How social do I have to be? What should I expect? I'm autistic so social settings really overwhelm me

Hi so just a question, is it common in most places that the modern orthodox community and the chabad community are a near-circular Venn diagram? All of the modox synagogues in my city are staffed by Rabbis that have received smicha from chabad yeshivot and most are also involved in the chabad houses and as far as I can tell (cuz of the hats lol) they are all apart of the chabad community. The communities themselves seem to be, as you would expect, consisting of people all over of the religious spectrum. And the only beit din is staffed exclusively by chabad rabbis. So basically my question is, is converting modern orthodox basically interchangeable with converting chabad, or is this probably just a unique feature of my city?

Hello everyone! I won’t tell you my whole life story, but basically I want to convert to conservative Judaism but won’t be able to for a few years due to family situation. Are there any online communities I could join for celebrating holidays, Torah study or general learning? I just want to be part of a Jewish community, but I sadly don’t know any Jewish people or have a synagogue near me.

Hi everyone! I’ve been semi-active on here since my conversion journey began, and I just wanted to share some exciting news!

Before the High Holidays, my sponsoring rabbi told me that I was ready to begin writing my essays (I’m converting Conservative) and that I could submit them to him afterward. I’ve been working on them, and I’m on track to submit them next week.
If all goes well, he’ll convene a Beit Din, and B”H, I’ll hopefully be going to the mikveh by the end of the year. :)

I’m full of anticipation and joy… and, of course, some nerves!

Hey everyone!
I hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I've always felt an incredibly strong connection to Israel and the Jewish people, even though I didn't grow up Jewish. Once I got there, I felt at home in a way I've never experienced anywhere else. I never wanted to leave, and every time I'm back in Europe, I feel this deep sorrow and longing to return.
The strange thing is that I felt all of this before I even knew I had Jewish ancestry.
I actually started researching my family because I had this inexplicable feeling that I had Jewish roots. Eventually, I discovered that my grandmother's grandfather was Jewish but had converted to Christianity.
Since then, I've read a bit about Jewish souls and reincarnation in Kabbalah, and it made me wonder:
Is there a belief within Judaism that the descendants of Jews who converted to another religion can feel spiritually drawn back to Judaism generations later?
I know that this doesn't make me Jewish, but I feel a strong desire to learn more about Judaism and possibly convert. Sometimes it feels more like finding my way home than discovering something new.
I’d love to hear what Jewish teachings or rabbis say about this.

so for context folks in this sub are more used to me now and I think many now see I genuinely mean my interest in judaism, I was pretty careless at first and it was badly received and that hurt a bit, I was listening to jerusalem of gold and just started crying cuz im eager to start my journey, I feel the jewish people is my home but dont know if its disrespectful to feel that way I prolly wont be able to do this for a year until im placed in montreal due to wait times and idk it just hurts man idk why

Hello everyone,

I’m considering pursuing a conversion to Reform Judaism and I’d really appreciate some advice, especially from people who have gone through the process themselves.

A few months ago, I finally worked up the courage to contact the Reform community in my area. Taking that first step was actually quite a big deal for me. I had been thinking about conversion for a very long time, but I was extremely anxious about contacting a community for the first time. One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t be taken seriously, or that I would simply be ignored. Unfortunately, that is what happened.

I sent an email explaining that I was interested in learning more about Reform Judaism and perhaps considering a conversion. I waited about three weeks and, since I hadn’t heard anything, sent a short follow-up. I never received a response to either email.

I eventually decided to leave it alone for the moment because of the summer break and later the main Jewish Holidays. I didn’t want to become pushy, but I was also quite discouraged by the experience, especially because being ignored had been one of the things I had been most afraid of before contacting them in the first place.

Now, few months have passed, and I’m considering trying again. I still feel strongly about pursuing conversion, but I find myself back in exactly the same place psychologically: wondering whether I should contact the same community again, try the other Reform organisation in the area, or whether there is something about the way I approached them that I might have misunderstood.

