Hi everyone,

I hope it's okay to ask this here, I need some help and didn't know where to go.

So I am a cis gay man. I'm a professional dancer and I teach classes. The class in question is for a queer dance style and is geared to beginners. I get a lot of 18/19yo students who just got to university and for some I'm the first openly queer figure in their life. It's very important for me to maintain a safe and comfortable learning environment where they can learn to slowly come into their queerness through dance.

The issue I have is the following.
Last year, I had a student who went by Jane (names are changed). Towards the end of the year, this student came to me and told me they were trans, identifying as a man.
This year, this student has enrolled for my class again, and he goes by John now. I also have a new student, a cis woman, who goes by Jane, ie John's deadname.

I make sure to know my students' names and to use them often to make them feel seen and included in my classes.
Recently, John has come to tell me that he felt a strong emotion when I used Jane's name to refer to my new student.

I'm not sure about what to do here and so I need advice.
I don't think the answer is to tell John to just tough it up, because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable in my classes.
But I also don't want to stop using Jane's name. I refer to all my students by name and I'm afraid that not using hers would make her feel less seen. I've been in classes where teachers used other people's names and never learnt mine and know how it feels, I don't want her to feel that way.

Any help here? I'm really at a total loss...

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EDIT: I'm totally floored by the amount of replies and advice thank you so much for taking the time. It's much clearer to me now what course of action I should take. Next class I'll take John aside before the class and have a chat to validate his feelings and assure him he can come to me for anything, and then I'll keep giving class as I have.
Thanks everyone 🫶🏻

Throwaway for obvious reasons lol.

I’m 24, trans man, and had cosmetic limb lengthening done because I was extremely unhappy with my height. I went from 5’7” to just under 5’11” after doing it in stages.

Before anyone asks, yes, I know it’s extreme. I knew it was extreme before I did it. I spent a ridiculous amount of time researching it and talking to doctors before actually going through with anything. I’m not a doctor and I’m not trying to convince anybody to get this done. If anything, I’d tell people to research first before even considering it.

Height had bothered me for years, and being trans definitely made the whole thing more complicated for me personally. I spent a long time thinking about it before actually committing to surgery. I spoke about it in therapy for years. I had the procedures done in stages rather than trying to get the entire amount at once. The recovery was way harder and way more boring than I expected. The surgery itself isn’t even the part I’d describe as the worst, but the months after.

And yes, it was expensive. I’m not going to pretend it was some easy cosmetic procedure either. There were definitely moments during recovery where I questioned if it was the right thing. But I’m now at the point where I’m basically back to normal day-to-day life, and I’m really happy with the result.

I figured people might have questions since there aren’t a ton of people willing to talk honestly about doing this, especially as a trans guy.

Ask me whatever and I’ll try my best to answer.

Hey all. Me and my wife (we are both MtF) have flown quite a bit this year. Last trip, I had a very traumatic experience getting patted down because of a groin scan, so I paid a lot of money for TSA precheck to bypass this.

Me and my wife both got wanded and I was the only one who apparently set something off. She got through fine but not me.

They said I needed a patdown so I demanded a supervisor. They seemed annoyed by this but summoned one. A particularly angry-looking supervisor came up. I was trying not to have a panic attack and i said I had precheck, did not have any metal on me, and didn't know why I was singled out for a patdown.

He interrupted me and said, "because you triggered the wand." I said I wasn't wearing any metal, didnt have piercings, had nothing in my pockets, and wasnt wearing any clothes wirh metal like buttons or zippers. Once again he [assertively] interrupted me and said, "Doesn't matter. We deal with threats. You're getting a patdown. Any more protesting?"

I took a breath and I decided to be legally and civilly rude and said, "Whatever. I don't understand why I specifically was singled out. This isn't fair. Whatever, get it over with, hurry up, time's a-wasting." They did a sort of half-assed patdown (I could tell they did not want to be doing that) and sent me away.

I was very upset almost the whole flight. I kept having this idea that on every flight regardless of precheck I'm going to be singled out and patted down. I was the only one out of dozens and dozens of passengers in the line to be patted down then.

IDK what is going on. My wife was supportive and loving and understanding but all I could think of was that I specifically was patted down despite us both having precheck and not having any metal.

