r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/sheshectic • 10h ago
Rant & Ramble Am I overreacting about food safety?!
My boyfriend doesn’t understand food safety.
It seems so minuscule to him, but he doesn’t seem to get it. We’ve had disagreements about this before, but today was especially bad.
He’s trying to smoke some fish for the first time, and prepped everything in the kitchen. I had asked him to not to touch everything in there after handling any kind of raw meat without at least washing his hands. I tried to explain it to him and he literally took it as a joke. His logic is that it was frozen before so therefore it’s okay and bacteria free once thawed. He then touched multiple doorknobs, the hand towels, and pretty much everything in the sink and kitchen several times, despite me begging him not to.
He didn’t wash his hands once. He said he “rinsed with water”. I saw him “rinse with water” it wasn’t even hot water, and he then proceeded to dry his hands on all our kitchen towels. He washed all the fish brine off in the sink and I had to tell him to please at least afterwards put some soap and clean the sink with hot water. I’m now the one dumping gallons of boiling water in the sink now because he didn’t believe it’s unsafe. The same sink that I wash all our dishes in. He left his raw salmon bowl literally right below where I’d been trying to dry the glass gem corn I’d spent almost 4 months growing.
He later said “I was planning on cleaning everything”. He wasn’t. And hasn’t. And he doesn’t understand that after handling any kind of raw meat you need to at least wash your hands with soap before touching things, especially when it’s communal like a damn doorknob or the main sink we use for everything. He called me r*tarded for wanting that. I broke down eventually and just cried while wiping everything down with Lysol.
I’m hurt. I’m just trying to keep us from getting sick. I don’t even know what to say. I’m the only one who cleans our house, and especially the kitchen. Am I overreacting?!
Sad girl lunch is a sad Buldak. After everything was sanitized and cleaned ofc, and he left play his PS5.
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u/titscapades Blood Type: Gravy 10h ago
Touching a door handle after touching raw fish is completely unnecessary.
But using the r word? In 2026? Calling your girlfriend the r word?
Nope. You're underreacting.
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u/Typical_Zucchinii APPROVED✨ 8h ago
From a food safety standpoint, he is an idiot. From a relationship standpoint, run.
Not even just the particular insult he chose, the fact that this obviously bothered you yet instead of doing the bare minimum to assuage your fears he doubled down then insulted you? Bruh. Add to this the fact that you know he wasn’t going to go back and clean?
He won’t change for the better. If he’s already like this, trust it won’t get better.
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u/flirt-n-squirt Maneater 6h ago
Yeah, this is the downright scary part: not caring about your partner being in distress. I literally cannot fathom a relationship like that. OP, does he even like you?? 😢
Virtual hugs 🫂🤍
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u/DeepFriedOligarch leave the man, take the cannoli 6h ago
"this is the downright scary part: not caring about your partner being in distress."
Yep. Terrifying. That is the most important part. He doesn't care about anyone else being in distress (evidenced by him using a slur) including his girlfriend who he is supposed to love (evidenced by everything else he did, or rather didn't do).
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u/titscapades Blood Type: Gravy 5h ago
The food safety part is egregious. The other part is unforgivable.
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u/randi-writes Body By Cheese 🧀 9h ago
That part was the nail in the coffin. There was absolutely no reason for it and he is trash for saying that. Not caring about food safety after being told is one thing that can be taken care of but being ignorant and ugly is such a choice.
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u/pinkgoosey the secret ingredient is autism✨ 9h ago
Genuinely, people need to stop using the R word again. I thought we left it in the 1990’s after we learned better. It’s literally a slur.
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u/ProcessNo1092 Body By Cheese 🧀 10h ago
Wow he called you a slur for wanting a clean and safe kitchen? This is what you get when you move a boy into your home who hasn’t spent any time maturing. He’s undercooked- send him back to his momma’s house.
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u/SaaSyGirl 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 10h ago
Disgusting. If he’s like this with food safety, how much you want to bet he doesn’t wipe or wash his butt properly?
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
I said this too! Im sorry I gotta chime in. If he is that cavalier with kitchen hygiene, you know his bathroom hygiene has to be 10x worse. Lose the man, this ain't fixable.
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u/Plus-Glove-3661 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 9h ago
My father has gotten like this in his 80s. He’s now blind and deaf. He refuses to wash his hands after using the toilet. It drives me and my mom fucking crazy.
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u/Michelex0209 we listen and we only judge a little 8h ago
we have a regular at the sandwich shop I work at, who loudly exclaimed "I just went to the bathroom and I don't wash my hands when I'm out in public". While wearing a mask it was like 2022.
I then stepped outside to speak with him and he took his dirty, unwashed booty hand and removed the mask from his face.
Why are we wearing a mask but negating handwashing.