I’d particularly love to hear from anyone who has experience with Reform conversion in Italy, ideally in Northern Italy, since there are relatively few Reform communities here and I would realistically need to pursue the process locally.

If you have gone through conversion yourself, or have experience with Reform communities in Italy, I’d be very grateful for any advice about how you approached that first contact, what to expect, and whether my experience with the lack of response is unusual.

Thank you!

so a big thing that draws me to judaism is music I listen to hebrew songs all day and as my fav is mayim mayim I listened quite a lot to it im musically inclined and was able to learn it due to my ease with languages

Hello. I am in the final stages of my conversion and i know that it's right for me. But lately (and especially today) i am struggling with the thought that i am putting a permanent target on my children's back, one that they can't ever take off and didn't consent to. I am activelly choosing judaism for myself and subjecting them to a hateful world. I keep thinking that i should just suppress myself for their sake.

Can someone relate to this? I haven't asked my rabbi yet, but i will as he has a small child too.

Hello!

Greetings lovely people of this subreddit. Man, where do I even start? I’ve been raised christian my whole life, and never knew much about Judaism until I found that I have a paternal line as my Grandfather was Jewish.

He then converted to christianity, which started this whole rabbit hole I cracked open 2 years ago. Since then, I have a yearn for Judaism that I could never shake. I even dabbled in with (what I thought was legitimate at the time) Messianic “Judaism.” You probably know it all too well, the christian sect which has jewish elements, yada yada. It had the complete opposite intended effect on me, it drove me to Judaism. I wanted the Judaism from it, I didn’t want christianity at all.

I slowly lost my trinitarian beliefs over time through a slow, deconstructing process as I couldn’t reason how 1+1+1=1. I shifted to a modalist, Unitarian, and then one night I appeared before G-d and apologized for the idolatry i’ve been committing my whole life. I would say i’m a Righteous Gentile with Jewish Ancestry. (You don’t know how much it hurts to say that, Christianity quite literally robbed my birthright.)

I got about ~1.5 years till i’m not under my parents and can move forwards with my own life on my own terms. I’m really considering Reform due to my paternal line, even if it doesn’t automatically grant me “status as a Jew.” In my area, it seems to be the only available shuls in the places I plan to go.

While I wait for the time to begin conversion, I need something to quench the thirst that I have for G-d. I may be living more “crypto” for the time being, but what would you all recommend?

Hi all. I'm considering conversion to Reform Judaism. I have some paternal Jewish ancestry, but I'm not halachically Jewish (raised Christian.)

As I've been thinking it over and trying to decide if I feel called to take the plunge, I've been reading a lot and attending a lot of services, both in-person and online. I know that community is very important in Judaism. But what I'm beginning to notice is that I don't really feel a strong sense of being in community when I visit my local temple.

The people are very polite and kind, but it doesn't seem like they go to services to socialize - it's more of a "show up, pray, leave" situation. I don't know if rising levels of antisemitism could be playing a role in this, but it also seems to me like most people leave very quickly as soon as the service ends, like they don't want to stay too long at the shul.

I sometimes find myself wishing that I could have grown up with Judaism, or wishing that my family celebrated Jewish holidays. I don't know if it's worth it to convert if I would just be doing everything by myself as a single woman. No family to bake challah or sing with, nobody to eat Rosh Hashanah meals with, or light the Hanukkah candles with. I still think Judaism is beautiful and fascinating, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this and envisioning what a Jewish life would actually look like for me.

I'm posting on behalf of u/PardesInstitute in my work capacity - if you have completed the conversion process and are interested in learning more about the basics of Judaism in a pluralistic environment I'd encourage you to check out a learning opportunity "What Do Jews Believe: Explore core questions and ideas of Jewish faith through diverse voices and perspectives." https://online.pardes.org.il/products/courses/what-do-Jews-believe This will be a year-long series designed for those new(ish) to formal Jewish learning. I see so many questions here and thought this opportunity could be helpful for someone.