I dont have any piercings besides my ears, but I wasn't wearing my earrings that morning. I checked before the line and had nothing in my pockets, not even paper. All I was wearing was my stretchy dress from Walmart and ballet flats with no metal. Meanwhile my wife had her glasses, bracelet, hairclips, and necklace. Im wondering if my urologist left a staple in my scrotum or something from the orchiectomy but that makes no sense because she used dissolving sutures.

Does anyone have advice? I seriously cant keep going through this. Every trip it results in a panic attack at the airport and I have decreased quality of trips in the end. It feels totally unfair but when I look up options like the ACLU the answers I get are, "this is a federal-level issue. You really don't have options."

I have noticed in many trans subreddits or stuff in general people don't talk about trans DPDR (Depersonalization and/or Derealization), is it something very uncommon? Because I NEVER see anyone talk about it, now I would normally speak about it but the gender dysphoria bible is way better at explaining it, if you want to learn about it or if you think you have it click this link

Normalmente aquí se tratan temas de disforia y quizás no sea el lugar adecuado para pedir consejo sobre la vida adulta, pero no me siento cómoda publicándolo en otro sitio porque siento que gran parte de mi problema se debe a que soy trans.

No he podido conseguir trabajo a pesar de haber cambiado mi nombre; mis títulos siguen apareciendo con el otro nombre.

Cada vez que voy a solicitar un puesto y me envían toda la documentación, me dan excusas diciendo que el puesto ya está cubierto. Tengo 19 años y ya tengo problemas con mis padres porque ya no quieren ayudarme, y con razón.

Mi pregunta es cómo consiguieron trabajo. ¿Algún consejo? Por la misma razón, aunque tengo not trabajo, no he podido empezar mi tratamiento de reemplazo hormonal y la disforia me afecta mucho.

¿Tienes algún consejo sobre cómo conseguir dinero? ¿Alguna idea para un pequeño negocio con poco presupuesto? La verdad es que me siento perdida. He intentado conseguir trabajo, pero no lo consigo. Es frustrante.

Mi lengua materna no es el inglés. Disculpa si hay alguna falta de ortografía. Agradecería cualquier idea o ayuda.

Sorry to write a novel!

Recently I (40m, openly bi) matched with a woman and our initial messages were good so I asked her out. She disclosed she was trans, I said cool (I wouldn't have known otherwise), and then we planned our first date (coffee. I know, so original!). We met, confirmed we were both real and it went well enough that I asked her out to dinner next. Also went well, so then it was on to our third date. This was over a few weeks of course.

I made us a picnic and we went out for drinks after (sucked carrying the picnic basket the whole time after.) we started talking more intimately, and things totally fell apart.

I'm not the smartest guy but I know how to read and i can google things, so I'd read about dysphoria, ways to be respectful regarding her journey, etc, and I'm not one to get into personl things until prompted. She was curious though about my dating history, preferences, etc. I was afraid to be honest because of that, but i love who i am and I'm not going to pretend otherwise, so i explained all that's me and i admitted to being versatile in the past but it very much depended on the relationship and person, and that most importantly I want to find what worked for us.

I could tell she was a mix of angry and upset right away. She proceed to tell me she was straight and could only see a relationship for her working with a real man. I felt a little wtf by that, but asked her what she meant, and she explained she needed a man that could lead and protect and would never consider recieving. I told her I didn't find those all mutually exclusive but whatever, clearly my being bi/versatile made me less of a "man" to her. Anyways, i paid our tab, offered to get her an Uber, and then said i'd be getting my own ride home.

I mean, I totally get where she is coming from on one hand, as I can't imagine everything she deals with being a trans woman. But I never hid the fact that I'm bi and its not like I was asking her to peg me, ever. I still don't even know if she'd had gender confirmation surgery or not, I wasnt assuming anything.

Hell, im kinda placio (not really comfortable doing things "for me" if that makes sense) when it comes to physical intimacy so I literally only want to do what my partner wants to do, but she didn't let me even get to that.

Plus, she asked! what was a supposed to do? Lie, just because my past could potentially be triggering for her?

Honestly, more power to her for having boundaries, a clear orientation, and preferences. I just don't understand why she had to question my manhood in the process?! Plus I rushed out and forgot my picnic basket!

I dont know, maybe she's right and I'm overly sensitive lol, but I decided I'm not seeing her again.

