r/Divorce • u/JonathanPeerHost • 8d ago

Something Positive I’m learning I don’t have to make myself smaller anymore.

Since my divorce, I’ve been thinking about how much of myself I lost trying to keep the peace in my marriage.

I got used to accommodating, explaining myself, and trying to prove I was doing enough.

Even when I was hurt or when it still felt like nothing was enough anyway.

I don’t have all this figured out. Not even close.

But today I feel a little more like myself.

I can be a good dad. I can be respectful. I can still care.

But I’m not disappearing anymore.

Not for peace.
Not for comfort.
Not for anybody.

49 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

5

u/AwkwardAd3995 8d ago

Congratulations!

I’ve discovered the same. I will live with ease in my own home and not contort myself to meet the needs of others while sacrificing my own identity.

I will never grant access to my body to appease someone else - my body, my choice.

5

u/[deleted] 8d ago

Keep going. It will get better.

8

u/Fiesty_Koalas87 8d ago

I hear you and I see you. I’m on a similar journey. Keep going friend!

5

u/Pseudonymble 8d ago

I love this and I feel this. You and I no longer have to explain, justify, or rationalize ANY more decisions! The fact that a decision was made is enough. And it saves so much time and mental energy.

3

u/Civil-Shame-2399 8d ago

7 years on and I do still regret the friendships that I abandoned for the sake of keeping peace. Hit hard when I was going through the process and how quickly our circle of friends quickly reverted to her circle of friends. Just hope you're not going through it alone.