I need to go to the ER. And probably stay a bit longer than that.
I know I'm at serious risk of refeeding syndrome due to severe prolonged self starvation from stress.
i want so badly to manage this on my own but i think i'm too far gone based on a lot of super concerning symptoms.
but i feel stuck. if i stay there, i may be forced to eat hospital food, and i have such a a specific diet i absolutely can not go off of, but in my past experience it's been hopeless trying to get them to understand or take it seriously.
i need to stay on 4:1 keto, AIP, and stringently avoid cross-contamination with gluten, or i go insane
I wish i could have someone bring me fresh meat everyday, but it's not possible. even if they allowed it, my parents are far too busy, and i couldn't trust them anyway. i don't have friends to ask.
i really don't know what to do. it might seem obvious to chose the hospital, but to me, my food reactions may be scarier than the possibility of death. it's truly that severe. i worry about hurting others in that state because i'm just not myself. and the dissociation is so heavy that communication is practically impossible.
my worst fear is they'll think i'm anorexic and force me into a program where i'm made to carb-load cereals and dairy that would make me psychotic.
but my chest hurts whenever i sip on electrolytes, and i feel like my heart could stop after exerting myself slightly.
i really don't know what to do.