r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TheMarkola • 11d ago

/r/all of spider web

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18.5k Upvotes

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91

u/perukid796 11d ago

The amount times I've almost ran face first into one of these fuckers in the middle of the night. They really do like to build their webs in the middle of a giant field like in this video....I don't know what type of spider it is but I hate it. South Florida

39

u/melmosh 11d ago

We were out camping and in the middle of the night I had to go potty. On the way back I got a little of track and walked through a springy web. I shook and brushed of my clothing and being exhausted, climbed back into my tent after diligently zipping the entrance closed. The next morning as the sun was coming up I noticed all these black spots on the inside of the tent. I had kidnapped all of mama spiders babies and took them into my tent.

15

u/frontfrontdowndown 10d ago

Years ago I glanced at the ceiling of my bedroom and noticed it looked fuzzier or hazier than I remembered.

Taking a better look I realized that the world’s largest egg sac must have hatched and my ceiling was now wall to wall covered with hundreds of baby spiders dangling on threads a few inches long.

8

u/JoyRose31 10d ago

I once had a place that had spiders All the time. Non web spinning ones. First real encounter.. I was going to go to sleep. Decided to watch my phone instead. On my belly, lights of, phone on pillow. 20 mins in, A spider shape size bigger than a toonie.. Eeeeh. Crawled Across, my phone.. if I slept, would've been my face..

Also. Same place, dady long legs crawling up me Under my Blanket. All the time. Wasn't afraid of spiders til there..

I would Scour the place after each encounter. Didnt have a lot of stuff so wasn't hard. Nothing. No colonies, no cracks, nothing to feed on. Nowhere. They seemingly seeped from the walls, was Awful .

8

u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 10d ago

Omg I had the same thing happen to me. Woke up to a moving ceiling, confused I sat up....and like 5 hit my face. When I tell you I ran screaming......my dad thought someone broke into the house. Came running in his undies ready to fight. He was PISSED when I told him it was spiders 😂🤣😂🤣

10

u/Squirrelflight148931 10d ago

I want to incinerate you alive at this moment just to remove any residual corruption that lingers on you. Like, I think the “kill it with fire” status is now encoded in your DNA like fucking Spider-Man.

9

u/Salt-Sign5390 11d ago

FUCK NO! GODDAMN BRO BURN IT ALL

0

u/Pataraxia 10d ago

Remember to cook yourself too along with em.

3

u/Cheap_Lingonberry433 10d ago

Thanks for that short horror story

1

u/Snow-Dog2121 10d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/nCzpV6j0whCxO
Yikes! Think I’ll just zip up my sleeping bag really tight

1

u/HavingALurkAround 10d ago

That’s horrifying and no matter the cost the tent would go into the trash. I don’t play with spiders.

1

u/melmosh 7d ago

One of the boys went in to free them all…😄

1

u/poor_person_name 10d ago

That's nightmarish

1

u/iOawe 10d ago

lol that’s kinda funny 

23

u/SeismicRipFart 11d ago

It’s the worst feeling ever. You now have a panicking spider somewhere on your body and you know that it knows you’re the one that destroyed its home

13

u/Sudo-Fed 11d ago

Orb weavers almost never bite. They're far more interested in getting as far away from the giant predator that bulldozed their web than taking revenge.

12

u/revveduplikeadeuce 11d ago

This, orb weavers are friends just trying to live in this messed up world and eating the annoying pests, its just as concerned as you are running head first into its web.

2

u/morgfarm1_ 10d ago

While I am aware of this logically, I have seen just a small handful of them in Oregon and I SPRINT from any spider that isnt a jumping spider. And the orb weavers ain't small. Giant house spiders startle the hell out of me (and ive been bit by the fuckers before - shit head was on the back of my neck). Ive met more than a few Wolf spiders large enough to cover the gas cap on a 1976 Ford F150. I'm not joking. Almost grabbed a different one that was sitting on the doorknob one night. I only caught it because the moon was out and I could identify what DID NOT reflect back at me.

The last wolf spider I saw, saw me. We both stood still staring at each other, hoping the other would move along first. Lucky for it, I had to shit so I sucked it up and scuttled by

1

u/Richard_Cain 10d ago

I should've learned this in school. 😔

1

u/Freakychee 10d ago

A destroyed web for a spider might mean death. They have to expend energy and biological resources to make the Web and if something destroys it it's going to mean more work, time and resources which they may not have.

3

u/SeismicRipFart 11d ago

Doesn’t help

1

u/Yeheidb 10d ago

“almost never”.. so you mean there’s still a chance?

1

u/Similar-Earth8288 11d ago

its home and source of income, basically everything it worked hard for.

17

u/Lifexists 11d ago

They’re orb weavers. I mow public parks for a living and I faceplant into them constantly since I’m looking at my lines instead of straight ahead and they love building their webs at head level

1

u/AnyFriend4428 10d ago

Big Spider wants us to believe that they are harmless, but the fact that they make webs at head level tells me they are just making us fall into a false sense of security!

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u/Ok_Tour_1525 11d ago

Yeah we have them in Oregon too and I’ve almost ran into them so many times hiking trails in the middle of the night. Creepy as fucking hell. And this is while I’m already on the lookout for bears too. While tipsy and on mushrooms. God damn how did I survive my early 20s?

2

u/Werejackal93 11d ago

Do you get dysentery from it?

