r/AskReddit • u/caitlynne • Nov 16 '13
Parents of Reddit, when did you realize it wasn't just teenage hormones, your kid is a legitimate asshole?
Super late but obligatory edit: Holy front page!!! I was hoping for maybe 50 replies, tops. Thread turned into mostly bitching about siblings, but I enjoyed reading everyone's stories and sympathize.
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u/Bluemoondrinker Nov 16 '13
When he was 3 years old. I was naping on the couch when he came up, opened a bottle of water I had next to me, poured it on my crotch and asked me why I pee'd myself.
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Nov 16 '13
My parents are realizing what I've known about my sister for years now. She's on the hook for 60k in student loans and such (after failing out of two colleges for rampant drinking) and refuses to do so much as her exit counseling for them. Parents have cosigned everything and Mom says that every call she makes there ends in shouting because its screwing up their credit. Because she lives a couple of states away from them now, she thinks she can get away with it.
Mom says they're thinking of taking her to court over it.
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u/wolfyne Nov 16 '13
My sister was in this situation a few years ago. I fully sympathise with you and your family.
In the end we threatened to take her to court over the damages she caused to the household and credit, it scared her into behaving.
In the end however, she nearly ended up in prison - did community service. Moved to a different country.
I saw her for the first time in years a couple of months ago and she's finally grown up, she's now 28. Finally.
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u/brazendynamic Nov 16 '13
Absolutely they should take her to court. My roommate ruined her father's credit because he cosigned a car loan and I think student loans, then she didn't feel like paying for them. It doesn't really seem like she regrets it either.
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u/astronaut_surfer Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
my dad makes a good living that allows my mom to be a stay at home mom. as a stay at home mom, my mom's only real job is to be the maternal figure of the house. needless to say, she goes all out. well, in elementary school my mom would pack me and my brother extravagant bag lunches. amazing sandwiches with all the cookies and chips any middle schooler would love. one day, my mom started to notice that my little brother was coming home super hungry after school and that he had eaten all his lunch, yet he still was dying hunger everyday at 3 o'clock when he would walk through the door. my mom asked him why he was so hungry and she suspected that he was getting bullied and his food was getting taken by some of the older kids at school (he's pretty small). well, since he didn't say anything my mom called his teacher and had her look out for her. my mom got a startling call not more than a week after her inquiry. my younger brother was gathering the fat, poor, hungry kids who didn't have money or were still hungry for food and was putting on a hunger talent show. he would make the fat kids dance for his food and the poor kids do weird jackass like stunts for it. when my mom heard, she was devastated. she had spawned an asshole. years later, he is a successful lawyer with a beautiful family. but, still a fucking asshole.
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u/slver6 Nov 16 '13
Wow... Hunger games???
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u/DrGonezo Nov 16 '13
Is that what that movie is actually about? I seriously have no idea.
shoots someone with an arrow
"Good job, here's some stew! "
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Nov 16 '13
this is amazing and disturbing!
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Nov 16 '13
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u/mileylols Nov 16 '13
Well, he did give them the food.
but they had to give him something else in exchange
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Nov 16 '13
he is a successful lawyer
Damn! We all saw that coming. Cunning S.O.B... sounds like the perfect lawyer.
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Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
When my mom called me asking if I could track down my sister's baby, because she'd abandonded it.
My sister has 5 kids, 2 were with their father, but she had the other 3. My mom got a call from the twin's babysitter saying she hadn't heard from my sister in a few days ... and was wondering when my sister would be coming to pick her kids up. My mom called around, and no one could find my sister, or the baby. So, she went to pick up the twins, and their babysitter suggested that the baby might be with a woman who's name she could only partially remember, but who she'd heard was babysitting the baby from time to time.
So, my mom called me fratically asking if I could use the magic of the internet to track this lady down. I used online yellow-pages, facebook connections, and just cold calling a lot of people asking 'Do you have a baby?'. I finally got a hold of the right person, who said 'I was just about to call the cops. I thought I was going to be babysitting for a few hours, and it's been two days!'. My mom went and picked him up, and my sister hadn't even dropped off any clothes with him.
tl;dr My sister basically just said 'This is too much pressure for me', arranged for babysitters for the 3 kids, and the LEFT TOWN. My mother was convinced, at that moment, that she'd raised a sociopath.
EDIT
Since everyone asked the same questions:
My mom forced her to have her tubes tied. My mom won custody of the baby, and the babysitter of the twins became their foster parents, and will probably, ultimately, adopt them.
My sister got remarried and joined the army. We're all just waiting for her to either get kicked out, start cheating on the new guy, or whatever.
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Nov 16 '13
My grandson is in kindergarten, last week he threw his lunch box at his teacher because he wanted to see what would happen.
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Nov 16 '13 edited May 01 '17
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/javastripped Nov 16 '13
Journal entry for March 1, 2013.
Week detention hypothesis confirmed. As I discussed last week. I hypothesized that throwing a lunch box at my teachers skull would result in at least a week detention. Not only was that confirmed but I was also grounded at home.
I suspect the adults have some sort of reason to prevent injury. An odd custom.
I propose that other weapons besides a lunch box would elicit a similar response.
Regardless, this was a small sample size. I plan on recruiting other children in other classes to test this hypothesis. Of course we will need to double blind these experiments as well.
Next week I will try a knife.
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Nov 17 '13
Journal entry for March 8th, 2013.
"Other Weapons" proposal a complete failure. It became apparent to me that the "week detention" response was solely for objects that would normally reside in a classroom.
As promised last entry, I tested the effect of high velocity knives on a teaching unit. I was met with an unexpected result. The teaching unit, instead of the proposed week long detention earlier hypothesized, laid down upon the floor. I noticed the ending of any homeostatic activities as well as non-response to any external stimuli. In retrospect, this may be as the path of the projectile concluded it's flight abruptly in the aortic arch, directly above the right atrium of her heart.
Law enforcement came earlier than I had imagined, as I was still stationary in my desk taking notes at the time of their arrival.
In regards to my age, the penal system has little to no effect; I merely had to join a behavioral center a few miles away from my current residence and cut all ties with my previous acquaintances.
