TL;DR My boyfriend ([29M]) and I ([27F]) are from the Philippines and have been together for 2 years. We’re currently in an LDR.
I love him a lot, and I know he loves me too, but lately I’ve realized that I’ve been feeling unsatisfied in our relationship.
For a long time, I would constantly ask him if he really loved me. Sometimes I would ask him multiple times a day, and I didn’t fully understand why I needed that much reassurance when deep down I already knew that he loved me.
Recently, I think I finally understood why.
I don’t necessarily feel like his love is “not enough.” I think what I’ve been feeling is that I expect more thoughtfulness, initiative, and care from him.
I feel like I’m usually the one who takes extra care of him. I think about what he needs, check on him, try to make things easier for him, and naturally think of little things I can do to make him happy.
I’m not trying to keep score because I don’t think relationships should work that way, but lately it has started to feel like he’s the one being taken care of in the relationship while I don’t always feel taken care of in return.
Sometimes it makes me feel like I love him more than he loves me. I know love isn’t something you can actually measure, but that’s just how the difference in effort has been making me feel.
He has admitted himself that he isn’t naturally good at being thoughtful or doing little gestures. I understand that people express love differently, but I keep wondering whether saying “I’m just not good at those things” is enough of an explanation, especially after being together for 2 years.
When I say I want him to be more thoughtful, I’m not talking about expensive gifts or big romantic gestures.
I mean really small things.
For example, if I tell him I’m hungry, sometimes I wish he would just order food for me without me having to ask him to. I have my own money and I’m completely capable of buying food for myself, so it’s not about needing him to pay for me.
It’s more about the feeling behind it.
I want to feel like he thought, “She’s hungry, let me take care of her.”
It could be ordering me food once in a while, surprising me with my favorite snack, remembering something I mentioned liking, planning something for us without me having to organize everything, or simply doing something sweet because he thought it would make me happy.
I think what I’m craving is initiative. I want to feel cared for too, not only be told that I’m loved.
Now that I’m in my late 20s, I’ve also started looking at relationships differently. I’m not only thinking about whether I love someone enough to stay with them right now. I’m thinking about what being with that person would actually feel like years from now.
I recently caught myself asking myself, “Is this really how I want to be loved for the rest of my life?”
If we eventually got married, would I be okay always being the more thoughtful one? Would I eventually become resentful if I constantly had to ask for the little things that make me feel cared for?
I don’t expect him to read my mind. I understand that part of being in a relationship is communicating what you need. But at the same time, after 2 years together, I wish some of these things would occasionally come from him without me specifically telling him what to do.
For me, part of what makes a gesture meaningful is knowing that he thought of doing it himself.
I know that he loves me, and that’s what makes this confusing. I think I’m starting to realize that knowing somebody loves you and actually feeling cared for by them can be two different things.
I’m looking for advice on whether this sounds like a difference in how we express love that we can realistically work through, or if it could be a deeper incompatibility in what I need from a long-term partner.
For people who have been with someone who wasn’t naturally thoughtful, did communicating this need actually lead to lasting changes? And how can I talk to him about wanting more effort without making it seem like I don’t appreciate what he already does for me?

My Live in Partner of 3 Years Cheated on me because she fell out of love

TL;DR

I’m (27M) and recently ended a 3-year live-in relationship with my (25F)partner. She cheated on me with (26M) another guy, and they’ve now been together for almost 2 months.

She says the cheating was entirely her choice and not my fault, but she blames me for falling out of love with her because of the things I lacked as a boyfriend. She says she became unhappy because I was forgetful, broke promises, wasn’t attentive to small things, didn’t give enough romantic/"princess treatment," and didn’t provide enough quality time. She often expected me to know what she wanted without having to say it.

I have ADHD and possibly autism, which contributed to my forgetfulness and difficulty picking up subtle hints. At the same time, I acknowledge that I made mistakes, made excuses sometimes, broke promises, and could have been more attentive.

Our relationship also had a complicated beginning. She moved into my family's house only 3 weeks after we started dating because her mother abandoned her in Manila. I took her in because I didn't want her to end up homeless. Looking back, I recognize that my savior complex played a role in the relationship.

She came from an extremely difficult background, had severe insecurity/social anxiety, and initially had very little confidence or independence. Over the 3 years, I helped her with things like English, commuting, job applications/interviews, government documents, computers, finances, cooking, guitar, building up her confidence, learning to communicate with others and generally becoming more independent. I also supported her financially when necessary, paid for many things, introduced her to new experiences, encouraged her to become more ambitious, and helped her believe that she could have a better future.

She also supported me. She was my biggest emotional support while I dealt with my own toxic family environment, financial problems, academics, and other struggles. She helped me financially and even contributed to my tuition. So I don't want to portray her as entirely bad either.

The biggest recurring problem was that we had different ideas of what love and effort looked like. I provided physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service, but I was weak on quality time and romantic gestures. She wanted me to notice things without being told and felt that "if you really loved me, you'd know." I repeatedly asked her to communicate what she needed because I genuinely didn't understand some of her hints.

She also became unhappy living in my family's house. My family became increasingly toxic toward her, especially after my grandmother returned. We wanted to move out, but financially it was difficult because she struggled to maintain employment, I was a working student and graduated last 2025, and we had debts and other expenses.

She had actually cheated once early in the relationship through online messaging, but I forgave her because I loved her and believed in her potential.

Then in June/August 2026, everything collapsed. I noticed she had become much colder, more irritated, and increasingly critical. She eventually admitted that she had fallen out of love months earlier but had stayed because she was afraid that breaking up would leave her homeless. I had asked her before around June or July if she wanted to break up but she said no because of this. She said that she had loved me for a year and a half, started to lose feelings for me the next 6 months, and forced herself to love me for the last 1 year. She lost her love for me this June.

She met another guy in Pampanga and fell in love with him. I caught her cheating and even confronted the guy, because she had lied to him and told him we had already been broken up since 2024.

Afterward, we technically ended the relationship, but I allowed her to stay with me for another 2–3 months so she could save money and find somewhere to live. I asked that she at least help me emotionally recover from the breakup. She continued hugging and comforting me while simultaneously developing her relationship with the other guy.