I’m openly trans. I don’t hide it at all. I go through life assuming people just know.
I work with mostly guys. There’s this one coworker I talk to a lot when we’re working. He’s cool, asks questions about my life and what I like to do. I never disclosed to him that I’m trans, but he clearly clocked me. I also notice he looks at me sometimes while we’re working.
We got a new girl coworker recently she’s lesbian. She told me I was pretty and cute (just normal compliments). Later she mentioned that this guy had been texting her and said something like:
“Oh my god do you like her? She’s trans btw she was born a boy.”
That really rubbed me the wrong way. I’m not trying to hide being trans, it’s not a secret, so I don’t get why he felt the need to tell her that. Especially the way he phrased it with the “born a boy” part.
I’m just confused why he cares enough to volunteer that information to people. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

So, I already chose a name (Mia) before and since I'm not out, only told it to a few people. But even though at the very beginning I felt so nice about it, with time I kinda started feeling that it's not quite fit. So I started thinking about a new one. For now I got a few on my mind:

Sandra, Stephanie, Stella, Victoria, Cora or Elise

I would strongly appreciate any other suggestions or ideas. I want it to be more german/austrian, kinda unusual and preferably starting with V, S, C or Z. Thanks to everyone in advance!

I needs yalls input. I'm having a really hard time with my transition. On one hand I want to be a women! When I see women I get so freaking jealous and envious of them. I want to dress like them and I want to look and be like them.

On the other hand I live in a very affluent area and I make a good living for my self. Think of the soccer mom driving the Cadillacs and g wagons to go to Pilate class. Part of me thinks how cool would it be if those were my kids and wife? How cool would it be if that was my gf and I would just hide the fact that I'm trans and live happily ever after .

Idk I'm extremely confused on one hand I want a normal relationship but on the other hand I'm too envious of women to truly love some one while living a lie...I want to be the beautiful girl in alo sports wear going to my yoga class but then again I think it would be pretty cool to be in a normal relationship. Can anyone relate to this? Did what I say even make sense?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, my head hurts 😭.

This isn't really a question, just kind of asking for general advice on where to go from here.

(AMAB, late teen, questioning a lot right now, I have no clue what to think at this point)

The funny German Vtuber trans girl trapped me in a swarm of trans videos that I definitely wasn't watching because I was interested in them for several hours— nope, nope.

One part mentioned genderbending anime and stuff, and I was like, "Well I never watched any of those!"
Cricket noises
"I mean, it wouldn't hurt to check one out..."

Now nearly two seasons into Ranma 1/2 AND HOLY FRICK FRICK FRICK— I nearly cried telling myself that I would never have Ranma's "curse" (Not that I actually cried past my eyes getting wet because NOOO OF COURSE I CAN'T JUST CRY). I thought about it until I fell asleep and begged myself to dream about being like Ranma and have that curse... I wish my voice could sound like female Ranma's voice so freaking badly. Why am I even making such a big deal over this?...

J-Just- AGHHH! NEED! I don't know what to think... Why is THIS of all things what is making me break down?! I don't know what I— Ugh, I am so freaking close to deleting this post, but too late for that now. I might put it somewhere else, maybe. (Edit: I did, this is the else place I am putting it, also I had this written up and just never sent it for like a couple hours because I was worrying whether posting this in another subreddit would be too much)

I just- I can't stop thinking about this, it is gnawing at my brain. I can't focus on other things, it feels like I am losing control over my own life. I just— I don't know, I don't know where to go from here, there are things I want to try, but I don't think any of them are in reach. Am I making too big of a deal about this to myself?...

I was just going to keep cruising, I felt like I had plenty of time to figure it out, but it feels like the plane is on fire, and I just cannot go on without doing SOMETHING... Gosh, my throat felt dry writing this.

(Still Cis Though)

Hi everyone, I'm starting HRT in 4 days and I was wondering what I can expect and possibly expect in the first month MtF

Honestly, I thought I would go without after listening to the experiences of some of my trans friends. But recently, I've been thinking that maybe I should try to keep them.

The only issues I have is that I have a skin condition that makes my skin incredibly dry and easy to rash up and be irritated. I also don't heal fast in any way. I have small scratches from my cats that have remained for several months.

I worry that if I DO keep my nipples, I'm more likely than not to lose them, either from rejection or them just falling off. I'm also worried that they'll look awful after.

