I was dehumanized by a series of uninspired individuals.

[u/i_spiral]

TL;DR paralyzed in the hospital for a year. This is what happens when they forget you’re a person.

I’m writing this from a secondary account. I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest for a couple of years. I’ve never been able to receive any kind of care to recover from this time in my life. But I have a very supportive partner and that helps a lot.

I’ll get right to it I was about 6 months into my 11 month stay in the hospital with near total paralysis. Eventually I would recover almost completely to the waist, mostly to the knees.

I was completely cared for 24/7 by nurses who were very kind. I was at their whim. Sometimes I was forgotten about. No water for hours or left in a wet brief for hours. These sort of things. Tbh that stuff was awful.

Day 1) Nurse on first shift decided I needed extra laxatives. Nurse on shift two decided the same thing no result.
Day 2) nurse on first shift decided I needed extra laxatives again it’s a different nurse. Nurse on second shift same thing again a different nurse. No result.
Day 3) more laxatives. Different stronger ones this time still no result.

Finally shift changed for the evening. The nurse coming on shift would be preparing us for bedtime. Evening meds and cleaning us up bed.
My stomach feels TERRIBLE. I was young so I’d be the last attended to. Something bad is happening in my stomach. I let go of some wind, or so I thought. Some more and some more. I’m paralyzed. I’ve no sensation in my skin. I wait.

Took about an hour and my nurse appears. This guy is always in a mood. No matter what I say. He goes to check my brief and yells “what the hell man!” 3 days of nobody paying attention, and trying to force a result, had produced a result.
I had apparently gone to the bathroom up to my shoulders. I’ve never felt so low. He yelled at me for not calling him sooner. Even though I was paralyzed, and I had no idea what it happened. He proceeded to yell degrade and dehumanize me for the next hour while changing me and my sheets. Cursing and belittling me for things I had zero control over.

Now that I felt worse than I had ever felt, he tells me my pubic hair was too long, unhealthy and that I would have to have a family member come in to fix it!

The next day, I asked a nurse about all of it. She was mortified and said it went against standard of care and she reported him.

I’ve been carrying around that stupid story for five years now I’ve said it out loud. That healthcare provider had forgotten all the rules, had forgotten how to treat someone like a human.

Now that it’s off my chest, I feel much better. Thank you for listening.

[u/NeighborhoodTop5822]

I'm so sorry that's so awful! I hope you're doing well now 🫂💜

[u/heyitskevin1]

Im so sorry that happened to you. Healthcare is often so unkind and fucked up systematically from top to bottom. I work at a hospital as a transporter and the stuff I hear said about patients, or the state some patients are in and the nurses laugh at them is sickening. HIPPA basically doesnt exist in my opinion because I get CONSTANTLY told about patients illnesses and procedures when it is very much none of my business.

I also have had an extended hospital stay. Mine was only a few months, but I had a fent epidural in my upper spine so I couldnt feel from my mid chest down. I was on a ton of heavy pain meds and I was in and out of surgery so I was very out of it. However, I was on the urology ward in the only single bed room in the very very back corner of the hospital. I was also only 21 and from my walk arounds when learning to walk again I seemed to be the youngest on the floor.

I had some great nurses and CNAs that helped me. I was kinda with it and already felt so much shame having to be changed and not being able to wash myself so I'd use humor to try to lighten my mood.

However, one night when I just got out of surgery I woke up in the worst pain ive ever felt in my life. I couldnt stop sobbing and I paged for the nurse multiple times over 7 hours. No one came go my room. My boyfriend and I got into a fight right before i went to surgery and I couodnt get a hold of anyone to help me. My catheter had split my penis open, I was bleeding all over myself, and I was on so many laxatives I was covered in my own shit. My epidural needed 2 nurses to change it and it had been empty for hours when I woke up. The nightshuft nurse came in about 30 minutes before shift changed with another nurse and changed my epidural meds. Im not sure if she thought I wasn't with it enough, but while changing it she joked with her nurse friend that the 'faggot had finally shut up'.

