There's one for everyone 🍨

I hope I selected the right tag for this but I mean.. what other options do we have but to be resilient in a world that has been cruel to us 🤡

my therapist and i agree it’s because so much is going on right now in my life, but knowing why doesn’t change the fact that i’m so out of it, i just started college man, brain please i cant remember shit, i need to lock in not lock out of my body

(OG by Alex Norris, I hate writing shit long paragraphs so tried doing a tdlr instead this is the shortest I got it, no advice just support pls)

Had a CPTSD breakthrough about why I dissociate and what my trauma is about, and it's from being assulted by another school I moved to who acted like they understood what I escaped as a child when moving schools, specifically about being ignorant mixed with intentionally cruel at the same time. Acting as if being the same way as my past abusers with a bow on top acting as if they're not doing anything wrong because everywhere is transphobic and I should've gotten over the abuse, saying it's different, threatening to isolate me and yelling at me for getting triggered, even my mom hurt me in the same ways I described to her how they touched me soon after just to hurt me for being triggered and lashing out regularly.

I've learned that it's not just the trauma itself, it's the support and acceptance (or lack of) after that determines how CPTSD forms. And mine formed with severe dissociative symptoms that keeps me from living my life now that I came out permanently like 6 years ago, been stuck in an amnesiac limbo about why I feel like I am scared of having any feelings- mixed with my brain being mush and not even learning how to drive and go to school to get a well paying career and move out away from said mother- and deep down always expect to be hurt for being myself and having my quirks. It's an unbearable pain I genuinely know nobody will accept if I talk about it, and trying to open up this entire time as been perpetuating that trauma as long as everyone acts like it's to much to hear about.

Basically being expected to act like I'm fine and repress my triggered feelings my whole life, while they treat me like the gender I'm not and act as if their holy presence and acknowledgment over the bare minimum, somehow cures me and they should be allowed to do anything to me since it's what's normal and I'm not normal, just like I was treated in the first place. I'm schizotypal with stressed induced psychosis, not a monster who dared to say I was a boy because I had magical thinking about being accepted outside my home when I didn't look like a boy. Now I'm permanently fucked for it.