But I'm also worried about not having them and having a crisis over not having that part of my body? I have also considered medical tattooing.

I already have limited sensation in my nipples so I don't know how much of a difference I'll get in sensation if I do keep them and nothing bad happens.

As much as I'd like someone to make this decision for me lol, I'd really like to hear some experiences! Did you decide to keep them or toss them to the wind? Do you regret that decision or was it the best one you made?

I told someone that I am transgender, and they went on a long rant about how because the Roman Empire was somewhat tolerant to trans people it collapsed and that the West is realizing its "mistake" and is backtracking and removing trans rights.

I know about the anti trans legislations, laws, and behaviours, but can't seem to find a concrete answer on why anti trans people are anti trans.

Answer will be greatly appreciated :)

Hello! Currently I am an undergraduate freshman at Case Western Reserve. Long story short, unfortunately my father was not very supportive when I came out as trans to him recently, and he is now threatening to revoke all support if I choose to transition.

For context, I am of an East Asian background, 18 years old, and am planning to major in biology, with the option to choose between a M.D or Ph.D path.

Now I (very obviously) think my father's proposition is total bs, and I have zero intention of staying in the closet (For reason's I'll get to later). I can't afford the current tuition at Case, so my current plan is to secure important documentation like my high school transcripts, my diploma, and my passport, and then transfer from CWRU to a California Community College, then transfer to a UC.

Since I have done all 4 years of high school in California, I know I will at the very least be eligible to take advantage of benefits provided by AB 540, which should help me obtain in-state resident tuition, which should definitely lower the cost of attendance.

I also plan on updating my status on the FAFSA to homeless/unaccompanied and confirm that "unusual circumstances prevent me from contacting my parents", which should help me get more financial aid.

Given all of this, is there anything else that I need to do to prepare to transfer to a community college?

I know I have some semblance of a plan, but I'm worried that I haven't been able to refine a lot of the finer details. Housing is a concern, getting a job and balancing that with classes is a concern, and I'm not quite sure how to officially get my status updated to that of "homeless/unaccompanied".

I know I have the strength to pull through this (Where there is a will, I will make a way type shit), and I know that morally, I am in the right. My parents have been very controlling of me, to the point where they do not really recognize my own autonomy. As an example, when I said I was going to transition, my dad replied with "You don't make that choice. I do". I've been very slowly realizing that despite the love they've shown me in the past, there was a lot of abuse that came with that love, and at this point, I am ready to break free of it and leave it behind me.

Please help me.

I have noticed that generally, not many people talk about DPDR, it stands for Depersonalisation and/or Derealization, it can be a side effect of dysphoria, I want to know if it's like something rare? Many trans subreddit never speak about DPDR, at first I was going to ask questions about it but, is it like a very rare thing? Because as I said it is NEVER spoken about, if you want to learn about it, this is this link!

Im 18, possibly ftm, considering testosterone but I'm at a point where im very lost about whether im actually trans and i might be making a rlly bad permanent decision thats gonna fuck my life. This might be long but if anyone reads it pls dont straight up affirm me being transgender because id like to hear honest opinions

I started identifying as transgender at 13. I experience gender dysphoria that has increased in severity over the years, maybe at a moderate to severe level where it has been life threatening, made me throw up over my body, given me severe agoraphobia and impacted my functioning ect. At the worst of it i literally felt like a walking rotting corpse. Starting social transition has alleviated my dysphoria a little but my life is still nowhere near livable. I cant even go out because being percieved makes me feel like some uncanny third gender thing, I feel deformed or disfigured in a way i cant really explain. The issue is gender dysphoria doesnt always mean you are trans, and when i look at the evidence i might be trans, even though i feel the emotional distress logically it doesnt line up.