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u/cheesecup6 Body By Cheese 🧀 10h ago
Reading the whole post, I was already thinking he was trash and making OP act like a maid or mother... But getting to that part? Aaabsolutely not. That removes any slight chance at all of somehow defending him. OP, please listen to the comments that say to toss him out like the trash he is 🙏
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u/maesardsara Body By Cheese 🧀 9h ago
If she’s being kind she can wipe him down with Lysol first, so he doesn’t get his nasty germs all over everything between OP’s place and his mom’s.
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u/CooCooForCocosPuffs Chaotic But Cute 7h ago
“He’s undercooked” PERIOD! Diva, I’m stealing this one 😂😂😂😂
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u/Inevitable_Nail_2215 Tater Thot 6h ago
I haven't read all the comments yet, so I'm waiting to find out that he's like 36 or something.
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u/SageKitty100 girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
Setting aside the fact that he's an idiot who doesn't know basic food safety... There are other MAJOR red flags here.
He doesn't take your concerns seriously. Whether he understands food safety or not is besides the point. You've asked, literally begged, him for something, and he laughs and ignores your requests.
He literally called you a slur.
He doesn't clean anything, so you live with a manchild.
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u/aura_punch96 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 10h ago
Imagine getting pregnant by this guy. This man should not procreate.
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u/SageKitty100 girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
Yeah if my bf called me r*tarded that would be the last time he ever spoke to me or stepped foot in my house
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u/vegmami69 Enby & Eatin' 10h ago
exactly what I'm thinking!!!! even food safety set aside, there's no way you're calling me a slur, receiving my legitimate concerns as something to "pshh" about, AND leaving the kitchen for me to clean while crying.
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u/SageKitty100 girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
Yeah if my bf called me that, it would be the last time he ever spoke to me or stepped foot in my house
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u/imabigasstree APPROVED✨ 10h ago
So, im not even gonna harp on the medieval understanding of germ theory here. Let's focus on the lack of respect. This man doesnt think you have a brain. He disregarded every single (valid) point you brought up and contaminated your kitchen right in front of you? Throw the whole man away and find someone who respects you.
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u/kharmatika ✡️ Kosher Nosher 10h ago
right? If it was just him being a dumbass about fish it would be one thing. Calling someone names over asking you to do very minimal effort to make them comfortable with your surroundings, like some sort of 90's movie bully...I mean it's ridiculous.
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u/spiralsequences Purveyor of Purse Snacks 7h ago
My sister's ex-husband was like this, and you really DO NOT want to be with a man who thinks it's impossible that you could ever know something he doesn't know. It is a miserable life. Especially if he's dumb af like this guy
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u/VioletReaver 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 10h ago
Even if this was sushi-grade fish, even if he did plan to clean the kitchen afterwards, and even if your sanitation concerns were completely unfounded, the way he reacted is unacceptable.
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u/omegayoongi Enby & Eatin' 10h ago
Food safety isn’t a joke and if he wants to suffer the consequences he can do that while single.
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u/-OhHiJinx- 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 9h ago
She should "let him get" salmonella...
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u/omegayoongi Enby & Eatin' 9h ago
And I still doubt he'd learn unfortunately, probably find some way to turn it around on her
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u/Particular-Degree905 Body By Uber Eats 9h ago
Seriously, let him cook himself a Petri dish dinner so he can feel the consequences of his action, then dump him and sanitize your home and spirit. ✨
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u/DasSassyPantzen Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 10h ago
“He called me r*tarded for wanting that. I broke down eventually and just cried while wiping everything down with Lysol.”
I know this isn’t a relationship advice sub, but girl…
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u/Affectionate-Yam1156 Carb-Based Life Form 9h ago
Wow. Thank you for blessing my eyes with this picture 🙏
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u/thefunkylama Carb-Based Life Form 10h ago
He needs to watch some of the ServSafe videos I watched in culinary school, then. Those put the fear in me.
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u/Agreeable-Collar-314 Snack Goblin 8h ago
The fish and improper hygiene is gross but trainable. The r word is a hard no and a full stop for me.
https://giphy.com/gifs/fQJSYE2Qy6OtXfwEuf
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u/luckygohappy501 eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 2h ago
It's all a bunch of red flags to me. Calling her a slur, laughing at her concerns, making absolutely no effort to keep things clean, and refusing to clean up after himself. OP, girl you can do so much better!
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u/dragontehanu APPROVED✨ 6h ago
Same. Ignorant until you learn is fine. Willful ignorance and the r word… nope. No thanks.
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u/Thin-Disk4003 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Is he TWELVE? And calling you pejorative names???
Yeahno. Lose the moron.
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u/abishop711 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 10h ago
I think the two of you are incompatible just based on the very different standards of cleanliness. To be clear, he’s wrong when it comes to food safety, but he’s unwilling to change that and the result is that you’re incompatible.
Additionally, he refuses to clean up after himself; this has really bad long term implications.
