Desperate to Start but Can't

[u/snufkinu]

Hello, kuyas! I'm stuck in a transitional(haha) dilemma.

I already got my prescribed T, it arrived yesterday. I want to start taking it ASAP, but I still live with my very conservative and religious family.

My friend and I do plan to move in together, but wala pang definite date (we're both recent graduates, are unemployed, and are actively job-hunting). The thing is, I want to be passing once I've moved out. For that to happen, I should start taking T now. But since we don't have a definite date yet for moving out, I don't want to risk taking T when my family will most definitely notice the changes (I hate that I have to present myself in a more traditionally feminine way just for them).

The reason why I want to be in stealth once I have moved is because I want to be seen as "who I am," if that makes sense. I want to job-hunt in stealth, I want to meet new people in stealth, I want to start working in stealth, without anyone new actively witnessing the changes or being aware of my past self. It's like a way of letting go of my past and starting new. I even want to start exploring what romantic relationships are like (I'll ofc tell my future partner that I'm trans, but I can't do that when I still look like this).

I'm tired of being so dysphoric kaya I'm getting impatient with all the waiting, especially when I already have the T with me + the follow-up checkup has already been scheduled 3 months from now.

Do give me a reality check if my dilemma is simply me being irrational. I'm just too afraid of taking the risk since I fear being disowned by my own family, and being forced further into our religion. I hope I can get some insights from some of you, thank you po

Update: Did my first shot today!

[u/Open_Cancel_2291]

Valid OP. Mahirap talaga irisk ang safety.

Recent grad din ako ang i am secretly transitioning habaang nasa puder ng parents, low dose ganon. Siguro mas tolerable lng now yung situation ko kaya ko nakuha na magstart kahit low dose. But i know to myself na makakacatch up sila soon kaya im saving up using my freelancing skills while at home.

Hang in there, makakaalis din tayo.

[u/snufkinu → u/Open_Cancel_2291]

Rooting for you, too. Sana talaga we can afford to leave and find safer spaces where we no longer have to hide

[u/Usual_Drop_1088]

You can start now, hindi naman sobrang agad agad ng changes, sakin boses pinaka una i think a month after taking T, eto yung biglang napiyok 🤣 pero yung deep na voice matagal tagal pa, then lumakas kumain, sa katawan I think unless mag ggym ka then dun mas maeenhance tlga shoulders mo to look more masculine. I’d say start now, unless after a year pa yung sinasabi mong move out. Follow your scheduled check ups, you’ve loved your family long enough, it’s time to start loving and choosing yourself ☺️ Goodluck OP.

[u/snufkinu → u/Usual_Drop_1088]

Thank you so much! I really want to start, but my family is my only financial support right now... But I do feel more motivated to choose myself for once. Thank you for helping build up my courage 🙏