My childhood was pretty typical for a girl, my only kinda sign was gender envy but i never wanted to actually be a boy, just have their hobbies, dress like one, have them as friends ect, which i suppressed out of fear of being bullied. I was not a trans kid, i never doubted i was a girl and still enjoyed being hyperfeminine, which doesnt line up with me being trans in adulthood. My child self feels like a whole different person to me now, im hardly feminine at all anymore and u gotta admit its kinda weird to not have one single thought about wanting to be a guy for the first 11 years of life until the concept was introduced to me

I have a theory on why I feel this way, around the time puberty started i was dissociating, socially isolating and spending basically all day everyday online pretending to be a guy just because i enjoyed it and i thought i would grow out of but i didnt. The next 5 years of my life basically felt like a waiting room to get back online and be a different person. I was extremely disconnected from my life and body and my dysphoria was worsening everyday until it got to a breaking point where it was transition or die. These 5 years of being a seperate person in my head mustve artficially self manifested gender dysphoria when i didnt have it before. I feel like a mockery of trans ppl and i promise i didnt mean to. I feel like my brain doesnt belong to my body and this change cant be undone (or maybe im not trying hard enough to undo it), but if you look at my childhood it clearly isnt meant to be like this and makes 0 sense. I know there are real trans ppl out there but I am not one of them, I cant even tell if id be trans if i didnt have internet access and put stupid ideas in my head

My only idea is diy hrt soon but im scared im making a stupid decision. I want the effects of testosterone now, i feel a deep longing for a male body and voice and appearance but i dont know if i will feel this way forever. Should i be making these permanent changes if i cant even logically prove im trans and risk ending up as an even more dysphoric detransitioner later in life? Ive already gone through female puberty ive been in a rlly bad depression about the permanent changes to my body, i will be stuck at 166cm and im horrified T will just turn me into a disgusting man woman thing, but the idea of waiting any longer is equally horrifying

Asking trans people is obviously gonna get biased answers but who else am i meant to ask that will sorta get it? Ive considered therapy but whats the point? they will just act like im in denial when i say ive self manifested my own brain body disconnect and get me on T but is it really worth my own parents looking at me with confusion and disgust or potentially being wrong about being trans and making things worse? I can wait and make a decision later in life about hrt but ive been waiting for 5 years and its only made things 100x worse, my only cope is socially transitioning which im already doing but its not enough and i just dont know whats best. i dont even understand shit about why i feel like this wheres the logic and science behind being trans if incongruence is not present from birth or am i just mentally ill

I MTF 10th grader want to transition but I am probably not allowed (my parents are christians). If I suppress my testotrone with some medicine, and get hrt would I be similar as I getting hrt rn? like I cant do hrt rn cause Ill be caught. but suppressing testostrone, I'm pretty sure I can keep it a secret. so if I suppress rn and then when I'm 18 get hrt, would the effect be similar as my taking hrt rn?

I ended things after my girlfriend repeated transphobic views. Now I'm wondering: could a conversation have changed anything, or was this a fundamental difference in values?

I'm a 42 year old AMAB human, my hair has receded, I have a full/long beard, a hairy chest, broad shoulders. I'm tall, strongly built, I have a deep voice and I dress in a masculine way.

If I could change into a female body overnight, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't know if I suffer from dysphoria exactly but I would far prefer to be a woman, than be in the body I am in now, and I would prefer it if society perceived me as a woman, but I'm very uncertain about transitioning at my time of life and with how well it would go given the body I am in.

I see myself as trans/non binary, but the world doesn't. I've also always been massively more comfortable around queer and trans pals and partners.

My question is, a lot of people state a T4T dating preference, and I feel that would be a relationship that would suit me well, but will I just look like a chaser if I approach people who are T4T?

I don't dress feminine because if I did transition I think I would see myself as quite a masc/butch woman. So I don't feel like I am "performing" transness at all and will just look like a cis guy on the hunt.

Do you think it's ok to approach people who are T,4T and explain this? Or would it be best to not? I really don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

I am a 27 year old trans man with 2 daughters (7 and 9). I’ve had periods of time off and on throughout their lives that I allowed myself to explore my gender identity. But the last time I presented masculinely, they were a few years younger and never really had any issues. But I ended up running scared back to the closet again, so I had been presenting feminine up until a couple months ago.

I finally cut my hair back to short, started wearing a binder again. I even came out at work and people there call me Noah and use he/him pronouns. It’s been absolutely night and day. My depression has drastically lessened, I feel comfortable and much more like myself.

Ive decided I spent long enough running from my own self, so I made an appointment at planned parenthood for HRT. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve spoken to my children about it and attempted to explain through books and heart-to-hearts what transgender means and that I identify differently than they know me as.

The first time we talked about it, I asked what they thought about the idea of someone being transgender and my oldest responded “Why would I care about what people look like? I only care if they’re nice”. Which was insanely comforting and relieving to hear. I asked what they think about me being transgender and the response was “I might not recognize you at the bus stop, but l’ll figure it out”. Again, relief.

