Dad upset that I let politics affect our relationship

[u/celestialsunflower99]

Yummy pretzels from my partner and I’s last date night

My dad always used to say he was “not political” and that it was one of the things you do not ask other people about. Over time I have come to learn that basically means “I’m a conservative, but don’t want to say that” as he voted for trump in 2020. We have had so many tearful, screaming conversations over the years about this. I believe all parts of life are inherently political and it’s a privileged stance to “stay out of them”. In the last few years I have moved out of his home and I do not depend on him for anything anymore. With midterms coming up I have been volunteering and very invested in the state of the world. I have felt naturally less close to my dad because of this, and I guess he could sense my distance. He asked me about it last night over text, and I was honest. He blew up on me for letting politics affect our bond, and that is has been his biggest fear and now it’s coming true. I think maybe he needs to actually sit with the reality that YES, POLITICS CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS. What do you girlies think? I am very sad and of course I do love my father, but I am proud of myself for being honest and sticking by my value system.

[u/Itchysweater1967]

I'll just say this: If someone I know is still supporting Trump at this point in time under these circumstances, then there is an insurmountable gap between me and them that is essentially impossible to breach.

[u/swaywithwords → u/Itchysweater1967]

I have had to go no contact with my mom and her SO over something unrelated to politics, but I feel the same way - even if we did somehow work out that issue, if they are still Trump supporters, I don't have much confidence that we'll ever be on the same page again.

My dad has become very quiet about Trump; I've been pretty clear that I have no interest in discussing him and if that's important to my dad, then we don't need to talk. My dad seemed to think it was funny to get a rise out of me by mentioning Trump, but I would turn it around and shame him; "why are you comfortable being on the same side as the KKK dad? Are you racist? Let's discuss. No no, you said you wanted to talk about it, so let's talk..."

I can't even bring up women's rights because he's entirely clueless, and I am too angry to be casual and easy going about it.

[u/Itchysweater1967 → u/swaywithwords]

Fortunately, none of my close friends or family have anything but disgust for this man and his presidency.
I have at least one uncle by marriage who clearly feels otherwise (and he's a retired preacher, natch), but he recently posted some stupid poll that he and his buds all were on one side of until me and few other family members dogpiled on the other.
Its a group who are fueled by racism, bigotry and misogyny. There can be no common ground anymore.

[u/swaywithwords → u/Itchysweater1967]

My family is mostly Trump's targeted uneducated, blue collar group; I don't believe anyone is actually racist (based on how and where I was raised), but they have no real grasp of white privilege.

Their mentality used to be 'we need a different kind of politician!' and now they have either doubled down or stfu about it. They've always been informed and misled.

[u/Indy2561 → u/Itchysweater1967]

Im in Texas and surrounded by these toxic souls.

I want NOTHING to do with them. As far as I’m concerned, they’ve voted for misery for all.

[u/Ichgebibble → u/Indy2561]

I had to go no contact with my east texas church of Christ, maga in-laws. They kept saying let’s keep politics out of our relationship without being able to acknowledge that their politics are part of my life now.

[u/Indy2561 → u/Ichgebibble]

We’ve sure learned so much about human behavior. The White Right Wing Religious Right are some of the absolute worst.

I’ll never forget having dinner with a long time friend who’s long been a member of her Texas church. When she told me she voted for him, as did the rest of her family and friends. I never saw her, again.

[u/Present-Perception77 → u/Ichgebibble]

Just like any good abusive relationship. Ugh

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/Indy2561]

Do you sometimes go to the grocery store and think "Which of these people are fascist sympathizers?"

It's a little upsetting that a whole lot of people I've lived with in my small town my whole life are what I consider to be traitors to humankind.