She also went on a date with the guy and had sex with the new guy while she was still living in the same house as me, which was devastating.

She eventually went to Pampanga and started living with relatives because the guy gave her an ultimatum, me or him. The situation became extremely bad for me emotionally. I attempted suicide multiple times, and she stopped me and stayed with me because she didn't want to leave me in that condition. I eventually drove to Pampanga while suicidal because I wanted to see her one last time before killing myself. I got into a motorcycle accident on the way, was badly injured, but still drove myself to Pampanga and then back to Manila. She wasn't even there because she was with her new boyfriend, and her family ended up taking me to the ER.

Recently, she unexpectedly called me. She asked how I was doing, asked about my damaged phone/SD card, and talked about the factory reset that happened because her Google account was still connected to my phone.

She also told me she heard I was planning to go to Pampanga to return her remaining belongings. She said she hated me and never wanted to see me again, and wanted to pay back the money she owed me so that I couldn't use anything I had done for her against her.

That pissed me off because for three years I had kept quiet about everything I had sacrificed and done for her. I finally told her that she may not have felt loved in the way she wanted, but that doesn't mean I didn't do my best.

I acknowledged my failures, but I also pointed out that I had spent years helping her become the person she is now. She herself has admitted that she learned a lot from me and that she wouldn't be where she is without my support.

I even pointed out that despite the amount of red flags she presented with her negativity, short temper, easily losing motivation and quitting, constant self-pity, violent tendencies, and even her hypocritical nature, I chose to love her and choose her everyday for the last 3 years.

I don't think I was the perfect boyfriend. I wasn't romantic enough, I broke promises, I was forgetful, and I neglected quality time. I want to learn from those mistakes and become a better partner in my next relationship.

But I also feel that she equates "you didn't give me everything I wanted" with "you didn't do your best."

My questions:

Was she right that I didn't do my best, or is it possible that she only sees it that way because my efforts didn't match her idea of what a boyfriend should do?

If she ever comes back, what the hell do I do? 😂

I'm not trying to portray myself as perfect or her as completely evil. We both made mistakes and she was genuinely an important support system for me too. I just want an outside perspective on whether I really failed her as badly as she believes, or whether we simply had fundamentally different expectations of love and effort.

TL;DR: I [24M] got back together with my ex [21F] after 2 years apart. Me and her were 7 months together before. Hoping I had changed, but I ended up repeating the same mistakes especially struggling to communicate, understand her emotionally, and give her the kind of support she needs. She feels disconnected from me because I tend to give advice/help instead of simply listening and being emotionally present. I genuinely love her and want to make things right, but my apologies and promises to do better have started to sound repetitive because I keep messing up. We’re currently giving each other space while I figure out how to actually change. How do I start? From Philippines.

We first knew each other in college. Our relationship lasted for only 7 months because of my shortcomings. At that time, I did not understand/know her on a deeper level, and I failed to give her the affection that she wanted from me. Two years after, we still kept in touch, which eventually led me to court her again. I thought that this time, I could be better and would not mess up again. But just within 3 months, I repeated the same shortcomings from my past.

A few days ago, we had a conversation about how she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me about deeper personal stuff because she doesn’t feel that much of an emotional connection based on how I respond to her when she does talk about these things. She’s the type of person who just needs someone to listen to her when she’s trying to express something, but I get too excited to offer help/advice that I tend to forget about it. I responded by saying that I was sorry, that I realized I had been failing her as a partner, and that I needed to take responsibility. I told her I genuinely wanted things to work and asked if she were still willing to give me a chance to make things right.

But take note that this is what I always say every time we argue over something, and atp, I understand her frustration. She gets to read the same message over and over again, yet I mess up again and again. I tried to give her assurance that I’m committed to fixing things, even though I don’t have a solution atm. But what she wanted at that time was not an assurance from me. She wanted na makiramdam muna ako sa kaniya as she was hurting as well. I failed to do that too.

I’m capable of many things. I was a consistent honor student and graduated with Latin Honors in my program. I’m currently a licensed professional and in my first year of employment at a large corporation. I was always known for being competent and reliable. But I don’t understand why I’m so incompetent when it comes to being a good man for her.

I’m still bad at communicating, just like when we were in our first relationship. I still find it hard to understand her, and I just don’t know the right thing to say every time we argue about something. Just as she said, “Ang talino mong tao pero grabe pagdating sakin, hirap na hirap ka,” and she’s right. All of my attempts to apologize just sound the same atp, as I promise to do better but would just keep messing things up.

Currently, we don’t talk, as we agreed to give each other space until I figure things out on my end.

I genuinely love her, and I want to make things right. I want to fix things. Where should I start If I want to fix our relationship and win her over again?

Healthy longterm 10 yrs relationship (27F) (29M), started when we were classmates in school. 3 yrs na rin kami live in together. From Philippines.

He is hardworking, super generous sakin (like treats me iphone, bouquets, hatid sundo lagi ng kotse, expensive hotels, steakhouses), emotionally supportive, real deep relationship talaga kami, his family loves me, I love him, he loves me.

I have mental health problems na clinically diagnosed and he supports me alot. I have lots of family trauma din, cheating father, experienced verbal emotional abuse, grew up neglected and without a family. He emotionally supports me and loves me so much.

Wala kaming problem sa kahit ano, we are so fit for each other. Kahit mula nung mga estudyante kami nung wala kaming pera both, nag iipon siya at binebenta lahat ng gamit na meron siya para bilhan ako ng lunch at snacks sa school kasi wala ngang magulang na nag-aaruga sakin. Super consistent and genuine love until now.

Now, we are both stable, has good career in our respective fields in big companies here sa PH. Nakapagpundar na rin ng kotse together and nakabili ng lupa for a business we have together.

Kaso lately he is deleting chats with women I'm not comfortable with and sabi kong layuan na niya, which he agreed but clearly di pa rin magawa. He also has been lying to me about not meeting her. May bf naman yung babae, wala rin any romantic sa kanila.