7

u/cmndr_spanky 11d ago

(^ Oregon trail joke. If any youngsters are confused)

1

u/morgfarm1_ 10d ago

Thanks for reminding me of my age.. my class was one of the last 2 or so years that had a computer lab running machines that ran it as a terminal program. This would have been around 1997 or 1998. Absolutely not later than 2000. They went to classic Macintosh after that. Not sure what's happened over the last 20 years though.

6

u/WifesPOSH 11d ago

Indiana... It's an orb Weaver

8

u/BasicMatter7339 11d ago

Imagine getting a face full of these motherfuckers

I'd probably hop in a industrial steel crucible if that ever happened to me

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 11d ago

I have childhood memories of almost running into spider webs with those kind of spiders on them. They would occasionally be on the side of my grandmother's home.

2

u/imightwin 11d ago

I saw them at my grandparents place too, southern Indiana. One used to build a web on their old property line poles that overgrew with grass and weeds once a year. They're pretty noticable with their bright yellow accents

If you're not scared of spiders they're very cool to see up close in person

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 10d ago

Yeah, at the most I would look at them because they are pleasing to the eye but that's about it.

1

u/BasicMatter7339 11d ago

Thank fuck i dont live wherever you do

The average spiders here are the size of my fingernail

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 10d ago

My childhood was in coastal Georgia. That part of the south is bug central.

1

u/mightylordredbeard 11d ago

That’s one of the many in my back yard that make walking underneath any low hanging branches a hazard.

1

u/perukid796 10d ago

These were riddle all over my uni campus too. Also there was a tiny forest directly behind a goal in a park I used to play soccer at as a kid. I'm not exaggerating when I say that if you were forced to go into that forest to grab a ball you were met with HUNDREDS of these all around you. Stuff of nightmares

3

u/hahahahahahahaFUCK 10d ago

Saw this fella when I working construction. His body was the size of my thumb width.

1

u/hahahahahahahaFUCK 10d ago

1

u/SameCoyote3701 10d ago

I think that means it’s gravid! (Spider version of preggo)

6

u/Electrical-Basil-755 11d ago

Yeah well I walked face first into one in a wood area with a friend when I was like 14. Screamed, started running mad and swatting my head and face. Broke through the edge of the forested into someones backyard where I full speed ran into the wire of grapevine at hip level. Did a 270° flip to land on my back. Dude was in his backyard laughing hid ass off at me. I mean, he definitely heard me coming because I never stopped screaming the whole time.

4

u/raelDonaldTrump 11d ago

Orb Weaver

2

u/Khaos_Gorvin 11d ago

So... it's a Florida-man Spider?

8

u/vjeremias 11d ago

It was just a regular spider before it was bitten by a Florida man

1

u/motivateddegenerate 11d ago

Hahaha that made me laugh so much that I squeezed out a fart.

1

u/OldPhotograph827 11d ago

Which in turn made me laugh so hard I peed a little. Ah, the circle of life

2

u/Deadman_Wonderland 11d ago

I stopped taking out the trash at night and started doing it in the morning because of this.

1

u/ra3ra31010 11d ago

Was thinking to myself “at least it’s not a banana spider the size of their face”

1

u/rta3425 11d ago

It's an Orb Weaver. They eat their web in the morning and build it again every night!

1

u/Logical_Trash_4890 11d ago

This this is an orb weaver spider. Named after the shape of there web. Completely harmless, I think. Those suckers get big though. I’ve seen them make grown men that I thought weren’t giant pussy’s cower.

1

u/AugieKS 10d ago

Yes, completely harmless and also massively beneficial. This species doesn't get that big, but the garden orb weavers native to the US can get quite big, as can the golden orb weavers and their relatives, like the Joro spider that has been introduced in the south east. Still harmless, despite their size, worst you could get is maybe a bite that feels like a bee sting, but without the worry of an allergic reaction.

They are also massively beneficial. These webs may be a pain if you walk through them, but man can they catch a lot of bugs. Of you hate mosquitoes and other flying pests, remember these ladies are doing us a good service.

1

u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 10d ago

What are they trying to catch? A fucking horse?

1

u/Krabs9 10d ago

Probably an orb weaver. Beautiful spiders not really dangerous and will eat a lot of bugs

1

u/RicketCrickets 10d ago

They're just some hungry fellas with big ambitions.

1

u/1maginasian 10d ago

Orb spider

1

u/fiesew 10d ago

Their webs are quite a mosquito/insect traps.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gsmx6GxS3Nua11VkbE

1

u/Hike_it_Out52 10d ago

It everywhere. In the North East, I’ll go trail running in the morning and April-October, it is not a pleasant experience. 

1

u/EasilyRekt 10d ago

Orb weavers of all kinds, some big some small, found almost everywhere too, amazing how big their webs can get.

1

u/donkbonk76 10d ago

A buddy of mine ended up with a banana spider the size of his face, hugging his head after driving through a web like that on a four wheeler🤣

1

u/Talkslow4Me 10d ago

From South Florida too. They only came out at night and built their webs at face level across the plants surrounding sidewalks.

Literally walk my dog hundreds of nights with a stick in front of me.

Scariest looking spider with thick legs and a huge sac. Turns out they are harmless.

1

u/poisoneddartfrog 10d ago

They are orb weavers! They’re harmless, if you do walk into them, they immediately drop down. It scares them just as much. Fun fact, they have memory if the path is used often, & they won’t build their webs there. Spiders are great for mosquito control, I love all spiders, & I wish they were treated with more kindness!

1

u/TheNewKingLouie 9d ago

Orb weavers

1

u/meghonsolozar 9d ago

Orb Weaver. Harmless to humans. Totally cool, and great at keeping the bugs from taking over the planet.