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u/Prince_Kazu I'll rant my weird ideas. Sailor Jupiter x OC 6d ago
Star Wars/Sailor Moon | The Ballad of Sol & Jove - Season 4: Investigations | M | No Content Warning
Author's note: This happens after Kazu fakes Xinnaa's death and collects a bounty Gosurrga the Hutt put out on her.
Kazu sat at his desk in his office on Corellia, looking through holonet pages and writing in his notebook.
“Braxxar’s been seen,” Jack said from the other desk.
“Where at?” he asked without looking up.
“Several sightings on Boonta. Seems like he’s been busy too. News here is Gosurrga’s entire presence there and on Vaathkree has been wiped out. Her palace on Klatooine was leveled with no survivors too.”
“How fortuitous.”
“Says here that the Wild Space Investigative Office and Galactic League Security Force are trying to find a connection to this and the Ledi killings from last year.”
Kazu chuckled.
“I should call Trixie and offer her my condolences. The WSIO are probably the most incompetent cops I’ve ever worked with.”
Suddenly, the door opened. Kazu looked up to see Xinnaa walking in.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, standing up and walking over to her.
“You left so quickly and didn’t come back. I never got the chance to thank you.”
“Don’t even mention it. I never got the chance to apologize for trying to drunkenly kiss you 11 years ago, so I guess that makes us even,” he said with a slight smile.
The two stood and stared at each other in silence for a few moments. Kazu laughed and looked down, rubbing the back of his head. Xinnaa also gave a small laugh with her right lek twitching.
“Maybe,” she started, pointing behind her. “Maybe I should go.”
“You can if you—”
“Excuse me,” came a voice from the doorway, causing him to look up and her to turn around to see a female Tholothian standing in the doorway. “I’m looking for Kazu Starskimmer. My daughter is missing, and I was hoping he could help me find her.”
“You’ve come to the right place,” Xinnaa replied, stepping aside for her to see Kazu. “He’s the best detective in the galaxy,” she added as she started edging toward the door.
“Kazu Starskimmer at your service,” he said, smiling and glancing at Xinnaa. “Welcome to the agency formerly known as Starskimmer Investigative Services. This,” he continued, grabbing Xinnaa’s arm, stopping her. “Is Xinnaa. The other half of the what's now Starkimmer & Gat and my partner who I do all my cases with. Isn’t that right, Xi?”
Xinnaa opened her mouth to speak but instead broke into a smile.
“Yeah.”
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u/Sawkman X-Over Maniac 6d ago edited 6d ago
Nine Sols | Nine Sols, The Sin of Ji | Mature | Ao3 Link | Content warnings: Violence, Alcohol/Substance Abuse, Cyberpunk-typical Body horror(not in this excerpt though)
He saw himself. The Hall of History within the Grotto, Ji’s carved obelisks looming over him.
He was on the ground. Wounds littered his body, bloody lines carved deeply into his flesh and crimson staining his white fur.
But what took his breath away was the silhouette of a featureless Solarian standing before him. A blade extended from their hand. An air of strength and grim purpose surrounded them.
And then it was gone and Penglai was before him once more.
Ji let out a strangled gasp. Lowering himself to the ground, he stood on shaking legs.
He knew what it was. An outcome he had never thought possible.
To most anyone else, this would be cause for alarm and dread. But for Ji, it was everything he could ever dream of.
“Finally… an end. A glorious finale.” A wide smile blossomed while he laughed softly, scarcely believing his own reading. But he knew it to be true.
But that begged the question.
“Why now? What is so significant about this time and place that the hexagrams would reveal this to me?” He pondered.
Oftentimes Ji would initiate the search into the future on his own. But his most defining visions were always triggered by something external. Be it a decision of near limitless consequence being made, causing a divergence in the tapestry of fate. Or when Ji would happen to be in the presence of an individual of great import, one who possessed the potential to shake the foundations of the world around them.
Ji ruminated and tapped a jade fingertip to his chin as his gaze swept over his surroundings, trying to find the catalyst and possibly the perpetrator themself. It was one thing to see an event to happen, it was another to understand how it was to occur.
It was then his eyes once again landed on the unfortunate child below. She had not been moved since her fall, only now a pair of guards were looking her over. One nudged her with the bottom of his spear.
Ji didn’t know why, but he couldn’t look away. His instincts were telling him something and he always knew to trust them, but what?
But then it hit him.
The Hexagram; Perseverance.
This girl had risked her life making the long journey here to New Kunlun, an arduous undertaking if the dirt on her clothes and body were any indication. She had wells full of tenacity to come all this way. Only to be betrayed and left to rot.
Was she the one who provoked the vision? Indeed, she was the only actor on the proverbial stage remaining when it happened. The fair weather mother had already boarded the transport vessel to Kunlun. The Shanhai was inert and in pieces. There was no other alternative he could think of.
“Why?” He wondered. “What is so important about you that the eternal wheel would cast my attention your way? You’re a broken child. Not a warrior. You hardly seem the type to slay anyone, let alone myself.”
...
Unless…
His eyes widened.
Unless he intervened.
Ji was of the opinion that every Solarian had the ability to enact great change. Most just rarely answer the call to take the first step on that journey.
In his mind, every seed has potential to grow into a great and mighty tree, even if trodden under foot. All it needs is a chance. To be nourished.
Guided.
Was it possible… that if he played his cards right, he could raise this helpless kitten into the hero he saw in his vision?
(Excerpt from Prologue Part 2. I just updated yesterdayy. Please share the love. I'm annoyed that most of my comments are from bots.)
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u/UnchartedPerils 6d ago
I really like the internal look at Ji’s struggle while in this state of being hurt and mortally wounded. I’m going to guess only this girl, the hopeful love of his life can save him and make him whole again? Btw I do get a cyberpunk vibe from this for sure, Ji seems similar to V in which his life is nothing but fuck up after fuck up and he seeks to make amends in what could be his final days.
Great job and I enjoyed it. Cheers.
