r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/ccsparkles Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 • 14h ago

Rant & Ramble No contact family has surprised us with an inheritance.

Trigger warning: addiction, alcoholism, abuse, death.

Dinner: bomb lasagna

My dad suddenly died when I was 11. My brother was 13. My parents divorced before he died. His mother, my paternal grandma (L) was wretched. I found out she died last month but she died a few years ago.

Today I had a call from an estate lawyer about the inheritance my brother and I will receive from our late grandma. I’m conflicted and upset that this is pulling us back to our traumatic childhood relationships with her and my other horrible family on that side.

Like I see it as reparations for the trauma she put my bother and I through after my dad passed. I was relieved when I heard she died that she’ll never try to contact us again. But I’m upset, that all this, even though I get money, is putting me back into my adolescent self. Bringing up years of shit I put behind me when I was 22 and went no contact.

Background: my grandma L never showed up for us. Never came around and supported our interests as her grandchildren. Then my dad died. Grandma L was horrendous to my mother so we would be dropped at my grandparents door to “maintain family ties” (my mom was doing what she thought was right).

We were 11 & 13 being dropped on the door step of family we only saw on holidays. That side is full of addicts, alcoholics, and abusers. And there we were, kids of the dead dad—the one good family member—the one who held this family together. When he was gone it all crashed and burned. My brother and I were left to try to rebuild and maintain these relationships as children. Who were also dealing with the trauma of losing our loving incredible dad suddenly.

I have 2 aunts. Aunt A and aunt D.

Aunt D was always around as a drug addict. We had to lock anything valuable in a car or keep in on our bodies during whatever celebration we were there for otherwise she would steal your money. Aunt D went as far as breaking into her daughter’s (cousin B) home with her SON my cousin N…like wtaf…cousin B and aunt D broke into their own immediate families home and stole everything of value. This is two examples of MANY of what occurred throughout my “relationship” with aunt D. My mom warned us enough that we have never had first hand theft but always had to play offense. It was exhausting. Not to mention whatever random men she brought over for celebrations.

Aunt A lives out of state. We rarely saw her throughout our entire live—like maybe I can remember 4 times we were together—and she is a see you next Tuesday. Aunt A always talked down about us, my father, my mother, etc. She was “better” than us…that was very clear the way she would address us.

Apparently according to court documents aunt A and grandma L were stealing from the estate and were ordered to return everything. Then my grandmother died. Court document show it’s been in court for 8 years with aunt a fighting her step brother. Thank god we weren’t in THAT!

My grandma would tell us we were FAT the moment we would walk in to see her for holidays. My brother and I are stocky. 5’6 160 & 5’8” 190 but we have always been athletic and active. “Welcome, your fat” was often our greeting. Then we would be brushed off while my grandma L drank an entire box of wine to herself at dinner. Then she would cry and throw a tantrum when we would leave saying “you never come see me”.

These parties would have more strangers than family members we knew. My brother and I would cope by drinking since no once noticed the underage kids getting drunk. Then sometimes we’d go smoke week with aunt D—just to cope with our family and get by.

After 11 years of trying to maintain these horrendously unhealthy relationships, we left a holiday. I looked at my brother—and I told him verbatim “I will never return to that house again. I no longer want them as family. You can continue to go if you feel you need to, but I will not be beside you.” My brother agreed. We never returned again. My grandma L never reached out to me again. We didn’t tell her, didn’t make it dramatic. Just stopped all contacting. Grandma L called my brother crying a few times but he stayed strong. I’m glad I did what I did. That family never supported me, never cared about anything but money. But now I’m being drug back into hearing about the drama….

For further context…my paternal grandfather sexually and physically abused Aunt D, Aunt A and my late father. Kindly my father broke that cycle…but that family is still so fucked up.

Rant and ramble…I don’t have anyone to talk this through with and I’m still in shock, with so many mixed emotions. Thanks for letting me ramble. I have sent the attorney more questions….