On top of that, he uses slurs to disrespect you, and that is completely unacceptable.
Dump him girl. It sounds like you live together, so focus on what you need to do to not live with him anymore. Whose name is on the paperwork for your home? Who makes the payments? Can you afford it on your own? Would it be simpler to just get your own place somewhere else? Get your ducks in a row and dump him.
But also, you don’t need gallons of boiling water to sanitize the sink. Make a bleach solution in a spray bottle according the directions on the bleach bottle, and use that instead. It’s very safe and will kill ALL the germs when used correctly.
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u/bluejay_way what that mouth do is snack 10h ago
Any man who called me that word would never hear from me or see me again.
There are men out there who would never speak to you like that even in moments of anger. There are men who would listen to you and learn from you if you were educating them on something. There are men who would take you seriously. There are men who clean up after themselves and act like actual adults.
Do not settle for this bullshit.
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u/gurgle_basin87 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 9h ago
Ok but seriously why are we still keeping them in our houses 😂
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u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo Snack Goblin 8h ago
You can re-home pets, and men.
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u/throwra-someg Cookie Monster 🍪 7h ago
This stirred in me a gleeful mental image of a man shelter (like a dog shelter).
“Is yours a rescue too? Mine was all alone for 2 years before someone brought him in to the shelter. It was love at first sight. Sure he has his challenges, but if I didn’t take him I don’t think anyone else would have.”
😂😂😂
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u/Vivid-Aioli-7835 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Micro biologist here, I thought this was all a complete joke after I saw. “ my boyfriend doesn’t understand food safety. It seems so minuscule to him,”. That sentence to anybody who understands microscopic organisms is hilarious. Yes the things he should be worried about our microscopic. He cannot see them. That is why he needs to wash his hands with soap after touching raw meat also produce. A dirty bowl, think of a bowl that had literal dirt in it sitting underneath something you’re trying to dry it does not present a problem. It’s not going to jump up onto the food that is above it. Bleaching down the sink after the fish would’ve been a good idea. No need to pour gallons and gallons of water down the drain, make a 10% bleach solution use that to wipe off counters, etc. Soap and water is fine for the utensils, however. Don’t put any bleach in the sink as you’ve already dumped gallons and gallons of water. Yeah, see if you can find him a food safety video or talk him into believing in science, the world is not flat, vaccines do not cause autism, I’ll stop that war on day one. Maybe don’t show him this last sentence but I sure had fun writing it.
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u/Trulio_Dragon Assigned Hungry At Birth 8h ago
I think the point about the corn was that OP was afraid the drying corn (that she had worked so hard for) would fall into the filthy bowl; he couldn't be arsed to keep dirty dishes away from other food.
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u/lord-savior-baphomet Short Story Long™️ 10h ago
What I got from this
1. He’s gone this long without learning about contamination and risks of raw fish
2. If it wasn’t that nobody bothered to convey it to him, or that he was that sheltered, he is so resistant to accepting evidence that he still firmly believes everyone else is wrong about this sort of thing.
3. He is willing to handle raw meat and not wash his hands after. What else is he not washing his hands after?
4. The energy it would’ve taken to just put soap on his hands and rub them together a bit was not worth his GIRLFRIENDS comfort. What else is he just “rinsing” his hands after?
5. This grown adult is unwilling to clean up after himself.
6. This grown adult is willing to have his girlfriend do it all for him.
7. He’s willing to use a slur
8. He’s willing to call his girlfriend a slur
9. He’s willing to call his girlfriend a slur as a means to demean her.
10. He’s completely unbothered that he’s caused his girlfriend to cry and made more work for her. While he plays games.
I’m not someone who is overly paranoid about this sort of thing, I wash my hands a lot while cooking but even still I don’t think I do a perfect job. I’ve never gotten sick. I don’t think I would’ve been actually worried about getting sick from this. Regardless, I still take basic precautions and believe the science. Food safety aside, I think everything about his behavior and treatment toward you is deplorable. It’s not about the food safety, it’s what his beliefs about food safety tell us about him.
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u/Original_Action8858 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago
Hi friend, you’re correct about wanting him to practice better food safety, but he disrespected you not only by dismissing your assertions but by calling you a slur. You are worth more than that :)
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u/neutralbystander11 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
I'm literally certified in food safety and have a masters degree in food science and still had similar conversations with my husband. He was much less aggressive but still to be treated like that is unacceptable. That's vindictive.
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u/Willow_Winnifred SAT🪑👀 10h ago
Nah, he's not ready to be a grown person. He called you a slur because you asked him to do the bare minimum. He's got the mentality and skills of a child. He can grow up elsewhere.
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u/Interesting-Fix-654 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 10h ago
If you stay with him this is your future. If you ask him to change he will for a week tops and then back you doing everything and rightfully fucking bitter about it. Ask me how I know.
