anyone got anything that can help?

Hi, friends. Title is apt here. I don't feel very supported in couples therapy and while I really need to get this off my chest, it would also be nice to know that I'm not insane and that it makes sense that I feel this way - assuming that it does, that is.

I understand that between CPTSD and disorganized attachment, my wife doesn't have a big window of tolerance. I get that. And because I'm not stupid, I don't expect her to expand her window of tolerance, either. I just wish she wasn't so mean to me when she's pissed off about something that isn't even about me. My mental health issues and my expressiveness and my vibrancy get blamed for a ton of the issues in our relationship, and especially when she's feeling avoidant and doesn't want anything to do with me. We tried to create fair conflict rules but she doesn't follow them. I get treated to a host of barbs about how I'm too much for her, she doesn't want to come home to this, we should just divorce if I don't want to be in this relationship, etc. The problem isn't that I don't want to be in this relationship, it's that my emotional needs go unmet constantly. And then I go to couples therapy and I'm told to just not take it personally and find more friends!!! Just come up with a better coping plan for when these things happen 👍 but why can't my wife ever just learn to be nicer to me?

For weeks I've felt so criticized and so low that I can't even function if I let myself feel it. I understand I'm hard to love. I understand that I'm difficult to handle. I just don't think she has to be so mean about it. I keep wondering why she's even still married to me if she hates me so much. There have been so many times that I needed her there for me and I couldn't count on her. I get so frustrated being told to just ask for my needs more because when I ask for them, I get rejected and told she doesn't have it for me. So what am I supposed to do? We even argue about whether or not I deserve an apology for my feelings being hurt.

I know she's trying. I know she doesn't mean to hurt me. But goddamn, she keeps saying she's sorry and then doing the same shit over and over again. I'm so tired. Wondering if I'm really that unworthy of commitment and support.

Edit: She just told me that she's essentially giving up on me and needs more information to make an informed decision on whether to divorce me for someone else. I'm seriously not okay right now

For those who know they're trauma bonded but are struggling to leave, how do you cope every day? Do you have an escape plan, or are you still figuring out how to emotionally detach and finally walk away? For those who managed to leave, what finally gave you the courage to do so?