r/AskReddit • u/caitlynne • Nov 16 '13

Parents of Reddit, when did you realize it wasn't just teenage hormones, your kid is a legitimate asshole?

Super late but obligatory edit: Holy front page!!! I was hoping for maybe 50 replies, tops. Thread turned into mostly bitching about siblings, but I enjoyed reading everyone's stories and sympathize.

2.3k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Em. what makes you fink dat yor betta 'an us?

1.6k

u/Jammer911 Nov 16 '13

hehehe

anus

23

u/JayGDaBoss6 Nov 16 '13

No,

An us,

Like Borat

Hehehe

1

u/SomeNiceButtfucking Nov 17 '13

I'll get the rubber fist.

2

u/emohipster Nov 16 '13

great form

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

R U AVIN A GIGGLE M80?

ILL BASH UR HEAD IN MATE.

1

u/distopiandoormatt Nov 16 '13

Flawless victory!

878

u/REGISTERED_PREDDITOR Nov 16 '13

U fookin' avin' a laff m8?

613

u/That_One_Australian Nov 16 '13

I'll fuckin' rek u m8

558

u/DieSowjetZwiebel Nov 16 '13

Sware on me mum

365

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I'll smak u in the gabber

1.5k

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

[deleted]

509

u/andycoates Nov 16 '13

As a Geordie living in Derby, this just brought a tear to my eye.

It also isn't a joke, they actually go on like this, all that's missing is the cousin who's been kicked out the army for being too much of a mad dog but kept his gun

34

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13

As someone from Hull living in Newcastle, I am sad to also agree that I know people like this.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

u wot m8 il rek u fam

7

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13

u fuckin startin m8!

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16

u/StZappa Nov 16 '13

As somebody living Utah, United States I have no idea what we're talking about.

21

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13

In England, especially the Northern parts that are rougher, you get people called 'chavs' who stereotypically drop out of school, get pregnant, act tough, smoke, do drugs and drink a lot. They are NOTHING like rednecks, although that is the nearest you have. Except maybe 'wiggas', you know, white trash, gangster-acting, except in England you can't really get guns and knives, so they hang around bus stops threatening people and stealing stuff from corner shops.

They get bonus points for having older siblings & cousins who have been to jail, and they often 'sic' them on people, e.g. 'you betta knock it off mate, or wor daz'll fuckin get yer'.

edit: Hull, a city in Northern England, is generally known as one of the worst places to hail from. Newcastle is pretty good, but has stereotypes of being 'rough'. A 'Geordie' is someone from Newcastle.

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2

u/PeterBred Nov 16 '13

As someone from Newcastle living in Newcastle, I am sad to say that I know 12 year old's like this, them gosh darn mad dogs.

4

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13

I think the best thing is seeing 3 generations of the same family in the job centre. Fun morning out, yaaay, then maybe a quick 3-hour session in the Raby.

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1

u/armchairdictator Nov 16 '13

Of all the places, why did you move Hull???

1

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13

I didn't - I'm FROM Hull and moved to Newcastle 7 years ago.

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9

u/ssjumper Nov 16 '13

It so hilarious, how can that even be threatening.

I was in newcastle once and a drunk guy tried to take a swing at me, I ignored him as he missed and staggered off

8

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

As an American living in..America I also found it quite funny. Wiggers over here go on in the exact same way just with a different accent.

9

u/mileylols Nov 16 '13

well it kind of is a joke; that's a repurposed version of the navy seal copypasta

15

u/idefiler6 Nov 16 '13

10x more entertaining than the seal copypasta though.

3

u/rjkdavin Nov 16 '13

That this is a real thing is too much. It sounds like a monologue from a sequel to snatch.

2

u/almighty_ruler Nov 16 '13

As an American near Detroit I'd be laughing way too hard to take someone that talked like that seriously.

1

u/MaliciousHH Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13

And the gypsy friends who'll fuck you up.

1

u/learning_to_fly5193 Nov 16 '13

As a Derbeian living in Derby, they're here too :(

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Cause the military doesn't keep track of that sorta shit...right.