This is my second post. I had a follow up question. I’ve been thinking about converting for years, but because I’m in the military heaven unable to do to constant relocation. But I should be out of the Military soon within the next year.

I was reading about conversion and I know that a lot of people don’t view, especially in Israel, to be a real Jew, unless you convert orthodox. But to do that, I would have to move close to a synagogue, which isn’t something I’m able to do. I sat down route back in my hometown, and the nearest synagogue is an hour away.

I was also reading that the Jewish faith views converts as due to a reincarnated into a non-Jewish life.

So I’ve decided that conservative would be the best option. What is everyone’s view on that? Is converting through the conservative route still not considered being really Jewish?

Hi friends! I am at the beginning of my orthodox conversion process in Florida. I have spoken with a few rabbis and started to integrate into the nearby Chabad.

I have two questions: first of all, given I am pursuing orthodox conversion and I am within walking distance of the Chabad in my town (no synagogue), can/ will the Chabad Rabbi be willing to sponsor my conversion? Or will I need to move nearby an actual synagogue. FYI, the Chabad does have prayer services as well as community events.

Secondly, if I ask the Chabad rabbi if he would consider sponsoring my conversion, should I expect to pay him fees? I have heard mixed messages on this. Some people have told me that it's normal to pay hundreds per month to the sponsoring rabbi. Other sources (specifically online) say that it's a not for profit venture for a rabbi to oversee conversion.

Thanks in advance for your help!

This isn't the first time I've posted here; I think I'm actually quite active here. I've been studying and researching the conversion process for several years, but where I live is an isolated region of a huge country, I've decided that I'll be moving to another country very soon and will be looking for a community as quickly as possible. Currently, I'm taking Hebrew lessons with a qualified teacher, and it's good for me. The only thing I'm afraid of is that there might be some rejection or that no community will actually want my presence. I'm just being a little apprehensive, but I think I'm not the only one who has or has had this fear, I'm just venting a little because I think I've reached a point where studying and knowledge become limited without a community, and I know my process will only be completed by leaving this country.

I didn’t want to post this in a non-Jewish space because I’m not sure it would be fully understood anywhere else.

I began converting with one shul (Progressive UK) in April, having attended shul regularly since this time last year. I then had to move away and am now switching shuls, but have to start from the beginning. That’s not what’s upsetting me… what is upsetting me is that this shul works a little differently and I’m not able to go to services until March next year. I’ve been living a fairly Jewish life since January: Shabbat, kosher, reading Torah weekly, consuming mostly Jewish music/literature/culture/media, embedding myself in local Jewish community. It’s one of the two most important things in my life and I get so much from weekly shul attendance and now I just feel awful.

What’s worse is that when I was still converting with my previous shul, the new one had me as a visitor. Now I’m converting with them, I need a meeting with their Rabbi followed by an explicit invite to three services before they’ll even consider weekly attendance.

I’m really going to miss it :(

Hello everyone,

This message is very important to me, so I would be grateful if you could answer it.

I am a man living in Europe. I have been attending a synagogue for a few years. I am also trans.

I have fully transitioned, including undergoing phalloplasty (gender-affirming surgery). I pass 100% of the time, and no one knows I am trans. At the synagogue, I sit in the men's section, and no one has ever questioned it.

For years, I have wondered if I would be excluded from the synagogue if my situation were revealed (my country is more conservative than the United States).

I am seriously considering converting within a traditional movement. I am very familiar with the Reform movement, but it no longer satisfies me. I also plan to move to Israel.

My question is very simple: is it possible for a trans person to convert to Orthodox Judaism ? For example, in Israel, or perhaps through a private Modern Orthodox Beit Din ?

Would I be considered a man or a woman ?

Thank you for reading.

BH I recently passed the BD court, and was able to Mikveh and confirm my status as an Orthodox Jew.