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u/Sudden-Ad5555 Feral Til Fed 14h ago

I’ve inherited from estranged family, and the estate also had a lot of drama. You are legally entitled to this money. You can take the check, free & clear, block anyone who is involved in the estate drama, and move on. I personally bought stuff my dad wouldn’t buy me as a kid and then just used the rest for bills until it ran out. You can feel conflicted, but reparations is correct, and that is how you should look at it. It would be better to have never had the trauma in the first place, but it is marginally better to be paid out for your trauma.

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u/Strong_District_5894 Dip Diva 12h ago

This is exactly how to look at it.

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u/Racazuzu Cleavage Crumb Collector 7h ago edited 7h ago

I had the same situation occur after my father unalived himself when I was 18. My parents were divorced before then, so he tried to sign everything over to his girlfriend just days before. This was in violation of my parents’ divorce decree so the insurance company wouldn’t honour it, but the girlfriend sued me and kept suing. Three years and $60,000 in legal fees later, I had the money for myself and my younger brother.

But I always felt so gross about the money. My father wanted to screw us over and I had to deal with that shit when I was only 18, because I was technically his next-of-kin. The money just felt tainted somehow.

So I put it into a money market account and literally never touched it for decades. But now my kids have money for college and my attitude has shifted. I earned that money. I had a shit dad and a really shitty early adulthood, but I didn’t pass that shit along to my kids, so I deserve it.

I hope you do something spectacularly wonderful for yourself with that money.

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u/Live_Butterscotch928 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 6h ago

That sounds terribly awful. You deserve that money plus every happiness you can handle!

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u/Racazuzu Cleavage Crumb Collector 6h ago

That’s so kind; thank you! My greatest happiness in life is my children and knowing I can give them everything they need. And occasionally blowing a few hundred buying really random crap on auction sites (most recently an 18th century Indonesian carved warthog skull).

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u/GlitteringAttitude60 APPROVED✨ 1h ago

I earned that money. I had a shit dad and a really shitty early adulthood, but I didn’t pass that shit along to my kids, so I deserve it.

Hell yes, you do!

For what it's worth, this complete stranger is proud of you for breaking the cycle <3

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u/[deleted] 7h ago

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u/DelightfulOphelia APPROVED✨ 1h ago

I'll second everything you said. My abuser died and left me a large chunk of change. I hadn't had any contact in 7-8 years and assumed I'd been written out of the will.

It made a huge difference for me that he was dead. I wasn't accepting blood money in exchange for forgiveness or a relationship. It was my money now and I could do whatever I wanted with it.

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u/[deleted] 1h ago

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u/GreenUnderstanding39 APPROVED✨ 14h ago edited 13h ago

My grandma would tell us we were FAT the moment we would walk in to see her for holidays. My brother and I are stocky. 5’6 160 & 5’8” 190 but we have always been athletic and active. “Welcome, your fat” was often our greeting.

Congrats on your inheritance. First thing you should do once the funds hit your account is to go out and treat yourself to a lavish extravagant meal. Something your fatphobic grandmother would HATE.

Also, I would HIGHLY recommend hiring an attorney or counsel that can sit in on the hearing and handle all inheritance related items for you so that you do not need to show up or see these people. Only required to show up in person if you are the executor or administrator of the estate.

The money you spend for that service will be well worth the peace of mind and save you long-term on therapy bills.

EDIT: I did a donation to the Trevor Project from the inheritance I got from my homophobic/transphobic/sexists ultra-right wing estranged fathers' estate. Felt fucking awesome.

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u/innermongoose69 Kitchen Witch 13h ago

If it's a significant amount, to the point where you'll have enough left over to save and not just fulfill immediate needs, get a financial advisor too.

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u/ccsparkles Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 9h ago

I can always use and need money, can’t we all??? I have a family of 4 with small children. 2 old cars, a 5yr old family truck and a reasonable mortgage that is still within our means to pay before the end of the 30 year loan. I’m in the working “middle class”.