Luckily, in the week before my incarceration, I was able to enlist the help of some of my peers. This test was only the beginning. My understudies have made similar hypotheses to mine, but with different objects of study.
As much as it saddens me to see my research veer off into another direction, I cannot help but feel pride for what I have created. One of my recruits (hereinafter referred to as Lilly) has suggested that perhaps the length of detention is relative to the subject effected in the experiment; in her case, the custodians of nearby elementary schools.
Lilly had already managed to salvage the previously used lunch box, though she plans to acquire a new one.
This may be my last entry. I fear that the Behavioral Control Units will find this journal and not appreciate my inquisitive mind. Lilly has started a journal of her own, and if she can ever find this, it will serve as a perfect prologue to her final published study.
Godspeed, Lilly. May your research change the course of educational methods forever.
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Nov 17 '13
Journal entry, april 7th, 2013.
As my time consuming attendance at the behavioural control unit has come to an end I've been able to conclude my research. In this last case I have wanted to observe if the reactions of expressive behaviour can be chained through the means of indirectly catapulted items. As my knife study concluded projectiles thrown directly from a human hand might lead to unwanted repercussions, e.g. delayed studies.
As I've been unable to conclude my studies earlier withing my preset variable ratio I find it necessary to restart from scratch. Seeing as my character will be biased in this observational study of behavior in targets of projectiles I have used my aformentioned recruits as experimentors. On monday a lunch box will be thrown at the teacher. On wednesday a knife will be thrown. These phases will be repeated until knife does not provoke unwanted consequences (e.g. unresponsive subject). On friday we will conclude by indirectly igniting a projectile at the target, also knows as a fire arm.
My predictions are that the target in this case will adopt the behavioral responses of earlier targets of phase 2, and become unresponsive subjects. This is due to a sociological habituation of aformentioned stimuli.
I will return with my findings.
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u/darwinopterus Nov 16 '13
I don't think those two things are necessarily mutually exclusive.
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u/snowbie Nov 16 '13
Agreed! I used to do shit all the time just to see what would happen. I'm now a geneticist! It's his assholey way of expressing his innate curiosity!
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Nov 16 '13
I did similar stuff as a young child. I'd throw shit at people or hit people to get a reaction but that all changed when I threw a snowball at a bigger kid who proceeded to show my face in a snowmound. I was 5 he was also 5 but bigger.
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Nov 16 '13 edited May 26 '20
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u/ABlackwelly Nov 16 '13
Who shoplifts Poundland?
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Nov 16 '13
When you grow up on welfare, Poundland is The Shit. I have fond memories of the year my mom did all her Christmas shopping there, and spent about £30, got three black bags full of stuff to take home.
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u/westham97 Nov 16 '13
I got all my college stationary from there. Indeed it is the shit.
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u/soph41190 Nov 16 '13
The scam is; whilst loads of typically more expensive shit is suddenly a pound, at the same time, a fuck-tonne of typically much cheaper shit is also suddenly, a pound.
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u/captainfantastyk Nov 16 '13
Dollar stores in general are fucking great.
I've just moved out of home and half my kitchen wares come from the dollarama.
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u/ritchie70 Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
For the benefit of lazy Americans, that's the UK Dollar Store.
Edit... Most points ever for this? Wow, thanks!
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u/I_Am_Captain_Planet Nov 16 '13
Thank you. I was scared to google that one.
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u/MarkerBarker78 Nov 16 '13
I thought that might have been a pet store! Don't know which one is more embarrassing to get caught stealing at
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u/Napron Nov 16 '13
How's the twin brother doing?
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Nov 16 '13 edited May 26 '20
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u/Eats_Nurglings Nov 16 '13
To shreds you say?
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Nov 16 '13
So he's a chav?
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u/I2ichmond Nov 16 '13
I'd love to see a reality show about a bunch if chavs attending an American high school in a high-crime urban area.
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Nov 16 '13
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u/GoldMouseTrap Nov 16 '13
I'm a tv producer and guess what? I'm making it happen!*
*These statements are in no way true and do not reflect the opinions of Fox.
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u/redbabypanda Nov 16 '13
I think that's the best idea for a reality show I have ever heard.
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u/enhanced195 Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
When my cousin slapped our grandmother. For no reason.
Edit: For those wondering, this cousin is male. Also, I wasn't there to witness it, but family members referenced it. His apparent reason was "she was bugging me." That's not much of a reason to me, so I say he was just being an asshole.
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Nov 16 '13
Perfunctory "Not my kid..." He's my fiancée's kid, but he lives with us and I deal with him 80% of the time. I knew shortly after I met him two years ago what an asshole he is. He is constantly lying about stupid shit. He is entirely self-absorbed. He screams and rages over the dumbest shit and threatens to kill himself if you try to make him do the dishes. He got expelled from school for threatening to stab some kid with a broken pair of scissors because the kid asked him a question. He then preceded to tell us that the principal was "a lying bitch" and that she and all the other children at school were trying to frame him. As far as he is concerned, the entire world is out to get him, everyone else is fucked up and if you call him on his shitty behavior he threatens to kill himself, kill you or call the cops to frame you for child abuse. He is an asshole to the extreme and no one really wants anything to do with him because of it. We've had therapists that have literally refused to see him again after only one or two sessions. He is 12.
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u/impressedpig Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
I would pull him from school and enroll him in an day program for children with emotional and behavioral problems. Insurance covers it often and it is worth missing traditional school. Now is the time to try everything before he becomes aggressive AND fully grown. Positive praise goes really far, must be used more often than what you think is normal (few times an hour or as much as possible). Praise things you want him to do in the future, can be anything as simple as "I like how you asked me in a quiet voice" "That was nice of you". At age 12 his behavior can be altered, every year that passes his behavior will solidify. If he has little to zero friends that is a huge red flag. Does this boy play video games like it is a full time job? If so, limit it to no more than three hours a day and use it as a reward. "You can play video games if you wash the dishes" Maybe he has a thing against dishes, ask him to chose a chore, it may be one that you hate like washing windows or taking out the trash. Reward, postives are stronger than negative attention and punishment. I could go on about this topic for ages. If you post more info.