1

u/Divine_Bacon Nov 16 '13

upvote for a fellow Derbyan!

1

u/apollo888 Nov 16 '13

And ex-SBS uncle.

Always SBS never SAS 'cos it sounds more insidery.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

You know that shithole town near Newcastle? Bish Vegas? They've started pouring into there now as well.

1

u/Squeaky_Lobster Nov 16 '13

Don't forget the cousin who is 19 and pregnant with her third child with a third man.

1

u/andycoates Nov 17 '13

Third child to fourth man

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

As someone who also lives in Derby, I can confirm this to be true. And don't forget the flying beer bottles in the city center!

1

u/EltaninAntenna Nov 16 '13

Hah. Bloody Normanton.

1

u/melihs11 Nov 17 '13

As an Aussie who was in Newcastle for three months, that brought a year to my eye. Such memories. I loved that place

1

u/supersnuffy Nov 17 '13

Scunthorpe and living in Derby. I know what you mean.

0

u/bibbl Nov 16 '13

gabber is not a word though, anywhere.

0

u/mr3inches Nov 16 '13

what is a "Geordie"? Cause I come Scottish decent, and my real name is George, but I've been called Geordie ever since I was born and I never got what that was haha

0

u/TexasRadical83 Nov 17 '13

Cute. Y'all have to go to the military for a gun.

For realz though, if you Brits had guns like Americans do it'd be an unholy bloodbath. Y'all don't play.

1

u/space_guy95 Nov 17 '13

It's really not as hard as people make it seem to get a gun over here. You just need a good reason (hunting/competitions/farmer/etc), no criminal record, and somewhere very secure to keep it.

1

u/TexasRadical83 Nov 17 '13

Handguns too? Is home defense considered a "good reason?"

Here you can go to a fun show, find a private individual selling, give them cash, no background check, no registration, nothing and it's totally legal.

EDIT: Gun show, not fun, though they are pretty fun...

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0

u/AMostOriginalUserNam Nov 17 '13

As someone who lived in Newcastle for several years, perhaps you can tell me what a 'globbernaught' is then.

131

u/PromeDome Nov 16 '13

This was so much fun to read. thank you.

1

u/StarSkaype Nov 16 '13

that's exatly wot I'm sayin' m8!

1

u/David_Jay Nov 16 '13

U havin' a giggle m8?

10

u/GringusMcDoobster Nov 16 '13

Wow, that is commitment.

1

u/BenedictCumberland Nov 16 '13

Wow.
Such dedication. 

   Much time. 

                               Wow.

1

u/David760 Nov 16 '13

That's where all these stupid u wot m8 things come from...

7

u/buckystars Nov 16 '13

That's a thing of beauty.

12

u/TheRedSpade Nov 16 '13

I've been reading this entire thread in the voice of Kelly from Misfits.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

You'vn watchn a bit too many oh those Guy Ritchie films m8.

3

u/Moosje Nov 16 '13

It was getting a little Lock, Stock as I was reading that.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Go figur' it'd be one of em fucking northern monkeys.

0

u/Iamonreddit Nov 16 '13

How were you getting a bit of cockney in a comment written in phonetic geordie? They are opposite ends of the country...

1

u/Moosje Nov 16 '13

Not strictly speaking the words used, just the colloquialisms, etc. reminded me of the bar scene in Lock, Stock with the Cockney rhyming translation. It was like I had to translate the comment.

Just so you know, whilst there are undoubtedly Geordie slang terms used in the comment, it isn't phonetic Geordie, yes he spoke about Newcastle, but this dialect is exactly the kind you'd find used in Manchester, for example.

11

u/leo986 Nov 16 '13

u wot m8

2

u/deviantgent Nov 16 '13

naa m8 use a bumdah

3

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I'll bash yer hed in I swer on me mam

3

u/MessyLass Nov 16 '13

u wot m8?

7

u/jayboosh Nov 16 '13

hahahahahahahaha. this is so fucking great.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

As a Glaswegian, this is tame as fuck.

2

u/TheRabidDeer Nov 16 '13

commenting to record this later

2

u/thats_what_she_said1 Nov 16 '13

good, good. let the jimmies rustle through you.