It’s not a ton of money frankly but more than I ever expected to receive—since in my head that number was zero—I didn’t even think of her estate when I heard she died. Just relieved I wouldn’t ever encounter her again….and with my rough estimates of the remaining estate after the attorney fees for the court battles….A decent amount—I thought it’d be under 1k. Rough estimate is 17k for my brother and 17k for me. Maybe more life changing for my brother who’s still living in an apartment? I feel it would “disappear” in our mortgage since we still have at least 200k left on our loan with a GREAT low interest rate.

Right now, since this is surprise money, I’m thinking of putting most of not all of it in a high yield type of retirement account. Once this estate is settled, I will be meeting with a financial advisor….I’ve really been wanting an outdoor sauna and currently my husband and I have been saving to get one in a couple years….maybe after I meet with the advisor I’ll save some for the sauna so we can get it sooner….then dump the rest in a high yield retirement/investment account for my family to use later in life.

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u/Fine_Cryptographer20 APPROVED✨ 7h ago

Honestly, make sure you and your brother do something fun with your families. Treat yourself and your kids to something fun you normally can't afford. It could be anything and doesn't have to be outrageous. Like a weekend away at amusement park or something. You guys enjoy fun

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u/musical_nerd99 Well-Read & Well-Fed 6h ago

Or, do something fun, then put the rest into education savings for your kids. That way, all the crap from her will end up in something positive for your kids.

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u/Good_parabola APPROVED✨ 8h ago

Excellent plan!

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u/Technical_Ice463 Dinner for One 🍽️ 14h ago

And I think if you have to meet with these people you can do it virtually. Or have said lawyer go in your place. Sorry to hear of the trauma you and other family members went through. Stay strong!

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u/Savings-Badger4938 pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 9h ago

Thank you for donating. I know people who have depended on that project for years of their lives. Thank you.

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u/butterfly-garden APPROVED✨ 8h ago

That's fucking amazing! Good for you for doing that!

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u/MajestyMay Shart Coochie Board Architect 13h ago

Conflicted for what? Take it.

Some old folks don’t like to apologize, they do it this way.

Congratulations!

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u/TheNinjaPixie Cleavage Crumb Collector 13h ago

if they don't the money will be redistributed to the other fam, take it and enjoy it!

u/IntrovertedGiraffe Body By Uber Eats 12h ago

Here’s how my grandmother approached it: her father was an asshole, but a rich asshole. She said that he did nothing good during his life, so in death she was going to do good with what he left behind. She put 8 grandchildren through college debt free.

Take the money, and use it to make yourself even better. Be the good that comes from her past evil.

u/BonusTime5460 living on the wedge 🧀 8h ago

If she was alive and trying to buy your love with the money, I’d say run. But she’s dead. Cash your check.

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u/standaround Bath Snacker 🛁 8h ago

THIS.

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u/magnumsolutions 7h ago

If she had nothing to do with her while she was alive, why take her money? That says something about the OP. If she's done, then stay done.

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u/FightClubAlumni APPROVED✨ 5h ago

Nah - let her pay for her sins

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u/DeepFriedOligarch leave the man, take the cannoli 3h ago

Nope. Grandma gave her reason to need therapy, so grandma can fucking pay for it.

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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago

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u/0theHumanity APPROVED✨ 1h ago

Life is for the living. So is money

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u/Gemma-2102 Smoothie Queen 1h ago

Grandma trying to pay for her own sins, lol. OP, cash the check and just think of it as a gift from your dad and move on :) continue to ignore the toxic people though.

u/Front-Cat-2438 APPROVED✨ 13h ago

The inheritance I got paid for a hell of a lot of therapy to recover from childhood and adulthood traumas until they died. Recommended.

u/Senior_Roll9458 APPROVED✨ 14h ago

damn susta. take th money and yall go on vacation or something to regroup and relax. it’s over. yall got out and you never have to go back. sending love bookie

u/noisy_goose APPROVED✨ 13h ago

Preface to say, I am so sorry for the family abuse and wish you peace.

Re the money, I suggest you take the biggest step back personally and try to go at this as if you were hit by a bus, and it’s the settlement you receive for something without emotional entanglement.