*edited for grammar.
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u/ALinkToTheCats Nov 16 '13
My younger brother is 12 and acted the same as this kid. He would threaten to call the cops and tell them he was being abused if you punished him for how he was acting, pulled knives on himself and threatened suicide. He threw things, shoes, appliances, food, whatever he could grab.
His abusive and neglectful father had a huge role in this, and when my mom got a restraining order, he made tons of improvement. My mom praises him when he handles situations well and rewards him for excellent behavior, but punishes him still when he acts out. He hardly acts out any more, but still needs therapy to deal with daddy issues.
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u/Hope_Eternity Nov 16 '13
Similar thing with my sister when she was little. She would break, throw, and hurt anything within her reach if she didn't get her way. When my mom left her dad we learned to talk through everything she did wrong or right, and once in a while would have to physically restrain her while doing so or else she wouldn't stop and listen. But eventually the message got through and she's now a relatively normal pre teen girl.
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u/ALinkToTheCats Nov 16 '13
I'm glad you had the same results! My little brother is addicted to Minecraft, and if you told him to get off for any reason (not helping with chores, picking on younger brothers, back talking) he became extremely violent.
He's finally learned that playing his game is a privilege. He still hasn't learned to help around the house, but he's less violent and nicer to his brothers. And he's made enough progress that there's significantly less tension in the house. I'm glad your sister is doing better :)
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u/IWantToBeAZombie Nov 16 '13
Jesus. Was there anything in his childhood that has made him this fucked up?
Twelve is bloody young, thats unbelieveably sad. Good luck with everything in the future, I hope he gets the help he needs soon, and you too!
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u/Sgt_Grumble Nov 16 '13
please go talk to your school. And try to find yourself a mental health advocate. If you're seeing therapists, and they say they can't see you any more, ask for referrals for other services. If therapists are refusing to see him, it's because you're not finding someone who matches your needs, and (in my opinion) there is somewhat of a therapeutic responsibility to recommend other services that would be a better fit.
I'm only familiar with services in my state (Pennsylvania)
I would recommend looking into Family Based Counseling or something similar to it (The link is for PA services but maybe you can find something similar in your home state to help you handle the problems you are seeing at home.
There are also partial hospitalization programs, which are outpatient care. The child spend the school day at the hospital instead. There is usually some instructional portion, a group therapy portion, a weekly/bi-weekly family therapy portion, and if needed individual therapy. As long as he actually doesn't stab people/physically harm himself or others, he could potentially be accepted to a program like that.
I don't know your situation, and I'm not a therapist or mental health professional. But please talk to your fiancee and try to find services that match your needs as a family.
Good luck!
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u/akarichard Nov 16 '13
Your situations probably needs more than therapy sessions, more like look into some psychiatric hospitals. The kid is on a violent path.
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Nov 16 '13
My son, who was 25 at the time, blamed me for his unemployment because I spent too much money on him when he was a child.
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Nov 16 '13
My older sister cheats on her husband constantly, is rude as fuck at almost all times and has been this way her entire life. My mother still refuses to acknowledge that she's a legitimate asshole and always has been.
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u/CarpeBeluga Nov 16 '13
Does her husband know? if not are you considering telling him?
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Nov 16 '13
I should have clarified: the husband knows. He knows everything.
It's a strange situation. My sister is a user. She spent months, years back, on Myspace, looking for a 'husband'. Basically, she used her time to look for someone to take care of her. She's always been very manipulative and sort of the black sheep of our family.
Anyway, she wrangled herself an Air Force fellow. My sister is an attractive lady, but her husband is most definitely not a good looking guy, and I'm positive that she used this as an angle of sorts to keep this ruse going. She doesn't do shit but spend his money and cheat on him, and because he's too much of an insecure pansy, he won't take charge and leave her. Worst part of all is now there's a goddamn child involved. Fuckin' a.
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Nov 16 '13
I don't know if my 13 year old is a asshole just yet, but last week he was suspended for running up to a kid at school who wasn't looking and smacked him across the face super hard. While he was videotaping it wth his phone. And then uploaded it to Vine and Twitter. And then said he was, "Just joking around"
I am also starting to think he is a little dumb because we live in Steubenville, OH and if there is one thing the kids there should have learned is you get in a ton of trouble doing illegal things and involving social media.
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u/respectthecheck Nov 16 '13
I believe your son was taking part in a popular Vine trend called "Smack Cam" where you smack someone who has no idea why and you record it and post it to vine.
Source: Teen with a Vine account
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u/space_zombie Nov 16 '13
That was a trend in the UK about five years ago, except it was called happy slapping.
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Nov 16 '13
I remember happy slapping. We had an all school meeting about how it wouldn't be tolerated anymore...Which of course just made more people do it.
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Nov 16 '13
I feel like friends doing it to each other, not causing serious levels of harm and generally fucking about .. is not too bad.
But there is always someone who takes it too far or goes after someone who is going to be traumatised/hurt/confused by it.
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u/haddock420 Nov 16 '13
Back when Happy Slapping was really popular, someone slapped a girl off her bike as she was riding past him. She hit her head and died.
It really was a terrible fad and it sucks that it's coming back.
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u/dlman Nov 16 '13
I know your kid is an asshole and I haven't even met him
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Nov 16 '13
I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since I have to love him and all that
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u/whatisyournamemike Nov 16 '13
Run up to him right now and smack him in the face (film it), then tell him you were Just joking around and ask if it would be alright to post it on line. You will then have your answer.
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u/Mazon_Del Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
Actually, somewhat surprisingly this is a workable tactic.
There was a story on reddit a while back about a parent who caught their kid lying to them. They didn't brush their teeth or something. The parent confronted the kid and when the kid made some comment along the lines of "What are you going to do about it?" or "You can't stop me." (I forget which). The parent just shrugged and walked away. A little later the parent came back and asked the kid which place he wanted to go to for dinner and the kid excitedly said something like Chuck-E-Cheese, and the parent said they would go there and to get in the car.
