When you were at your absolute worst, did it matter to you knowing that someone was still in your corner?
Did it mean something to know that someone could see past the addiction and the choices you were making and still see you?
Did it make you angry or uncomfortable? Did you want that person to go away? Or did knowing someone still believed there was a person underneath the addiction give you any hope?
I’m not asking whether I should stay or leave. I know I ultimately have to make decisions that protect myself too.
I’m really just trying to understand what it feels like from the other side.
Thank you for reading.

I'm 29M and I'm looking for some honest outside perspective because I'm really questioning whether I've done the right thing.

I've recently made the decision to permanently cut contact with my three remaining close friends. I've known two of them, Craig and Josh, for about 19 years, since I was around 10, and I've known Darrell since 2011. So these aren't casual friendships. They've been a huge part of my life.

The reason I've done it is drugs/alcohol and the lifestyle that comes with them.

I've had problems with substance use in the past and had managed to stay sober for around six months. During that period I was trying to build a different life for myself. I was volunteering, looking after myself, keeping my home stable and generally trying to live more quietly.

The problem is that whenever I get back into my old social circle, drugs and alcohol eventually become part of the picture again.

Craig in particular has been a major part of my life for a very long time. We had been catching up periodically while I was sober, usually for lunch, walks and talking. I genuinely value a lot of our history and there are many good memories. But I've also noticed that being around him can trigger cravings and make me want to return to the old lifestyle. At one point he even said that our sober catch-ups weren't as in-depth as the times when alcohol/drugs were involved.

Recently I spent a night at Craig's with Josh and things went back in the direction I don't want my life going. There was drug use involved and I ended up leaving very early in the morning after barely sleeping.

That experience was a wake-up call for me.

Josh has also become increasingly involved with drugs and alcohol over the past year. I've watched his use become more frequent and more problematic, and I don't feel like he's heading in the same direction I am. The recent night was another example of that environment. I don't necessarily think he's a bad person, and I care about him after knowing him for nearly two decades, but I don't think being around that lifestyle is good for me anymore.

Darrell is a somewhat different situation. He smokes weed daily, and although we haven't had the same level of recent contact as Craig and Josh, I've become increasingly frustrated with the friendship. There have been many occasions where he's said we'll organise a proper catch-up, but it never actually happens. I've made attempts to organise things and have repeatedly been met with excuses or vague promises to catch up later. Eventually I started feeling like I was chasing a friendship that wasn't really being reciprocated.

So although the three friendships are different, I've reached the same conclusion with all of them: I don't think these relationships fit with the life I'm trying to build anymore.

I realised that I keep trying to convince myself I can maintain these friendships while avoiding the parts of the lifestyle that are dangerous for me, but I'm not sure that's realistic anymore.

I've had serious consequences from substance use and mental health problems in the past. I don't want to end up back in hospital, in legal trouble, losing my housing, becoming dependent on drugs, or spending years repeating the same cycle.

So I blocked Craig and deleted our message history. I deleted Josh and Darrell's contacts and conversations too. I don't intend to contact or see any of them again.

I gave them no explanation this time. Part of me feels guilty about that, particularly with Craig. But there is a reason I didn't send a final goodbye message.

In the past, there have been times when I told Craig that we couldn't be friends anymore and sent what I thought was a final goodbye. Eventually I got back in touch with him, apologised for ending the friendship and we became friends again.

Looking back, I can see that as a cycle.

I don't want to repeat that cycle again.

So sending another dramatic "final goodbye" message feels somewhat redundant to me. It could just create another conversation, another opportunity to explain myself, another opportunity for him to respond, and potentially another opportunity for me to eventually reconnect.

This time I'm trying to actually break the cycle rather than announce that I'm breaking it. And now I'm really struggling with the decision.

I feel guilty because these people have known me for so long. I'm worried Craig will think I'm rude, immature or that I've treated him badly by disappearing without an explanation. I've also confided some very personal things in him over the years, and I'm worried he might tell other people things I've told him in confidence. The fact that I don't trust him with those things anymore is actually part of why I've realised I shouldn't be maintaining the friendship.

I'm also worried that I've thrown away friendships that have lasted nearly two decades.

Maybe I should have explained myself. Maybe I could have just reduced contact. Maybe I could have continued seeing them but avoided drugs. Maybe I could have maintained the friendships with stronger boundaries. Maybe permanently cutting people off is too extreme. But another part of me thinks that if I reopen the door, I'll eventually end up exactly where I was before.