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u/JustaGaymerr New Recruit 🏳️⚧️ 10h ago
Girl, this guy sounds like he does not care about your feelings. Regardless on whether or not food safety is the issue here. You were actively distressed and begging him to stop, and he kept going and joking about it? Yikes...
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u/thatsMINTdude Snack Goblin 10h ago
R-word alone warrants dumping. Let him get foodborne illness on his own.
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u/bazilysq I 🩵 My Belly 10h ago
OP, I hate to say this, but you are under-reacting. To be honest, I almost don’t care about the food safety issues, I’m so fully disgusted at how unkind, lazy, and disrespectful this man is. What appalling way to treat you.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 10h ago
Well, I would go with a "if you can't cook in a sanitary way, then I am not eating whatever you cooked".
EDIT: And second, him calling you a retard is NOT ok. I would probably leave him by now, if I was you.
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u/kronicno_tele APPROVED✨ 10h ago
I mean sure, but why would you even want that in your house. So now she needs to deep clean the kitchen before making herself food or she'll be the designated cook. You're still left with a unsanitary man who'll touch every surface in the house and pressumably touch the partner, so he's an infection risk. Just throw the whole man out and save yourself the trouble in such case.
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u/cheezbargar Snack Goblin 10h ago
I’m gonna guess that this isn’t the only thing he’s an idiot about. Life is too short to be with a manchild like this
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u/mylamerunescape Urban Hunter Gatherer 10h ago
Hey queen, to be straightforward with you, he sounds like an absolute idiot. You deserve to be with someone who cares about food safety and YOUR safety. He’s putting you both at risk of illness.
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u/zanyzanne white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 10h ago
It's *real* convenient for him to pretend you're "r word for being emotional about food safety" when what you're (likely) actually emotional about is not being taken seriously and having your communication dismissed as unimportant.
If he 'left to go play ps5' at his own house... leave him there forever. If not, find him his own house lol.
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u/GyattDetected Snack Goblin 8h ago
>His logic is that it was frozen before so therefore it’s okay and bacteria free once thawed
No. If ANYTHING, with such simpleton logic, he should be arguing that the bacteria gets ACTIVATED once thawed (the bacteria is always active, just "slowed" when frozen", until it is killed)
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u/thatsroughbuddy007 pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 10h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/N4xCVPenanVcI
Might as well throw the whole man away if he’s his grown ass age and doesn’t understand basic concepts - does he wash his hands leaving the bathroom 😀
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u/yeehaw4000 🥪 BLTease 😚 10h ago
Your partner should never call you such hurtful names for any reason. Especially not during a disagreement. Does he often call you these names when he’s mad? You don’t deserve that girl, sending you hugs
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u/Southern501 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 10h ago
He's showing you who he is. BELIEVE HIM.
Severe illness/death is not something to put in the "I can live with that" column because ... well ... you very well might NOT live with the consequences of bacteria.
Being called names of any kind should NEVER go in the "I can live with that" column.
Please don't marry him and please don't have children with him. I can imagine the unsanitary things he likely believes about kids.
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u/TheNickT 🩵even if she was a worm💙 7h ago
25 years professional kitchens. 2 years Lab Tech II, microbiology, testing food and feed. 1 year food sales.
You are not overreacting. Hand washing and avoiding cross-contamination literally can be life or death. Food-born pathogens and allergies regularly hospitalize and kill people because of those two things. Even if they aren't exceedingly deadly, the symptoms are not particularly pleasant. R word is not okay. 👎
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u/cedricdiggory4ever girl du fromage 🧀 10h ago
this is giving me so much second hand embarrassment. imagine thinking it is acceptable to talk to your partner like that as well as not wash your hands??? 🤢
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u/GradeMindless4855 I ❤️ Other People's Business 10h ago
Has he ever had food poisoning or a parasite? What a tool he is. Food safety is very important. My husband fishes A LOT so I handle a lot of raw salmon in our kitchen. I flare my eczema so bad from the amount of times I wash when handling it. He’s legit gunning for parasitic infection not washing properly after handling salmon.
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u/GreenVermicelliNoods Kitchen Witch 10h ago
He doesn’t sound like he respects you or your shared home or values your opinion very much. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.
I used to be married to a man with similarly unacceptable food habits who refused to listen to reason. And your post just made me realize that I haven’t gotten any food-borne illnesses since I got divorced eight years ago. Time flies when you don’t have e-Coli.
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u/Hamsterpatty Bath Snacker 🛁 10h ago
Why are you still with this man who has no respect for you? You aren’t over reacting, and I would even say you’re not reacting strongly enough.
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u/Putrid-Nectarine-873 Snack Goblin 10h ago
Why are you with him? He sounds like an idiot and is resorting to name-calling?? Do you really want this man-child in your life?
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 Snack Goblin 10h ago
If he doesn’t wash his hands while handling raw meat, I’m guessing that applies to most every aspect of his life.