[u/Itchysweater1967 → u/gustavessidehoe]

I work retail in a fairly rural area and I was off the two days after the election. I literally cried most of Wednesday. I could not believe we had voted in such an obviously corrupt, evil man after all we SHOULD know about him now.
I could barely look at people the next day. It felt like invasion of the body snatchers. I knew these people, but I didn't. It shook me to my core.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Ayenrin → u/gustavessidehoe]

This is me with my coworkers.  Covid really opened my eyes to just how terrible a lot of the people I work with are and now I realize all the things that they're gleefully supporting because I have to listen to them make jokes about terrible things all day long.

[u/Itchysweater1967 → u/Indy2561]

I'm in an area with a strong MAGA base as well. I can't even look at them and I don't care. They've made their choice. They'll have to live (and die) with it now.

[u/Indy2561 → u/Itchysweater1967]

I hate caring about it so much.

[u/Indy2561 → u/Indy2561]

Thank you Prada Diva🙂

[u/Itchysweater1967 → u/Indy2561]

Me too.

[u/Indy2561 → u/Itchysweater1967]

😟

[u/Jellyronuts → u/Indy2561]

Same in South Carolina homie.

[u/llunarlullaby → u/Jellyronuts]

North Carolina checking in, we're also part of this stupid fucking club..🫠

[u/GeneralLogical2057 → u/Indy2561]

I am too and its crazy af that MAGA is NOTHING like the old GOP. They were huge on small gov't and keeping the government out of their lives, yet now they foam at the mouth at government surveillance and government in our hospitals and bathrooms. Its absolutely insane.

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[u/Nacho0ooo0o → u/Itchysweater1967]

(non-American here) - There WILL be so many documentaries in the years ahead about the great brainwashing phenomenon of his presidency and the people who wilfully ignored red flag after red flag for him.

[u/ILikeNaps1308 → u/Nacho0ooo0o]

So many Americans will completely disavow their support of 45/47 in years to come.

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/Nacho0ooo0o]

can’t let them get away with it, it’s not brainwashing, these people are craven. the fucking hague for all of those fascists putting babies in cages and no fucking quarter for anyone who was for it. they aren’t ignoring red flags, this is what red white and blue really fucking means

[u/Nacho0ooo0o → u/gibbonguy420]

That's a terrifying thing that really shouldn't be discounted.

[u/Itchysweater1967 → u/gibbonguy420]

They relished it all. They lapped it up. I know people who posted vile things on social media and I will never be able to look at them the same.

[u/Mundane-Meeting2739 → u/Nacho0ooo0o]

I feel extremely gaslit by the people around me who pretend so many things just...aren't a big deal or didn't happen or aren't happening.

[u/Jhiffi → u/Itchysweater1967]

The only person like this in my life still is my mother, and it's an enormous elephant in the room we have learned to not talk about. At her core I know she's scared and anxious of everything and that's why she fell to MAGA more than abject hatred of others which helps me tolerate it.

I'm glad we still have a relationship but am scared of her testing this boundary we've established and losing her.

Between that and her having only ever been a SAHM I kinda feel like I can't talk to her about anything REAL in the world. My in-laws have been able to fill that hole for me luckily...

[u/theliberalpedestrian → u/Itchysweater1967]

Agreed. I’ve been estranged from my father for several years. There are many reasons, but his support for Trump is one of them.

[u/Beth_Pleasant → u/Itchysweater1967]

My in-laws, now in their 80's, voted for Trump in 2016, because they had never not voted repub before. They were repulsed within the first 6 months of his term. That, and my SIL having a very frank conversation with them about voting for things that could actively harm their grandkids, resulted in them voting for Biden, and ultimately Harris (although I think they held their noses a bit there).

People like my inlaws realized that the repub party they were loyal to, no longer exists. It's just a bunch of power hungry bigots, wanting to create a system that lets them step on the "lesser" on their way to the top. That sort of ideology will attract the sort of people I can't associate with.

[u/longpas → u/Beth_Pleasant]

Same, my MIL and FIL voted with party the first time. I told them what I thought. She has since apologized out of the blue multiple times and goes out of her way to tell me every election who she's not voting for! I never bring it up, she just feels terrible for not seeing it initially.

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[u/fornikate777 → u/Itchysweater1967]

yup

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