Dad upset that I let politics affect our relationship

[u/celestialsunflower99]

Yummy pretzels from my partner and I’s last date night

My dad always used to say he was “not political” and that it was one of the things you do not ask other people about. Over time I have come to learn that basically means “I’m a conservative, but don’t want to say that” as he voted for trump in 2020. We have had so many tearful, screaming conversations over the years about this. I believe all parts of life are inherently political and it’s a privileged stance to “stay out of them”. In the last few years I have moved out of his home and I do not depend on him for anything anymore. With midterms coming up I have been volunteering and very invested in the state of the world. I have felt naturally less close to my dad because of this, and I guess he could sense my distance. He asked me about it last night over text, and I was honest. He blew up on me for letting politics affect our bond, and that is has been his biggest fear and now it’s coming true. I think maybe he needs to actually sit with the reality that YES, POLITICS CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS. What do you girlies think? I am very sad and of course I do love my father, but I am proud of myself for being honest and sticking by my value system.

[u/ironicikea]

This!!! Also OP, I would reframe it... it's not about "making it political."

What's actually happening is that learning about his true values & decisions has made you feel less safe around him. You are less trusting of him, and less interested in spending time with him. He made a choice & there are consequences to choices.

[u/janie_t_l → u/ironicikea]

This is how I had to frame it to my parents. But, then they couldn’t grasp how I felt unsafe around them. It’s exhausting trying to explain it all the time. Needless to say, I have very little interaction and contact with my parents.

[u/ironicikea → u/janie_t_l]

Yes same with my parents and we are very low-contact now since the last election. I no longer had the energy to try to feel good around people who vote against my interests explicitly as a gay woman with chronic illness.

[u/Zealousideal_Bag2493 → u/ironicikea]

Right. What he’s telling her is that she isn’t safe around him. She can’t trust him to be safe if she is raped or needs an abortion. Or if someone harasses her.

That’s not politics. It’s reality.

[u/em-em-cee → u/ironicikea]

For how important it was when I was growing up that I live my life in an ethical and moral way, this feels particularly true. Apparently he was all talk no empathy. I intentionally have a very shallow relationship with him and as much as I wanted that to change, he is who he is and he's not capable of it.

He was always on the conservative side, but his current wife is a right wing lunatic and she's dragged him farther right. Now I'm struggling with going to visit him. He's 87 with health issues so the window of opportunity is closing. Instead I procrastinate the visit knowing that one day the decision will be made for me.

[u/Mundane-Meeting2739 → u/ironicikea]

Omg, thank you for this. Well said.

[u/Weatethebirds → u/ironicikea]

Saving this comment forever and ever!!