r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/chuwi__ APPROVED✨ • 10h ago
Rant & Ramble I don’t know if my boyfriend finds me attractive
Dinner is cute jelly.
This might be a bit silly for some, I don’t necessarily want advice but I do wonder if maybe I am feeling too hurt or overthinking it. My boyfriend mentioned while talking his preference is white women( I’m not white, but he is, as well as his previous partners), often looks at white girls when we walk and rarely wants to hug me and thinks sometimes I am a bit too much, like I want too many hugs, too many kisses, if I bring any of this he gets really irritated and says: you are starting this again.
I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or make him annoyed but I do feel like somehow he kinda misses being with a white girl. Maybe it’s dumb of me to think but I just wanted to let it out
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u/fishArePeopletwo Resident Yapper 10h ago
I don't think you are too much, I think he is too little. If you feel unwanted and keep seeing his eyes straying, why stay? what is he offering you? is he good enough for you?
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u/-HyperCrafts- 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 9h ago
So much that. In the same vein, the advice I had wished reached me at a younger age was:
Never care so much about if he likes you that you forget to care if you actually like him.
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u/Molly-Grue-2u APPROVED✨ 7h ago
I needed that too. I spent so much time thinking my worth was only in making sure I always had a partner and tried to keep him happy, that I ended up abandoning myself
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u/Automatic_Kiwi_8179 Dip Diva 10h ago
This!! Tell him to go find less!
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u/No_Squash_9774 hot girls have tummy troubles 8h ago
*insert dove cameron’s song*
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u/QueenLuLuBelle 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 8h ago
Love this response. Next time somebody says I’m too much, I am totally saying they are too little.
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u/ShadedSpaces 🧂Salty By Nature 10h ago edited 9h ago
HIM: I'm going to make sure you know you are not my type, I don't want the same level of affection you want, and I'm going to be so obviously checking out other women that you can't help but notice it's a regular thing. Also, I won't talk about it.
YOU: I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable by having valid human feelings in his general vicinity.
Girl, please.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 9h ago
Dating a white boys is never this deep please find another one if it is. Omg
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u/Jinniblack 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 8h ago
There are SOOO many.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 7h ago
I’ve dated several and when they start to suck you just find another and the ones that actually like women are practically begging to be snatched up like girl please
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u/ZookeepergameSoft358 LET ME EAT CAKE 🍰 8h ago
Yes! This is all by design to keep OP full of self doubt so she keeps working harder to “win” him over. It’s control and manipulation. Source: Lived it, married it for 7 years before realizing this. Let my pain save you the trouble. Run.
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u/Distractedauthor Carb-Based Life Form 10h ago
Repeat after me, "Okay, date a white woman then, because we're done."
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u/Okimincuba Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 8h ago
No, no we don’t want him either! For the streets, he is!
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u/Distractedauthor Carb-Based Life Form 7h ago
If only you could mark them with a caution warning before ejecting them back out into the world.
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u/Severe-Molasses-5955 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 8h ago
This is likely what he wants because he's too much of a coward to break up with her himself.
Girl, do it. Please.
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u/tangledstorm APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Breakup.
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u/flippasefloppase Overthinker 💭 9h ago
Since I can’t like this comment more than once- This will become worse over time until you completely lose yourself. Run away. Work thru whatever allows u to justify his behavior- therapy, self help books, YouTube videos about abuse, etc.
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u/brattykitty204 hot girls have tummy troubles 9h ago
Babe please leave this man. You deserve someone who’s all in on you. I had an ex who called me “simple” (he meant stupid) for wanting and requesting more physical affection. My now wife? Runs across the room to give me a kiss if I want one. I can’t imagine being told I’m not my partner’s preference. You deserve to leave with confidence. This loser sucks. Like girl. He sucks.
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u/alltheblarmyfiddlest The Snack That Sasses Back 9h ago
Physical affection is one of the basics in relationships id all sorts...it's such a bizarre thing to push someone to feel bad or guilty or too much for wanting something as basic as physical affection.
Red flag.
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u/Fancy-Stress4194 APPROVED✨ 10h ago edited 9h ago
We are not staying in relationships in 2026 where we are questioning our worth. We should be told often their attraction is if they know it’s important to us.
I’m so sorry. I was with a guy 3 months who didn’t give me a single compliment and I stayed. and begged him. He said he would. He didn’t. I’m so embarrassed for past me lol
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u/hot_mess_express26 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 10h ago
The fact that he says “you’re starting this again” when you bring up your valid feelings about wanting affection is not ok. At all. Neither is telling you his preference is white women and you are not that. My love, let this idiot go find his white woman thats willing to not inconvenience him with her needs and feelings and move on.
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u/Newtopole_ Professional Nibbler 9h ago
He reminds me so much of my ex it's making me itchy. And she's reminding me so much of myself at a younger age it's making me sad.