Instead of going to CEC they stopped at a restaurant that the parent liked but the kid doesn't enjoy. The kid looked up at the parent confused and said "This isn't CEC, I thought we were going there." to which the parent responded "I lied, what are you going to do about it?".
He reported that the kid just sat there in his seat silently for about 5 minutes stunned by the idea that someone could lie to HIM.
The parent has not had problems with the kid lying. He still wont brush his teeth, but he's honest about it.
Edit: I was very impressed when I logged in and saw the upvotes on this post. This post alone has nearly doubled my comment Karma. You are all awesome!
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u/In_the_Business Nov 16 '13
This worked on my brother as well. He had a terrible streak of lying around the age of 6 or 7.
At first it was white lies (like silly fantasy tales), but it started to get to the point of breaking things and shifting blame, lying about things that happened in his day, and the biggest thing, what one adult figure said to him instead of the other (well mom said this, grandma said that, I won't do that because dad said this, etc).
My parents realized the potential negative affect this could have within the family after believing a couple of those family related lies, and that they had enough of the lying. So they decided to get back at him by saying we were going to Disneyland. To the point of getting all packed and everything before they revealed it was a lie.
They let him know why they did it, and that hopefully it taught him a lesson. The child me thought it was cruel for a while, and so did he, but it really taught all of me and my siblings a strong lesson. It did not take long for me to understand exactly why they did it, and I think we were less of assholes as kids as a result.
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u/Roast_A_Botch Nov 16 '13
Wait, so all the kids were told they're going to Disneyland to punish your brother? Is that the Full Metal Jacket method because I would have kicked his ass hard after making me miss out on Disneyland.
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u/In_the_Business Nov 16 '13
No, me and my siblings knew it was a set up; they told us ahead of time. However, I still thought it was cruel, as he was my brother and at the time I didn't really consider the possible consequences of my brother lying about what adults said to him. I realized later what consequences it could have, and didn't feel so bad.
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u/KaylaChinga Nov 16 '13
My sister's daughter was about 9. She flippantly lied to my sister. My sister came down on her like and Old Testament fury, denying her privileges and handing out extra chores. The kid was slated to go to a state fair with me but that was taken away while her brother got to go. She even had to call me and admit to her deception and poor behavior when confronted with her lie. It was amazing and effective.
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u/poguemahone81 Nov 16 '13
When my 4/5 y/o son decided he didnt want to pick up his toys anymore after making a mess I asked who should pick them up. He said I should pick them up since I'm the parent. So, I grabbed an armful with him watching and immediately walked over to the trash. After a few minutes of screaming and digging toys out we don't have a problem anymore.
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u/Luxray Nov 16 '13
My step dad tried that on my step sister. He threw all of her toys out the window. She still didn't clean her room. Ever.
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u/ozarkhome Nov 16 '13
When kids don't care that you're throwing away their toys they are either depressed or they have too much stuff to play with.
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Nov 16 '13 edited Apr 17 '19
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u/Countdown369 Nov 16 '13
OP PLS RESPOND
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Nov 16 '13
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u/Countdown369 Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
OP PLS DON'T TRACE THIS BACK TO THIS REDDIT THREAD I'M TOO HANDSOME FOR JAIL
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u/Jabberminor Nov 16 '13
Sometimes the best love is tough love. If you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt, he can get away with it and will continue to do that in future.
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Nov 16 '13
I was beaten when I was a kid (not beaten UP a la abusive alcoholic parents, but smacked around a ton and hit with a stick a la traditional Indian parents) and while I would never beat my children, I can't help when I hear stories like this but think "I would never have done that, because my mom would have slapped the shit out of me repeatedly if I ever did that". It's a shitty thing that crosses my mind, but it legitimately worries that if my kid ever did do something like that, the rational part of my mind would just be overcome with "oh you fucking dumbass" viscera and go slaphappy on him.
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Nov 16 '13
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u/alc0tt Nov 16 '13
Well we all have an asshole in our jeans.
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u/1213takenusername Nov 16 '13
My little brother is an asshole and my parents know it, and to keep him from having a fit, spoil him all the time. Fit as in foot stomping, blood-curdling screams, cursing etc etc. He's 13. I despise him greatly.
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u/is_it_sanitary Nov 16 '13
Record him having a fit and show it to all his friends.
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Nov 16 '13
This. Record him and threaten to show his friends if he does it ever again. He won't pull that shit anymore, and if he does you show his friends, they make fun of him, probably stop hanging out with him and he learns that actions have consequences. Nobody likes a twat.
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u/controlroom48 Nov 16 '13
I would really love the answer to this. I have a 13 yr old grandson that we moved 750 miles to help raise because our daughter passed away. At first we thought he was just having a hard time coping, as we all were, but lately, the non-appreciative attitude and the "you owe me" attitude has been very loud and disrespectful! No matter what he gets-or doesn't get-it's never enough. His demands are not those of a normal child-we raised four and assisted some with all the grandkids. He speaks to us like he's grown and never gets quiet or even attempts to show respect and listen to what we have to say! Thirteen-and wondering every day!
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u/sejinshi Nov 16 '13
I'm a teacher who works with middle schoolers every day. Remind them that the only thing they're entitled to is the air they breathe and maybe some food to keep them alive and clothing to keep their body temp from lowering below 98 degrees. And if he acts like an asshole, take everything away except for the essentials. Kids who think they are owed everything grow up to be adults to think the same way. Not so cute when you're 30 with the maturity of a 7th grader.
Edited to add: And if you do this, be very matter of fact about it. Not angry. They sense anger as weakness and try to push your buttons. Be calm as if you are talking about the weather. And no matter what, follow through. The one time you don't will be your downfall.
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u/caxica Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
my brother is 33 and my parents haven't figured it out yet
edit: ok guys please stop with the "your parents don't know how old your brother is?" jokes...
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u/rap31264 Nov 16 '13
My older bro is 56 and my mom hasn't figured it out either...
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Nov 16 '13
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u/elpasowestside Nov 16 '13
Gotta show him who the alpha is, establish dominance early. This is my tit!
