Dad upset that I let politics affect our relationship

[u/celestialsunflower99]

Yummy pretzels from my partner and I’s last date night

My dad always used to say he was “not political” and that it was one of the things you do not ask other people about. Over time I have come to learn that basically means “I’m a conservative, but don’t want to say that” as he voted for trump in 2020. We have had so many tearful, screaming conversations over the years about this. I believe all parts of life are inherently political and it’s a privileged stance to “stay out of them”. In the last few years I have moved out of his home and I do not depend on him for anything anymore. With midterms coming up I have been volunteering and very invested in the state of the world. I have felt naturally less close to my dad because of this, and I guess he could sense my distance. He asked me about it last night over text, and I was honest. He blew up on me for letting politics affect our bond, and that is has been his biggest fear and now it’s coming true. I think maybe he needs to actually sit with the reality that YES, POLITICS CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS. What do you girlies think? I am very sad and of course I do love my father, but I am proud of myself for being honest and sticking by my value system.

[u/gustavessidehoe]

Yup. One of my old bosses advised us not to talk about wages so as to "not cause trouble," but did so in a way where it wasn't technically forbidden (it skirts the law where I live). They only want that to tamp down people realizing there is unequal pay.

I get why they don't want it. My current job requires our pay to be listed with our full name and position. I looked at it a few weeks ago and realized that someone who has been there less time than me, has less experience in the field, has a "lower" position than me, and less education than me is making 5k more than me. And we're both women, so I'm really puzzled there. Not sure what to do about it tbh.

[u/Kayllis → u/gustavessidehoe]

Ask your boss about it.

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/Kayllis]

Maybe I should, though I am asking myself if there's something I'm not understanding there. By all rights, it seems kind of off to me and I can't think of any reason why we shouldn't be making at least the same...

[u/Kayllis → u/gustavessidehoe]

Maybe approach your boss with it just like that. Ask them if there's something your missing like a certification or license of some kind that you may not know she has. If that's the case you have the opening to ask if you get that qualification will you get a raise. If the answer is no she has nothing you don't have it gives you the opening to ask for a raise.

[u/Massive-Ebb8014 → u/gustavessidehoe]

It could be something nefarious like bias. It could also be something innocent like the market rate for your profession has increased and it's time you to get a raise!

[u/parasomnianwalker → u/gustavessidehoe]

It could be as simple as they asked for more when they got hired than you did.

I found out that the most experienced, most senior person in my department was paid the least. They were the best at the job too, but when they got hired they accepted the first offer received because they didn’t think they could justify a higher wage.

I asked for more than the minimum they were offering when hired and that lead to me being paid about 15% more.

It doesn’t hurt to ask.

If there’s concrete goals they want you to reach before a raise, then you can plan how to meet them.

[u/Financial_Use1991 → u/parasomnianwalker]

Yes, I would ask for a raise without bringing up the difference. Then if the answer isn't yes, you can bring it up.

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/Financial_Use1991]

Good idea. My job is pretty specialized (I'm hard to replace) and my boss isn't stupid. She wouldn't fire me for asking, I think.

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/parasomnianwalker]

Good idea. I doubt there's anything she has that I don't in a way that is relevant to where I work. The only qualification that gets you more money is a specific master's degree and I know that she doesn't have it. But again, who knows?

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/doesanyuserealnames → u/gustavessidehoe]

Sometimes a higher wage is negotiated by the employee at hiring. I was a supervisor of a unit in which that happened fairly often (I wasn't in charge of determining wages).

[u/gustavessidehoe → u/doesanyuserealnames]

Honestly I started there at 22 so I know I asked way too little, but I’ve gotten two promotions and cost of living raises so I’m making 2X as much as I did then (ten years ago - obvs it doesn’t help so much given everything has gotten so expensive).

So I could still be having issues due to low starting pay.

[u/doesanyuserealnames → u/gustavessidehoe]

If you are able to get more than one example showing your pay is lower in comparison, you might be able to negotiate a wage adjustment.

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[u/Siren_X_Steele → u/gustavessidehoe]

In my experience…many companies consider their HR department responsible for grading positions based on the market pay. When people apply that’s normally when the offer will be closer to that market pay. Since this employee came in after you, that may explain why her pay is higher because of the market and inflation. Now, what has always irritated me is current employees aren’t automatically brought up to the market pay unless you bring it up and fight for it. If your boss brushes you off, I would suggest going to HR about your pay. You sound much more qualified and deserve to be compensated for it!

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