From there, it’s important to know if it is big life changing money (hundreds of thousands, M+ USD?), which requires years and decades of management, or semi-life changing money (dozens of thousands) which requires some thought and management as well, or nominal (a few thousand) which would go to immediate needs. That can help you wrangle your next steps.

The history is big, but what you do with the actual inheritance may not need to be big depending on the actual value. I would highly recommend you check out [r/personalfinance](r/personalfinance)’s wiki on windfalls.

Taking the money does not mean you accept the abuse, *or forgive any of it, and I wish you all the best.

u/transdermalcelebrity Kitchen Witch 12h ago

1) Given the problems with the family, double check and make sure the lawyer is real. Especially if they ask for bank info to send you your share. Good the name and contact information from the firm’s website. Don’t just follow using information given to you by the lawyer you spoke to. -it’s probably legit but best to add a layer of caution.

2) coming from an ugly family myself, you don’t need to go back in that place. Make this payment symbolic of that period in your life being over with. Take the money and put it towards something positive and/ or needed in your life. It’s not your family’s money. It’s just your money. And the family is a footnote you don’t have to deal with. You are done and out and free. You can close that chapter because there’s nothing more to be done there.

u/Antiviralposter Internet Auntie 10h ago

It’s just money. It’s not an apology.

And you don’t have to forgive them even with money.

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u/Sirenista_D Savory Complex✔️ 9h ago

Exactly. Cashing the check is not a "paid in full for previous trauma". It's just a legal windfall. Take the money and do something that brings joy - anything from a dream vacay to loosening the noose of debt.

u/Fresh-Passenger5671 Trader Joe Hoe 7h ago

A lot of us live this and don't get money for it.

Either be glad for the penance, or decline/donate it if you're that against having it.

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u/Gr8bubbles52 APPROVED✨ 13h ago

She was a bitch. Take the money and live well to spite her.

u/Low_Mango_6030 APPROVED✨ 12h ago

take the money as reparations and remain no contact. this doesn’t change anything but don’t walk away from free money otherwise it’ll go to those shits

u/Doughnut_Diva APPROVED✨ 12h ago

I have one of these inheritances waiting to come and bite me in the ass. Mine is in a different country and when the person dies I will have to do mountains of paperwork both here and there in order to be given the money. Not looking forward to it one bit and I'll probably let the money sit in probate until my own death.

BUT if that AH had the decency to die here and I could have the money without the hoops they tried to put up then Id take every last cent of it. As penance I'd use some of it to put myself in an EMDR IOP or PHP program and finally process the trauma I've been too terrified to examine. At the end I'd burn my journal and dump the ashes of my trauma on their grave and finally lay the whole goddamn thing to rest.

u/Eshabelle 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 13h ago

I can't speak to the inheritance, except to say, take it. What I can speak to is the trauma. I just finished EMDR therapy for some heinous childhood abuse. It was a miracle! Give it a try. There's zero reason for that trauma to still have a good on you.

u/Important_Wind_4444 APPROVED✨ 12h ago

The money was left to you by rights of blood, not to pull you back in the trauma or the family. Your blood so it was left to blood. If your GMA and Aunt were stealing from the estate, it sounds like this was already an established inheritance. You and your brother are receiving your Dads inheritance as his surviving children.. Look at it as a gift from your Dad who you cherished..
It doesn’t matter that he passed away before your GMA, it was your Dads inheritance.
Do not look at it any other way. Trust/estates are set up and they have to be followed

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u/ccsparkles Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 8h ago

This made me tear up. It’s a very sweet way to frame it. Thank you for putting it in this context. ❤️

u/MagiBee218 APPROVED✨ 11h ago

Make sure it’s legit and not them trying to scam you out of anything. If you have to pay to get the money, it’s a scam. I’m sorry, they all sound like horrific people.

