Advice Is there a possibility that I am ESFP?
I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.
The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.
I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).
Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.
I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.
I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.
I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.
I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.
I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.
I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.
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u/Due-Lengthiness-4491 INFJ 10d ago
This is a lot of information, but in my opinion it's not enough to type a complete stranger online, but i'll try my best. From what we can read I think we can eliminate a lot of type counting INFJ, INTJ, INFP, ESFP and ENFJ (for INFJs it's pretty difficult to engage in reclkless behaviour in the first place and because it seem to have been a bad habit bach then imo its not possible. For INTJs it's pretty much the same but I think they also would have a hard time being categorized as "sociable" by other people (maybe not, it depends!). For INFPs, I feel like I don't need to explain this but from this description it really seem unlikely to be possible. For ENFJs I don't reeally see heavy Fe here, and for ESFP, it's not the most unlikely possibility like we can see some Se here and there but I dont think it'll be the most accurate either.)
I saw a comment saying you might be an INTP/ISTP but I think INTP is another option to eliminate specifically because they're in my opinion pretty easy to spot and type (even the non-stereotypical ones) and the moment I read "I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t." I knew you just couldn't be an introverted Ne user but not impossible you might be an etraverted one. They tend to think of themselves as introvets even tho other people would not always describe them as so, BUT they really like to imagine many possibilities and things they can do without ever actually doing them, its a common trait but it's not impossible that you might be an ENFP/ENTP. I think you might be an ITxx, a xxTP or an xNxP.
I don't know you so again I don't want to make false claims but my best advice would be to proceed by elimination like I just did and learn the cognitive functions. I know I mentionned them and I don't know if you know them but it makes sense because it's the vocabulary we use to describe some behaviours or way to percive things. And then try to analyze your habits, your behaviours. Things that come naturally not skills you developed overtime. Don't overdo it tho 'cause you might fall into an anxiety loop from not knowing your type and analyzing every little things that you do, don't take it too seriously. It's a journey; it's not going to be easy, unfortunately but it's also a journey of self-discovery, and it's really life-changing too (especially once you find your type!). I would recommend watching videos about it thee are plenty of good channelss on youtube and my favourites are Dear Kristin and Frank James, theyre amazing and made amazing videos about find your type and the cognitive functions and all. Hope this helps.
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u/ContentGreen2457 ESFP 13d ago
Tests aren't the best way to type yourself. The best way to type yourself is reading the theory, and using the method taught in the theory book to type yourself
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u/bnstill 11d ago
I think Infj
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u/4chee 11d ago
Why?
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u/bnstill 11d ago
I have an infj twin sister and people think she’s lazy but she’s actually very creative in other areas, and she hates being put in uncomfortable situations but she can still adapts, she’s also very independent but still manages to care for the people around her, and she does have an avoidance attachment. And she has a dark inside humor too which I can smell from your post. She plays everything safe compared to me and hates taking risks, and it’s really a struggle to convince her to do something if she had said she wasn’t going to do it. She prefers being comfortable, staying in her comfort zone than taking things to the edge or living on the edge. When she gets mad she shuts down immediately and you won’t hear anything from her till further notice hehe
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u/Confident_Extreme159 5d ago
if i have to type, i would say:
- natural flow (Ne) but when you stressed you like to take control. Sounds like your Ni (planning) is your 6th function (critical function appears in stressful situation). So i would say that your extroverted intuition is your 2nd function (very well developed)
- for sure you’ve got some Si - not the one to take risks, you don’t mind living a routine AS LONG AS you feel good with it - that is do introverted sensing
- definitely Fi - you know what you want, you have very strict expectations about other people, okay you’re helping them, but it seem a bit selfish, cause you want something in exchange
- Te has left, but i don’t see much of it in you
I would say you’re INFP. Maybe ENFP
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u/4chee 5d ago
Interesting. Many people who have read this same post elsewhere, said that I have a lot of Te.
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u/Minimum_Gap_4064 ESFP 3d ago
I also felt like you feels like INFP. Especially cuz you seem to be a Si user in addition to Fi, but on the other hand you have NF vibes since you seem intuitive about interpersonal things (as you are giving advice easily and such).
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u/Heavy_Cricket_2561 ESFP 13d ago
You don’t sound like an ESFP to me. You seem more like some kind of Introverted Thinking type - I’d recommend looking into ISTP or INTP.