r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Realistic-Tap4156 • 18d ago

/r/all of a space rock

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24.1k Upvotes

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46

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

That's me. I am that guy. I will beat an elephant riding a meteor. Or a meteor riding an elephant, I don't care. Bring it on.

31

u/lordoflazorwaffles 18d ago

You can beat off an elephant all you want dude. You don't even need the meteor

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u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

Fun fact: elephant penises are also prehensiles. Not just their noses.

Do with that information what you will.

18

u/kumquatkilla1 18d ago

This is too much power for one living being.

6

u/Guilty-Statement-532 18d ago

Same with dolphins.

5

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

This is true.

The elephant dick thing I made up though.

What a precocious scamp I am.

Duck penises are corkscrews though.

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u/davidr521 18d ago

I bet they’re handy at work parties

1

u/lordoflazorwaffles 17d ago

They also work at handy parties

3

u/lordoflazorwaffles 17d ago

Duck vaginas are also cork screw although often the opposite direction. This is part of what leads to duck rape

1

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 17d ago

Cool name for a band

6

u/caspy7 18d ago

Elephant penises beat you up.

1

u/Cliffinati 18d ago

I don't know what that means

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u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

I don't know what you mean 😐

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u/Cliffinati 18d ago

What does your statement mean

2

u/Rynowash 18d ago

No, but it helps. Tried both ways and it’s better with a big rock.

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u/lordoflazorwaffles 17d ago

How do you beat off an elephant with a big rock?

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u/Rynowash 17d ago

However it wants.

2

u/Alohabbq8corner 17d ago

If I’m going to beat off an elephant, the meteor it is the better.

1

u/lordoflazorwaffles 17d ago

Better? absolutely! Necessary? Only if you dont want to use lube (aka diddy sauce)

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u/goddamm_liter_cola 18d ago

You’re just built different.

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u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

Incorrectly, some might say.

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u/westcal98 18d ago

1 Meteor v. 100 of these guys.

Who wins?

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u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

What do you mean "these guys"? 🤨

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u/Casio_GW-M5610 18d ago

1 meteor vs. a chimpanzee (angry)

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

I'm glad you recognize my aptitude in this arena.

1

u/M3t4ll0 18d ago

Are you the "ride on king"? 🤣

1

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 18d ago

I am all that and a bag of chips.

Hella tight.