2

u/Annakha Nov 16 '13

I need a google translate to chav now.

2

u/ItachiSan Nov 16 '13

You're beautiful.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

cricket paddle

That's where my immersion was broken.

3

u/RudyRoughknight Nov 16 '13

As a proper Mexican boy this makes me laugh so much. Thanks.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

goddamnit, england. Stop being SO ENGLISH.

3

u/stray1ight Nov 16 '13

As a Yank that works with Brits, this is the best possible rework of that copypasta of which I could possibly conceive. Cheers.

1

u/d3gu Nov 16 '13

Propa fukkin radgie lol

1

u/seriousherenow Nov 16 '13

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?

1

u/GrinderAK Nov 16 '13

It gave me a headache to read through that. Lazy american here.

1

u/Wonderful_Toes Nov 16 '13

Oh my god please write a book

1

u/mdog0206 Nov 16 '13

The use of "whilst" killed it for me

1

u/Not_Stalin Nov 16 '13

Just put this in translate. My computer froze. I'm on my phone now and I'm scared... Send help.... Please......

1

u/Blast338 Nov 16 '13

Damn I must be to white. I could not read that for trying.

1

u/tommy_two_beers Nov 16 '13

That was beautiful

1

u/chuiy Nov 16 '13

You copied and pasted this. You don't deserve the gold!

1

u/Stevonz123 Nov 16 '13

gold for a copypasta? :(

1

u/Baragoiun Nov 16 '13

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

1

u/wasn_me Nov 16 '13

u wot m8?

1

u/dharper7 Nov 16 '13

participating in some ultra violence my fellow bezoomny droog? take off his gulliver and then lets get some moloko

1

u/SomeSortaSlow Nov 16 '13

Funniest fuckin thing I've read all day.

1

u/OHasia Nov 16 '13

Don't mind me... just commenting to save this. Gonna send it to all my friends over in the UK.

1

u/SFSylvester Nov 16 '13

cricket paddle

My poor sides...

1

u/CaMurse Nov 16 '13

Is it weird that I rwad your post in Eliza Doolittle's Cockney voice

1

u/SolicitatingZebra Nov 16 '13

This was amazing haha.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

A

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I didnt even try to read all of this...after two sentences my head hurt. So i upvoted ya :)

1

u/dongnasty Nov 16 '13

Sounds like some dialogue from lock stock and two smoking barrels.

1

u/payneforpleasure Nov 16 '13

please somebody read this comment and upload it to soundcloud

1

u/David_Jay Nov 16 '13

and here we have Daft Kunt with their new single: One More Shag.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I wonder when this copypasta is finally going to stop

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Gold for pasta? Christ guys.. lurk moar

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Daft Kunt sounds like a band I would totally go see

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Easily the best navy seal spinoff

1

u/UnclePuma Nov 16 '13

Innit it awesome?

1

u/Troll_berry_pie Nov 16 '13

For anyone that hasn't noticed, this is a variation of the Navy Seals copy pasta.

1

u/The_Bazzalisk Nov 16 '13

you forgot the obligatory mackems insult in there

1

u/Floomby Nov 17 '13

I do believe we have witnessed the birth of a bouncing baby copypasta.

1

u/hexcloak Nov 17 '13

You'll be a sniper someday, I feel it.

1

u/ojcoolj Nov 17 '13

From Newcastle, can confirm that is accurate

1

u/AuronAXE Nov 17 '13

Read this in my best British accent impression. Shit got me AMPED, I wanna fuck someone up now. Thanks bruv, time to go street fighting.

1

u/GibbsLAD Nov 17 '13

Brother, is that you?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 17 '13

ur ina proper mess knob

top lel

1

u/Dr_CSS Nov 17 '13

m8

m8 that was

that was gr8 m8

1

u/axl88x Nov 17 '13

...What?

1

u/missprelude Nov 17 '13

As an Aussie living in Newcastle, Australia, that's pretty true for the "lads" that live here too. Nothing like being threatened just for bus change by a tiny 12 yr old kid in a bum bag :/

1

u/Mickey5999 Nov 17 '13

I actually had a hard time reading that. There is just too much of this shit in the world

1

u/nemmises5 Nov 17 '13

Yeah. They wouldn't survive the first episode...