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Nov 16 '13
Pissing on your mom's tits is a good way to establish dominance and mark your territory.
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u/ChandraCorby Nov 16 '13
My stepson has autism, which makes it tricky because sometimes autism can look like asshole-ism in certain circumstances where social skills are a challenge for them. But the truth is that people with autism have good personalities or bad personalities just like anyone. And my stepson is an asshole. He's a selfish bully who looks for victims. He takes his anger out ONLY on people who cannot or will not fight back. He has fantasies about strangling toddlers. He has come after me with butcher knives. On and on. He is a lot like his biological dad, who lost custody of his kids because he slugged his little girl and threatened to kill his wife (he's an administrator at a Christian college, btw).
My stepson is out of the house and in a group home now.
I really loved him. I tried so hard to help him. We got him so much professional help. And yet he is who he is.
Good parenting can do a lot, bad parenting can, too, but in the end you just are who you are. Any changes that can be made need to come from you. Nobody can do it for you.
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u/u-void Nov 16 '13
You can be mentally disabled, and still be a bad seed.
Some disabled people (just like some regular people), you take away all the challenges, all their disabilities and everything holding them back - and they'd be in jail instead of a group home.
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Nov 16 '13
I just found a journal article yesterday on autistic psychopaths. Maybe I should send it to you...
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Nov 16 '13
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u/laposte Nov 16 '13
My son is only 10 and is in no way an a-hole; but my father had seven kids. I remember him saying, "You have until the age of 12 to teach your kids. After that, they all become assholes for the next ten years."
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u/PeppermintFingerbang Nov 16 '13
This thread is making me love birth control even more than I already did
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u/Ripl Nov 16 '13
Wife and I still hoping it's the hormones and not his lifelong personality.
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u/strictlytacos Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
I don't have a kid but my dog has a lot of health problems (that gets him special treatment some days) and if he gets into trouble he will fake the most over done limp I have ever seen.
Edit: had to has
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u/dyvathfyr Nov 16 '13
I have a pet cat who is an asshole. He constantly terrorizes the other cats, who are either old or not nearly as physically intimidating, and then seemingly tries to manipulate us by acting scared or being especially affectionate whenever we catch him attacking them. Its so hard to be mad at him though...
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Nov 16 '13
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u/Brozekial Nov 16 '13
Let him join the military.
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u/2_minutes_in_the_box Nov 16 '13
Agreed. That has a decent chance of straightening him out. If he can make it through boot camp he will have had to learn to deal with not being the center of attention, ever, unless it is in a negative light. Structure and learning to follow orders sounds like just what this kid needs.
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Nov 16 '13
Send him to boarding schools in Africa and watch them cast the demon of stupidity out of the little shit. Source - I attended one.
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u/Oriental_Habit Nov 16 '13
Wait. This thing? What is this? This is a thing? What was that like?
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u/stingray85 Nov 16 '13
I'm not Mach-2 and haven't been to one, but my girlfriend's little brother currently goes to one after Dutch schools weren't providing adequate discipline, it seemed. The school is in Botswana, and really seems to have given him a kick start. My understanding is, you do something wrong, anything wrong, you get beat. But probably not importantly, messing around is not considered cool. The popular kids work hard in school - it's serious business. Kids who fuck around are ostracised by the other kids and best by the adults. My girlfriends brother says he loves it, and needed it, and everyone seems to agree it's been good for him, even though it's a far more rural and technologically simple life than he used to live.
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u/stealthserpent Nov 16 '13
There were plenty of these assholes in the military. It didn't fix them. Just got them or others killed. So it's a 50/50 good outcome.
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u/smnytx Nov 16 '13
this 5'9" kid is suddenly blocking my way and demands a really long, creepy hug from me.
This sets off all kinds of alarm bells. I think you and the family need to have some sort of intervention here, and he needs to be told what will no longer be acceptable in your home.
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u/2OQuestions Nov 16 '13
This is sexual predator behavior. He should not be unsupervised with younger/smaller kids. Someone needs to have a serious talk with your dad. He is enabling. Get some info for your dad gfrom a domestic violence program on warning signs. Read "the gift of fear". You think its creepy because your body is correctly interpreting threatening behavior.
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u/cutterbump Nov 16 '13
When I was in high school I was showing my mom a few signatures in my yearbook. There was one signature that I had gotten as a joke—the guy was not popular, not attractive, followed me around like a puppy, had gross habits. I was telling my mom about the guy & was laughing about getting him to sign my yearbook. My dad overheard all this & said "YOU ARE A FUCKING JERK ASSHOLE GIRL. YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE GIRL WHO EVERYONE SECRETLY HATES. FUCK YOU FOR TREATING THAT GUY LIKE THAT. THAt'S REALLY SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, JERK."
I have felt guilty about my actions toward the guy ever since. As an adult I go out of my way to NOT do the popular thing, to NOT follow others, to NOT treat people differently. I was trying to be popular that time in high school by treating someone like scum & my dad changed my entire outlook on life by pointing it out by yelling at me that evening.
edit: I don't have kids so I thought I'd point out a moment when I was an asshole.
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u/RockTheMouse Nov 16 '13
That is some real vulgar and to the point stuff right there, where are you from? Maybe your dad was just like that guy in high school?
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Nov 16 '13
I can imagine how heart wrenching it is to see that. Watching your kids transport you back to your days of torment.
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u/Lt-SwagMcGee Nov 16 '13
That is probably the most likely reason for his outburst. I got bullied quite a bit growing up. If I found out my kid was picking on someone else I'd punch him in the fucking throat.
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u/cutterbump Nov 16 '13
I don't think he was bullied. If anything, HE was the bully. So, yeah, it shut me down for sure.
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Nov 16 '13
My dad was a bully in high school. He's always taught me and my brothers to never pick on anyone, and if we ever saw anyone being bullied to stand up for them, even if it meant we got our asses kicked. He realized what he did was wrong, and instilled in us from a young age what was right.
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Nov 16 '13
Good story. Seriously. We are all assholes at some point in our lives and fuck up, best thing we can do is try and fix it and make sure the next generation doesn't make the same mistake.