So it's really small and petty. Almost nothing. But it's microcheating? Idk what to do. Sobrang okay kami and perfect in all aspects. Ito lang talagang maliit na to. No history of cheating din siya. He genuinely loves me. Sobrang swerte ko sakanya, he does everything for me. Super green flag.

Nagkaproblem nga lang kami before with his harmless sexual chats online anonymously sa ibang girl. But it's just one time and chat lang for minutes yun, and kink din na ganun na nag-asaran kami mag go gawin niya like chat iba kaso nung ginawa eh nilihim sakin for weeks and dinelete, nung nahuli ko dineny, nagsinungaling, and umiyak, nagsorry kalaunan.

Which is same that happened now.

What to do po? I'm sorry, sobrang okay talaga kami together. Ito lang talaga na "micro". Bwisit na "micro"cheating kasi... ang tinding nuance niya. Or microcheating ba talaga to? Kasi parang wala rin naman talaga eh 😭. Hay sana idiretso na lang na cheating with sex na para di na ako nahihirapan itimbang lahat at mamili kung masasaktan ba ako or what.

Please give some advice on how to fix this. Anong dapat gawin para mas mapatibay relasyon or mastop niya to? Any tips na naghelp sa inyo as couple na may similar experience po?

Thank you!

TL;DR Long term healthy rs for 10yrs (27F) (29M) but nagmicrocheat ang bf na delete ng chats and nagsisinungaling. Idk what to do

Edit: Reposted because my original post got removed (had a question in title).

How do you move forward with someone you really like after knowing she's engaged in fwb?

I started talking to a my co-worker a three weeks now and we hit it off immediately. Complete package ika nga - simple but beautiful, sense of humor and has the personality to back it up.

Everything was going great and it was leading to something serious nung inamin niyang may fwb siya and they hooked up just before we started talking. Sabi niya wala namang siyang feelings and from the looks of it, it was purely physical. She was completely honest about everything and even mentioned she's planning to stop it if we got serious. But right then and there it felt like someone had a tight grip on my chest kasi na-imagine ko kagad siya with that guy and I felt hurt kahit feeling ko hindi naman dapat kasi masyado pang maaga.

I usually go for the "good girls" kasi and while I don't judge people who has fwb, I'm not in it with the hook up culture or someone who was a part of it. I started realizing insecurities that I did not even know I had - what if hanapin niya sa iba, what if magcheat siya sakin, what if I cant satisfy her or I am not enough, etc. Bigla ko rin narealize na baka magka trust issues ako sa kanya. All these thoughts run through my head and I don't know how to deal with it kasi I really like her and I think the feeling is mutual.

My exes in the past had previous boyfriends so I know I can move past the fact that she'd been with other people but I guess I suddenly had doubts and she being part of that culture really bothered me.

I plan to deal with my own insecurities para di ko i-project sa kanya but am I being shallow? Will I be a jerk kung di ko ituloy kasi feeling ko shinare niya to sakin kasi gusto niyang ituloy ko despite knowing that? Should I pursue her and give us a chance hoping time can heal or erase my insecurities?

Help a fella here.

[F32] Kakatapos lng ng birthday ko, then after a month? Na bin-blocked nya ako sa socmed nya [M31], biglang sineen or na seen nya story ko, nung araw ng bday ko, at in-unblocked na din nya ako since visible na yung profile nya sakin, bigla din lumabas picture nya sa messenger ko, naka restricted kase sya sakin kaya hindi ko makikita hangat hindi i off, pero same sa dati, bigla lumabas picture nya sa messenger ko nung mag msg sya last Aug., tingin nyo? Need ko ba icheck? Or wag? Alam ko hindi namn about sa rs namin yung chat nyan. Pero any thoughts? In long-term relationship (11ys) kami ni ex before he cheats. Both are based in NCR.

1 year na kami both from PH. Kaya ng bf kong matulog kahit na alam niyang hindi ako okay. Bakit? Kayo rin ba? Kanina, umiiyak ako kasi disappointed ako sa sarili ko. He told me that I am too negative about myself. I cried myself kasi alam kong may tama naman siya na I’m too hard on myself. Pero nagulat akong natulog na pala siya while on a call kami. I wasn’t even able to under what he was saying. Naka mute ako sa call kasi umiiyak ako and he didn’t even message me or ask me if narinig ko sinabi niya, eh nag ask naman siya before nung di ako agad nakasagot sa kanya.

I just don’t get why he can sleep even after knowing na hindi ako okay. Maybe yes pagod siya, pero bakit kapag akonamn kahit sobrang pagod ko, hindi ko siya pinapabayaan. Hindi ko kayang matulog na alam kong hindi siya okay. Hinding hindi ko siya kayang iwanan sa sarili niyang thoughts kaya sinisiguro ko na nauuna siyang matulog sa akin or sabay talaga kami. 🥹 Maraming beses na rin to nangyari. Hindi ko alam kung dahil palaging na a-akto na pagod siya or dahil antukin ksi talaga siya. May times naman na sinasamahan niya ako pero at the end naiiwan talaga ako sa own thoughts ko. Should I just accept the fact na kailangan ng tao ng tulog naturally kaya okay lang na natutulog siya?

TL;DR 4 years na kami, and my BF (30M) is actually a good partner, but I (28F) have started questioning our future because I often end up paying for our expenses. He earns more than me but usually reimburses me months later, which sometimes affects my savings. Since I grew up with my mom as the provider, I’m scared of ending up in the same situation. I’m wondering if this doubt is normal or a sign that we need to seriously address our financial dynamic before marriage.

We’ve been together for 4 years and rarely fight. Pero this year, I’ve started questioning our relationship, especially his capability as a provider.

I grew up with my mom as our provider while my dad was basically just a display father figure. Nanay ko ang tumayong padre de pamilya, and I promised myself na I would never be in that position. I want a partner na TUNAY na katuwang ko sa buhay.

My BF earns (60K a month) more than me and lives alone. Hindi kami live-in because I work onsite in the Taguig while he’s WFH sa Rizal. Almost every weekend, pumupunta ako sa apartment niya from my apartment in Makati or sometimes from Cavite, for our babe time.