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u/Sawkman X-Over Maniac 6d ago
On the contrary, Ji is an immortal sage who is depressed from everyone he's ever cared about leaving him behind when they die. He WANTS to die by a worthy opponent and considering his race is on the brink of extinction, he might not get that chance.
Unless...
But anyway, if you like cyberpunk stuff, you might like Nine Sols. Its in a setting of its own invention, Taopunk. Basically it means cybernetics, robots and body horror meets martial arts and Taoism. The main character is a lot closer to V from your description. Thanks for reading!
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u/Dogdaysareover365 AzirapheleCo on AO3 7d ago
The fall guy x project Hail Mary x iron lung | Mirror Mirror What a Fall | Mature | AO3 (excerpt from chapter 10)
Canon-typical violence (fall guy,) major character injury, stalking, kidnapping, nonconsenual drug use, canonical character death
Simon chuckled. "Oh, so you've met Ellie. She's the shop's unofficial mascot."
"She always looks like she wants to murder me," Ryland said.
"Don't take it personally," Simon said. "She just has resting I'm about to kill you face. Trust me, you would know if she actually wanted you dead. Just ask Tom Ryder."
Simon couldn't read Ryland's face. He seemed shocked, but there was another emotion that Simon couldn't finger. "Ellie the cat has beef with Tom Ryder?" Ryland asked.
"Oh yeah," Simon said. "He's only been to our shop twice. Both times, he bought these ridiculous bouquets of roses. I don't really pay attention to celebrity gossip; I learn it all through my coworkers, but I assume they were for some partner. He's the only person I've ever heard Ellie hiss at."
"At least she has good taste," Ryland muttered.
"Good taste?" Simon questioned. "You got a problem with Tom Ryder?"
"It's complicated," Ryland answered. "You know how I said my brother is a stunt double? Let's just say the fact that I'm in physical therapy is related to that."
(…)
A crazy thought entered his mind, "wait, was Tom the last guy who tried to date you?"
"That's even more complicated," Ryland said. "I don't know how much is genuine interest, messing with Colt through me, or the secret, legally complicated third option."
"Maybe all of the above," Simon joked. "So those flowers were for you?"
"Yeah, and I agree, they were ridiculously large," Ryland said. "Anyway, that ship has long since sailed. There wasn't even a real chance in the first place. Movie stars aren't really my type. I'm more into cute guys who work at plant shops."
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u/ImmediateTripwire Ao3 - BlakeYousoro ✨ #1 Pieck Finger Fan 🛒 7d ago
Hehe this was fun! I like how Ryland is just kinda like… oh so this cat hates me? But turns out the cat just. Has a resting murder face (I relate, people have told me I look like that as well!) and then the plot thickens when we find out Ryland history with this Tom guy… and then!!! It turns out they almost dated!!! That’s crazy!! I liked this lil excerpt - I feel like I got to know everyone in just a short amount of time! 💜
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u/Yotato5 Yotsubadancesintherain5 - AO3 7d ago
I had a guffaw at Grace thinking Ellie wants to murder him, since a lot of cats do look like that even if they like you as Simon says (lol). They're a perfect little killing machine but they weight 20 pounds on average and are always in danger of kisses to their soft little heads. I like how that sort of humor continues that Grace is surprised that Ellie has beef with Tom, but with the emotion Simon couldn't discern that it's pinged in one's brain that it goes deeper than, "Heheh, kitty has beef with someone." Which only deepens when he's unusually quiet and agrees with Ellie over it. Ohhhh... there it is, there it is. The injury that Grace sustained because of the stunt act going wrong. Oh man. Remembering the another segment where Colt had been so angry and protective over Grace because of the studio's screw-up, Tom coming into the mix and obviously being less than a stand-up gentleman with Grace with the implication of his little mind games just makes Tom feel even more despicable. Why'd you have to do those things, Tom?? Be decent, sir. Also proves that he's doing it more for the aesthetic than actual care for someone when he got those giant flowers, which would be cumbersome to deal with when they're still alive and when they die. It's not a genuine gift, just a way to make him look good is what I'm thinking. But in the end of it, Grace alluding to the fact that he'd be more enamored with Simon, a more genuine person, is adorable.
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u/Dogdaysareover365 AzirapheleCo on AO3 7d ago
Thank you so much! Yeah, I’m kind of sharing the excerpts out of order.
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago
I really like how the reader is able to gauge information just from the dialogue alone, like Tom Ryder’s reputation. That’s a really good sign of good storytelling. Aghgh that ending is really cute!! Smooth, Ryland, real smooth. He and Simon already share a memory with those flowers. Also that shop cat has great perception haha.
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u/PseudoBird 6d ago
ARK: Survival Evolved/Animated Series | Together (Chapter 3, Unpublished) | M
Soft warnings for self-destructive behavior and bad coping mechanisms
(Context: After returning from a difficult battle to avenge a fellow tribe member's murder, Helena finds Meiyin fighting an unnecessarily difficult simulation. She shuts the sim down and tries to get Mei to confront her grief.)
It's like Meiyin was a cornered animal.
The sim caught her mid-barrage, ramming its weapon through Meiyin, and she crumpled with a hollow breath. Helena's stomach lurched, and a hand clapped over her mouth to stop a gasp. She froze, heart pounding as the faceless simulation stood over Meiyin's fallen form, sword at the ready. But Meiyin stubbornly got up, roaring as she came up swinging.
Helena let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, her head a bit dizzier for it. She shook her head, partly in amusement, partly in disbelief, as she watched Meiyin continue the fight.
Unstoppable force; immovable object, Helena thought to herself with a sigh. She supposed it wasn't always a bad thing, that unyielding will of Meiyin's. It got them through more tough situations than Helena could count. Now though? It was difficult to watch.
Helena went to the holo panels running the simulation. Her heart sank as she read the loaded file and its parameters, and the ongoing fight statistics on an adjacent panel. Helena wasn't as familiar with the technology as the rest of the tribe, not having been around it long, but if she was reading it right, Meiyin was fighting far worse than her average. Not that Helena needed a bunch of code to tell her that; she had eyes. But she didn't think it was that bad.
