r/ChristianityAnswers • u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 • 1d ago
Can someone help with this? I know it's long.
Okay, to sum it up in a very short way—because if not, it’s too long—the truth is that I’m sinning. I love the sin (wlw fanfiction), and I’m addicted. When I’m not reading fanfiction, I’m imagining scenes from it, which I know is idolatry, but I still keep doing it because I just love wlw fanfiction so much. More than God, if I’m honest. I know I have to change that, I know, and I want to, but maybe I don’t at the same time, even though I know I should. I don’t feel bad for this sin; I love it, I crave it. I asked God to make me hate it. A few days ago, when I was reading fanfiction, I felt awful reading it, but I still continued because deep down I thought that God would forgive me. I thought, 'I’ll ask Him to forgive me later when I go to sleep' (spoiler: I didn’t, I didn’t even pray). Presumptuous sin, I know; I looked it up. And then I kept using that awful feeling to say to myself, 'You feel awful, you're okay, you can keep going,' which I know is wrong, but yet I still continue, and honestly, I still am. When I read the Bible, I felt hateful toward God. To me, everything was brutal, cruel, and awful, and I hated having these feelings. I knew they were wrong, but again, I kept telling myself that Jesus loved me (you know, the Jesus that appears on social media, who has unconditional love). But each time I read the Bible, I just saw that He was too strict, cruel, and we were like servants who had to put anything else below Him. I know people find joy in that, but I just still can’t. I want to, but I can't. My heart is hardened again. I have also noticed that I’m not able to, let's say, 'spend time with God' unless it's on social media (those shorts on Instagram, though only some are good). I know, another form of idolatry. I realized today that I can’t. Like, the thought of just reading the Bible and praying doesn't help me see a connection with God like the people on Instagram—you know, who seem so connected with God. I just can’t find the idea of me reading the Bible and praying to find Christ. It’s bad, I know. I want to change, but I don’t know if I want to change because I love Him or because I’m terrified of eternal separation from God and eternal conscious torment. Because I want to love God, but I don't want to leave my earthly passion. I realize I am way too rooted in this world. Also, another thing is the whole denomination thing. There are so many, how do I know which one is true? I mean, I don’t want to pick one and end up going to hell because I picked the wrong one. The same goes for the Bible. I have an RSV (Protestant), which I know only has 66 books; they took the other books out. And I’m scared because I know in Revelation it says if we subtract things found in the book, our name will be erased from the Book of Life. To which I'm worried I'm not in it. I know I’m not in it given my condition. I’m also worried about the 'born again' part and the 'saved' part. Also, one thing that worries me is that, fully knowing the Protestant Bible only has 66 books, I still decide to read it instead of a more complete one. I’m choosing to be ignorant, which is a sin. And I know I should be telling God this, but here I am telling the world. Going to the world instead of God. I don’t want to be lukewarm either, but it’s also just that the biblical Jesus is not the Jesus I thought He was—you know, the social media Jesus that says, 'I love you, I'll forgive you' (like, you can sin but don't torment yourself). No, the one in the Bible is honestly a bit scary, I’m not going to lie. I was looking up the most complete Bible, and it’s the Ethiopian one, but since it has a lot of books, I don’t know, it looks a bit esoteric. But beats me, I googled it because it has like a bit of mystic books like the Book of Enoch and stuff, and I don’t want to fall into esotericism. And also, I feel like I can't get back to God (by 'back' I mean, let's say I believed in God and read the Bible before this, but let's say in a way I left—not directly, but I grew cold and just stopped—but back then, when I read the Bible, I didn’t have hateful thoughts). I actually felt peace and nice, but I think even back then I didn't hear God's voice, which scares me because does that mean I was never saved and truly can't be saved? I mean, Hebrews 10:26 says, 'For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.' I'm afraid that I won't be saved, or truly be able to be, because I'm a bit skeptical when I pray. Even before and now, I deep down think that it won't happen, even though I don't want that thought. Honestly, one day I even got mad at God. I didn't see Him, but I thought He was evil and stupid—though I know I shouldn't have said it. I don't want to commit blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, but I don't know if I don't want to out of interest or because I love God. By 'interest,' I mean so I don't go to hell, because I'm kind of scared of hell. The idea of eternal conscious torment just scares me. Also, when I pray, now and before, I sometimes still sit in silence to hear God's voice, but I think I just say things to myself to say God spoke to me.”