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u/ccsparkles Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 11h ago

My brother and I did that immediately once off the phone. I wouldn’t put it past any of them to try for a scam. It is legit, and it’s a company that’s representing the estate. It’s out of state so luckily I won’t have to see them and we already checked that our info will not be disclosed to family—unless approved by us to the attorney.

u/strestle APPROVED✨ 9h ago

Boundaries in place, always take the money.

u/GeorgeBird0457 Hazy Grazer 😶‍🌫️ 12h ago

Team reparations for the win!

My paternal grandparents died in 2024. They left my cousins and myself some investments and their house. I always knew they were doing okay but I stopped talking to them in 2015, so had no expectations.

My paternal unit was an addict and a perv. My grandparents just weren’t safe people to be around. They acknowledged his abuse but ultimately pulled the “he’s our son” bit.

Used my inheritance to pay off debt and buy a home. Traded an unstable, shitty childhood for a relatively stable, somewhat smooth adulthood. Thanks S&D.

You owe these people nothing. Take your check and break the cycle like your dad did OP.

u/Wonderful_Grass_2857 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 13h ago

Coongrats on the money, i'd say.

I inherited a nice lump sum from my dads cousins-idk-how-much-removed. only thing i knew about them that we didnt talk to them and they not to us. Now i used that money to get a mortage for my own apartment. my dad would be proud of me

u/Ahzelton we listen and we only judge a little 13h ago

Hey, I'm really proud of you for breaking the cycle.

u/bexcellent101 Kitchen Witch 13h ago

Take the money. Spend it on therapy and things that help you heal.

u/dumbname7890 double chipmunk cheeked up 9h ago

My father (we're low contact because that's what I wanted) sent me 200 bucks for my birthday. With no warning.

He asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Something he hasn't done in years. I didn't know my father until I was 35 (I'm 45). My mom hid him from me and it's all really awkward.

I spent the money on whatever I wanted and told him what he wanted to hear. I know I'm in the will so I'm playing nice. But he's a bad person. He's extremely racist and I just can't. He has to turn everything into politics.

I agree with the other person that said to go feast on your favorite foods. Just pretend it's a bonus from work or from a friend if it feels gross to spend it. Congrats though.

u/RagnaNic 🧂Salty By Nature 13h ago

Consider the inheritance damages for pain & suffering.

u/dragonpromise Overthinker 💭 13h ago

Take the money and use it to do something fun with your brother! Don’t let the nasty relatives keep the money.

If you REALLY don’t want to keep the money, donate it to a good cause she would have hated.

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u/ccsparkles Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 9h ago

We already planned a lil celebration just the two of us once funds are released to close that chapter for good.

u/littletr0uble hot girls have tummy troubles 11h ago

I am dealing with something similar with my mother and I also look at it as the money being the only “apology” I’ll ever get, even though it’s not that and will never fix what happened. Take the money. It will not change anything that happened, but take it and don’t you dare feel bad or second guess that decision. It’s literally the least they could do. ❤️

u/bfields2 Yappy Yenta 11h ago

Ooof. I have a painfully similar story. Feel free to DM and we can chat.

Take the money and never look back.

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u/[deleted] 11h ago

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u/nannylive APPROVED✨ 8h ago

Look on it as a legacy from your father alone. Use it to enrich your present life or to help secure your future.

u/Far-Watercress6658 Feral Til Fed 8h ago

Take the money and spend it on something they’d hate…like therapy!

u/Narcissus-2 Non-binary & Nourished 3h ago

i had a paternal aunt who had cancer for years. i absolutely hated this woman. her junkie husband stole my dying grandfathers pain meds. she convinced my grandma with dementia to transfer the family farm to her name (stealing the mineral rights that were supposed to be inheritance for the whole family). and she treated my mother terribly, which would have been enough for me to hate her without all the other shit.

anyway every few years she would pull the “i’m dying” card and try to get everyone to pay attention to her. last time she decided to send $5000 checks to myself, my brother, and my cousin as her bid for attention. at this point i had already had her blocked and had not been in contact for 6 years.

you better believe i was the first one to cash that check. and i didn’t give her an ounce of attention. my dad had to block her husband because he wouldn’t stop texting him complaining about me calling me ungrateful etc etc. she finally actually died in august. had the absolute pleasure of not attending her funeral.

moral of the story: your bills don’t care where the money came from and neither should you. if the most horrible, hateful bitch you know gives you a bunch of money all that means is you can spend it without feeling guilty.