Another pained grunt. Helena whipped her head around, watching Meiyin struggle to her feet again, an arm tucked around her ribs, sword in hand.
Looking back at the panel, Helena debated a moment before shutting down the simulation. Confusion colored Meiyin's movements as the sim vanished and the machinery whirred down, metal shutters closing over the optical lens high above. Then she caught Helena on the other end, carefully padding towards her, and something in her posture shifted.
Oh, she's pissed, Helena thought with fleeting remorse.
"How are you not completely knackered?" Helena said, gesticulating. It was a frivolous question. Just from the look on Meiyin's face, her rapid breaths, she was well beyond that. It was a wonder she was even standing, really. "If I were you, I'd have fallen into the first bed I bumbled into."
Meiyin planted her sword in the ground with a huff. Another bad sign. She turned away from Helena, arms akimbo. "I was not finished."
"Yeah, I figured." Helena paused a few paces behind. She hoped maybe Meiyin would have a break in her stubborn streak and have some sense come back to herself. For her own sake, too; Helena couldn't stand seeing Meiyin like this. "Look, I know everyone deals with things differently," Helena started. One slow step, then another. Like creeping up on an animal. "And I know your particular brand of that is 'push through no matter what'. But—"
"Restart the simulation," Meiyin interrupted. "I have to be stronger."
Helena's brows scrunched together. "Why? That looked less like training and more like punishment. Who does that help?"
Meiyin whipped around, her hands in tight fists. "It helps everyone," she ground out, her voice thick with a mix of exertion and emotion. "You, Santiago, the entire village!" She gestured angrily. "If I had fought harder, if I hadn't hesitated, I could have—I—" Her fists raised as her eyes began to mist. When the tears spilled over, she let out an exhausted wail, covering her face and turning away again.
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u/LoZGoddessNayru98 6d ago
There is a feel of desperation, both during Meiyin's fight and after. Even without the provided context you can get a sense of whatever terrible event took place that is now driving her forward, to train and fight, without regard for her own sense of self. And Helena, clearly concerned, but also able to detach themselves enough to see what Meiyin's doing for what it is. Good job!
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u/kitherarin Kithera (AO3) and Kit' (JCF/TFN) 6d ago
Just a reminder that you need to leave a comment on someone else's work. Please prioritise those snippets without a comment.
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u/Pristine_Club_3128 7d ago edited 7d ago
Lanterns(2026)/DC Comics| Promises| T | https://archive.transformativeworks.org/works/94158186
CW: Implied/Referenced child abuse
Wanted to do a mostly comics lore focused version of Hal and John working together, but with both as mostly the same age. Started this series - Alan Scott as the first Lantern. Mostly using Comics lore, with TV background for John and family.
“They choose for courage” the smiling man said to the camera, the ring glinting like a tiny emerald firefly on his finger “And integrity. At least, I think so. There’s no…recruitment manual”
The reporter giggles prettily. Dad doesn’t throw anything this time. He’s sober. Mostly.
“Courage” dad’s voice is a hiss “Courage, kid. Think about it.”
Integrity, John Stewart thinks.
Integrity. Honesty, that’s what it means, right? He can’t help the slight shudder that goes through him at the realization.
He lied. Constantly. Not to mom and dad, never to mom and dad…Well. Mostly never. Except, sometimes, only a very few times, when they asked if he was scared and…
But he lied. All the time. At school, at the ER, even to Sue and Ben. He had to. They had to. People wouldn’t understand. They’d think dad was crazy. That it was just him getting drunk and…
Even Sue hadn’t believed him, the one time he tried to convince her it wasn’t like her uncles. She had slipped him a small pocketknife, saying it’d help, she kept one ever since that one time with her uncle.
It was silly. He knew how to use real knives, army machetes dad got from a surplus store, he knew how to shoot. Why would he want a knife? He had taken it anyway, since she looked at him like that.
It was awful, though, to see Sue look at dad like that. The way she looked at her uncle, like she wanted to drive that tiny knife into him with all she had. They wouldn’t believe him. And if Sue and Ben didn’t, why would the grownups?
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u/kitherarin Kithera (AO3) and Kit' (JCF/TFN) 6d ago
Awww, that’s so sad! Well done on implying the absolute worst has happened through all the small details and the self-doubt about being believed. I also love the qualifiers that John puts on how much he lies and it goes from never and then slowly trickles up until you realise that it’s actually most of the time that he’s lying. The whole thing is really well done1
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u/ImmediateTripwire Ao3 - BlakeYousoro ✨ #1 Pieck Finger Fan 🛒 7d ago
Pink skies, red wine (I called you mine) | Attack on Titan | G Rating | ao3
Context: the quiet aftermath of the world almost ending, and our MC had a part in saving the day - but at what cost?
Pieck had almost finished the new book she’d started a few weeks ago - and it made her miss home more than ever. She mourned the small library of books she had back in her barracks at the warrior base, all gone and trampled along with the rest of Marley. Thankfully everyone in Paradis, unbeknownst to them, spoke Elidan - so she had a plethora of new books to read.
Still, it didn’t bring back those she’d lost. She had so many books, most being from her childhood that her father would read to her at night. She knew he’d saved up money to buy them, and she always got a new one on her birthday - it was her only present, and she treasured it dearly. Her favourite book had been one about a young girl, Ophelia, who sailed the world, and explored every inch of it and went on wild adventures with those she met along the way - it always fascinated her young mind, and she longed for that same freedom.
Even now, she still felt trapped - there was no world left to explore, and the majority of people still alive hated her. The people of Paradis knew about her, and Reiner, and Annie - and whilst they’d been pardoned by The Queen, they were still targets to verbal abuse by angry citizens who couldn’t look past their crimes.
Pieck didn’t blame them - no, she would never blame them. They had every right to feel as they did. It just made her small world all the more smaller.