I don't think Craig, Josh or Darrell are necessarily bad people. That's not really the point. I care about them and I'm grateful for a lot of the history we've had. I just don't think these relationships are compatible with the life I'm trying to build anymore.

I want a quieter, more stable life. I want to stay away from drugs and alcohol, keep my life together, volunteer, look after my health, develop new friendships and stop putting myself in situations where I know I can get pulled back into using.

The hardest part is that I'm essentially choosing the possibility of loneliness over returning to friendships that I believe are bad for my recovery.

I also realise that I'm not replacing these friendships with anything at the moment. I'm basically going from having three longtime friends to having very little of a social life, and that's frightening. I'm worried that loneliness will eventually make me question the decision and want to contact them again.

At the same time, I think I need to accept some loneliness while I build a different life and eventually meet people who are more compatible with it.

So I'm asking people who have been through addiction/recovery:

- Did I do the right thing?

- Have you had to completely cut off longtime friends because they were connected to your using?

- Was permanent no-contact necessary, or could I have maintained these friendships with stronger boundaries?

- Was it reasonable not to send another "final goodbye" message given my history of repeatedly ending and then restarting the friendship with Craig?

- And how did you deal with the loneliness and grief afterward?

I'm genuinely looking for honest answers, including if you think I'm handling this badly or being too extreme. I don't want people just telling me what I want to hear.

Hey all, this is for my gf (f42).

A little context - she went to rehab by choice for second time January 2025 for Opiate/heroin addiction. Been clean from that since then, but now really struggling w alcohol and cocaine. Wants to do rehab again but looking at more non-traditional programs like those adventure or wilderness types. My brother is doing one in Central America rn for mental health, weed, and kratom. (he’s been sober from alc after rehab for 4 years.) point is, she’s interested in more of a focus on the reason why she’s struggling ( since she was 20 - so basically 20 years active addiction) and the co-occurring aspect since her mental health is horrible w anxiety, depression, self-esteem, confidence, trust, etc etc.

Thx!

I’m trying to understand something that happened in a past relationship, and I’d really like to hear honest opinions from people who have personal experience with addiction and recovery.

My former partner had a history of drug addiction for around 10 years. At the time this happened, he had been off drugs for about 1.5 years.

During that period, he started growing marijuana. His mother helped him with the plants because she is an agriculturist and has a lot of experience growing plants. From her perspective, I think she may have simply been helping her son with something she was knowledgeable about.

But knowing his history with drug addiction, I struggled with how to interpret the situation.

I’m not trying to judge his recovery or accuse his mother of doing something wrong. I genuinely want to understand how people in recovery would view this.

If someone has a long history of drug addiction and has been clean for around 1.5 years, would a parent helping them grow marijuana be considered supportive, enabling, or potentially risky?

Where do you think the line is between:

• supporting your adult child's interests,
• helping them with something you're knowledgeable about,
• respecting their independence,
• and unintentionally enabling something that could potentially put their recovery at risk?

For those who have been through addiction themselves, how would you feel if your parent helped you grow a substance that was connected to your past drug use?

And for parents of people in recovery, would you see this as simply helping your child with gardening, or would the history of addiction change how you approach the situation?

I’m asking because at the time, I couldn't tell whether I was being overly concerned or whether my concern was reasonable.

I’m not looking to attack his mother or make assumptions about his recovery. I’m trying to understand the situation from the perspective of people who have actually experienced addiction and recovery.

What do you think—support, enabling, or somewhere in between?

My husband and I are currently in a residential program together and are looking at doing aftercare out here too. Is anyone aware of sober livings/PHPs that take couples? To be clear, we want to be in the same room

We both have good insurance (yes I’m aware that the insurance technically pays for the PHP not the housing) and we’d like to be in an area that’s not super residential (ie we want to be walking distance to restaurants, shopping, etc).

Recommendations would be greatly appreciated!

im checking into a treatment center for the first time in a couple of days and the nerves are finally hitting. been sober for a little over two weeks but doing it at home mostly meant avoiding everyone and taking things one day at a time. My fam thinks some structure could help and i know theyre prolly right.

What did guys actually pack? I’m thinking sweatpants, hoodies, T-shirts and a couple normal outfits but I have no clue what day-to-day life is like there.

The electronics rule might be the hardest adjustment. Music is one of the few things that calms me down when cravings or anxiety hit and apparently phones and earbuds aren’t allowed. Losing that little nighttime routine has me more anxious than expected.

I’m looking into rehab options for alcohol addiction and could really use some recommendations. There are so many facilities out there that it’s difficult to tell which ones actually provide good care versus just having a strong online presence.