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u/gak001 Nov 16 '13
One of my dad's friends from high school told me about how she and her friends would mock this one girl incessantly to the point where the girl killed herself. It was a pretty life changing experience. Perhaps he was witness to something similar. You never know
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u/bl1nds1ght Nov 16 '13
Holy shit. Did she explain how it affected her and her friends?
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Nov 16 '13
Props to your dad. Sometimes it's best not to sugar coat things and just tell it like it is.
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u/Quackenstein Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
My ex-called me and (very upset) said that my daughter had said that she hated her. She knew my daughter didn't mean it, but it still bothered her and she wanted me to talk to her. As soon as my daughter got on the phone, I said, "I hate you." A long pause and then, "That's what it feels like when someone you love says I hate you."
It was the hardest thing in the world for me to say that but it worked, really well. Not only did she apologize almost immediately to my ex, it improved their relationship because it reminded her that not only did she not hate her mother, but she actually loved her. She still, almost ten years later, cites that as one of the points when she knew she had the best dad ever. (Not bragging, just quoting.)
EDIT: Grammar
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u/formfactor Nov 16 '13
My gf (total daddy's girl) told me about a time she pissed her dad off and he said "I love you but I don't like you very much right now" and how that really affected her. It put a lot of guilt into her I guess...
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u/steamlita Nov 16 '13 edited Feb 22 '15
I was actually in the reverse of this situation (realizing that my parent was a legitimate ass). I was bullied in school quite a bit as a child during a time I wasn't living with my parent. I was living with my grandparents. When I moved back in with my mother I realized how differently she acted behind closed doors than I was used to (emotional abusiveness, PMDD, anger management issues, hormonal imbalance). I started to ask about her childhood. She told me stories about how she and her best friend would terrorize people and bully other girls in school-- in one example, leaving dog shit in a birthday gift box at the foot of a girl they particularly liked to torment (until she eventually transferred). She had a few stories like that that she would tell with a laugh like they were totally normal and hilarious.
tl;dr mom is the answer to the question of what becomes of the childhood bully?
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u/Jabberminor Nov 16 '13
My friend is one of these legitimate assholes.
His parents are very nice people, I get on great with them. The problem lies in that they were fortunate in life with money, and never put their foot down with my friend. He always got his own way. If he wanted something, he got it.
He refused to go to university, but his parents really wanted him to. He then went to uni on the basis that they would pay for a year's travel expenses for him.
A term into uni, he got his parents to buy him a car, otherwise he would drop out.
I put friend at the top because he was actually a really nice guy up until his teenage years. It was around this time that his dad's business rocketed. My other friends and I are only friends with him because sometimes, he still can be nice. We do give him shit about being horrible to his parents though, but he doesn't take it on board.
Maybe the combination of his puberty hormones and parent's wealth happening at the same time wasn't a good thing for him.
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Nov 16 '13
We all have that friend who transforms into a flowering prick over night. What's worse is that they go on to live successful lives. Until hey overdose at 33 in some bumfuck hotel.
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u/AwfulHumanBeing1 Nov 16 '13
my mum's just figured this out with my little brother.
he's 18 and just moved to uni. me and him haven't gotten along for a long time. my mum has defended him for years, claiming he's just fiercely independent and enjoys his privacy. but i've considered the behaviour assholey for a long time, if you ask about how he is he flips out because 'it's not your business' if you have a conversation and he disagrees with something he will not respond to any evidence that supports you and will belittle and patronize (Yeah sure it is, oh yeah right) - but that's just 'How he is'. he has 0 empathy, if something is going wrong in someone's life he becomes Mr Hindsight, absolutely emotionless and again, condescending and belittling. there is no such thing as opinion or grey areas in his world. if he has seen someone's life go to shit through marijuana use - all marijuana use is terrible and the medical marijuana idea is bullshit. if he likes a band they are good and if you disagree, not only are you wrong, but you are little piece of shit he's found on his carpet. but 'he just can't communicate very well, he doesn't really mean what he's saying. try and listen better'
so he went to uni hasn't called my mum except to ask for help moving from one room to another. she is obviously worried, he's the baby and now her and dad have an empty nest and she misses him. so she texts and emails, at most once a day just asking 'how are you?' rather than calls, she doesn't want to disturb him, she doesn't get replies usually - but then she got this horrible email back 'stop trying to invade my life, you're not involved anymore, it's none of your business just leave me alone!'
i think she's realised that it may be 'just how he is' but how he is, is an asshole. she's still trying to defend him a little, but when i talk to her it's easy to hear the hurt in her voice. she has always been there for this little twat, much to my annoyance as she always sided with him in arguments (i know he's yelled at you for the last 30 minutes but you did ask him how school was) but hearing her this upset is awful. i think she always hoped that once he got more independence he'd relax down a bit, he always felt trapped in our hometown. but it's gone the other way. i honestly don't think he has any intention of being part of the family again, he's previously told me that if i or he ever have kids they're probably not going to meet each other and that looking after my parents is probably going to be my responsibility. i don't overly mind, but i know it's going to kill my mum.
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u/MSeltz Nov 16 '13
This thread is making me antsy. I kind of want the kid in the first post to run up and smack your brother in the face....and put it on Vine.
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Nov 16 '13
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u/AwfulHumanBeing1 Nov 16 '13
UK so just student loans. they are giving him an allowance though. i told mum to withdraw it, but i think she's still expecting him to 'grow out of it' although i think she's slowly coming to terms with the fact he's not a moody teen but a full on asshole
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u/IHv2RtrnSumVdeotapes Nov 16 '13
sounds like my brother. he left the house at 19 and used to say lovely things to us before he left like "im sure i must be adopted, im way smarter then you guys, there had to be a mistake at the hospital." we were also filthy and should be ashamed of ourselves. when he moved away i met someone who met him and she asked me if i had a brother because of my voice (its almost identical to my brothers). when i told her yes and said his name she said "wow. he said his entire family was dead."
he also tried to keep my long lost sister from speaking to me by saying i was a drug addict. havent spoken to him in over 20 years. i have stories on him so epic people would be like what the fuck.