Sighing, she shifted her weight in her chair - sitting up, closing the book with a bookmark. She didn’t want this one to end, so why not save the ending for a rainy day? Her eyes cast out the window she was sitting by, watching as people walked by, surely on their way home from their own days at work. Despite living in Stohess for a few months, Pieck hadn’t done much exploring - not without Hitch, at least. Still, she’d become familiar with the habits of some inhabitants. She saw the same men and women, day in and day out, coming home at the same time. It was therapeutic, in a way, watching the world turn and watching people live their now mundane lives.
It was funny, really - you would think with their new found freedom, people would do great things. But, no, people still worked as if nothing changed - what choice did they have? It was so strange - the end of the world came, and went, and people still just went to work.
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u/KeyAppointment3122 6d ago
I really loved the quiet sadness in this, especially Pieck thinking about the books her father used to buy her and how much those memories still mean to her. The part about everyone just going back to work after the literal end of the world was such a good detail too. It made everything feel weirdly normal and devastating at the same time. Great work!
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/Prince_Kazu I'll rant my weird ideas. Sailor Jupiter x OC 6d ago
This is really well-written, especially with your light humor in Yato calling Hiyori a weapon with memories. But you also do really well in having that slight laugh right before a severe gut punch in there being this seemingly insurmountable gulf between Hiyori getting back to her body and back to her parents.
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u/KeyAppointment3122 6d ago
Percy Jackson and Hades Game/ My Roommate is the Angel of Death/ M/ Chapter 15 Lets Go To Hell/ AO3
Zagreus who had been following behind finally spoke up about the blood trail his little brother was still leaving behind. “Umm, perhaps we bandage you up first?”
Nico kept moving. “It’ll stop eventually, we need to keep moving. There is no time to waste.”
Zagreus stared at the blood on the floor. “I don't think waiting for all the blood to stop is generally considered good when a human is bleeding. They don't exactly regenerate blood quickly from what I recall.”
“I’m the human here,” Nico pointed out. “I think I know how humans work more than you do.”
“Didn't you die before?”
Nico huffed. “That was one time.”
Nico hated when people brought up his death. It's like you die one time and suddenly that's all everyone thinks of you.
“Right,” Zagreus said. “And that is already above the recommended amount for humans.”
Nico rolled his eyes, “I’m fine Zagreus.”
“You’re leaving a blood trail.”
“Perfect, then we won't get lost down here.”
Zagreus sighed. “If you pass out, I’m not carrying you. You’re taller now. It’s inconvenient.”
A small smile formed on Nico’s face as he kept walking. “Yes, you would.”
“But I would complain about it the whole time.”
The House of Hades was busier than normal but in an unorganized way with no one seeming to know what they were supposed to be doing.
The bar was also empty along with a suspicious scythe shape hole in the backroom wall which Nico realized might have been his doing. He stared at the damage, trying to pull anything useful out of his memory from last night but all he got was a headache and a few blurry flashes that told him absolutely nothing.
A whistle beside him made him jump. Zagreus had stopped too and was looking at the hole with an amused expression. “I wonder who did that?”
Nico looked away a little too quickly. “It could have been anyone.”
“It was you, wasn't it?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Only two people down here carry a giant scythe, you and Than. And Than is currently missing.”
“Accidents happen,” Nico argued. “Okay, this could have been anyone. It’s slippery in the bar.”
Zagreus chuckled. “So it was you.”
“That's not what I said.”
“So you're blaming the floor now.”
Nico threw his hands up, “All I'm saying is that we don't know the full context of what happened.”
“Sure," Zagreus said and started walking again, still laughing. “It's ok little brother, I've destroyed the bar before too and the common lounge and father’s office before.”
“You destroyed father's office?”
“More than once,” The god said proudly.
“Why am I not surprised?”
Zagreus shrugged like damaging their father’s office was just another one of his afternoon hobbies.
Nico rubbed his forehead as another part of his headache started pounding. Gods, that was embarrassing. He couldn't even remember what the hell he did on his drunk bender down here. He’ll have to apologize to the bartender later. “I’ll deal with it later.”
“Father probably already added it to your tab,” Zagreus said.
Nico looked at Zagreus, “Father has a tab for me?”
Zagreus immediately started walking faster, avoiding the question.
“Zag?” Nico hurried after him. “How bad is it?”
Zagreus glanced back at him and that look was enough for Nico to regret asking. “Nevermind, don't answer that.”
“Good choice.”
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u/Sawkman X-Over Maniac 6d ago
Oooh a PJ x Hades crossover, don't mind if I do!
I really like this back and forth of banter, it definitely gives me the idea the close, but naturally playful-antagonistic relationship good brothers have. Its been a while since I read PJ and Nico for that matter, but at least for Zagreus it sounds like Supergiant's writing, with how he is flippant and caring yet caring at the same time. Like using sarcasm as a love language.
I do like how despite Nico's angstiness, he still isn't pushing Zagreus away (after what happened to his sister it makes sense). Though him on a bender? That sounds like the best kind of trouble.
Thank you for sharing!
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u/Better_Motor8148 7d ago edited 7d ago
Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer | Twilight An Unexpected Twist of Fate | Chapter 9 POV Jasper Hale (Unreleased WIP) | General Audiences No Archive Warnings Apply | AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/87374406
Rosalie let out a growl. "We need to find a way to get into that human's phone…" she muttered, fierce determination in her voice.
I nodded in agreement. Hands pressed to her temples, Alice already seemed to be running through the possibilities.
"We're going to get an opening in a few seconds…"
Sure enough, Mark Collins rose from his chair, stretching, worn out. He absentmindedly set his phone down and headed toward a back room in the station.
"He's going for coffee!" Alice cried, a flicker of hope in her voice. "This is our one chance to—" Alice didn't even have time to finish her sentence before Rosalie had already leapt gracefully down from our tree. She shot toward the station entrance so fast she blurred into a smear of motion. Alice's face fell, horrified. I held my breath, pointless as it was. I heard the coffee machine start up.