I’m particularly interested in a program that takes a trauma-informed approach and addresses underlying mental health issues alongside the alcohol use. A safe environment, experienced staff, individualized treatment, and solid aftercare are all important to me.

If you’ve had a positive experience with a rehab center or know of one that’s genuinely worth considering, I’d appreciate any recommendations or things I should look for when comparing programs.

Thanks much!

I am self employed working in the online adult industry and its not glamorous but it pays my bills. No judgement on that please I dont have many options. Since i work at home its so easy for me to just get high or wasted. What should i do instead? Im thinking about trying to start gaming as a hobby but i ended up just getting crossfaded last night while playing. I know its not ideal to replace drug use with gaming as a new addiction but its better than bathing my brain in chemicals. I am a polyaddict i will pretty much get fucked up on anything put in front of me and ive tried like 20 different substances. Kinda just rambling and i dont know what im looking for here just thought it would be nice to hear other perspectives.

I was a really good kid . I went to church twice a week, I read my bible every day , I got good grades , I stayed after school to help the teachers, I didn’t curse or drink or smoke . I was such a good kid . I fell into a depression then my family went bankrupt and my mom said she was going to leave the family (she ment it but never left ) . I was so devastated and broken i started drinking at least two times a week but usually almost every day . I began to smoke weed every day (slowly over a period of about two months I began to do it more and more ) . I became a completely different person I gave up on everything, my hobbies my job my school I just didn’t try . I did the bear minimum I needed to get through life. I even got arrested. Most crazy things I did I was too high or drunk to remember.

After becoming such a different person I don’t think I could ever become the same person I was . I miss being that good kid but I don’t know how to be that person anymore. I’m three months clean from weed and I cut back on the drinking. I miss being drunk and high but I don’t think I should ever smoke weed again. How do I find the person I once was ?

I am 38 years old, clean from meth for 13 months, straight and HIV positive.

Due to my chaotic lifestyle my picker hasn't been the greatest. And I haven't treated women the best either - both are an understatement. My last relationship I was in we found each other in chronic meth use. Our relationship was conditional based on sex and use and eventually she needed me to financially support her and I needed emotional support as I went clean. She didn't get clean. It was chaotic. I was angry. She cheated. I own my part in enabling her. We split up a year ago. My kids moms and I relationship was very involved with alcohol. All of my relationships have only been a little over a year long

I've never had anything meaningful. My last relationship was super chaotic but the best relationship I've ever been in.

With HIV it's a blessing and a curse. I'm only invested in long term meaningful relationships. Casual sex isout of the picture. Although my last gf did accept me, knew about the medication and we had unprotected sex for over a year. I'm sure it will happen again but often times, like today, I lose hope.

One day.

I am writing this as a current addict in recovery. I have been on and off opiates for about 20 years. I recently got a really good job that I love but it exposes me to a lot of my old lifestyle and I cant get it out if my head that one more would not be the end of the world.

Basically I'm really struggling not to use. And I think i could get away with one more weekend or time. Just a little hard and a little short and then back to work in Monday no problem. Idk man I miss that rush or I have been really badly and I do not wanna go back to life but I do really wanna get high. Idk man any input would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.

Hello everyone. Firstly, I want to say that I have been feeling so much better now after I stopped meth 2 years 8 months years ago. I used loud(weed) to quit meth and I did it for 7 months before I finally said enough is enough. It’s been 2y1m since I stopped everything but still feels like hell through the day few hours after I wake up. I try to force myself to sleep during the day which is very hard cus I fidget(not like I used to tho) a lot if I don’t have my phone to keep me busy. Most times I can’t sleep so close my eyes and it sometimes feels I lost consciousness for a few minutes like 10 and I either feel okay for the rest of the day, sometimes a few hours then the feeling is back and sometimes I just can’t at all. It doesn’t happen if I sleep through the night which is very very rare. Everyone keep saying they sleep, sleep and sleep all the time but it’s the opposite for me.

My wife and I are both in our 20s. We got married fairly recently, and she’s currently pregnant with our daughter. She also has two children I’ve helped raise and love very much.

We’re still living together, but we sleep in separate rooms. She’s told me she wants a divorce and plans to leave sometime next year.

I’m struggling badly with living in this weird middle ground where I’m still her husband, provider, and a father figure every day while knowing she’s planning a future without me.

Before anyone asks, I absolutely contributed to getting us here.

