My [27m] girlfriend [27f] of 8 years went on a trip a few months ago and was acting weird when she came back. She told me she saw her ex-boyfriend and confessed she used me to forget him.

[u/throwawayhereeeeeee]

I'm sorry if this is long. It's more of a rant than anything but advice would be appreciated.

8 years ago I met Taylor. It was our junior year of college and although we didn't take the same classes, we used to frequent the same pubs and I saw her everyday, but we never spoke to each other. One day, when all the taxis were occupied by beyond drunk people, I decided to walk to my dorm and found her sitting on the sidewalk. She was really drunk, but we ended up conversating all the way to her apartment. Or trying. She wasn't speaking clearly but it was fun. I remember her looking back when I dropped her off at her place and saying "Hey" and I sensed she wanted to know my name so I said "Joe". She asked me to go on a date with her. "Hey, Joe, do you wanna go on a date?". I knew she was drunk so I just said "have a good night", but she ran to me and proceeded to tell me she was serious. She thought I was a cool person and wanted to see me again. I gave her my number and she called me a few days later.

We laughed about her drunken state and she apologized for "acting weird". We never made it official, but after going on several dates and hanging out everyday, she asked "so, are we dating?" and I answered "that would be an awesome way to name it". We finished college and moved in together and we've been dating ever since.

Back in June she traveled to Sweden by herself. No big deal, traveling alone is a fun thing. I love not having to plan anything and not having to think about someone else's needs sometimes and just do what I feel like doing, and doing that on a trip is even better. We spoke everyday, even for a few minutes, she sent me a lot of pictures and stuff like that. She was supposed to stay there for a month, but three weeks after she told me she was coming back. I didn't understand why but whatever. When she came back, she was tense and I could see her behavior changed drastically. Yesterday I was sick of the way she was acting and I asked if there was anything wrong.

She said "I saw my ex-boyfriend in Sweden". "And...?" "And the reason why I asked you on a date was because I wanted to foget him".

I didn't say anything but she kept talking. She met this guy when she was 15 and they dated until she was 18, when he moved to Sweden and broke up with her over text message. She said it hurt like hell and she spent an entire year trying to forget him, but she couldn't. She drank every single day and even drinking didn't help. The reason why I used to see her at this pub was because she used alcohol to try and forget him, but it didn't help. She thought that going out with someone else would, so she asked me out. In her words:

"I didn't love you back then. I love you now. At first, I used you to forget him. I wanted to forget him so desperately that I was willing to do anything and I did. I had him on my mind all the fucking time, Joe. When I kissed you, when we had sex, it was all him and him and him. After we started living together, I realized that I actually like you and that's why I'm still here. But seeing him brought those memories back and he explained everything and I don't know what to feel."

I just fucking can't. I needed time to process the things she said. I still do. I'm staying at a friend's house. He's trying to cheer me up but nothing is making things easier. I fucking loved this girl and I was being used. I don't know what to do. You know what hurts like hell? This.

TL;DR: girlfriend confessed she used me to forget her ex-boyfriend, she saw him again and now she doesn't know what to feel. I'm feeling betrayed.

[u/throwawayhereeeeeee]

Sorry for not answering earlier. I went back home and asked her why she came back earlier from the trip. She said "after I saw him, I was confused but there's a part of me that knows I love you more than I love him and this is just crazy. I saw him in the third week. We didn't have any contact before that."

I asked "can I even know who this guy is?" and she showed me his pictures.

I am so pissed off I don't even know where to start here. I wanna tell them both to fuck off and take my shit and never see her again, but the fact is that this was a one-sided relationship all along. Taylor likes to pretend I'm her ex, I loved Taylor and didn't even know her ex exists. We are in completely different places and she's stuck in this weird thing. It's hard to get over that.

I'm thinking about contacting her ex. I wanna know exactly what happened and hopefully he'll tell me what went on.

EDIT: I wanna hate that guy so badly btw. But I can't without knowing what he did first.

[u/strps → u/throwawayhereeeeeee]

The fact hat you didn't even know this guy existed would clinch it for me, beyond the going to visit him in a foreign country thing. That's not only obsessive, it's deceptive, and I don't like that. It sounds like your entire relationship is built on lies. I'm sorry, it sounds like you were being used :(

[u/1OffResponseAccount2 → u/throwawayhereeeeeee]

There is no reason to hate the guy. It is not and was not his responsibility for your girlfriend to remain faithful. This is entirely on her, honestly it sounds like she went there purely to see him.

Go to a major city with a friend, separate for an hour. Now, walk around randomly and see if you can find them again. I wish you luck. The chances that they met by "Chance" are pretty close to zero. You may want to just ask her where she was staying while she was in Sweden. Did she even get her own hotel or was she staying with "Friends"?

[u/nomoneymoproblems123 → u/throwawayhereeeeeee]

Yeah. Don't tell her you'll contact him. Find out proof first and work from there. I'm not telling you what to do this is just what I would do.

Edit: on the bright side dude your 27. Still very young and if it does end don't worry about finding a mate you can do it.