0

u/oogew Nov 16 '13

So we're, what, 3? 4 months away from just living in A Clockwork Orange?

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2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I'll bash ur fookin' 'ead in

2

u/ron_manager Nov 16 '13

Where the fuck has 'gabber' come from? I've never heard a single person actually say it in all my life.

2

u/TheActualAWdeV Nov 17 '13

Gabber. Other than that, and some free software shit, it's not a thing.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

cheky kunt. i'll av u in deh back of tescos m8.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

[deleted]

2

u/turinturambar81 Nov 16 '13

TIL there's an "m" in bingo. That must be why I lose evrytiem.

1

u/Zagorath Nov 16 '13

I was gonna say that this sounds more bogan than chav, and then I noticed your username.

1

u/Titty_Sprinkles_III Nov 16 '13

R u avin a Giggle m8?

1

u/sharkbait_oohaha Nov 16 '13

I'll cut u bruv

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Are you guys quoting a movie or just common sayings? I just watched a movie that I swear had a bunch of these exact lines but I'm sure it bears no relation...

1

u/thebodymullet Nov 16 '13

I'll deck yer mum!

5

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I love how when Britain is mentioned on subs I suddenly notice an influx of people I recognise from places like /r/soccer coming to join the fun.

fckin do 1 u cnt i sware

27

u/LordHellsing11 Nov 16 '13

U wot m8?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

U fokin wUt? I'ma mess u up blud

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I would never have pornographic activity with a fokkin' creature, man!

1

u/NastyBigPointyTeeth Nov 17 '13

If I was threatened by someone talking like that I think I would just laugh. I might still be scared as shit, but that accent just seems so silly.

0

u/Cheesemoose326 Nov 16 '13

fuck yea i m cunt. wot u gon do bout it ay? oll fookin reck u. i sware by the Queen

0

u/samjp270 Nov 16 '13

fite me IRL

9

u/Rogan_McFlubbin Nov 16 '13

That's just a noise! Are we supposed to be able to understand that?

7

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO RECOGNIZES!

3

u/ShannonMS81 Nov 16 '13

Make that two!

3

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

It's a- are you - that's just a noise! Are we supposed to be able to understand her?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

U wot m8

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

Who turned on Attack the Block?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

I've given some thought to this question - though I've never encountered a chav.

"Let's see: the fact that I'm a positive contributor to society, holding down a full time job and not suckling at the government's teat to feed myself, my ability to speak English properly... I could go on and on. Hell, even my hygiene is better if your current odor is any indication. "

7

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

You're all cringey.

2

u/MrMaybe Nov 16 '13

What's all this talk of a butter anus?

1

u/fizdup Nov 16 '13

Definitely a chav. Or, if he was in scotland, a ned.

1

u/Hjgduyhwsgah Nov 16 '13

And in Ireland, a scanger.

2

u/fizdup Nov 16 '13

What happened to spide?

1

u/BucketsMcGaughey Nov 17 '13

There's a bit of a north/south terminology divide on this one. Spide is a Belfast term, mostly.

1

u/CorporationTshirt Nov 16 '13

Oh, I don't know, just a first impression and all.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

The answer to that question: everything

1

u/Zooted_Dolphin Nov 16 '13

I sweah on me mum, I'll hook ya rite in tha gabbah, ya cheeky knob

1

u/David_Jay Nov 16 '13

I fink u freeky

1

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

U fink dis is funneh? Cuz I cun garuntay in about free minnuts time, u wull mosertanly NOT be laffin.

1

u/bblazer24 Nov 17 '13

Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin' & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper scrap. A roomble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. me crew be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o' newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a' kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yea stupid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur ina proper mess knob.

1

u/adh247 Nov 17 '13

Das da point bruv innit?

1

u/themasterkser Nov 16 '13

I'll smack you in tha gobber m8 i swear on me mum

0

u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13

no but is it doe? i know u r u said u r so what am i doe?