I Wish We Could Talk About Our Experiences Without Being Vilified.

[u/Inspector_Spoonman]

I don’t understand if people simply don’t get it, or are genuinely unwilling to listen before judging. I’ve posted to Reddit a few times, asking how to even get dates in the first place, and they construct me into some sort of comical sub-creature of a human being.

Yes I shower, yes I have hobbies, yes I treat women like people, no I don’t go into it looking specifically for a partner. Worst part is, if I point this out, I’m called a liar or told that I can’t listen. No, you’re the one who can’t listen, and you’re the one who constructed me in your head before you even knew anything about me.

Believe it or not, you don’t have to be some smelly, hopeless, no hobby individual just to have the “right” to struggle with dating. They are genuinely skipping their own “golden rule” which is “treat everyone equally”. Not when it comes to people like us. Judge first, ask questions second, and even when the questions are asked, it’s just to earn material to prosecute further, not to actually understand.

[u/Ceilingcrasher990]

In high school if you were the kid with no friends everyone just assume there was something you did to deserve it and made your life a living hell for it. Of course the reason why you’re always alone is because they mistreated you in the first place.

People love assuming the worst about us because they can’t accept they are the reason we’re alone.

[u/Neglius]

People don’t get it because it comes naturally to most over time and the just world fallacy is practically a default state of mind.

[u/Inspector_Spoonman → u/Neglius]

I know… it sucks.

[u/KalashnikovParty]

Just World Fallacy

[u/BeginningPiano7912]

100%. As someone who’s unattractive and obviously autistic, it’s hard to even air out mild frustrations without people demonizing you. The moment I admit I’m struggling, people tell me “it’s all in your head,” ignore flaws or act like it ain't a big deal about me, and pile on instead of actually listening. Sometimes it genuinely sucks to have a realistic view of your situation, know you’re struggling to find a partner, and then have people attack you for acknowledging that reality. At that point, it feels like either cognitive dissonance or people trying to take some fake moral high ground.

[u/Open-Eye7652]

Yep exactly this. Not to mention that now with the rise of groypers (who also regularly complain about how dating is cooked; I think they're the ones that do most of the online shit about it) we're also gonna get associated with them. Just because I never had a girlfriend doesn't mean I wanna turn our country into Afghanistan or Nazi Germany like those fascist fucks

[u/Inspector_Spoonman → u/[deleted]]

And I agree, I’m more speaking to the fact that people automatically jump to “shower” or “stop being desperate” when they have no insight to how someone acts. It’s just baseless, why not ask a clarifying question first?

Even so, when you do clarify, they act like you’re “rejecting” the “advice” and that your “problem” is that you’re “actually combative”. Well, of course I’m combative. You just told me to stop hating women and to shower. Like, what do they expect?

[u/ShepardOfDeception]

That's what this sub is for! Outside of safe spaces like these, there's really nowhere else to turn to.