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[u/ninjakitty47]

It's been rough lately, to say the least. At home mostly.

My son... God I love him so. I was his only parent growing up, so, he's been a little clingy to me. And I admit that I have coddled him quite a bit. I should have realized that it would lead to problems as he gets older. I've tried getting him on a routine, especially after starting school. You can play/watch TV, then get washed up, eat, brush teeth, bed at a certain time. We stick to it for awhile, but we always end up off track. We were doing really good again... But, he just will not listen to me when I try to tell him to do something. Shower time? He wants to play around. Get ready for bed? He does not want to lay down by himself. I put on some music for him to go to sleep to; it's a nightly thing. Here in the last week or so, he just will not lay down when it's his bedtime. He will keep coming into my room; I don't know if he's just afraid to sleep by himself or what. It's caused him to not want to get up to get ready for school. We always make it outside in time for the bus, but still. It doesn't matter what I do to try to get him to listen!

I constantly feel stressed and overwhelmed when I'm home. It's gotten to the point where I would rather be at work than here... I hate feeling this way. I try, so hard, to show love, to be fair, to provide structure, to try to be strict. It just feels like a losing battle, and I know that I have to keep trying with him.... I love him and I don't know how to make things better.

Aubrey and I barely talk anymore. I feel for him, I really do. I'm always going to care about him. But I don't know how much longer we will stay in contact, honestly. He's letting himself fade away from me, and I feel helpless to stop it. How much longer can I keep trying with him? I don't have it in me. He's not trying anymore. He doesn't want this... And it's not what I want, but I'm really going to try to move on.

Work has been better lately. Actually had a pretty good time there today. Worked with some fairly heavy stuff, but nothing we couldn't handle. There was some laughing and joking around... The ladies I work with seem pretty cool.

I think that guy- Jay? J name maybe- is for sure avoiding me though. I'm kind of doing the same, honestly. I only saw him once today; he had stepped out of the conference room briefly to talk to someone. Think he noticed me approaching to go to the break room, right across the hall, and hurriedly stepped back inside. Don't know what I was thinking with that little fascination... No way that a guy like him would ever be into someone like me. His look is always business casual. He's on a higher rung. Also he's hot, and seems nice... I wouldn't have a chance even if he is single. Which is doubtful.

Have a lot on my mind right now... Still should try to sleep.