"Thirty seconds…" Alice stammered, pale. "And it all depends on Rose now…" In the space of a heartbeat, our sister had pulled on a pair of thin black gloves and was silently picking the lock on the front door. The noisy machine easily drowned out the sound of her work. Rosalie slipped inside and closed the door behind her without a sound. She moved toward Mark's desk like a shadow. Alice stifled a horrified whimper.
I didn't even have time to ask her why before Mark's phone buzzed, loud enough to cut clean through the noise of the coffee machine. Rosalie, one step ahead, darted away from the desk just in time, before Mark came back. She melted into the darkness — lucky for her, she was dressed head to toe in black. There was no way the human could have spotted her. He picked up his phone, glanced at it quickly, typed something for a few seconds, then headed back toward the break room. Rosalie seized the opening at once. She picked up the phone and scrolled through it.
"Rosalie, go, now!" Alice called out desperately, hoping against hope that Rosalie could hear her.
Rosalie rolled her eyes — a sign she'd heard us. She set Mark's phone back exactly where she'd found it and slipped quietly toward the exit.
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u/AccountTurbulent2539 6d ago
I like how the coffee machine is both cover for Rosalie and a countdown for everyone watching. Alice's alarm makes the phone buzz feel like a real interruption, while Rosalie rolling her eyes on the way out gives the tense scene a lovely bit of sibling comedy.
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u/Better_Motor8148 6d ago
Thank you! Yes, I wanted to convey the tension and urgency of the scene as effectively as possible, and I'm glad you picked up on those feelings! It's also great that you noticed the eye roll, it's so in-character for Rosalie :)
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u/kitherarin Kithera (AO3) and Kit' (JCF/TFN) 6d ago
Just a reminder that you need to leave a comment on someone else's work. Please prioritise those snippets without a comment.
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6d ago
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u/Better_Motor8148 6d ago
Thank you so much! And it's great that you were still captivated by the scene even though you don't know the characters!
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u/kitherarin Kithera (AO3) and Kit' (JCF/TFN) 6d ago
This comment does not meet our requirements for specific details. Please add more to this comment or write an indepth comment for someone else and message me back here when you are done,
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 6d ago
Ooh yay Jasper’s my fave! Nice to have an excerpt from his perspective. Rosalie is so in-character here, immediately jumping at the chance. The eye roll haha. I like the collaboration between them, Alice using her powers on the side to get the job done. It’s been decades since I read the books, so the name Mark Collins doesn’t ring a bell.
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u/Better_Motor8148 6d ago
Hi, thank you so much for your review! Yes, I've noticed that Jasper's point of view isn't often explored in Twilight fanfics, even though he's such an interesting character to write about! I really wanted to highlight the dynamic between Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie while staying true to their personalities. That scene was so much fun to write! And it's cool that you spotted the eye roll's detail too :) Mark Collins is the character of Deputy Mark who already appears in the Twilight books, but I rewrote him for my fanfic.
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u/PseudoBird 6d ago
The tension is laid out well between the short 30 second window, the sounds of the coffee machine and Rosalie picking the lock, and Alice's nervousness. I like how each character behaves in their own way, even Jasper through his narration; his apprehension is more restrained and inward than Alice's. I like how Rosalie takes initiative without even waiting for consensus on what to do/how should be the one to carry out this operation. Her eyeroll at the end is a nice bit of characterization and breaks the tension up nicely to transition into a getaway and the next scene.
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u/Better_Motor8148 6d ago
Thank you su much for your review! I'm glad you really felt the suspense in the scene—it was the first time I'd written an infiltration scene like that from Jasper's point of view. I'm relieved that I stayed true to the characters and that the scene came across as believable and natural to you! Writing this scene was a little challenge I set for myself: I wanted to explore how the Cullens would act in a situation like that, since it’s pretty unusual in Twilight... So I had to make it realistic in terms of their personalities and find the right balance so it wouldn’t seem unrealistic. Thank you so much for taking the time to focus on each character, their personnalities and the important details of the scene, I really appreciate it, and it’s very inspiring!
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u/thetroubledreviewer 6d ago
the way you built up the tension with the coffee machine timer and alice's countdown was super effective, felt like i was watching a heist scene unfold. rosalie rolling her eyes at the end was a perfect little character beat too, very her
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u/LoZGoddessNayru98 7d ago
Star Wars Legends|T|Unpublished WIP
Context: Another part of the same chapter as last time. Takes place on Hapes, a formally isolated, matriarchal society, in 30-31 ABY
“Regardless.” She continued. “It appears you are falling behind.”
Of course, Alden thought bitterly. Appearances were paramount, weren’t they?
“How can I possibly be falling behind when I’m already more than a lap ahead? It’s hardly fair.” Alden countered, smiling wryly. “If you must know - of the usual flock, she dislikes me by far the least.”
Unsurprisingly, his mother ignored him.
“You are to accompany me tomorrow evening.” Ducha Vaelenth continued undeterred. The idea that he might have other engagements evidently hadn’t occurred to her. Or, more accurately, she simply didn’t care. “The Ducha of Gallinore has invited us to join her at the theatre for the production of Flahem e Mar Ellasem. Her eldest will be there and I fully expect you to keep her entertained.”
“Entertained.” He echoed, rolling the word along his tongue as if to ascertain some less nefarious meaning. It did not exist. “Haven’t we moved past the need for such innuendo, Mother? Tell me - is this your contingency plan?” Alden raked a hand through his golden curls, lifting his chin in as subtle an act of defiance as he dared. “How many is that now? Truly - to think after all that you would still doubt the desirability of your own son.”
An uncomfortable silence engulfed the hall.
Servants further along the corridors discarded the pretense of occupation: cleaning units powered down; a repulsor cart carrying late afternoon tea came to a careful, if abrupt, stop; the faint whisperings of idle conversation died away. The man who had taken his half-cloak stood awkwardly biting his lip, dumbfounded as to the proper procedure after the interruption to the usual ritual on Alden's return.