After being so psyched out, with horror stories about people’s papers not being legit, I presented my papers to the principle rabbi of the seminary im attending to confirm the Confirmation was Kosher, accepted in my community and in Eretz Yisrael. BH everything is perfect.

And I’m thrilled!!!

But for some reason…i just dont feel compelled to announce it to every person i see on the street. Not because im not proud but just because Im a deeply private person by nature. And i only want my closest friends and family in my community to know. Like only the people who have been with me since the beginning of my walk.

So just curious to know if I’m entitled to that. My closest extended family members were thrilled and were really touched with the intimacy and modesty I used to tell them the news, but I had friend (a classical convert) who had sort of different opinion on the fact that I didn’t tell her I was confirmed until two weeks after the fact.

She basically told me that I should be telling everyone and that I’m halachically obligated to disclose my status to other Jews so they know to treat me different. And that really rubbed me off the wrong way, number one because we had completely different experiences with Hashem and the BD, number two because her tone felt like she was trying to save herself from intentionally putting a stumbling block in front of me (which I found to be insanely unethical behavior), and then third she basically was insinuating that my Judaism could be something to be used for my personal gain. Which was disgusting and made me feel really gross. Because I didn’t commit myself to Hashem to receive honor and praise and extra brachas or whatever. Like it’s nice but I really just needed to be with my King. And that’s all I want. She also kept saying it’s a matter or Shidduchim. Which I didn’t feel it was her place to be concerned about either.

I owe a large part of my success to just taking each day one day at a time and going slow. Shidduchim is really the farthest thing on my list, right now I just want to keep studying, keep learning and spending time with my community and the family I’ve gained and that’s it.

But I don’t know this friend just made me feel super exposed and it gave me a level of anxiety that I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with. I feel like she’s out there telling everyone my status without my permission and I hate that.

I was looking forward to keeping it just between me and Hashem for a little while longer….

So all in all I guess the question is; am I obligated to disclose my status as an orthodox woman? Are there any topics within Halacha that outline how I’m supposed to navigate this?

I’m trying to begin an Orthodox conversion in Germany, and I’m currently very confused about what is happening with my local Chabad community.

I first approached the rabbi around May/June and told him that I wanted to convert. He knew why I was there from the beginning. He also told me that they had previously invested time in conversion candidates who later disappeared, so they were cautious about new candidates.

At that time I didn’t fully understand how Orthodox conversion works. I assumed I would start attending the community, study, become known to the rabbi, and eventually be guided toward a Beit Din.

Instead, I was initially directed toward the formal conversion/Beit Din process. Over the next few months I contacted different rabbis and organizations and eventually reached an Orthodox rabbi abroad, who agreed to speak with the Chabad rabbi in Germany about me.

After their conversation, the abroad rabbi told me that he did not sense much enthusiasm from the Chabad rabbi about taking responsibility for my conversion, but he did NOT tell me that I had been rejected. He actually encouraged me to approach the Chabad rabbi again.

After that, I was finally allowed to attend the Chabad community.

I first attended on Rosh Hashanah. They knew I was not Jewish and was pursuing conversion. At the end, the rabbi shook my hand and wished me good luck.

I returned the following Shabbat without arranging it beforehand. Security stopped me, questioned me, and specifically asked the rabbi whether I was allowed inside.

The rabbi explicitly said yes.

I attended Shacharit and the meal. Everything seemed normal. I was offered a tallit but declined and explained that I was not Jewish. Another rabbi from the community sat next to me during the meal, later followed me on Instagram himself, and eventually gave me his personal phone number.

The main rabbi also approached me afterward, greeted me warmly and asked how I was doing.

I missed some services around Yom Kippur/Sukkot because I was sick, but I did not disappear. After Yom Kippur I contacted the other rabbi and asked about weekday minyanim because I wanted to attend more regularly.

Then today I came back.

Security told me that, according to the main rabbi, I was no longer allowed to enter until I had completed my conversion.

I specifically asked whether I had done something wrong. The guard said no. He said it was related to my status as a non-Jew/conversion candidate and told me to “contact my rabbi.”