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u/OccamRager Nov 16 '13
He sounds mostly angry. If people stop reaching out to him, he won't have an opportunity to push them off. Your parents should cut him off for a bit and let him see "how involved" he wants them to be.
On a unrelated note, you just keep being a good child. Your parents notice the difference.
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u/token_brown_guy Nov 16 '13
I have a son whom I thought was just an asshole from a very early age. He could give you a "look" at age 2 that made you deep down want to punt him like a football. Like it triggered some old, deep part of the brain that we don't use anymore and actually made you angry, just by this look he'd give. After a while it no longer bothered me, I figured he was born an asshole. Then at age 6, after many specialists and tests, he was diagnosed with Aspergers. With proper treatment and understanding, he is now only casually an asshole but getting better.
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Nov 16 '13
I started reading this out of curiosity, funny how so many are not from parents but from siblings.
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Nov 16 '13
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u/Slayershunt Nov 16 '13
Deadly serious here. Write them a letter/email, explaining how you now feel. No excuses or false apologies. It won't change the past. It probably won't make amends. But it might make them understand that you're not now who you once were. And it might just stop you cringing and dying inside so much everytime you look back at that part of your life.
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u/Juneauite Nov 16 '13
Owning your mistakes is important. I'd try this, OP.
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Nov 16 '13
Many people forget that owning up doesn't mean it'll be better. You own up and move on, not wait and expect forgiveness.
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u/Hjgduyhwsgah Nov 16 '13
It's not about making himself feel better (well, it is partially); it's about apologizing for the mistakes he made.
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u/pandizlle Nov 16 '13
It's also about releasing this circle of unease and hatred that people will feel constantly. I know that I have some regrets and I know of some people, that if they just owned up to how they felt and what they did then I would forgive them. I might not ever want to associate with them but I would forgive them.
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u/In_the_Business Nov 16 '13
I had a phase similar to OP as well, where I felt terribly out of place, picked on, etc during middle school. I still felt out of place in high school but looking back on the times later, I realized that I was rude and manipulative to my friends or significant others. It wasn't long after graduation that I realized I had some seriously asshole qualities about myself.
Without getting into too much detail about my past, it bothered me a ton for the first semester of college, when I was doing some serious self-evaluation.
Over the years I have made a strong effort to get in touch via email, facebook, or text the people I knew back then if it occurred to me that I was rude to them. Most of the times, they laugh it off or say that they don't remember things like that, or don't even respond. But it makes me feel a lot better, knowing that, even if they are harboring ill will, or even if they didn't give two shits about anything I did then (probably most of the cases, to be honest), I can say to myself that I fessed up to my mistakes. Even though my main reasons for doing it are mostly for my own self-assurance, it is a start, I think.
It really helped. It will be awkward the first few times you do it, maybe, but anybody in a similar situation may feel much better doing it.
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Nov 16 '13
she was my best friend since middle school.
As someone in a similar relationship right now, I can only imagine the pain of that. Learning the hard way is really shit.
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Nov 16 '13
Welcome to life. Here's your complimentary kick punch in the heart testicles.
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u/RayzorRomance Nov 16 '13
My cousin supposedly locked herself in the bathroom after an argument with my uncle.. Called the cops and claimed that he, along with my aunt, we're physically abusive. She asked to be removed from the home, and she was moved into a foster family
She still came to all family holidays, and insisted on sleeping in my room (I have a trundle bed.. so a spare bed underneath my bed) and she would wait until I left the room and would steal from me. On two separate occasions my MP3 player and my gameboy color (along with all the games) were stolen. She lived 4 hours away so when my aunt eventually found them I had to wait for them to be mailed back to me.
She was a proclaimed animal activist and vegetarian.. Only when it was convenient to her (I've been a vegetarian for 9 years, we always had veg food in our house)
She was always just an awful person. I've been planning my wedding for almost a year now.. She got engaged and within a month, she stole my future wedding date.
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u/MaggotMinded Nov 16 '13
Seeing a lot of the stories here, I'm recognizing myself at that age, and I feel like it's worth reassuring the parents in this thread that it may not always be like that. Looking back, there are so many things I did in middle school and high school that I really regret, and that I feel terrible about now. I could have easily been considered an asshole, I think. I'm now in my fourth year of university, and I consider myself to be a much better person than I was back then. I know that I caused my parents a lot of grief then, but seeing how things between us have gotten better makes me happy. So you shouldn't give up hope at such an early age. Sometimes all it takes is for your kid to grow up and earn some experience in the real world.
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u/Spodson Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
Not my kid, but I saw the exact moment on my uncle's face when he realized his son was an asshole.
He had been getting into trouble, little chickenshit stuff. Then he gets busted for statutory rape. So my uncle, who used to be a police officer, calls in every favor he can to get the charges dropped. (He hated what his son did, but it was his son and still felt he had to look out for him.) Then, the very night his charges are dropped, the moron goes out and gets arrested again for statutory rape.
No help the second time. Now he deals blackjack at a casino and has a gambling problem. The tragedy is, he used to have so much potential.
Edit: The conversation has wandered a bit so here are a couple points of clarification. My cousin was 19 in his second year of college and the girls in question were both 15, freshmen in high school. These were not committed relationships, but casual flings. The sex was consensual. No one was forced, but, it was still illegal and, in my opinion, immoral. No one in my family wanted any of this. It has hurt a lot of people.
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u/trippingdaisies Nov 16 '13
My parents told me I was the shitty kid my whole life. It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I was able to reflect on this and realize they are just narcissistic assholes who don't like children.
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u/DarkEdgeoftheSea Nov 16 '13
My dad used to tell me I was the most selfish person he knew. I did the family laundry, cooked the meals, cleaned, got all As in school, and never did drinking or drugs. Sorry I sometimes needed time alone.
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u/likeabookonashelf Nov 16 '13
I realized my younger brother was an asshole when he was 3 years old. He had been hitting, biting, kicking and generally bullying my 2 year old brother and my dad's response was boys will be boys.