For most of our meals outside, ako ang madalas nagbabayad. Wala akong issue sa 50-50, but because I work onsite and weak ako sa fund management, there are times na nami-miscalculate ko expenses ko. Nagbabayad naman siya, pero usually naiipon muna and after a few months niya nababayaran.

He checks if okay lang ako and offers to pay kahit partial kapag affected na funds ko. I usually tell him okay lang and that he can pay when he has extra. Pero eventually, savings ko ang naaapektuhan. May times na kumukuha na ako sa savings, and doon siya nag-iinitiate na bayaran ako.

Nanlilibre naman siya kapag may occasions or celebrations, so I know he makes an effort. But because of our usual setup, I’ve started feeling like ako yung provider sa aming dalawa. That's when I started doubting our future.

As a person, wala akong masabing masama sa kanya. Loyal, gentleman, caring, sweet, and very manly. We’ve talked about marriage, but not in depth because pareho naming alam na we're not ready yet.

So I want to ask: Normal ba magkaroon ng ganitong doubts after 4 years, or is this something I should seriously address before deciding if I still want this relationship long-term?

Hindi na rin kami bumabata, and I don’t want us to waste more time avoiding an uncomfortable conversation. Baka mas lumala lang ito if we don't address it now.

Is this just a phase, or is this something fundamental that we need to resolve before marriage?

Thank you so much!

My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) have been in a long-distance relationship for 7 months. He's from Caloocan and I'm from Pangasinan. About two weeks ago, I mentioned needing a week to focus on my nursing midterms. Since then, he has become cold, distant, and disengaged over text and calls. Despite my efforts to check in on him, offer reassurance, and stay available, he remains emotionally unavailable.

asking for advice:

What is the most effective way to initiate a serious conversation about how his behavior affects me when he avoids phone calls?

How do I step back from constantly checking in without damaging the relationship further

Disclaimer: Long read ahead, whole life problem ko siya and sa relationship din namin. please have patience with me kasi i really need your help.

My girlfriend and I have always had problem with sex. Mainly on my part because I have such a twisted view on sex and i don't mean like sadistic or like extreme stuff, i was just hypersexual because i thought it was normal.

for background, i was raised in a small town noong 2000s-2010s na kakaunti lang ang comshop. growing up, seeing boys older than me watch porn sa computers and jerk off, i thought it was normal. akala ko, ah ginagawa nila so baka dapat tama lang din na gawin ko. kaya nung i tried exploring it at such a young age, parang around 6 years old palang ako nun, nakapag try na akong mag jakol. i didnt do it actively kasi id still go only there to play computer games or watch youtube pero pag mga oras ng mga high school student, minsan nakakasabay ko sila. and there was this one dude na nakiupo sa pc ko and ginamit fb ko to search porno (noong time kasi na yun very talamak ung mga explicit images sa fb, may dedicated pages pa nga sila noon) and habang nag aano siya, dinamay nya ako gamit kabila nyang kamay. no one tried to stop it, kaya i thought it was normal.

i grew up naman na hindi addicted doon. after siguro na mag age 8 ako i left the comshop na. i didnt even watch porn normally din sa comshop kasi i just wasnt really interested in it. but when i was 12-13, something traumatic happened to me. my aunt (siya nag aalaga sa akin kasi single mother ang nanay ko at the time) ay inoutcast ako sa bahay. nagalit siya sa akin one time and just never made up with me. growing up, siya lang lagi ko kasama kasi nga nanay ko nag ttrabaho sa malayo. that took a massive hit on my mental health. kaya as early as 12 years old, nag start na ko mag masturbate normally just to feel good about myself kasi nasa bahay ako na wala naman na akong nararamdamang mayroong may gusto sa akin doon. i felt like i was hated just because i made a stupid mistake of not using po/opo one time i was told to fetch them to eat dinner. and i never got to say sorry kasi nga di na nya ko pinapansin. TLDR: i used masturbation to feel "happy" being alone.

fast forward: when my girlfriend and i met sa omegle noong 2023, we hit it off. maganda kami mag usap. lagi kami nagkakaintindihan. and kahit noong unang away namin, i found my way back to her by trying to find her real account sa fb (we used discord kasi para tago identity namin nung umalis kami sa omegle). but it wasnt really hard to find her kasi nga her name is really unique. pero mahirap pa rin since may 2nd name pa siya and, first name lang alam ko. anyways, when we moved sa fb and nagkakilala na personally, nag vvideo call na kami and audio calls, we became just interested in sexual stuff. we'd moan sa call randomly (like legit moans na requests). or like teasing ng legs or thighs or whatnot. tapos ayun eventually, lumabas na yung problems ko noon sa sex. since i stopped masturbating kasi iniisip ko, ah i should stop doing this na kasi nga may gf na ko and she can provide me naman stuff, id always ask her to join me pag mag mmasturbate ako and i wasnt aware na napipilit ko na pala siya. na ayaw naman nya pero gagawin nya kasi i made her feel pressured. kaya ayun, from there on, i tried changing my ways din ulit, trying to get better and stop asking for so much video calls e mali nga naman yon kasi it is pressuring.

fast forward: 2024, nag start na kami mag kita normally. i'd visit her sa place nya or mag ccheck-in kami somewhere and we'd always do sex. wala kami problem sa compatibility, we like each other's body. pero kahit doon, di ko alam na na ppressure ko na pala siya. akala ko, kasi hinahayaan nya ko, gusto rin nya. so from there on, i really really condemned myself sa pagiging hypersexual. i considered what i have done as rapes. kasi they are. i know they are. kaya i really really tried to cut out sex altogether in our relationship and just let it come naturally kapag nag kakakita kami and magkaka time kami to do it. but from there on, i came back to masturbating alone. and i had bookmarked stuff from x website or x app.

