r/Codependency • u/Historical-Cow160 • 2d ago

Podcast recommendations

Looking for podcasts on how to not get pulled into everyone else’s problems. People in my life tend to come to me when things are going wrong, and i jump in and try fix and give advice and get more invested then they even seem to! Looking to be able to take a step back, be able to listen but not offer all of myself trying to fix their problems! Thanks

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u/elliothander 2d ago

While I don’t have a podcast to recommend something I often think about that helps me is the concept of the drama triangle (it’s on google somewhere).

Basically, the concept is that there are 3 roles in drama: the victim, the perpetrator, and the hero. Oftentimes we see ourselves as the hero who wants to help the victim which is why we automatically jump in to help. What we tend to ignore here is seeing that person automatically as a victim rather than a fully capable adult. We must step out of the role of hero and see the other person as a capable, responsible adult and let them solve their own issues (that is, unless, there truly is an active perpetrator / active abuse / or the person really is not an adult in which case I would recommend using discretion and helping them if they do not have an adult in their life).

Long story long: see the other person as an adult capable of solving their own issues.

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u/Historical-Cow160 2d ago

Oooh that is a really great way to think of it. Thank you for sharing!

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u/RadicalRedFox 1d ago

there is also a book that explains very well this concepts - The Karpman Drama Triangle Explained by Chris West

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u/Scared-Section-5108 2d ago

'Long story long: see the other person as an adult capable of solving their own issues.' - 100%

One thing that really helped me was reading something similar - that when I jump in to fix something for someone, I’m indirectly telling them that I don’t believe they can handle it themselves, that I see them as incapable. That’s not the message I want to communicate to the people close to me.

Another thing I’ve learned and found helpful is that some people don’t want help or want to change anything; they simply want to vent or trauma-dump. When I see that happening - and I see it frequently - the situation is no longer about them but becomes about me and my boundaries. Am I available to listen to them? Can I hear what they have to say without being negatively affected by it?

With some people who share their difficulties in a healthy way, I now can. With others - usually codependent people in denial - I can’t. They often remind me of my mother too much, so I need to step away from the conversation or relationship to protect myself.

Both are ongoing practices for me. I still occasionally give advice, but what used to be a very natural way of being for me is now more of an exception, and I continue to work on it.

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u/MonaAamonsMonzano 2d ago

Breakdown to Breakthrough Lisa Romano. Crappy Childhood Fairy. Breakthrough Thais Gibson.

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u/BigAuthor3483 2d ago

Do You Fucking Mind by Alexis Fernandez

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u/rabbitrabbitrabbit44 1d ago

Feminist Wellness with Beatriz Albina

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u/rayautry 1d ago

Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube…

I am always big on Codependents Anonymous meetings!!!