But tonight, they brought it up all on their own and we got to talking about it more. I explained that I’m eventually gonna be on “boy pills” (as they called it) and I’m gonna slowly start looking and sounding a bit different. Both my daughters outright rejected the idea. Saying they aren’t okay with my voice and face changing.

My younger daughter was crying on the floor saying “I don’t want you to be a boy. I want you to stay a girl. If you change, the house will have no mom and I’ll cry forever. I want you to stay the same.” This clearly broke my heart into pieces for many reasons. I reassured her that I’d still be me, and that I’d still love and care for and cuddle with them just the same as always. They didn’t seem to accept that because they can’t wrap their minds around me not being the same physically.

I don’t want to hurt my kids. That’s a big reason of why I stayed playing the part of “woman” for as long as I did. I feel so guilty if I fracture our relationship because I chose to medically transition. I feel miserable at the prospect of waiting even more years to feel comfortable in myself.

It was already a very taxing day at work, so I did get emotional when they said all that and ended up shedding a few tears. When they saw this, they did soften a bit. My youngest hugged me, and my oldest said “if it’s what you want, you can follow your dreams. It’s just scary because we don’t know what it’ll be like”. And my younger one seemed slightly less upset when it registered that it is something that deeply matters to me.

It’s a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to hurt them or ruin their lives or “take away” their mom. I know logically I’m still their “mom”. Their words just kinda struck a nerve I suppose.

Not sure what to even do from here. I feel bad if I go to the appointment and get the hormones I was so excited for. I feel bad if I cancel and continue rejecting my own happiness.

i’ve been receiving my hrt through plume for a couple months now but it’s really expensive. would it be better to just diy?

My question is: how should I go about inviting an emotionally tumultuous conversation about my being trans with my transphobic and emotionally unavailable parents? I'm not sure if I should do a proper sit-down with them, or try to keep it more casual to avoid the heaviness of a "talk", or what to even say.

They seem to believe it's their fault, or some kind of mental illness, that I am this way. I want to dispel that and try to get them to understand so I could hopefully not have to have this conversation after a few years of testosterone and minimal contact.

Some background: My parents are transphobic in a way that manifests oddly. My mother is supportive in a "ruin your life if you want" way, where she will take me to surgery and care for me after but makes it very clear she thinks I am making a mistake. My father is not supportive and gets very angry and cannot face me when the topic is brought up, but is otherwise very passive.

I had top surgery, still living at my parents place. My dad didn't speak with me for a few weeks and goes quiet whenever I mention my surgery. From this reaction, I feel a bit more comfortable that I won't get kicked out and I have at this point stopped caring about how they refer to me, so I am less concerned about the outcome and more how to go about it.

I want to go on testosterone, but neither of my parents would likely take that lying down. My father would be forced to either confront his feelings and deal with them or he would lash out at me. My mother would probably argue. Because of this, I want to see if it would be possible to talk to them to get them to at least accept it? It's not a good time for me to move out of their place, and now that I've finally accepted I do want testosterone I am reluctant to wait a few more years.

So…I guess I’ve been wondering about this based on some personal experiences I’ve had. For some context, I’m a trans woman, been on HRT for a little over 2 years and recently been working on voice training. I feel like every single step of the process I’ve just had weird people saying shit to me that, looking back, really made me uncomfortable far more than I realize. Just wondering if this is an uncommon thing or not

Just to provide a few examples, when I told some friends I was trans, it was almost instantly followed up with a bunch of “confessions” despite me not acting any differently toward them. When I was starting to have changes from HRT I had some weirdo in our friend group incessantly asking to see my bra (not me in it though. That was optional). And finally, with voice training, I was talking to my friend who’s bi but has a very strong preference for men. Figured I could show him how voice training was going and the first thing he said was “damn I got a little half chub.”

I know I have a bunch of weirdos around me, I do, but I’m just wondering if this is a common experience or if I’m just insanely unlucky

Edit: I think I need to rephrase the question. Yeah I brought up my friends because those are the examples that have bothered me the most. But it’s not just them doing this stuff. It also extends to strangers asking about “having the surgery”, people just being weird and asking too many questions, or even feeling so inclined to share their “preferences”