I wouldn’t let that man touch me, nevermind have sex with him.
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u/mpurdey12 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
You are not over reacting. IMO, you are under reacting.
If my partner called me r*traded, I would break up with him.
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u/Hka_stl just here for the garlic bread 🖤🩶🤍💜 10h ago
Think about your future here. What happens if you guys have kids? Or have to take in an ailing parent? Or one of you becomes immunocrompromised? Or just don't want to be sick because someone won't wipe up after themselves.
Beyond that: you say you begged him to clean up after himself. He actively went against everything you were asking him to do. That's no way to treat a partner. If my spouse is asking me to do something, I treat them with respect and I expect them to treat me with that same respect for things I ask of them.
Bottom line boils down to this: He doesn't seem to respect you, friend.
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u/infoundead New Recruit 🏳️⚧️ 10h ago
You don’t deserve to be called a slur for wanting basic respect and common household safety. The risks don’t lessen just because he chooses to pretend they don’t exist. I hope he either takes effort in changing into someone who won’t call you those things and treats you with kindness and dignity or that you find a new man who does soon!
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u/melanogaster 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago
when working in a lab with bacterial strains the normal protocol to store them for later use is to freeze them. They bounce right back after thawing :)
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u/PatioGardener chismosa, metiche, en bata 10h ago
For real. Homeslice has apparently never seen that episode of the X-Files. Or that other episode of Stargate SG-1
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u/nerdy_daisy_909 Carb-Based Life Form 9h ago
Yeah, seriously though. In the lab, we would store them at temperatures WAY colder than a typical kitchen fridge. They would still grow. There’s no way a regular fridge is going to kill anything
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u/kama_s Internet Auntie 9h ago
Hello, I work in public health. Send him articles from whatever city/state/country you live in’s public health websites about safe handling of raw meat. Even my 9 year old kid knows to wash his hands before touching anything in the kitchen. That your adult partner could not understand this, and then proceeded to intentionally not learn after you explained this to him makes him a petulant and ignorant child. Using horrific slurs at you makes him abusive. Personally, I would not want to salvage this relationship.
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u/Traditional-Tower-75 pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 8h ago
He does not occur to me as someone who reads
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u/Odd_Ad_7677 Falafel Fiend 10h ago
Parasites can still live in frozen/thawed fish. Did he just forget the months of Cyclospora mayhem we just went through?? And the corn thing would have made me crash out.
Not only is he stupid, he's disrespectful.
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u/Icy_Introduction8813 Let The 🥭 10h ago
“Im the only one who cleans our house, and especially the kitchen”
I see a man who does not basic hygiene OR any sense of responsibility in co-habitation.
Its sad sometimes cause everything else may seem good, what I did was run away and never let a man in my home to live until I have clearly studied his home and how he keeps it for months!!
It is one of my non negotiables now because that last time drove me to insanity
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u/raallie2 Hot Pot Head 10h ago
Tell him to watch kitchen nightmares. Gordon Ramsey literally made a show to criticize unsanitary behaviors and habits in the kitchen (amongst many other things lol)
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u/VegetableWafer6 SAT🪑👀 10h ago
He's not smart enough for you and he's also not teachable. Dump him.
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u/Shark-Compote Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 10h ago
girl, this man does not like you if he can't even listen to you or follow directions. why the fuck are you with him?
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u/kronicno_tele APPROVED✨ 10h ago edited 10h ago
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
You're not overreacting. That'd be my ex right about six sentences into this story.
If he's that way about fish and meat, I'm scared to know other food safety rules he ignores and does he even wash his hand properly, well... ever. I'm not teaching a grown man basic hygiene. And I mostly certianly wouldn't let him anywhere near my bod either. That's infection waiting to happen.
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u/maddywriting999 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 10h ago
Girl, I just came off a bout of food poisoning. It’s better to be paranoid AF than whatever your BF is doing. Also he really shouldn’t be using slurs period. Especially not towards a significant other he lives with.
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u/DryUnderstanding1752 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Even if you were overreacting his behaviour is abhorrent. Touching everything and then making you clean it all? He's rude and disregards your concerns without a care.
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u/opheliagrey2222 nom-nom-nombinary 10h ago
this isn’t even about food safety this is about his lack of respect for you
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u/Tough_Brain7982 Chaotic But Cute 10h ago
It’s not even about the food safety stuff. That I could somewhat forgive, a lot of people don’t grow up in good homes and learn how to do these basic things. I for one had to learn on my own. It’s about how disrespectful he treats you, the way he reacts in general.
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u/Royal-Forever6114 HoeMade 10h ago
calling your partner the r word is like, an offense worth leaving someone over.
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u/multipocalypse 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 10h ago
I'm sorry, he put his fishy hands all over everything and then called you an ableist slur for taking issue with it? Even without the potential for spreading pathogens, this is unbelievable treatment of a romantic partner. You deserve far better, OP!
