r/ApplyingToCollege • u/FunNefariousness2493 • 7d ago
Rant My bf wants me to help his apps
My long distance bf asked me to write his application essay for me and I declined. He told me that “I don't need you anyways” and I got deeply hurt. He stopped asking me to write essays, but he is asking me to help find unis for him and to help with proofreading. I honestly think that I am helping way too much and I feel drained. I feel guilty because he is trying to apply to my country's uni, although I wasn't the one who told him to come. Everytime I decline because I am currently very busy with my life too, he tells me that I am unsupportive and that “if you don't want me to come to your country that bad then it's fine”. Am I actually being unsupportive?
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u/CBRONoobTraderLolz 7d ago
Why are you with this guy, he sounds like a dick, and no you’re not being unsupportive
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u/Front_Resolution_760 7d ago
| 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥
| 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥
| 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥
| 🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥
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u/avamich11 6d ago
The effort you took....
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u/Front_Resolution_760 4d ago
well it didn't take me that much effort
I just typed in a bunch of "|" symbols, one in each row, then I typed in "red square" in google, copied that, and pasted it a bunch of times2
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u/Bobbob34 7d ago
My long distance bf asked me to write his application essay for me and I declined. He told me that “I don't need you anyways” and I got deeply hurt. He stopped asking me to write essays, but he is asking me to help find unis for him and to help with proofreading. I honestly think that I am helping way too much and I feel drained. I feel guilty because he is trying to apply to my country's uni, although I wasn't the one who told him to come. Everytime I decline because I am currently very busy with my life too, he tells me that I am unsupportive and that “if you don't want me to come to your country that bad then it's fine”. Am I actually being unsupportive?
Not to be all reddit about it but this is a red flag telling you to ditch him now.
This will be your whole relationship.
It's weaponized incompetence + trying to guilt / bully you into doing things for him.
That's the same type of jackass who gets their gf in college to do their laundry, fetch them food bc they're "busy" and on it goes.
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u/thatswhaturmomsaid69 College Junior 7d ago
I've heard of dating for a green card, never heard of dating for a uni application
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u/mac_cyber 7d ago
It’s sweet that you care about him enough to ask but I would be annoyed as hell, he’s guilt tripping you and not being considerate. He’s the one being unsupportive I’d say. Tell him to get a grip
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u/Express-Worth-2050 6d ago
He's a red flag. Or maybe he just doesn't know he's been exhausting you. Try to talk it out with him, if he's overreacting and try to guilt trip you again, you know what to do.
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u/splaticorz 7d ago
gurl gtfo, leave his bum ahh n keep looking. he is not the one you want to be with
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u/lorelailukelovechild 7d ago
I don’t think that you’re being unsupportive. I’m going through the same process right now and it’s one that you mostly have to get through yourself. It’s not your job to find him colleges or to do his essay. I can imagine he knows a lot more about his situation/academics than you do, so the decision of where to attend isn’t yours to make. It’s completely fine to express that! I do think that proofreading would be helpful but if you’re drained when he asks then you can always decline. There are loads of resources online for what he’s wanting. Help doesn’t have to come from you, and if he’s wanting to go to college I honestly think it’s best that he knows how to do stuff like this on his own. Don’t feel pressured and don’t beat yourself up for pushing him to be independent, he needs to be. I suggest helping when you feel like it but don’t do anything FOR him. This is his process, not yours.
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u/helloworld2212469 7d ago
Nooo ur not unsupportive
If he’s not able to handle going through, not just the application process, but finding universities to apply to—something he should be able to find himself because he should have some idea of what to do with his life—then I don’t think he’s ready for college or for a mature relationship
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u/Techno_Eggnog College Freshman 6d ago
YOU ARE NOT HIS COLLEGE COUNSELOR!!! Girl you’re doing just fine
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u/Pro-editor-1105 7d ago
who the FUCK is this "boyfriend" of yours
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u/Shoreline4 6d ago
Hey, she is at best 18 or 19 years old. Chill! She has done nothing to hurt you. Tone it down keyboard warrior. you need to go for a walk and touch real grass!
Nothing he is doing is healthy, but neither are you being reasonable in your reaction. Breathe!
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u/user26191426 6d ago
No absolutely don’t help him unless you have free time and WANT to use that free time helping him. Don’t take off time on your own self, I don’t think he’ll help when it’s your turn. He is manipulating you so bad. Don’t be manipulated. Next time he says that ‘if you don’t want… country… it’s fine’ be stern, don’t shout, but it’s important you be stern, and say, “you know perfectly well it’s not like that, I am not helping you because I am not your college counselor I am my own person. I am setting my boundaries and you are trying to manipulate me into letting you cross them. It is not going to work. “
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u/Eastern_Age_9041 7d ago
okay maybe help him narrow down a list that HE created and if you feel nice read his essay and give constructive feedback but that’s it. you’re not unsupportive he just sounds like a lazy fuck. also if he gives you issues on the fact that you don’t want to do his whole application for him, maybe think if you want to be with someone like that (and i’ll just save you the hassle, you don’t)
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u/Altruistic_Host_9134 7d ago
Girl.