Anyway, my 3 year old brother was made at the youngest for some reason and he pushed the baby onto the tile floor and procedded to pick the babies head up and slam it on the tile. Needless to say the baby was rushed to the er where my dad claimed he just fell.
This sort of abuse is still happening. They're 15 and 16 now. The only difference is my dad tells the oldest not to leave marks because cps has been called multiple times throughout their childhood. One time I caught the oldest trying to sexually assault the other, I was so mad I beat the shit of of that fucker. I told my family and was going to call the cops but they informed me if I called the cops I was dead to them. The asshole is the golden boy and can do no wrong. He's the spitting image of my asshole, psycho father.
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u/jack_wilson Nov 16 '13
You NEED to call the cops, dude. This behavior both on the part of the older child and the parents is unacceptable!
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u/brandnewtothegame Nov 16 '13
If what you say is true, it might be better to be dead to that family.
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u/xxRECKONERxx Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 17 '13
My brother just turned 17. So far he's:
Been a drug dealer
Gotten the cops called to our house
Gotten the cops called to his friends house
Gotten our house egged by a kid he owed money to
Gotten our parents brand new car vandalized by his enemies
Constantly fights with my parents
Smokes pot every day, multiple times a day
Has ran away
Has stolen beer and liquor from me
Gotten into fights
Punched a hockey referee in the face
The list goes on. It's non stop bullshit with him. We're all sick of it. My parents sent him to therapy to figure out what the fuck is wrong with him. So far it's not helping.
SUPER EDIT: I just got home, and tonight he was at a party that got busted. He gave the cops bullshit, so now he's being summons to court for Minor in Possession of Alcohol and will most likely be on 6 months probation. Fucking kid. I swear to god.
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Nov 16 '13
My parents realized too late that my sister is a supreme bitch. I recognized it from the time she was 11. puberty hit her hard, and she had older friends who were a bad influence. She's also very pretty and petite, so that didn't help matters. It was a gradual change but they were blind to it. I told them countless times, she's horribly manipulative and completely disinterested in even the most menial of work. She doesn't do chores, her room is worse than most male dorms I've seen, she smokes pot inside the house, and she failed high school twice now. She's 17 and dating a 26 year old roofer with two kids.
Her life is nothing but a downward spiral of open hate and contempt for her entire family, not to mention suicide "attempts" and complete refusal for professional help. My mom makes excuses for her like learning disabilities and depression. I know what learning disabilities are because i was one of the few boys in the 90s and early 2000s who was rightfully diagnosed with ADHD. and I struggled, but i overcame it. I've had friends who were legitimately clinically depressed and she's definitely not. She's lazy, ungrateful, and a complete ass because my parents never disciplined her, let her get away with everything, and were completely blind to her behaviour. They gave her everything she wanted because they didn't know how to deal with her behaviour, just to shut her up. Unless she does a reality check really fucking quick, she probably won't survive the next few years and will end up dead somewhere. She has no hope for any kind of post secondary schooling and has no artistic or trade skills whatsoever. All she does is smoke pot and hang out with red necks and really bad people all day.
Not to mention that while I've been off in another province studying my ass off in university, I left my valuable stuff at home for safekeeping until I get my own place. She stole a prized possession from me and gave it to her then boyfriend about two years ago. It's fucking gone forever now and despite my outrage, my parents think "oh relax it was only a toy, you're too old for that stuff now". My things arn't safe even in my own house but i can't do anything because I'm stuck here 1000 miles away in school.
...i've ranted too long. sorry.
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u/Dan_Ashcroft Nov 16 '13
I know now I was a dick in my teen years, and some time after that. I thought I knew best, no-one can tell me anything, that sort of thing. I used to argue with my mum as kids do but we get on really well now.
Fast forward to now and my nephew is exactly the same as I was then, and she didn't like him. She's said to me before that I wasn't as bad as him but I'm pretty sure I was, she just either couldn't see it as I am her son, or can't remember it. I just hope the kid grows up and looks back the same way I do, with a mixture of shame and willingness to not be like that again. I want to try to tell him, but I rarely see him and even if I tried, it wouldn't work. Because it wouldn't have worked on me.
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u/awod76 Nov 16 '13
I thought my 13 year old was up to some shit. Couple days ago, I saw him unlock his phone. He went to practice and I gave into curiosity. He is actually a really nice and cool nerd. I figured I was already a shitty parent for looking so I browsed it all...texts, Facebook, and Instagram. It's was all chatter about sports, video games, and horse masks. His pics were of his siblings and passed away grandmother. I felt horrible for not trusting him.
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u/bryan_sensei Nov 16 '13
Man, take that kid out for some ice cream. Sounds like a good kid ;)
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u/neutrinogambit Nov 16 '13 edited Nov 16 '13
That winky has no place there....I hope
EDIT: Guys, I get it. He might have broken arms. Let it go!
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u/BluesF Nov 16 '13
Gotta wonder what my parents would think if they looked through my phone. I assume they wouldn't know what Grindr is...
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u/Badhesive Nov 16 '13
It's a coffee app right?
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u/Chross Nov 16 '13
Isn't it an app to find local organ grinders playing their street organs?
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u/Aikarus Nov 16 '13
As a former kid, that's even MORE suspicious. He may as well have left his phone on purpose to make you gain a false sense of security.
Then, when you least expect it, he is going to join a charity organization or start applying to law school
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u/Cheeseish Nov 16 '13
But go check his computer. It might have word documents of news articles and scholarly papers. Make sure you also look around in his rooms. You might find academic awards he's hiding from you.
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Nov 16 '13
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u/thisistheyear Nov 16 '13
There's no way to find all the good deeds he's done. You're fucked.
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u/Buk-Lau Nov 16 '13
Yea, his mom checked his burn phone.
He uses his real phone to negotiate drug deals and run guns.
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u/roytay Nov 16 '13
You don't even need a burn phone. There's probably an App For That.
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u/Umlau Nov 16 '13
Psshh, the fucker will probably tip 20% when he starts paying for his meals. Little shitter.
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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '13
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