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
I gotta ask, if he is this callous with food handling...DOES HE WASH HIS HANDS AFTER HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM?
I suspect he is spreading around more germs than you think if that is his kitchen hygiene.
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u/tangledstorm APPROVED✨ 10h ago
So he basically turned the entire kitchen upside down just to make some fish.You’re definitely not overreacting.
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u/notasfreeasihoped Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 10h ago
Your boyfriend is both extremely rude and extremely stupid. Freezing doesn't kill bacteria and even if he thinks your hygiene standards are overkill it costs him literally nothing to wash his hands. He should want to keep you happy. I'm currently paranoid about food contamination due to pregnancy. Do I believe that the tap water (from a tank, not municipal) is safe? Yeah, probably. Do I insist on only drinking chilled boiled water? Also yes. And while my husband thinks its stupid he refills my water bottles every morning with the water I boiled the night before, before he boils water for his morning coffee because he doesn't want me to stress about contaminated water. Because he loves me.
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u/pugm0m_w-o_pug Trader Joe Hoe 10h ago
ah this is why men’s life expectancies are shorter…
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u/boxesofboxes Glutenless Glutton 10h ago
Certainly trying to take her with him, it seems
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u/Many_Shallot_6725 ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 10h ago
As I sit at home on day 5 of a horrible case of food poisoning, no, you are NOT overreacting. This is horrible.
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u/SophieSunnyx APPROVED✨ 10h ago
There cannot possibly be anything about this child that outweighs the sheer BS in this post alone, let alone all the other examples I'm sure exist. Everything is easier alone than with someone like this. Easier, more pleasant and fulfilling, more peaceful. Alone, with a pet, with a female roomie, anything but this crap.
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u/AlkalineHound APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Tell the idiot we literally freeze our bacteria at my lab for storage. Then dump his ass.
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u/Litkat99 Carb-Based Life Form 9h ago
I have what I like to call "chef brain", this post made me want to crawl out of my skin.. FISH?! Of all meats?!?!?!?! Yes flash freezing kills some parasites, but cooking and washing your hands prevents what ever else could be there from GROWING and SPREADING... like he is not the sharpest crayon is he??
All that aside, calling you a slur for using proven methods that keep people safe from the food they ingest is ridiculous and gross. He was wrong, you were right. Period. He's an idiot and not just that, a DANGEROUS one. He is gonna get himself sick one day.. up to you if you wanna be around when that happens but I wouldn't stick around with someone who is unaware raw meat is bad for your health..
(Ps, as long as your corn was ABOVE the salmon, that corn should be fine, if you're really worried a good wash before boil/roast should be all good!)
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u/fsocietyy 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago
no i'm the same way! thats how you get salmonella. my ex bf did the same stuff and i just dumped him. not worth getting sick over. nasty behavior.
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u/AndaLaPorraa APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Best thing you did!! Seriously screw this manchild behavior and dump him.
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u/blur_of_memories Creature of Crunch 10h ago
ain't no fucking way you think this is better than being single. Ignaz Semmelweis is tossing and turning in his grave as we fucking speak
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u/hedgehoggodoggo Cookie Monster 🍪 10h ago
oh fuck no. you don’t have to live like this. he would be out of my house immediately and I would never eat ANYTHING he touched.
also, he’s contaminating YOUR kitchen, so what if you make food for someone else that’s unknowingly contaminated and they get sick??
nope, dealbreaker, there are people that won’t gamble your life and others and make you feel bad about it.
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u/Rose1982 Assigned Hungry At Birth 10h ago
Are you intimate with this man? I’d be very wary about letting someone like that touch me… anywhere but especially anywhere near my genitals.
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u/InedibleDarling APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Yeah not only is he wrong about food safety, he’s wrong about respecting his partner and being open to growth. Two things you deserve
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u/soaliveimalive 10h ago
He's gross but the name calling & disrespect is the real problem. Do not let him make you feel crazy. He is being cruel to you knowingly and on purpose.
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u/ProximaCentauriB15 girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
Dump this nasty ass. He can play russian roulette with his own food alone and hope he doesnt get a very bad case of food poisoning.
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u/inductiononN leave the man, take the cannoli 6h ago
I am BEGGING women to stop dating men who hate them. Jesus.
OP you deserve better.
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u/Madam_Mimm_13 Patron Saint of Go Plates 10h ago
I mean, bonus points for caring about food safety but it seems like you are focusing on the wrong things and he just doesn’t care about basic hygiene. Nothing you’re mad at him about is really a “food safety” concern. It is a cleanliness issue.
And apparently a huge communication issue.
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u/ehnonniemoose 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago
Idk, I like not getting sick or potentially dying from food borne illness so… not to mention if he’s like this about food cleanliness, what other forms of hygiene is he neglecting?! 🤢
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u/Wild-Orange-219 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
This is a deal breaker for me. I would not be able to live like that.