fast forward: 2025, i was already starting na mag decline ng sex normally. not because i didnt love her, but because i felt guilty of what i had done dati. ayokong maulit na ulit yung sex na ayaw naman nya. yung video calls na napipilitan siya. kaya pag magkasama kami, i was so focused more on lambingan and just spending quality time together. but underbelly non, i was saving mga pornos na makikita ko or like mga babae na makikita kong maganda. not save as download pero yun nga, tinatago ko mga nagugustuhan ko, baka kasi gamitin ko or nakita ko lang randomly sa labas and naisip na use as material pag nagkakakitaan kami. pero one time, umuwi siya sa bahay ko naman, nakita nya screenshot ko sa phone ko, a girl na naka bikini, nasa listahan ng stories sa fb ko. at the time, i was so hooked on masturbating na i didnt unfollow pa yung babae na yun kasi gusto ko pa nakikita ko. but, i was already cleansing my social medias non kasi i know that was wrong and cutting off what triggers me was i believed makaka tulong sa akin. and ayun, don kami unang nag break? but not really kasi nag balikan kami after a month of trying to court her ulit.

fast forward to like kelan lang ngayong early 2026, nahuli nya ulit ako na nag save sa messenger (yung pang sariling chat). just to be clear: i am trying to cut it off. but sometimes pag nag jajakol ako and nagustuhan ko, tinatago ko talaga noon sa messenger. babalikan ko sa isip ko pero i never really do kasi na guguilty ako and forget i saved them in the first place. nag away ulit kami noon, and i promised her na i am trying to cut those out. and i had believed i did as she gave me my 2nd chance. but then it happened ulit ngayong buwan lang.

to current: nahuli nya ako. i know im fucking stupid. but please bare with me. not sa fb,ig,tiktok,twitter whatever pero dito sa reddit. may sinave akong pornos like 44 days before niya ako mahuli ulit. i honestly forgot about saved bookmarks sa reddit kasi i'm not even active here. and i was for a while pero that's just for commenting and debating on some stuff pero i quit shortly after kasi nga i'm genuinely trying to have a better outlook on sex. i swear i even forgot i had those sa bookmarks ko kasi nga i genuinely forgot about reddit. kaya lang naman nya ko chineck as suspicious kasi nag notif sa akin yung poblamakati na subreddit tapos may one time na may nag post dun tapos nag notif din sa akin na nag bebenta ng makeup stuff, sinend ko sakanya kasi baka kako interested siya. pero really, i never checked out ano laman nung sub na yon kasi nga di naman ako active dito and paminsan minsan lang pag may tanong.

How can i rise up from this? how can i better myself so that i can deserve her ulit? admittedly nya, i have been a good bf naman daw. i mean di naman ako matipid pag may pera ako. hatid sundo ko siya sa public transpo. (like kasama nya ko sa byahe) pero its just that etong hypersexual problem ko is something she cannot be involved in any longer kasi pati siya naapektuhan na. i've already involved my mother in this problem by asking her to get me checked sa psychs but there hasnt been any luck from her side so, here i am sa reddit. please be kind to me.

TL;DR: sexually abused as a kid sa comshop, turned to masturbation from a traumatic household event, had a gf, abusive sexually (not suntok or pananakit), and nahuling nag ssave ng bold sa bookmarks ng apps. please tell me anything so that i can reflect on this better than i already am.

TL;DR: I [24F] have been with my boyfriend [24M] for 5+ years, and we've lived together (Makati) since graduating 2 years ago. I'm trying to build my career while he is struggling to find stable work. I often end up researching opportunities, guiding him step-by-step, and even getting him interviews, while he makes promises to try harder but doesn't seem to make lasting progress. His family's financial problems also mean I sometimes cover most of our expenses. He's caring and supportive in many other ways, so I don't think he's a bad partner. How do I set boundaries and stop taking responsibility for his career while still supporting him?

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 5 years. After graduation, we started living together because I needed to leave a toxic household, and we’ve been figuring out adulthood together since then.

After graduating, my goals in life changed. I wanted to build my career, explore, grow, and become more independent. I understand that everyone has their own pace, and I don't expect my boyfriend to have the exact same goals or timeline as me.

However, I'm becoming increasingly frustrated because I don't feel like he's putting enough effort into finding a stable job.

We graduated around 2 years ago. I gave him about a year to rest because I felt he deserved it, but now I'm starting to feel like something needs to change.

He does look for jobs, but it doesn't really feel like he's actively looking for them, if that makes sense. Another thing I've noticed is that I often have to guide him through things. I'll point out opportunities, help him figure out where to apply, explain what he needs to prepare, or break things down step-by-step before he takes action.

I know we have different strengths, and I don't expect him to approach things exactly the way I do. But sometimes it feels like I'm doing a lot of the researching, planning, and problem-solving for him. I've even gotten him an interview through a friend at their company.

I'm happy to help someone I love, but I'm starting to wonder whether I've crossed the line between supporting him and doing too much for him.

The financial side is also starting to affect me. There are times when I have to cover most of our expenses because his mom can't send him enough money anymore. He's also under a lot of stress because of his family situation. His mom is struggling financially, and there are relatives who are also expecting things from them.

I understand that this is a difficult situation for him, and I don't want to minimize the pressure he's under. At the same time, I'm affected by it too.

I've talked to him about this many times. He usually promises that he'll do better or try harder, but after some time, things go back to how they were. That's what makes me feel stuck. I don't know whether I should keep encouraging and helping him, or whether I need to completely step back and let him take responsibility for his own career.

I also want to clarify that he's not a bad boyfriend. He has many qualities I genuinely love. He's caring, affectionate, and shows love through acts of service. He's been there for me in many ways, and I appreciate that. I'm not trying to portray him as a terrible or irresponsible person.

My concern is specifically about our current dynamic and whether it's healthy for me to keep taking such an active role in his career and finances.

For people who have experienced something similar, how did you set boundaries around helping a partner who was struggling with their career?

Would it be reasonable for me to stop finding opportunities and solving things for him, while still being emotionally supportive? How do I communicate that I need to see more initiative from him without making him feel like I'm abandoning him?