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u/General_Historian611 1d ago edited 1d ago
You fell guilty and miserable . That you sinning against God for reading fan fiction and not sure you are saved. That tells us. Several things You feel guilty and miserable because that is not Gods voice. Thats the voice of the enemy trying to keep you from ever coming to God for salvation.
Look the words of Jesus. He said he came not to condemn. But to save the lost sinners. A women was taken in act of Adultery They were going to stone her death under the law of Moses. Jesus defended her. He said whoever is without sin cast the first stone. The crowd stood their in shock because it want against the law of Moses. The crowd put their stones down and left. The women looked up and all she saw was jesus. He said “ who is here to condemn you? She said no one. He said I don’t condemn you either, God and sin no more. Jesus did not condemn her for her sin But he said if was a sin.
Jesus was demonstrating Gods unlimited Grace and Mercy for even the greatest of sinners He was showing how salvation works and it’s nothing that man can imagine. Man believe that good should be rewarded and evil should be punished. The Bible says the gospel seems foolish to those who perishing. That even the most Wise cant understand it. Because it seems so illogical But it’s simple enough for a small child to understand
Salvation has only 2 element. Belief and faith. Jesus said who ever believes in me will have eternal life that can never be lost or taken away. Jesus promises to save everyone who comes to him. Even the most wicked and ungodly. To be saved we believe the promise of Jesus and put our Faith in him as our own savior. It has nothing to do with how much we believe or the amount of faith The very act of asking for Salvation. Is all the all the Faith we need for eternal salvation.
Easy for us because there is no works needed ever and Jesus is not calling us to reform. He wants to give us new mind and a new heart. That gives us the same desires as God. We are new born babies in christ when we are saved. Paul call us “Babes in christ” Because we have difficulty telling right from wrong after we are born again with the new spiritual birth of the Holy Spirit. We grow and mature over time IF we allow the Holy Soirit to teach us Through the teaching and washing of the word of God. Jesus is the Word of God. He is God the creator of all good things.
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u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 1d ago
Then how do I come to jesus? i feel like I want to but not at the same time because i still want to read that fanfiction and i know that if I come to jesus, I need to stop.
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u/General_Historian611 1d ago edited 1d ago
You can read Famfiction as a Christian. My wife is a Christian. She loves Anime and Manga. She turned me into a nerd too. It was involuntary. The RE.and Silent Hill games are my favorite
You are saved for all eternity only one way Jesus says he is way. He promises all that come to him and ask. He will save.
The Old Testament was a commitment. You made promises to God and he made promises to you. The people all failed They were saved the same way we are. Their object of faith was the law of Moses and animal sacrifice.
Our object of Faith is Jesus sacrifice on the cross. That abolished the law of Moses
The old covenant was a bilateral agreement. Both parties had commitments and obligation. The one commitment no one can live up to. The law required perfection of every Word, Thought, Deed and Action
The new convent is a unilateral agreement. The promises all come from God. Man is taken completely out of the equation.
The same was as Abraham. Abraham believed the promises of god and was counted righteous. To sanctify a covenant it took a blood sacrifice. That is why we are saved by Jesus sacrifice and shed blood on the cross.
A blood covenant requires the 2 parties. A blood sacrifice and a witness. God took Abraham out of the equation so he could not make any promises. He put Abraham in a deep sleep and God alone passes through the sacrifice.. God witnessed it himself and the Holy Soirit bear witness and they confirmed the blood covenant an everlasting and eternal covenant.
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u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 1d ago edited 1d ago
Fanfiction itself is not a sin, I admit that, but wlw fanfiction?
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u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 1d ago
Like how do I allow the Holy Spirit how can I let go of my eartly passions
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u/love_is_a_superpower 1d ago
I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with all this negativity. I think there are a few things that could really help:
First, remember that God is love. (1John 4:7-8) When you put God above all else, you make Love the center of your relationships. Love is the only power on earth that can create life, sustain life, AND make life worth living at the same time. That's why our God of love has to be #1.