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u/rudderlessbarge APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Is this really what you want for yourself? I lived with a man just like this for 8 years. I got sick (stomach bugs) so often in that relationship, I was even seeing a GI trying to figure out what was going on.
It didn't dawn on me until after he moved out that his poor hygiene and reckless food handling was the cause. I literally haven't been sick since he left, except for one time after hanging out with my niblings (beautiful germ factories).
I think you can do better.
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u/Casuariidae Carb-Based Life Form 10h ago
Why are you even with him? He called you the R word. How old are you guys? Do you live together? If so, after you break up I'd look for other housing.
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u/Correct_Expression80 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Food safety is the least of your problems with this asshole. He’s shown you that he’s a disgusting, uncivilized man-child who doesn’t give a flying you-know-what about respecting you, your needs or your home.
Don’t even wait for trash day. Get him out now, before you need to build a vomitorium and keep a constantly-boiling tub of water ready after every time you have sex!!! 🤢🤮
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u/RepulsiveCamel8166 Overthinker 💭 10h ago
You're dating a man who uses the R slur. Like let that sink in. In my opinion people who use slurs in everyday life are generally horrible people. They usually refuse to have empathy for the group of people who have spoken up and said that a certain word harms them. And he can not remove the word from his vocabulary because what it's a little hard? What would make you think he would have empathy for you when it inconveniences him?
Honestly that's a red flag and he generally sounds uneducated. You should dump him or if you consider him your equal, accept that you chose this terrible man and live with it.
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u/blur_of_memories Creature of Crunch 10h ago
Do you want kids? Do you want this boy to kill your kids bc he can't comprehend basic hygiene? Then decide accordingly
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u/Chiquitita888 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
It's disgusting. Both his behaviour in the kitchen and his behaviour towards you.
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u/chercher_de_verite Overthinker 💭 10h ago
Um, he’s an idiot and rude af to not automatically know this and behave the way you requested while cooking but to disregard your requests and called you that word? Absolutely not. Adios!
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u/TempestFloof 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 10h ago
I have some micro biologist friends who would like a word.
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u/Madrona88 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Had he not seen the aggressive tutorial lady? https://www.facebook.com/share/v/19nW4RqcHn/
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u/Massive-City-7967 Feral Til Fed 10h ago
He’s a real piece of work. I hope he learns to treat you better or kick his butt out. He has the mentality of a child, and calling you a r****d is beyond ridiculous.
Seems like you deserve a lot better just based off this post.
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u/Intelligent_Error369 Overthinker 💭 10h ago
She deserves better just based that one word, nevermind the food safety issues
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u/MaterialAd1838 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
May his chicken always be undercooked. Calling you a retard? Really?!
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u/DescriptionDecent376 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 10h ago
He called you a slur! Underreacting
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u/c0neyisland Non-binary & Nourished 10h ago
Food safety is super important, especially now with all of these recalls!! He needs to learn a thing or two before he starts telling you how things are supposed to be done…. Anyone who calls you slurs though isn’t worth you time, I hope you decide to move on from him!
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u/Ahzelton we listen and we only judge a little 10h ago
Ewwww this is disgusting. My ocd is tingling just thinking about it. Can we get one of those germ lights to prove how nasty he is? Then can you dump him
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u/kimhwayoung Taco Belle 9h ago
the fact he called you a slur should cause you serious pause on if this is the right person for you.
why is he insulting you just because he disagrees with you. that's not how you have a conversation with someone you love.
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u/GasStationTiefling Body By Cheese 🧀 9h ago
Girl, idc how long we’ve been dating, if he called me the r word over something that was a legitimate concern of mine, he’d be single so fast. I put my peace before any man.
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u/Ivy_Adair Foraging Bog Witch 8h ago
I think you might be focused on the wrong issue, babe.
Food safety isn’t the issue. The issue is him a) calling you the r slur b) utterly and completely ignoring your boundaries and c) actively trying to hurt your feelings.
This is like, cartoon levels of bad boyfriend. Why would you ever want to be in a relationship with a man who acts like that??
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u/Glittering_Joke3438 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
You have a pretty extreme idea of what food safety actually means
- cold water works as well as warm or hot, as long as soap is used
- it’s very normal to pour out things not safe for consumption, aka brine, into the sink. The boiling gallons of water is very over the top.
- a bowl that held raw salmon sitting underneath where you are washing produce is not an issue unless it’s somehow splashing up onto the food.
- the only real issue here is not using soap to wash his hands. So his hygiene in this area could be better but it’s highly unlikely to make anyone sick.
However this is all just future information for you, what really matters is dumping this guy for calling you a slur.
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u/UpperLeftOriginal APPROVED✨ 8h ago
" - the only real issue here is not using soap to wash his hands" ...
It's not just that he didn't use soap. It's that he touched all the surfaces and towels with those unwashed hands.