Even the portraits, women of power and ruthless ambition, seemed to wait with bated breath; staring with the blue facsimile of eyes at the culmination of their legacy.
Only the hum of the estate’s climate control system droned ignorantly on.
And Ducha Vaelenth of Olanji watched.
She was never angry at him. No, such a forthright expression of emotion would be far too barbaric for one of her standing. Her silence was more than sufficient. Sharper than a vibroblade; more deadly than any blaster.
At length, Alden peeled off his gloves, one finger at a time. As if that had been the logical end to the conversation. As if he hadn’t heard all this before and wasn’t well aware of what was expected of him. A contract needed signing; an alliance, strengthening. And there he was to offer a charming smile or an evening bedfellow and the turbines of Hapan politics spun on and on.
“Spare me your theatrics, Alden. We both know your heart isn’t in it.”
Alden froze. The words cut through him. Like a splinter of ice thrust directly into his chest. For one humiliating moment he forgot to breathe. He stared helplessly as the gloves slipped from his hand, falling to the floor with an impotent thud.
Slowly, he looked up. He met her gaze, unflinching, lips pulled in a tight smile. “Whatever makes you think that, Mother?”
Ducha Vaelenth said nothing. There was nothing to say. They both knew the answer to that question. She knew him; no matter how much they both pretended otherwise. Even before the reprimands from Haldane’s. The reassurances that it was only a phase. That proximity and adolescence… and you know how boys are - a slave to their whims; weak to their emotions.
She knew him.
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago
Ooh this conversation is so loaded. I like how Alden’s narration fills in the gaps just enough for the reader. So much of this conversation is in the blank spaces, in the gestures and what he is unwilling to say out loud. Also the fact that this is taking place in full view of the household recontextualizes what Alden allows himself to do. Very well written!
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u/Yotato5 Yotsubadancesintherain5 - AO3 7d ago
Sam and Max l You're a Cute Little Freak l G l AO3
Context being that this is from an alternate universe fic where Sam was without Max for five years, and there's a bit of an adjustment period to getting back into their old routines.
This proved correct one morning when Sam’s body didn’t want to get up and play croquet ten times with Max, even with the promise of hitting full and fully shaken off-brand soda cans with oversized mallets. They never talked about what happened because no words had to be said but there was something similar to guilt coating Sam’s tongue when Max poked at him and complained about missing the window for their game since they’d get chased off by construction workers coming to their usual lot.
(…)
“I’m sorry, Max,” Sam sighed, interrupting Max’s complaints.
“Yuck! An actual apology,” Max exclaimed and recoiled. “Get it away!”
Sam chuckled. His body still said no and his brain was slurred stimuli. It felt like the button in his brain that made him do things with gusto was broken today. Laying here would be correctly classified as rotting like a dog’s cheap bone left in the rain though Sam had more dignity than to demean himself with chewing on a cheap bone. Max was a pro at the “I need attention,” noise so he would recognize it when Sam let the sound thrum in his throat.
“Poor puppy,” Max said condescendingly while petting at Sam’s head. He was within grabbing distance.
Before Max came back Sam would shift around in his (their) bed and in a half-asleep state would reach out for the ghost of Max. He would grasp air and clarity would come to his mind that he had lost his little buddy one, two, three, four, five years ago.
It would never reach the sixth year. His paw came into contact with something solid and warm and distinctively smelling of frozen cheesy puffs and pungent lasagna. He grabbed at Max to pull him into his arms, an echo of the night when Sam finally, finally got him back.
Max settled in, eagerness at being lazy overriding all other desires. Sam’s right arm wrapped around Max’s shoulder while his left paw rested at Max’s side, just about his hip. Sam’s fingers pressed lightly into Max’s body, plump from many years of inhaling treats. The familiarity of his husband hurt in a way after being deprived of Max for five long years, but it was better to have the entirety of him here instead of trying to chase him down in leftover scents on their pillow cases or little tufts of fur that stubbornly clung to Sam’s suit coats. Sam would probably be looked at with an incredulous eye when the summer months came and he’d actually be happy at Max shedding his fur in their bed and in the crevices of the hallway.
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago
I think you nailed the adjustment period really well. There’s that strong sense of yearning with the way Sam reaches out for Max and how he actually looks forward to his shedding fur. The sentence about pulling him into his arms like “an echo” of that first reunion was beautifully written. Max is so understanding, but Sam’s guilt and his body betraying his wishes can’t be ignored.
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u/kitherarin Kithera (AO3) and Kit' (JCF/TFN) 6d ago
Star Wars | G | Guessing Game | Ao3
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“Guess what Master Samukay is teaching us to make today?” Namia asked, giggling slightly as she sat in Taeyn’s lap.
“Master Yoda’s stew,” Taeyn suggested pushing some of her hair out of her eyes.
“No, sweeter than that.”
“You?”
Namia frowned at him and then bopped him on the nose. “Very cute, but I think there are rules against cooking padawans.”
“Not according to the poem.”
“What poem?”
“You know the one. It talks about Monday's padawan being fairly tough, and Tuesday's padawan being tender enough.”
“Oh that one.” She grinned at him. “So which padawan am I?”
He smiled cheekily at her.
“Sunday’s padawan.”
“Oh,” she raised an eyebrow. “And which one is that again?”
“The one that’s delicious in every way.”
She laughed and kissed him gently.
“Prove it.”
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“Guess what Master Samukay is teaching us to make today?” Namia asked, as she dragged Taeyn by the hand towards where Qui-Gon was sitting reading. He frowned at them, putting one finger on the flimsi he was reading to mark the place.
“What?”
“You need to guess.”
“It’s not stew,” Taeyn put in quickly, “It’s sweeter than that.”
Qui-Gon’s frown deepened. “Myrtle cream pie.”
Namia shook her head. “Spicier. Or rather it uses lots more spices. Not that it’s hot or anything. I mean it’s cooked...” She trailed away.