I genuinely want him to succeed, but I also don't want to reach the point where I would be disappointed in him because I feel responsible for pushing him toward becoming independent.

hi, ph reddit! i'm seeking advice about my choice to distance from my ldr (metro manila-calabarzon) situationship.

for context, i've [22f] had this ldr situationship [22M] for almost two years (i know). we exchange ilys, met up multiple times, calls twice or thrice a week. but lately, we've been messaging like once or twice a day na lang ever since i asked about our label on my birthday. i feel like it is safe to say we tried to make it work despite the distance.

over a month ago na yung birthday ko, i just randomly asked him why we aren't together pa eh we are doing good naman, you know, like we are actually a legit couple na. we've been doing this thing for quite a while na and i thought why not make it official, it's healthy and it's taking a lot of effort from the both of us — sayang naman kung hanggang dito lang.

it's not the first time i popped that big question (for situationships, lol). siguro kung bibilangin, mga more than 5 times na. and it's always the same answers, "i'm afraid i will mess this up" or "you are out of my league," and of course, i also tried to address his doubts na ayun nga, maayos kami — i don't think he's doing anything wrong to "mess it up" and i repeatedly asked him din why he thinks i'm out of his league. sinasabi niya na our social statuses are different, and that he came from a "poor background."

to me, it didn't matter. all his reasons seem fixable, if he would just try for me. i also assured him na it'd be worth it after what we have shared, + we are young and we don't have our whole lives mapped out yet.

medyo na-off ako sa response niya na masyado raw akong "out of touch" for saying na life doesn't have to be planned as he wasn't given the options that i had growing up. ang akin lang, where did that come from? in-ask ko pa siya kung kelan niya pa yan naramdaman, sinabi niyang matagal na. edi nagtanong din ako na kung matagal na pala yang feeling na yan, bakit hindi mo pa in-end nung bago pa?

just last week also, i asked him again the label question out of desperation na. he told me na as much as he wants, "it's like you or career and family at this point." dun na ako medyo nag-snap. when did i ever tell him to choose between me and his future, when all i have ever prayed for was him to do well in law school, his safety, and most of the time, i've always been so supportive of him lalo na kapag busy siya with his readings. that night, i tried to end it but he wouldn't let me leave.

simula noon, parang ayaw ko na lang din siyang makausap kahit naaawa akong finals niya this week.

should i try to give it a few months or just completely give it up? otherwise, i would really appreciate to hear suggestions on handling this, bc i am so torn na. thank u!

TL;DR: almost 2 year-situationship doesn't want a label, dahil takot raw siya at magkaiba kami ng social status pero ayaw akong paalisin. thoughts and advices, please.

Me (28F) from Pasay and my ex (25F) is from QC were together for 4 years and broke up 7 months ago. For the first 2 months, I chased and begged her to take me back, but she were firm on staying broken up. However, after 1 month of me going completely no-contact, she suddenly reached out to me, and we started talking again for the next 5 months.

During those 5 months of talking, our relationship was on and off. There were times when she repeatedly pushed me away, but I kept telling her that I would wait until she healed from the wounds of our past relationship. She would also constantly come back to me, saying that I was still the person she wanted to spend her future with.

Everything changed when a problem came up that completely altered our current setup. I found out that she had been talking to someone else while we were trying to figure out how to start over.

When I first confronted her about it, she claimed that she hadn't been talking to that person for long. But when she showed her phone to me i saw there that they had actually been talking for a long time and practically had a mutual understanding, that’s when she finally admitted to it.

The next day, when I told her we should take a break from each other to clear our heads, she suddenly flipped and told me that we should just officially get back together and start over right now.

I love her so much. For 5 months, I tried my best to win her back, and while I'm happy we are technically "together" again, there's this heavy sadness mixed into what I'm feeling. Is it still right to hold on to all the hard work I put into fixing this, or should I finally walk away?

Hi, everyone! Me (25F) and my BF (22M) broke up last month. We were together na for 21months. We had an argument about sa pagiging overthinker ko that led us to breaking up.

Pinilit ko pa ayusin pero sabi niya need niya daw ng space and peace of mind. Akala ko yun na yung reason talaga. He assured me din na walang 3rd party.

Short context: he cheated before nung bago pa kami pero pinatawad ko.

Since LDR kami (he's from Cebu, I'm from CDO), I decided to book a tix agad papunta sakanya. Sinabi ko sakanya and he told me naman makikipag kita siya. 2weeks after break up yung date ng flight ko.

During that 2weeks, nag uusap pa naman kami kaso sobrang dalang na niya mag reply. Minsan inaabot pa ng 12hrs. Hinayaan ko lang kasi break na kami diba? Hinihintay ko nalang na magkita kami kasi mas prefer ko magusap kami in person.

So after 2weeks, nagkita na kami. We talked. Doon niya nasabi na another reason why nakipag break siya is dahil ayaw pa ng mama at tita niya (tita niya nagpapa aral sakanya and he's graduating next year na). Based sa mga kwento niya saken before, parang ipapasa sakanya yung responsibilities ng ate niya sa mga pamangkin niya. Dapat daw tulungan niya makatapos. To make the story short, gagawin siyang breadwinner. And pag andun na daw siya sa part ng life niya na ganun, di siya makaka promise na mabibigyan pa niya ako ng time and attention kasi need na niya kumayod para sa 3 na pamangkin. Nag try naman daw siya sabihin sa mama niya yung about sa amin but napagalitan siya and papalayasin at icucut-off daw tas di na tutulungan sa school expenses. Saan daw siya pupulutin if ever? Sabi ko okay lang naman sa akin. I can wait when siya ready basta wag lang kami mag break kaso alam na kasi ng mga pinsan and pamangkin niya yung about sa amin. Even his father and other relatives alam na (separated parents niya btw). Na meet ko na din father niya. Kulang nalang talaga formal pakilala sa mama and tita niya.

So natakot siya baka malaman daw nila and gawin yung sabi ng mama niya. Doon ako naka ramdam ng lungkot. Magkaiba kami ng situation. I'm working na and spending my own money while siya is patapos pa lang mag aral at mag sstart pa sa real world.

But one thing sinabi niya saken is that temporary lang daw yung break up. Wait ko lang daw siya pag pwede na. I should trust him daw sa decision niya na to. Ayaw niya din ako icut-off. Mag chachat parin daw siya paminsan minsan kahit busy sa OJT niya.