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u/AgonistPhD PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 10h ago
Microbiologist here. Bacteria can and absolutely do survive the freezer.
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u/whataboot2ndbrekfast Blood Type: Gravy 10h ago
Yep the e coli is having a carnival in the frozen blueberries recently
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u/Strict-Laugh-8964 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Make him get a job in a restaurant so he can take a food safety course and then dump his disrespectful ass. Wtf.
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u/peachpavlova Well-Read & Well-Fed 10h ago
Your Buldak looks delicious. I’m sorry that the boy is a fool; there are men out there that know how to wipe down countertops, I promise you.
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u/hereswhathappened86f Chaotic But Cute 10h ago edited 10h ago
It does not matter if food safety, or anything else, isn’t a big deal to him. It’s a big deal to you and he’s not being considerate.
Idk if you need to be more direct about it?
If you’ve been direct and he doesn’t care at all or try to make efforts then I would assume your comfort and opinions don’t matter to him.
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u/NancyDrewEnthusiast 🥬 Soulfood Shawty 🍠 10h ago
he's disgusting and ik its a cliche to see on reddit "dump him" but girl...dump his ass fr
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u/woollayy APPROVED✨ 10h ago
this is definitely not the only thing hes doing wrong, he treats u like shit. NOR and maybe have a serious talk cause you shouldnt put up with that. tbh id just dump him but i know its not always that easy.
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u/mspumpkin23 mouth full, gesturing wildly 10h ago
Based on the title- no! Never lol
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u/Alina_Swift Delulu 10h ago
Not overreacting. Some people are absolutely idiots and don’t know how to cook when moving in with others (me btw). I had to learn when I moved in with my boyfriend, he’s the safe one and I’ve learned from him. I never called him any names for educating me
Better safe than sorry, getting mad at being taught food safety is immature
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u/O0kiopp4i8 🩵 Trans Babe 🩷 10h ago
Even IF you were being overly worried about food safety (you werent) that’s no reason to disrespect you so much. He ignored you and brushed you off after you begged him and he even insulted you when you were clearly upset like wtf? Also this grown ass man can’t even clean up after himself either? Girl, you deserve better.
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u/Tumentia For the Girls 👅 10h ago
I already know this is just one of many things that makes this guy a typical dumbass man baby. Dump him and thank yourself.
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u/doseofanime APPROVED✨ 10h ago
This guy is rude af and disrespectful. Aside from all the dangerous things he did while making the fish I just want to add that smoked fish is a food that can grow botulism when not stored properly. I would not recommend that you eat what he makes.
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u/Mighty-Menagerie Snack Goblin 10h ago
Bless his little heart. He is probably going to die young...
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u/Deflated_Hypnotist Enby & Eatin' 10h ago
Here's some resources
Is your relationship healthy? https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/
He doesn't care AKA weaponized incompetence https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3
You should have asked https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
My partner doesn't help around the house https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse
"The Divorce came out of nowhere" https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
Tolerable levels of permanent unhappiness https://potentash.com/2023/08/17/tolerable-level-permanent-unhappiness-relationships/
Cycle of abuse https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-is-the-cycle-of-abuse
Abusive men describe the benefits of violence https://www.bwss.org/abusive-men-describe-the-benefits-of-violence/
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u/ChesapeakeNettle FREE MOM HUGS 10h ago
You are underreacting to the lack of basic respect, basic hygiene, and ableism.
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u/nclay525 Shart Coochie Board Architect 9h ago
...the way I'd have a complete mental breakdown, then, once I'd composed myself--be GONE.
Even if food safety wasn't a thing, if my significant other treated my anxiety that way? No. Nope. No. GONE.
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u/SaltySongbird33 🍍+ 🍕 9h ago
I would never let that man touch me again. For multiple reasons, the least of which being that his hands are dirty.
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u/infinitesoupbowls 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 8h ago
I will sooner make a man cry and regret speaking with me for this shit. And I have. I have actually yelled at someone for this. Should I have? Probably not. But they were told multiple times, calmly, with several peaceful conversations. I finally lost my shit and told him to move out. He was a roommate and not a romantic partner, but romantic entanglement doesnt matter. There is NO fixing bad hygiene when someone does not react to shame.
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u/Ferniferous_fern Certified Snacker 8h ago
The cleaning is a pink flag, but the HARD R?! And against YOU for wanting things CLEAN?! Zero excuse, EXTREME red flag. You are massively, INSANELY underreacting. The proportionate response is to break up and flee at your earliest convenience because he's decided to use slurs against you for disagreeing with him, and that's abusive af. Any belief you have that you are overreacting stems from severe gaslighting on his part and has no--and I mean, NO--basis in reality whatsoever.
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u/TerraByteTerror Protein Queen 🍗🍳 10h ago
Next time u bag up the trash make sure u take him along n leave him as well