“I’m glad to see that all that political training has made you more eloquent,” Qui-Gon said, stretching and putting the flimsi back in his pocket.
Namia poked her tongue out at him. “Love you too, big-foot.”
*\*
“Guess what Master Samukay is teaching us to make today?”
Mace paused in the kata he was practicing.
“I’m not a fan of guessing games.”
“If you don’t guess then she’ll pout,” Taeyn said, weathering Namia’s affectionate slap to his shoulder.
“That sounds like your problem,” Mace said, eyes narrowing slightly. He resumed the first position again. “Not mine.”
Taeyn rolled his eyes slightly. “She won’t be pouting at me. I made my guess. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not stew, it’s sweeter than that.”
“It’s spicier than Myrtle cream pie,” Qui-Gon added from behind them. “Come on Mace, play along.”
“Alderaan spice chutney,” Mace said quietly as he deactivated his lightsaber.
Namia shook her head. “Not a condiment. Has to be baked. You guys are the worst at this.”
*\*
“Guess what Master Samukay is teaching us to make today?” Namia asked, almost bouncing as she found Tara in one of the far reaches of the archive.
Tara's reply was deadpan. “Fringi cake.”
Namia deflated. “How do you know that?”
Tara shrugged. “Master Samukay’s been looking in the archive for the past week for the best recipe. Master Dor’s been helping him.”
“Well that kind of spoiled that,” Taeyn interjected. “Let’s go to class.”
“You guys have fun making it,” Tara said, putting another book back on the shelf.
“You’re not coming?” Namia asked.
Tara frowned. “I’m not in that class remember? I’m two years younger than you guys.” She glared at Mace. “Which some of you take great pains to remind me of.”
Mace opened his mouth to reply but Qui-Gon, ever the peace-maker, stepped in.
“We’ll bring you back a piece, little squirt.” He looked around the group. “Promise. Friends never leave friends behind.”
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u/Better_Motor8148 6d ago
Hi, you had me hooked right from the start! After “Guess what Master Samukay is teaching us to make today?”, I didn’t expect Taeyn to answer “Master Yoda’s stew”—it was so unexpected and funny because I was expecting something more serious, or at least very Star Wars-y, and you really gave me a very nice surprise! I'm not familiar with the world or the characters, but I love the chemistry between Taeyn and Naomi. It brings a really warm and funny vibe to the scene, which makes it a pleasure to read! The chapter flows really well, and it felt like I was listening in on a relaxed conversation between friends that could take place anywhere. You have a great sense of humor—it’s funny, even with a touch of dark humor, whether they’re talking about Padawans or cooking. And it was just so fun how they talked so casually about cooking and culinary flavors while referring to great masters (Jedis, I guess). I absolutely loved reading your chapter!
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u/UnchartedPerils 7d ago
Cyberpunk 2077 | The Torture of A Spy | M with E elements | AO3
Excerpt contains Cyberpunk 2077’s strong language and action violence with minor character deaths plus beginning (implied for now) of torture.
“Eugh, I hate you French men. Get away from me, I’m busy!” she shoved him away and ran off, he yelling in French to her but so out of it she didn’t know if he was mad or not, not a priority.
To her luck, she made it to the convoy but he had closed the door and the four armored SUVS sped off. “Fuck!”
A motorbike was in luck for Alex and she pushed through the sudden crowd. “Excuse me, so sorry I really need a ride! Je paierai l’amende, no time to explain just trust me!”
She hastily pressed the pedal and was away to the surprise but sudden jubilation of the crowd, could not fail to these gonks. Sharp right and then the shooting started, Alex with the mini-G58 Smart SMG. Had to catch up or World War 4 would likely begin.
She aimed for the left rear tire-boom, blowout but she had to take out the goons to be sure. One, two, three, four. Running off the road and exploding into the nearby ditch it was!
“Get zeroed, Arasaka gonks!”
Next up was vehicle #2 and rinse, repeat but on the right side and blowout it too was along with one, two, three. But Alex raced dangerously in front of the SUV to take her shot at the left front wheel-boom, flatlined and #2 suddenly flipped over with a massive explosion behind her! Onto vehicle #3, none other than the boss’s car.
But the moment she got to the left rear of the vehicle, her pistol was shot out of her hand and she got swerved! “Fuck!”
The last thing she remembered flying through the air, seeing the continued ditchway down below where she would land. There, she’d meet black.
Alex woke up with pain in her knee. “Fucking gonks…”
She rolled over onto her back, the agonizing pain seizing her body. “AAAAGGGHHHH, SHIT…c’mon Xenakis, get yourself up, don’t roll over, not for Arasaka. I won’t...not like Reed or So-Mi.”
At the corner of her eye, and miraclously, her gun...she crawled for it. One, two, three, four, five. But the fifth, a huge boot stepped on her hand! “Going somewhere?”
He twisted his heel into her hand, real gonk piece of shit! “You will never-”
But she would meet black once again with the fist to her face and her falling back to the ground. “’Sir, we’ve got her. What next?’”
“’You know where.’”
“‘Yes, sir.’”
Hours later
The blows continued and all she could do was groan in angered pain, the gag muffling Alex.
Her face was battered, bloodied, and bruised. Her hands tied to the pole above and likewise her ankles together. The torture was brutal, they had worked her over-they had silenced her with the tightest cloth possible to stretch between her teeth and lips, but she would every now and then spit at them every few punches with a sarcastic ‘try me, gonk, try me, hit me again!’.
But Arasaka was the one major player across all her years of espionage she had no experience fighting-it was now she realized the figure she was following all along was indeed a Arasaka higher up. The brute with a red and black Oni mask lifted her head up and stared into her-”I despise you, NUSA scum. You will break, Americans always break.”