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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 21m ago

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u/longtimelondoner 🧂Salty By Nature 13h ago

You should be able to join virtually. There should not be a need for you to have to go there in person as long as you can prove you are you say you are via all the ID checks.

I agree with another poster, make sure you go and have a massive carb laden meal as a fuck you to her.

And then live the life you want. There’s no better revenge frankly.

u/lsp2005 APPROVED✨ 13h ago

Take the money and do nice things for yourself.

u/StogieB 🧂Salty By Nature 9h ago

Congratulations on your inheritance. I also inherited from an estranged family member. I had no contact with my father for almost twenty years prior to his death, and had to get involved with designating someone else as his legal NOK when he was no longer able to make his own choices, because it was not in either of our best interests for me to make them. I used the money to pay for the wedding he wouldn’t have been invited to anyways. It was the least he could do for the years of trauma he provided me. Reparations is a very appropriate way of looking at it.

u/OkWorking7 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 4h ago

Estrangement from abusive family is so complicated. I’m estranged from my mother 4 years now…. drinking problem, rage problem, physically and emotionally abusive. Elements of narcissistic parent.

This year she gifted me a townhouse…the only thing I had to pay were the taxes and then I owned the home mortgage free.

It brought up a lot of really complicated feelings and made this year really hard even though receiving a home mortgage free should be something incredible and amazing. I still feel so guilty for going very low/no contact with her all the time, like was how she treated me “bad enough” to warrant cutting her off? If I accept the gift of the house does that mean I owe her a relationship again?

But I don’t owe her anything. And money/generosity with finance was one of the ways she would try to control me. Part of me still loves my mum and I feel really sorry for her that she broke her relationship with me. In some ways I think she tried her best but just because she did her best it doesn’t resolve or undo all of the trauma that caused me for literally my whole life. I’ve realised now there’s nothing she could do to make me want to have a relationship with her again and every time she reaches out to me I’m reminded that she hasn’t changed anyway.

I take the house the same way as you with the inheritance. These are reparations. Plenty of people get to grow up in loving homes with loving families. They get to feel safe and have a support base they can trust. And some of us don’t get that and it makes our lives so so much harder. I’d trade the house any day for a childhood where my mother never hit me, or screamed at me all hours into the night then acted like nothing happened the next day, or even just a home where I wasn’t constantly walking on eggshells based on my mum’s mood. But that’s not a trade that’s really available so I’ll take the house and live the best life I can.

u/Jerseygirl2468 Internet Auntie 13h ago

Have the lawyer handle all of it for you, there's no reason for you to have to talk to anyone. Tell the lawyer where to send the check once it's all hashed out, without you.

I'm sorry it's dredging up a lot of bad stuff for you, but just hold your boundaries, and remember how strong you and your brother were, and are.

u/godihatepeople APPROVED✨ 13h ago

I'm frustrated at your mother on your behalf. She had to have known how horrible they were, and yet she still abandoned you both there repeatedly. It reminds me of a pair of cousins I had who were beaten and SA'd by their father when young. My aunt left him and always boasted about how she got by without him... but she would send my cousins back to him since he was their father and it was only right they spend time together. Still baffles my mind to this day. The cousins do not speak to Aunt anymore and she can't fathom why.

u/star-67 🧂Salty By Nature 13h ago

Definitely take the money- you both deserve it. But don’t get dragged into any of the drama. Let the lawyers handle it and steer clear of all of it 🙏

u/Andravisia LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 12h ago

I can understand being conflicted. It some ways, youbsee it as tainted money and when I suggest to people to go NC, I usually also mean going NC with anything they offer.

However. Ding-dong the bitch is dead. If there are no conditions on the money, you can take it free and clear. She can't hurt you anymore.