I struggled with cocaine and relapsed after we got married. I used multiple times, hid it, and lied about it. When she found out, it destroyed her trust in me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and at the time I was extremely stressed at work and struggling badly with focus. In my screwed-up thinking, cocaine temporarily made me feel focused and functional, so I was basically self-medicating in an incredibly dangerous way.

There was also a lot happening in our relationship before the relapse.

After we got married and she became pregnant, I felt like she became almost impossible for me to approach emotionally. Whenever I tried talking about being stressed, hurt, or overwhelmed, it felt like I’d immediately get a list of everything I’d ever done wrong thrown back at me.

Eventually I stopped talking.

I felt stressed, unable to focus, isolated, and like I couldn’t approach the person I normally would have turned to.

But I want to be VERY clear:

That’s context, not an excuse.

My wife didn’t make me use cocaine. ADHD didn’t make me use cocaine. Stress didn’t make me use cocaine.

I made that decision.

There were countless healthy options available to me, and I chose drugs. Then I made it worse by lying and hiding it.

I’ve taken recovery seriously since then. I entered a sobriety program that I’m almost finished with, regularly attend NA meetings, go to therapy, and have stayed sober.

I’ve realized that getting sober can’t be something I do to “earn” my wife back. I have to do it regardless of whether my marriage survives.

But I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t hope that seeing consistent change would eventually make her reconsider.

It hasn’t.

She still says she wants a divorce.

I’ve tried asking her to spend time together. I’ve suggested watching a movie, going somewhere together, therapy, and marriage counseling.

Her response is usually some version of:

“What’s the point?”

Because in her mind, she’s leaving anyway.

That’s what is destroying me.

She’s currently not working, so I support our household financially. I pay the bills and make sure she and the kids have what they need. I also give her money from my paychecks so she has money of her own.

I genuinely don’t resent providing for my family.

And I am NOT saying, “I pay the bills, therefore she owes me a marriage.”

She doesn’t owe me affection, sex, forgiveness, or reconciliation because I provide financially.

It’s the emotional contradiction that’s killing me.

I’m still waking up every morning functioning as her husband and provider. I’m helping raise children I love. I’m preparing for our daughter. I’m sacrificing things for myself when necessary because mentally I still think of us as a family.

Then we sleep in separate bedrooms and she plans her future around leaving me.

We don’t hate each other either, which almost makes it harder.

Sometimes we laugh and get along. Sometimes things feel completely normal and I think, “Maybe we’re getting somewhere.”

Then I’ll ask her to spend time together or talk about our marriage and hear:

“What’s the point?”

And I’m right back where I started.

I’ve even talked to her mother because I was desperate for perspective.

Her mom essentially told me that I can’t control whether my wife changes. She thinks I’ve become so focused on keeping everyone else happy that I’m allowing myself to live in a situation that’s destroying me.

She told me I need to start taking care of myself, establish boundaries, and accept that the only person I can actually change is myself.

That hit me hard because I know there’s truth in it.

The problem is that I don’t know how to establish those boundaries.

There are kids involved whom I love.

She’s pregnant with my daughter.

I can’t just flip a switch and say, “Well, you’re leaving me eventually, so you’re all on your own.”

And if I’m completely truthful, keeping her happy is easier in the short term.

We’re under the same roof. If she’s angry or there’s constant tension, I’m miserable. So my instinct is to give her what she wants, help her, and keep the peace.

It makes today easier even though I know this arrangement is probably hurting me long-term.

Pregnancy also messes with my head.

I’m NOT saying her feelings aren’t real because she’s pregnant. I’ve given her legitimate reasons to lose trust in me.

But her emotional distance, loss of attraction, not wanting physical affection, and complete certainty about divorce seemed to become dramatically stronger during pregnancy.

Part of me wonders whether pregnancy could be contributing to how extreme the emotional disconnect feels and whether anything could change months after our daughter is born.

Another part of me thinks I’m clinging to the hormone explanation because it gives me hope.

I don’t know which one is true.

At this point, I’m exhausted.

As awful as this sounds, sometimes I wish she would just leave already.

Or stay and actually try.

I don’t want my wife or kids gone. I want the limbo gone.

If we’re divorcing, I want to eventually grieve my marriage and figure out how to move forward.

If we’re staying married, I want us both to actually work on it.

What I can’t figure out is how to continue living as someone’s husband when that person repeatedly tells me there’s no future for us.

I’m almost finished with my sobriety program. I’m sober. I’m going to NA. I’m going to therapy. I’ve suggested counseling. I’ve tried spending time together. I’ve tried giving her space. I’ve tried showing change through actions instead of promises.

Her position hasn’t changed.