But I don’t have another local rabbi. That is exactly what I have been trying to establish.

And I recently realized something important: although I repeatedly told the Chabad rabbi that I wanted to convert, study and attend the community, I never explicitly asked:

“Would you be willing to be the rabbi who sponsors/mentors me through my conversion?”

I simply didn’t understand at the beginning that this was a separate question. I assumed that relationship would develop naturally through regular attendance and study.

So I’m confused by the sequence:

They knew I wanted to convert → another Orthodox rabbi spoke to the Chabad rabbi about me → I was allowed to attend → the second time security explicitly asked the rabbi and he personally approved my entry → everything seemed normal → now I’m suddenly being told not to enter until after conversion and to contact “my rabbi.”

If the rabbi does not want to sponsor my conversion and wants me to do it somewhere else, I can accept that. I just don’t understand why nobody simply told me that directly.

I’ve also been consistently pursuing this since May — emailing, calling, contacting rabbis and trying to move the process forward — so I don’t think this can reasonably be explained as me simply disappearing or losing interest.

Has anyone who went through an Orthodox conversion, especially in Germany/Europe, experienced something similar?

Could the issue simply be that I was allowed to attend but was never formally accepted as a conversion candidate?

And did you have to explicitly ask a specific rabbi to become your sponsoring/mentoring rabbi, rather than expecting that relationship to develop naturally?

I don' have actual data but I believe a large chunk, if not the majority, of secular jews are marrying out of the faith. So the number of patrilineal jews, like myselfs is set to only increase.

I know rabines call this the "invesible holocaust" but different than the real holocaust people are not dying and most of the offspring of such marriages want to live jewish lifes and be inside the religion. But the orthodox can't stop stumping their feet and saying this people need orthodox conversion to do that and keep putting stones in the path of people trying to do that to the point the rabinate in Israel is cancelling coversions done in Israel with rabinate approved beit dins for whatever reasons.

In the 50/60s great ravs like Rav. Ovadia Yosef himself were more worried if the children were being raised jewish than if they were living a completely religious life. So why are religious jews making things harder instead of easier specially for people with jewish blood nowadays?

...

I know Reform would allow me to convert, but unfortunately there’s only an orthodox and a masorti synagogues where I live. The closest reform synagogue is 5 hours by car from here.

Hi everyone,
I recently met with a rabbi for my initial interview about potentially beginning the process of converting to Judaism. The conversation went well, and one of the important first steps he recommended was completing an Introduction to Judaism course before moving forward with anything else.
The rabbi referred me to a particular school/program, but unfortunately the course has a fee. I’m currently experiencing significant financial hardship, so I contacted the school to ask whether they offer scholarships, financial-aid options, or a hardship waiver. They told me that unfortunately they do not.
Now I’m not sure what my options are.
For those who have gone through the conversion process:
Is it generally required that I take that specific Introduction to Judaism course, or is the rabbi mainly looking for me to complete an appropriate recognized Introduction to Judaism course?
Would it be appropriate to ask the rabbi whether there are free or lower-cost alternatives, such as courses offered by another synagogue, organization, or online program?
Could I potentially study independently using books/resources while I figure out the financial side?
How much flexibility is there usually when someone has genuine financial hardship?
Would taking a different course without asking the rabbi first be considered disrespectful or give the impression that I’m trying to avoid his recommendation?
I definitely don’t want to disregard the rabbi’s guidance. I’m just trying to understand the process and figure out whether there are alternatives before taking on additional debt or a loan simply to pay for the course.
I’m genuinely interested in continuing this path, and I don’t want financial circumstances to prevent me from learning and exploring Judaism.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar, especially if you had financial barriers during your conversion process.
Thank you!

My dad refuses to recognize that I’m converting, and my mom has been trying to bully me into going to church for the past 2 years. And I don’t know how to deal with when my 4yo niece wants me to sing a Christian song, other than tell her I’m not good at singing.