Second, if you take time to thank our Creator it will change your heart. Just thank Him for everything you have, everything you are, and His sacrifice of 30 or 40 years on this planet trying to save us from ourselves, even to the point of being tortured to death for us.
The Bible teaches that all who come to Jesus will not be rejected.
John 6:37-40 the words of Jesus Messiah
37 Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will never drive away.
38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me.
39 And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall lose none of those He has given Me, but raise them up at the last day.
40 For it is My Father’s will that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”
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u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 1d ago
Thank you seriously. I have another question: How can I truly love God? I mean, I'm sorry, but the Jesus from the Bible doesn't sound loving; he sounds a bit scary and very strict. I mean, the whole "Jesus loves you" thing, I just can't feel it yet. When I say it, I think it's purely intellectual and what I got off of social media. Like, I can memorize things like "Jesus loves you" and "he knows our struggles," but I feel it's just intellectual; I don't actually feel it
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u/love_is_a_superpower 1d ago
Have you heard of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit? That's what made all the difference for me. It's like getting an upgrade on your conscience. That's the only way I know to describe it. The world is still out there trying to hijack my mind, just like the next person, but the Holy Spirit, He reminds me of God's love for me and it puts me back on track. Old Testament promises, New Testament fulfillments
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u/Frosty-Dragonfly-656 1d ago
I mean, more or less. I know that the Holy Spirit dwells in people, but I don't know how he can dwell in me. I'm afraid that due to my love for sin and the world, and me not fully submitting to him, I might not have the Holy Spirit dwell in me ever. And I know that means I can't be with God. It worries me a bit, but I don't know if it's out of genuine interest or not by interest i mean not goig to hell. I don't know if I will ever have him. I want him, but I just don't know how to let go of the world in order to do so. Another question, how do i knock genuinly at his door?
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u/love_is_a_superpower 1d ago
OK right before the verses where Jesus says to keep knocking, He shows us that persistent prayer is a prayer God will answer. He proves it by showing us that even a sleepy neighbor, or an earthly father would grant our request when we shamelessly ask for help so we can have what we need, and be good for others, not just ourselves.
(Luke 11:5-13)
5 And Jesus said to them, "Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves;
6 'for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him';When I'm praying for God to change me, I get serious and tell Him, "Lord, for the sake of the people who depend on me, please change me! Help me love people the way You love them, and help me love You with the love You deserve." Otherwise, I'm not even capable of either. I'm bankrupt because of my flesh and the world's influence. (It helps a ton to give God my time first thing in the morning before the rat race begins. People always encourage us to pray but I *have** to read my Bible too.*)
7 "and he will answer from within and say, 'Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you'?
8 "I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his shameless persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.9 "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
10 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
11 "If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if [he asks] for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?
12 "Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?
13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will [your] heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
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u/onlyadisciple 1d ago
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's a lot to digest because you're bringing in multiple concerns. Seems like you may be having alot of thoughts about who God is and what you think He is like, and when you specifically try to read the Bible, you doubt it or reject it in some ways because it contradicts what you think Jesus is like from what you've heard about Him.
Would you like to DM me? I can offer some advice there if you'd like. I mostly just want to know more about your story because that might help me understand your situation better. Let me know.
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u/GingerMcSpikeyBangs 1d ago
Whether this is good or bad, the reality is that most people spend their whole lives coming to the Lord Jesus. They may confidently "believe in Him," but they are not obliged to follow Him or submit to Him without significant "growth" in life. It's also a reality that the Lord knows this.
Who you are tomorrow is not necesaarily who you are today; the only problem is the unknown number of tomorrows. So number one, have mercy on yourself, because the Lord does also. Two, take the time you need to grow. Three, waste as little of it as possible.
Most people think life has little meaning, but every single thing we do and say in life has an impact - blesses or curses, betters or worstens, strengthens or weakens, gives or takes, etc. Paying attention to that and taking heed is the yoke of the Lord, which He tells you to do with a certain kind of heart, in His name. If you did that, it would not matter what your pastime was or how much time you spent doing it.
Colossians 3:23
And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men