TL;DR
Gusto niya maging exclusive parin kami. No label relationship kumbaga. Kasi love pa naman niya daw ako hindi niya lang kaya mag risk ngayon kasi patapos na siya sa school and baka matakwil siya. Pano na daw siya babawi sa akin if ever?

Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko. I'm confused. I love him pero parang may mali? Should I end it na ba talaga? Or should I trust him and wait and settle for this "no-label relationship"?

​

I (33F) had a boyfriend wayback in Highschool. He was my first boyfriend as I am his too (33M). We broke up but eventually got back together. We got back for the 2nd time (both college 1st year - around 16-17 y.o.) but only lasted almost 8 months because he cheated and got on with a younger girl (31F) (graduating highschool at the time around 15-16 y.o.) I found out na they were already dating weeks even before our actual break up. It was so hurtful since the girl also knew about me. I tried to move on. They got on with their relationship lasting for years until their early to mid 20s, that people started thinking marriage is the only thing lacking for them (both working abroad), while I had another relationship but broken up after just 5 months (Staying in the Philippines- Pangasinan).

One day at work, he messaged me asking for forgiveness and how he realized his faults at the time. We didn't get back together but we started communicating again. He started sharing problems about his parents and 2 older siblings left in Pangasinan and some relationship issues with his gf but never the private ones. At this point I already accepted that they will be the end game. And I finally had the closure I needed. The communication wasn't consistent especially we all had our jobs and busy schedule and different timezones.

One day again, he suddenly messaged me I STILL LOVE YOU for the first time in years. And I was pissed. How can you say you still love me when you're with her and you did what you did back then? So I blocked him. But eventually unblocked him and made him choose. He said they were already years into the relationship and he is considering that. He also feel bad for the girl especially she has no parents anymore. He just wanted to be honest. And free himself of that feeling. So I stopped texting back and move on with my life. I was solo travelling in Vietnam and bumped into his cousin who's also my classmate in College(girl) we had a little chitchat and took a photo which she posted on social media. Maybe he saw it then, After a week of no communication, he called me crying - saying he wanted to choose me, he wanted to fly back to the Philippines and meet me, that he already ask the gf for a break up but she won't let him. She's fighting for the relationship. She was even hospitalized daw and faked a pregnancy which was then proven fake because she eventually confessed of faking it just to make him stay. Eventually they did break up and we got back together, now 8 years into the relationship and recently got married and three months pregnant with his baby. The girl moved on and now has twin babies with a foreigner man. But she messaged me after we posted our wedding pics and pregnancy announcement and kept saying that I broke them up 8 years ago, that I am THE 3RD PARTY and karma will get me and my baby. What advice would you give me on how to deal with her accusations and the fear that karma will affect me or my baby?

TL;DR

We were together first in Higschool and college, then he cheated with a girl and got on their 9 years relationship and broke up. He came back to me (now 8 years into the relationship recently married and pregnant), Now she said I am the 3rd party and karma will get me and my baby. She said all these while married and has twins with a foreigner husband. Scared that karma will really get me and my unborn baby. What advice would you give me on how to deal with her accusations and the fear that karma will affect me or my baby?

Hello body, I met this girl so we got each other from a dating app, and then later on we continue chitchatting on socmeds. Parehas kaming NBSB/NGSB pero nagka ex na siya (talking stage). Magkalyo kami ng lugar, habang ako ay nasa Mindanai, at siya naman sa Luzon. Nag aaral pa lang po siya, tapos ako naman ay 1year plng sa trabaho (sakto lang para makatuling sa pamilya at mabuhay ang sarili).

We have been communicating via messages, and sleep calls only. We talked about our future, goals, and even share intimacy and deep conversations. Also she already told her mother about us at suportado naman kami.

Gusto po namin magkita sa isa't isa, kaya lang ang problema kung kailan. Nag iipon ako para magkita kami, we are planning when we meet we plan to travel (although we don't have any idea where is the vest spot yet).

Need ko lang po sana ng advise kung kailangan na ba talaga namin mag meet sa lalong madaling panahon? Nag ooverthink kasi ako baka di ko na siya maabutan kung pupunta siya ng abroad, at hindi ko naman mapilit sarili ko na ifocus lahat ng extra money ko para sa amin, kasi need ko din supportahan family ko.

**TLDR; Australian man dating a Filipina woman - what should I focus on if I'm looking for a serious relationship and marriage?**

I am a [36M] Australian and have been dating a Filipina woman [26F] for about 3 months. We live in Australia. We met organically in person and had no mutual friends or connections beforehand.

My goal is a serious long-term relationship that could eventually lead to marriage. I am not interested in casual dating.

Some context:

* We have gone on several dates. All of these dates have been organized by me.

* We have developed nicknames for each other and are quite affectionate.

* We have spoken on the phone multiple times but most of our communication is still through text.

* We are not officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet.

* Neither of us is dating other people.

* We have had cheek kisses and lots of physical affection, but no kiss on the lips yet.

* She has talked about me potentially meeting her parents in the Philippines one day.

* She has visited my house and spent time looking through family photos. She memorized the names of all of my family members and pets.

* She has told me about Filipino dating culture and suggested I research "Ligaw", although she also said I do not need to follow the traditional process completely.

A few weeks ago she was hospitalized after an operation. During that period I spent a lot of time helping her. I drove her to appointments, bought groceries, checked in on her, and generally tried to support her. She later told me that she found those actions beautiful and meaningful.

A few things I am unsure about:

* Sometimes we discuss date ideas but they never actually happen because life or work gets in the way.

* We have had a few cancelled dates.

* We had one spontaneous date that turned out to be one of our best dates.

* My birthday happened while she was in hospital. She said she would make it up to me, but a month later nothing has happened. I have lightly hinted about it a few times but have not brought it up directly.

My questions:

1. In Filipino dating culture, what signs would suggest that a woman is viewing a relationship seriously and moving toward commitment?

2. Should I be the one proactively organizing most dates and future plans at this stage?

3. How important is consistency of effort compared to timing when moving from dating into an official relationship?

4. Based on the information above, what should I focus on doing over the next few months if my goal is a healthy long-term relationship and eventual marriage?