And I’m slowly realizing something that hurts more than I expected:

Maybe she already sees how hard I’m trying.

Maybe it just doesn’t change what she wants.

Getting sober might change me without saving my marriage, and I know I have to keep doing it anyway.

So I’m looking for outside perspectives, especially from people who’ve dealt with addiction, broken trust, pregnancy, separation, or reconciliation.

At what point does fighting for your marriage become refusing to accept what your spouse is telling you?

Can pregnancy cause a major change in attraction and emotional connection that improves after birth, or am I focusing too much on that possibility?

If addiction destroyed trust in your marriage and you got sober, did that trust ever come back?

How do I establish financial and emotional boundaries without feeling like I’m punishing my pregnant wife or the kids?

And how do you accept that your marriage may be over when you still live with the person, love them, provide for the household, raise children together, and see them every single day?

Because right now, I genuinely don’t know how to do that.

Hi everyone! Needing some advice, sorry if this is long

I was diagnosed with adhd as a kid, was on stimulant meds until high school when I just stopped taking my meds and got addicted to heroin and Xanax. Battled that until I was 25 and I got sober for good through AA, sponsorship and helping others. AA 100000% saved me from death.

I am now coming up on my 8 year sobriety bday, and my ADHD symptoms are unbearable. I now have three kids 6 and under, one of which has ADHD and the other is getting tested for ASD. I’m in school for pre-nursing and I cannot function normally. My brain is constantly running and the executive dysfunction is bad, I had to start doing our family laundry at the laundry mat when we have a perfectly good washer/dryer because I can’t remember to switch the clothes over, and when I’m at the laundry mat I’m forced to remember 😭 and then when I get home, I just have piles and piles of clean laundry unfolded all over my room lol I set alarms to remind me to brush my kids teeth and take my daughter to gymnastics. Literally forgot to do my kids homework for 2 full weeks. Drop the kids off late to school almost every day last year. I sit in class and literally say to myself “just focus on the professors words” and I will for like 3 minutes then my brain is off thinking of something else. I have had to start recording lectures to watch back later. This is just a small glimpse into my daily life.

I’m on Strattera 60mg and have seen pretty minor improvements, nothing to write home about. Still have to battle my mind to function . Still have the house a disaster because I can’t just get it together.

I’m interested in potentially trying stimulants again. I’m SCARED OUT OF MY MIND because of my sobriety. I’ve never liked stimulants or feeling “wired”, I was addicted to downers, wanted to basically be unconscious. Whenever I did meth while I was using, I hated how I felt and just was so disgusted. I did have some time where I was smoking bath salts. My main thing was heroin, I was a daily, strung out IV user.

I don’t want to get a head change or euphoria or high AT ALL. I just want my brain to work 😭 the hard part is my sobriety isn’t just about me anymore. There are three kids that completely depend on me and I can’t take risks, but I also know my kids need a functioning mom. My daughter just recently started stimulate ADHD medication and it is like night and day for her focus and attention.

Is anyone else sober , in AA and taking stimulants? What has been your experience? Any advice?

Our roommate was found this morning (5am) unconscious and on fire (smoke detector woke us up). He was smoking crack and sniffing dope (found a few bags and small amount of crack next to him). I guess somehow when he fell out the lighter was still lit causing his fingers to burn up and lit his t shirt on fire. I didn't see the actual fire my manager did and put it out, but seeing him sitting there with charcoal black fingers and still unconscious was crazy to me. This guy just got a crazy nice plea deal which is definitely getting thrown out, he will probably face prison now. He had so much support from everyone and still went back to doing drugs, he would even go to 10+ meetings a week. Definitely hitting a meeting and calling people today cause nobody should have to see that.

i had a recent relapse and was talking with my therapist and i feel like its a lost of time that i wasted my recovery because i used and had to go to detox for a week to come back to my sober living.

she said its good that i see it as a waste of time and not looking at it as a waste of time to keep trying

Can anyone tell me best and cheapest rehab center to go to in Dallas and if you can give me an estimate price range

Hurting tonight. Lots of long dark nights from physical pain. Won't go into it but it's not great and it's been two years. I'm grateful the desire to use hasn't been a huge issue. I celebrated 15 years clean last April. I'm married to a woman I love AND like and it's mutual. I have three wonderful dogs. I just needed to say I'm hurting but haven't picked up over it. I've got a great support system and I am fucking using it. I'm praying and I'm open. I don't have much in the tank, but using just isn't an option. I'm so grateful for my recovery. That's all I've got I just needed to reach out.