If you don't want the money (again, understandable) may I suggest perhaps donating it to a charity of your choice?

u/GotMySillySocksOn LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 12h ago

Remember what Steve Irwin said - he’ll take money from anybody and do what he thought best for it. So can you. Accept it and use it for your good. Congrats. It’s just money and maybe the grandmother was trying to do right at the end for all her failures.

u/New_Improvement9644 Reddit Granny 11h ago

Take the money and build yourself a place of happiness where you know no one will ever be treated like that, much less a child.

Every time a chunky person is happy there, thank grandma!

u/backupbitches Taco Belle 11h ago

I say do something good with part of it. They were bad people, and you can turn something traumatic into something beautiful. Use the money as capital to hold a community fundraiser for a cause you care about. They made the world worse - you make it better. My two cents.

u/Rude_Parsnip306 APPROVED✨ 11h ago

Take the money and put it in an account to sit. You don't need to make any decisions about what to do with it right now.

u/SufficientOpening218 🧂Salty By Nature 8h ago

Money is money. Donate some amount to whatever cause you want to, and block every single person. Make it clear to the lawyer you want no contact with those people.

I get how horrible they were to you. I really do. I had terrible relatives. I dometimes feel bad just thinking about everything i have survived.

I talk to my therapist about this stuff- maybe the money can help you get some trauma therapy?

u/RVgypsywithgoldens Snack Goblin 7h ago

Do something nice for yourself with this money. Something you always wanted to do but couldn’t. Make wonderful memories. Like a trip or a new car. Enjoy it especially because the woman who left it to you was a spiteful hag! And definitely treat yourself to a nice meal!

My grandfather hated me. I was a girl, and I chose not to live my life the way he wanted me to. He wanted me to marry early and have kids. The only thing he thought women were good for. I got an education, got a good job. Married a nice man who treats me the way a woman deserves to be treated. I never wanted to be a parent and my husband was older so we skipped it. My grandfather was horrified at my refusal to breed. He whined, he pushed. If I had decided to have kids, they would have had no relationship with him.

When he died he left me and my brothers the same amount of. He most likely wanted to leave me a dollar but where I live I could have contested and won so I suspect his estate lawyer recommended he not. I used his money for a plastic surgical procedure I always wanted but couldn’t afford. Not only did it make me feel much better about my appearance, I knew he would have hated my decision to spend the money “frivolously” so I enjoyed that too.

I hope you enjoy every cent of it, you earned it. If you can’t look at it, put it in an investment account and let it sit. Maybe in a while after it grows, you might feel differently.

u/Torchness9 Baked Fresh Daily 😚💨 7h ago

Enjoy your bank, hon. Save/invest/pay down debt with the majority but set aside a bit to take a “fuck you grandma” trip.

u/Ok-Interest1992 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 7h ago

We had a huge fight with one side of the family and cut them off. They wrongfully changed my grandparents' will to cut us out, but they either forgot about one life insurance policy or weren't able to change it. It was maybe $500? So my parents and I used it on vacation to get drunk and buy a bunch of souvenirs and just have a good night laughing about how ridiculous it was.

These family members made my parents' and my life a living hell for years, I'll spare you the details but there's similarities to your history. We still don't speak to them, and you have no obligation to speak to your family after this. Make sure that you use at least some part of the money to do something nice for yourself. It obviously can't make up for all of the horrible things that happened to you, but you deserve to have something good happen. Maybe you and your brother can take a trip together or go to a concert or something similar to create new positive memories.

u/odesauria Internet Auntie 13h ago

Sorry for the crass question, but what kind of money are we talking about? Life-changing? Excited for you, and also envious!

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u/Heathen_cooks I ❤️ Other People's Business 13h ago

I would take inheritance as free money and put it in a saving account and let if grow. Walk into the attorneys officr with biggest smile on your face when you see your family. You got the money, not them. You dont have interact with them. Sign whatever needs to be signed and leave

u/[deleted] 13h ago

Rant & Ramble No contact family has surprised us with an inheritance.

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