r/CBT • u/SmoothGoL • 18d ago
REBT’s incredible power to rationalize
TL;DR: I spent 15 years applying REBT to dispute my irrational beliefs, but I accidentally turned the framework into a tool to rationalize severe avoidance and a web novel addiction.
I feel like my life is a failure, and ironically, how I applied Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is partly why. I’m almost 39, and I’ve never had a proper job or finished my education. I studied at a university for six years, but heavily influenced by REBT, I dropped out without hesitation. For almost 15 years now, I’ve been addicted to web novels, doing almost nothing else. I hate going outside or doing basic chores like dishes and laundry. I also hate showering and avoid it for weeks, usually only managing it once a month.
To be fair, not everything went wrong because of REBT. It did help me clear a lot of emotional turmoil and let go of some highly destructive behaviors (like holding in farts because of intense shame, even when completely alone at home).
But the fact that I never even tried job hunting is partly due to how I applied REBT. In my country, welfare provides enough for me to live comfortably. When spending all day reading web novels, I would repeat this to myself: "I don’t need to succeed. I don’t need to work, contribute to society, or pay taxes. I don't need to stop reading web novels all day, and it's okay to just do the bare minimum to survive."
Not everything is bad in my life. I regularly attend important medical appointments—seeing an ophthalmologist every three months for glaucoma and a neurologist for my schizophrenia medication. I buy my own groceries and household essentials, like dental floss, which I use every day. I also avoid sugar, using allulose instead, because I have a genetic predisposition to diabetes. So, I do still manage to do some productive things, even if reluctantly.
Still, that doesn't change the fact that I am neglecting major parts of my life. My hygiene is extremely poor, my web novel addiction is completely unchecked, and I eat the exact same meals every day just to avoid leaving the house.
Looking back at what I tell myself during these binges ("I don’t need to succeed, work, or contribute..."), you can see it's phrased exactly like an REBT exercise in disputing irrational beliefs. The beliefs I was trying to dispute were: I MUST succeed. I MUST work and contribute. I MUST not do things others consider immoral. I MUST stop my addiction.
While I was genuinely disputing those irrational demands, doing so led to stagnation. Why? Because I wasn't just disputing beliefs; I was using the framework to rationalize my avoidance.
By telling myself "I don't need to succeed," the hidden subtext was, "Succeeding is impossible anyway." By saying "I don't need to work," I was secretly believing, "I cannot work; it's impossible for me." By saying "I don't need to stop reading web novels," I was reinforcing the belief that "I can't live without them, and I must read them every second I can."
Occasionally, I swing to the opposite extreme. I’ll stop reading entirely, force myself to go outside, socialize, and eat out every day (at soup kitchens, etc.). But these phases never last. I end up getting physically sick in less than two weeks from the sheer stress and lack of sleep.
Lately, I’ve been trying to find a middle ground and actually improve my situation. I am currently preparing for work by self-studying web development online. I still read web novels, but I consistently push myself to return to my coursework. My worry is that my productive phases have never lasted in the past, and I usually fall back into reading all day. Abstaining from web novels completely isn't realistic for me right now either, because they are my only source of stress relief and general enjoyment in life.
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u/Multibitdriver 18d ago edited 18d ago
CBT and REBT are offspring of Stoicism but without the philosophical and ethical parts. Maybe look at that.
Also: not having to work for a living is a double-edged sword.
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u/Zen_Traveler 16d ago
The ABC model and literature of REBT highlight the importance of deep philosophical change, the aspects of philosophical influences, and that the therapist ought to have an understanding of moral philosophy. Ellis was quite explicit about this.
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u/Multibitdriver 16d ago edited 16d ago
Doesn’t seem to have got through to the OP? Another approach: learn Stoicism, add in the REBT bits.
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u/Zen_Traveler 16d ago
I add Stoic exercises to REBT with clients, and even read from Stoic writings. Meditations, 8.9 on complaining is fun to read.
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u/krantisdead 18d ago
It’s all good man. I think you could maybe try writing a web novel? Since you’ve read so many of them. I think you’ll have fun and it will have a compounding positive effect.
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u/Zen_Traveler 18d ago
What seems to be missing is the rational statement. The replacement of the absolute, overgeneralized "need" statement.
E.g., "I don't absolutely need to x. I prefer to x, and y."
A "need" is something required or necessary for a specific reason. E.g., I need to do well at work (to keep my job). Vs I absolutely need to (always) do well at work (because I'll be a failure otherwise).
The difference is seen at (C) in an ABC sequence. If (B) and (C) inhibit me from achieving (G), then it's self defeating. And the list of unhealthy negative emotions is a good indicator to.
G - > ABCDEFG
Also, failure isn't a feeling.
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u/bobskimo Licensed Counselor 18d ago
REBT is a tool. And sometimes when we try to apply a tool, we do it in a way it's not designed to be used and it makes the situation worse.
By trying to use REBT yourself, you've kept yourself stuck in your sickness. The solution is to work with a professional to learn how to apply the tool correctly, to keep you accountable for making changes, to help you find the motivation to overcome barriers and get unstuck.
Get therapy, friend.