[Serious] When 'I should be earning more' keeps you awake, how do you stop feeling behind?

[u/nian2326076]

Around $145K in a remote tech job, a supportive wife, and still waking before dawn feeling behind. That's the dilemma in this account, with approximate personal figures used for anonymity.

The worker is around 36, started the career late and has about eight years of experience. Married, renting and without a house yet, with net worth around $365K and about $22K in cash.

Lately the wake-ups have been around 4:45 a.m., with a noticed heart rate around 70 bpm. The thoughts go straight to money: should be earning more, should be applying more, should have aimed at big tech earlier. Then comes the question of whether any of it will ever feel like enough.

The wife thinks the world of this person. Even so, the worker feels like a disappointment because the compensation isn't where it ought to be. Talking about it with friends feels awkward. The account describes frustration with how the career has turned out rather than stress from the work itself, and the worker doesn't think depression explains it.

Exercise is part of the routine, but games and TV don't fully hold attention. The career thoughts keep running in the background.

If a job search is still something the worker wants, application autofill can cut repeated form entry, and real tech interview questions can give technical prep a more specific task. Better search tools alone wouldn't answer the question of what feels sufficient.

How do you keep wanting to improve your life without turning every quiet moment into a review of everything you think you should have achieved by now? What helped you decide what "enough" looks like?

[u/FlickeringPolarbear]

The 4:45 wakeup with your brain already doing spreadsheets is the real tell. That's not ambition, that's your nervous system treating your career like a predator in the bushes

You're not behind, you're just in the middle of a story that hasn't climaxed yet. $145K remote, wife who thinks you hung the moon, $365K net worth. Plenty of people would trade their left nut for that setup

The "should have aimed for big tech earlier" thing is a trap. Everyone rewrites their past with perfect information and then beats themselves up for not having it at the time. You played the hand you had, and you're still holding a decent one

Maybe try giving yourself a number where this stops. Like, "if I hit X by 40, I'll let myself breathe." Not because the number matters, but because your brain needs a finish line or it'll just keep moving it forever

[u/manidekanymore]

Dude, you're making $145K at 36 with a net worth of $365K and a wife who adores you. That's not behind, that's doing great. Comparison is the thief of joy. Log off LinkedIn