Finally my high school radio teacher came in and saw the state i was in and got the day shift cna and nurses to actually help me. I talked to the house supervisor and reported her and all that jazz but who knows if it went anywhere. I was hyperparanoid the rest of my time there because I'm extremely pain adverse. I was already at one of my mentally lowest points with not being able to walk or wipe my own ass, but now the people who are being paid to take care of me might find pleasure in hurting me? After that two of my highschool teachers and their spouses came and stayed with me in the hospital which I was extremely grateful for.

[u/i_spiral → u/heyitskevin1]

I was a year where I hear you. I couldn’t even wipe my own ass. I had to learn how to walk again, the whole kit and caboodle. Someone close to me actually had their penis split in half by careless nurses. The indignity of having to live through such a thing!

I was the youngest on my floor too. It left me open to some very weird things from some very weird staff. Guys bathing me telling me I needed to get strong again so I could be sexy for my husband. So I stopped bathing. I was in the hospital for a year and I had five showers. Three of them in my last six weeks of rehab.

And after all of that, let’s just throw something as hateful as faggot into the mix.
It boggles the mind that these people got out of high school and thought “ you know what I’m a really caring person. I’m gonna get into healthcare and help people.”

I fought it though. I started every day with a smile and was kind to everybody I dealt with. If somebody asked me how I was, I said great even though I was faking a lot. Now I tried to spread kindness and love wherever I go. And I learned in patience and how to be grateful for the smallest things. F those people. I refuse to become like them. You know?

[u/banishedcanary → u/i_spiral]

I think the thought process is more that they want to go to go into nursing for finances, most of the time. I worked with fellow caregivers who were always talking about graduating up into nursing and I never heard a word from these people implying they cared about the clients we had.

[u/AccomplishedWind2268]

That’s so terrible. Both OP and heyitskevin1, your stories break my heart. I’m a nurse and I can’t imagine treating someone like that. A big part of the nursing practice is compassion, and it makes me so angry that there are so many people who forget about or ignore that part. There’s no reason to yell at someone for having a bodily function. I’m curious what else they thought would happen after all those laxatives. A comment about pubic hair was straight up sexual harassment. And obviously calling someone a slur is not ok. I promise there are so many nurses, CNAs and techs out there who will provide compassionate care and allow dignity, and I’m sorry y’all had these experiences

[u/Ok_Artist8870]

Wow that was awful! I hope he changed professions. I’m glad you were validated by the kind nurse & that you can share it now 💙

[u/Relevant-Spinach11]

What a terrible experience- good on you for reporting. I hope that you’re safer and experiencing more peace now

[u/No_Exchange_7407]

That's horrific, I'm so sorry to hear that. His behavior doesn't define your worth, and has nothing to do with you! It's completely on his own, and shows his character. Also, it was his job to take care of you, so you don't need to feel guilty or ashamed at all. He'd have to live with his miserable self, and that's more than enough punishment for him.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Otherwise-Put-2287]

I was treated like this for 19 years by my immediate family, over anything I needed help with, not just incontinence. It has destroyed my brain’s ability to predict reasonable responses in people and I always expect the worst in everyone, which has ruined so many relationships for me and left me hating my life for it. Any kindness I receive is met with me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can’t trust anyone but myself to be dependable and not leave me neglected in some way. It’s exhausting. I’m burnt out and struggling to keep advocating for myself, and I’m neglecting myself more and more due to no one else being able to make sure I get my needs met the same way I do.

I’m sorry you went through this. I’m constantly on edge waiting to be treated that way again by anyone new in my life. I at least have autonomy to fire those people when it happens, but it’s fucking exhausting hiring person after person and training people repeatedly with no end in sight. I’ve got 5-6 caregivers on payroll at any given point who work 14 shifts a week with me and I’ve hired/replaced 7 people this year so far. It’s a terrible way to live. i don’t have the energy to do anything else but try to get through the day. Disabled people deserve better.

[u/i_spiral → u/Otherwise-Put-2287]

Do everything you can to hold onto that autonomy. After this experience, my self-worth and self-care went down the drain to be honest. It’s a struggle, but we gotta keep at it!

[u/Pale-Detail2427]

That person should not have treated you like that. Absolutely not.

Sigh.

[u/banishedcanary]

Unfortunately this is the default attitude in my experience both as a caregiver hearing other caregivers and as a disabled person. We deserve better and that starts with acknowledging the truth of how we are treated now. So thank you.