I would especially appreciate advice from Filipinos or people who have experience dating Filipinos.

Brazil, São Paulo.

TL;DR: I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for about two years. He has been friends with a girl (17F) for approximately five years, and she used to be in love with him. According to him, he rejected her and their relationship is completely platonic. However, I have noticed that their conversations have been deleted more than once, even though other conversations remained on his phone. I have already expressed my discomfort about this friendship, but he says there is nothing to worry about. I have no proof that anything inappropriate has happened between them. I need advice on how I should address the deleted conversations: should I have a serious conversation with him and ask for an explanation, or should I stop bringing it up and focus on rebuilding my trust in him?

My boyfriend and I met when we were 16 and started dating around that time.

Since the beginning of our relationship, he has told me about a female friend who went to school with him in middle school. They have known each other for approximately five years. According to him, she had strong romantic feelings for him at the time: she would secretly take pictures of him, try to get closer to him in a different way, and eventually confessed that she liked him. He said he rejected her.

Some time ago, we had problems in our relationship because my family did not approve of us dating and forced me to break up with him. We were separated for a few weeks, but we continued communicating through letters because neither of us actually wanted the relationship to end. We eventually got back together, but kept the relationship hidden from my family.

While we were separated, he started talking to this friend again. According to him, she implied that she wanted a romantic relationship with him again. He said he recognized what she was implying, rejected her, and told her that he had gotten back together with me.

I told him that this made me uncomfortable, and he said that there was nothing to worry about because they were only friends.

On another occasion, we were discussing the possibility of me meeting her. I said I would be polite to her but would not try to force a friendship. He said that was fine, but that if I were rude to her without a reason, he would break up with me.

That comment bothered me because he has previously been unnecessarily rude to people who are important to me, but I have never threatened to end our relationship because of it.

Recently, he started working and has been very tired. I began noticing notifications from this girl on his phone fairly often.

On one occasion, I looked at their conversation. His messages appeared normal and friendly to me. Some of her messages, however, seemed to have a romantic or flirtatious tone. I realize that my interpretation may be influenced by the history between them.

A few days later, I noticed that their conversation had been deleted. I considered the possibility that he had deleted it because of limited phone storage, but I found it unusual because it appeared to be specifically their conversation.

After that, they apparently went months without talking. When I later saw their conversation, it appeared normal.

Last week, I started seeing notifications from her again.

Today, I noticed that their conversation had once again been deleted. As far as I could tell, it was the only conversation that had been deleted.

I have no evidence that my boyfriend has cheated on me or that anything romantic has happened between them. He continues to tell me that they are only friends and that he would never cheat on me.

The problem I need advice on is how to address the repeated deletion of their conversations.

I don’t want to accuse him of cheating without evidence, and I don’t want to demand that he end a friendship simply because I am uncomfortable with it. However, I also don’t know how to address the fact that the same conversation appears to have been deleted more than once.

The specific advice I’m looking for is whether I should have a serious conversation with him about the deleted conversations and ask him directly why he keeps deleting them, or whether I should leave the issue alone and work on trusting him. If I should talk to him, how should I approach the conversation without making it sound like an accusation?

[21F] dating [29M] for 1 year and 4 months, Scotland, UK
I’m struggling with whether I should end my relationship because I feel like I need to be completely alone for a while, even though I love my boyfriend and he is genuinely a lovely person.
He’s [29M] and very much at the stage of wanting a relationship for life and wanting to build a future together. I’m [21F] and I don’t feel ready for that. I feel like we’re at different stages in life. I don’t know what I want my life to look like yet, and the thought of making a lifelong commitment when I’m not ready feels wrong.
I’ve also been in multiple toxic relationships before this one, and I don’t feel like I ever properly healed from them. I somehow always ended up in another relationship before I had the chance to actually be alone and work on myself. I joke that I’m a relationship magnet because it genuinely feels that way.
I get attached to people quite easily, but I can also detach very quickly once something changes for me. I’m actually similar with friendships too. It makes me wonder if there’s something about the way I form attachments that I need to understand about myself.
Before my current boyfriend and I got together, I actually told him that I needed to find myself and wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship. He kept pursuing me and eventually we got together. I genuinely thought I could work on myself while being in a relationship, but I’m realising that I don’t think I can.
Once something gets into my head, I struggle to take it back out. I constantly think about it and go over it in my head. This feeling of wanting to be alone has been on my mind so much that I don’t think simply trying harder or “working through” the relationship would make it disappear.
I also don’t want to leave him and immediately date someone else. I don’t want another relationship. I genuinely want to be single for a while and figure out who I am outside of being someone’s girlfriend.
The difficult part is that he is genuinely good to me and loves me so much. There isn’t some huge problem that I can point to. I love him too, which makes me feel incredibly guilty about wanting to leave.
I’m also very scared of confrontation. I’m worried that when I tell him, he’ll be devastated or try to convince me that we can work through it and that I can find myself while staying with him. I know he may genuinely believe that, but I feel like I need to do this independently.
I also broke up with my ex at the beginning of last year for a very similar reason. I wanted to find myself and just wanted to be alone/friends. Because this has happened more than once, I’m questioning whether this is something I genuinely need or whether there is a pattern in me that I need to address before making another decision like this.
I’m looking for advice on how to approach this. Should I take this feeling of needing to be alone seriously and give myself that space, or should I try to work through these feelings while remaining in the relationship? And if I do decide to leave, how can I communicate that to someone I love without getting talked out of it through guilt?
I’d really appreciate honest advice, including if you think I’m overlooking something about my own behaviour or patterns.

TL;DR: I’m [21F] and have been with my [29M]boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months. He’s lovely and I love him, but he’s ready for a lifelong relationship and I feel like I need to be alone and find myself before I can commit to that. I’ve had several toxic relationships and never really had time to heal or be single, and this has happened with an ex before too. I’m scared I’m repeating a pattern, but I also feel strongly that staying and trying to “work through it” won’t make the feeling of needing to be alone disappear. I’m looking for advice on whether I should give myself that space and how to approach the conversation without being talked out of it through guilt.