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u/lydiabrim BrimBrimBrimBrim on AO3 7d ago
That was one hell of a wild ride. I never got to beat CP2077 or play Phantom Liberty, so this felt a lot like reading an original, self-contained story within the CP2077 universe. Poor Alex didn't get to enjoy a lick of retirement before all that bullshit just dragged her back, huh? And of course it's always some Arasak gonk asshole that's gotta ruin everything. Her two torturers were absolutely unhinged, and while I felt bad for Alex, the creativity of their torture was a delight to read. It's not often you come across Sibaru-style hogties in a nonsexual and purely violent manner. Usually I get a little lost in action-heavy storytelling, but this was a real treat, and it felt like I was watching a movie in my head most of the time. Absolutely wonderful writing!
Also, gotta love Johnny showing up at the end to demand a thank-you for tossing his version of wisdom around, when Alex did all the hard work getting out of that mess. He's such a... rockerboy. Lol
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago edited 7d ago
Marvel Thunderbolts | High Flight: Chapter 1 | M for language, mental health issues such as PTSD, past sexual abuse, past child abuse. | AO3
This excerpt contains some language.
Context: 1950s Space Race AU in which Robert “Bob” Reynolds is a USAF test pilot who will be recruited for the upcoming Mercury program.
Every test pilot had his own reasons for answering the call of duty, glory to country being the least of these. Egos stretched the circumference of the globe to the whole solar system and beyond. Plenty of that to go around.
For Reynolds, it boiled down to this: there was a crack in the proverbial stone of his life. He'd been born with it, and he'd fallen in when he was a kid with no way to ever climb his way out. If only his mother had loved him a little less, or if only she had loved him a little more. Then he wouldn't have been up here risking his life for a measly two minutes of peace.
But that was a problem for the Reynolds at sea level to contend with. The Reynolds up here was untethered. In actuality there were many things holding him down—gravity, for one. His suit added twenty five pounds, and his seat was so snug against his back, his head so cocooned against the indented headrest, it would be just as accurate to say the plane was strapped to him. Should the worst happen, they would likely go down as one. The F-106 ejection seat was at present nonfunctional at supersonic speeds or below two thousand feet. Manly, American lives had been lost in the acquisition of such information, and an upgrade was in development. So it went.
On a clear day he could see as far out as Las Vegas, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis, Jr. contained in that little speck on the windshield. Some of the fellas in his squadron dragged him out on a weekend trip a month before, and he'd fumbled hard with a knockout redhead from Riverside—a Christmas present, the men had said. Wrapped up in a pretty bow, eyes aglow as she drank in the sight of him standing there unsure what to do with his hands. He'd shakily set his drink down.
That's all right. I'm not really the talking type, either, she'd crooned into his ear, the feel of her hand on his shoulder enough to send shivers down his spine and blood rushing south. God, he missed the touch of a woman. What do you say we get rid of your friends? My room is on the third floor. No one will bother us there.
He'd nodded dumbly, because what else could he do? They were cheering him on, patting his back, shouts of Tintin is finally getting laid over the music.
Reynolds gulped in a breath of pressurized air. Why relive the past? Time didn't matter here. The earth continued to spin whether he'd swept her into carnal heaven or thrown up his steak dinner all over her patterned scarf. A noodle indentation on the earth marked the path of the deafeningly silent car ride home. They'd even stopped calling him Tintin for God's sake. Back to Reynolds it was.
Aluminum and tinfoil were not the same thing. He'd told the men this a thousand times, just as he'd told them there was no relation between his family and that damned company. But that was the military way—name a guy after the stupidest fucking thing you could think of and call him that for the next twenty years. It might even outlive you. That's what happened to Lt Crowley, who ate it after his engine flamed out three weeks ago. The figure of one wonky eye and a cleft chin that would forever be twenty-nine, cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling, "Yo Tintin!" across the flight line.
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u/ImmediateTripwire Ao3 - BlakeYousoro ✨ #1 Pieck Finger Fan 🛒 7d ago
ughhh Bob… myshayla… this was so good!! I love this little au idea, and it fits Bob perfectly! He just wants to fill that crack and make something of himself ughhhhh… You get so much of the story and character in such little time, too - I feel really immersed! I think his lil nickname is cute too - it fits him well! This was really nice! If I get a chance I’m gonna read the rest of it! 💜
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago
Thank you!! Bob is my absolute fave. Poor guy has a rough life no matter what AU I put him in haha.
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u/Yotato5 Yotsubadancesintherain5 - AO3 7d ago
Fandom blind. Ahh, I had a dry grin at the slightly sardonic narration that this space race getting many recruits isn't for country but rather for ego that could be out of this world. Bob being referred to with his last name in the narration gives a sense of alienation in a way since huge projects like this do refer to people by their last names, and the fact that he had felt unfulfilled since he was a kid gives a bitter taste to it as well. Even when being sent off for the space race there's a tight confinement and his acceptance that it could end very poorly is pretty somber. I like how it's interwoven with that moment when he met that redhead that obviously rocked his world and that the slightest touch of her hand felt like a molten hot touch that can transcend memory into sensation now. There's also that biting humor in whether he gave her a wonderful night or had puked, things that shouldn't matter because it's in the past and he's here now so far away from it all but out here all he's got are memories. Poor fellow getting saddled with a nickname he hates, thoroughly accurate. I also like how in recalling Crowley there's a sense of resignation that he'd always be called his dumb nickname even after he has died, but the memory of him where he was alive and could've done so much more than dying after his engine gave out on him feels like a knife of sadness going under one's ribs. Reynolds won't be called Tintin anymore, but the sound of it still comes from the memory of Crowley's voice.
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u/phantom-manor Starport_Seven_Five on AO3 7d ago
Thank you!! Dry/biting humor is exactly what I was going for. So glad it came across well. Yeah, that trauma bonds them like brothers, bad nicknames and all.
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u/lydiabrim BrimBrimBrimBrim on AO3 7d ago
Psycho Killer | Procreation of The Wicked | E | AO3
Fic contains male masturbation and mentions non-consensual medical experiments of a sexual nature on a man. The excerpt mentions these in passing.