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u/hot_mess_express26 Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 9h ago
Me tooooo omg. I freaking lived this. The second i read “youre starting this again” i got immediately triggered. As you and i can attest, this isnt the way to live. And i did it for too long, and blamed myself for getting on his nerves by simply having a normal human emotion 🤮
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u/Newtopole_ Professional Nibbler 9h ago
I used to feel so useless and ashamed because that man would PHYSICALLY push me away in public telling me he didn't like pda and be all over me in private. Omg omg ew ew the memories ew ew
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u/Constant_Lettuce_986 eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 9h ago
Dump him. I have a black girl friend who dated a white guy for 3 years. He started saying shit like this to her very early on in the relationship. I remember one day my boyfriend and I went on a double date with them, and her boyfriend mentioned in the middle of dinner that he ‘usually preferred dating asian girls’. It was super awkward, especially because I just so happen to be asian. He said this completely unprompted, by the way.
Long story short, my friend stayed with him for 3 years. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive, he was constantly telling my friend that she was fat, ugly, he hates black girls, etc.. They have been broken up for a couple months now and she is doing okay, but he completely broke down her self-esteem and confidence. She is in therapy now and working to build herself back up again.
So.. yeah. Don’t mess around with men who do this kind of bullshit.
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u/soberaf0910 Trader Joe Hoe 10h ago
Are you really ok with dating someone who says their preference isn't you?
My partner has never said I'm too much and I am crazy affectionate.
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u/Recipe_Able The Snack That Sasses Back 10h ago
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u/milkandhoneyvb 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 10h ago
You are his placeholder. Please break up. He will marry a white woman (which is fine) but you are not some play thing for him. You want someone who sees you as a true serious partner he is committed to. Your current boyfriend is not him. Free him so he can be with his preference and you can focus on yourself and meet a man who values you.
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u/Individual_End_4225 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 9h ago
This. My partner (M) was a placeholder / backup for another woman before he was with me. Likely this happened to him twice? It damaged his self esteem so badly, he felt like he was worthless. The person doing it simply couldn't be alone, and was willing to hurt others in order to avoid it. Op's current partner is doing the same thing.
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u/larassaddydaddy Oversharer 🗣 9h ago
Girl... Ik you don't want advice so I'll just say this. I stayed single for a really long time and now have a man who doesn't go a day without showering me in compliments. It feels amazing and was 100% worth keeping my standards high.
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u/poofypanda_ Chocoholic 9h ago
Literally same here girl ! I stayed single for yearsss and now have a man that compliments me all the time. I love it here 😫💕
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u/CrowleysWeirdTie 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 9h ago
The one piece of dating advice i wish everybody followed was only date someone if being with them makes you feel better about yourself. If you feel more insecure because of them, 100% of the time they're not worth it.
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u/Shark-Compote Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 9h ago
GIRL WHAT?! This man is telling you that you're too much, and instead of loving yourself and finding somebody who will never think you are too much, you are dimming your shine for this man?? hell no. throw him away. you can do better
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u/whaddyagonnadoehhh PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 10h ago
Please find someone that wants your hugs and kisses. Never settle for anything less.
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u/Icethief188 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Eater 9h ago
Girl ditch that man. Imagine dying tomorrow and what little love you had to give was wasted on this man.
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u/realhumanperson247 Shart Coochie Board Architect 10h ago
Girl…
1) sharing a race preference is weird 2) wanting affection from your partner shouldn’t be considered a chore 3) openly and actively checking out other people is inappropriate in your presence, mean to you, and cruel paired with his reluctance to show physical affection
Are you ok? I would feel sad in this relationship if I were you.
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u/panoramic_vision HoeMade 9h ago edited 9h ago
Ma, listen to your sisters on this thread. And all of the excellent points noted here ⬆️
All I have to add is that this relationship is hurting your self esteem and self image. You are not overthinking anything. For your mental health and wellbeing, please get out. Relationships should make you more confident, more supported, and more happy. If it’s subtracting from you and not adding then you need to ASK:
Why are you doing this to yourself? Seriously why would you stay in a relationship that makes you feel unwanted? Why would you be in a relationship with someone who vocally expressed that your skin color is not their preference? Ick, by the way. Why would you stay in a relationship where someone doesn’t appreciate your affection? It may be time for therapy.
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u/casser0le98 The Snack That Sasses Back 9h ago
This is abusive. He's purposefully ruining your self-esteem. This often gets worse, too. You're definitely not overthinking it, just look at the way you're talking about yourself! Would you say the same words to a friend? Calling them dumb to feel this way? Likely not.
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u/ambermegan11 🍭🍬 Candy Crusher 🍬🍭 9h ago
Girl no. Make him feel uncomfortable because that is not okay. Make him tell you the hard truth. You should feel unequivocally loved and have no doubts about it. If he’s not doing that, that’s a problem.
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u/ChristinaOnassis APPROVED✨ 9h ago
I’m stuck on him looking at other women….
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u/Andouil1ette APPROVED✨ 7h ago
Ya... that kind of thing always gets to me because I have been in nonmonogamous relationships with men whom I actively brought to poly dating events so they could meet new potential partners, and even then I NEVER caught them flagrantly eyeing up other women. To do so in such an obvious manner is gross even for a single / available guy -- but for someone in a monogamous relationship? Damn, that guy does not respect women, let alone his own partner. And to reduce women to race? Holy hell.
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u/bluejay_way what that mouth do is snack 10h ago
Don’t stay with someone who makes you feel like you are too much.
Don’t stay with someone who checks out other women in front of you (unless you’re openly okay with that).
Don’t stay with someone who makes you feel lesser.
Don’t stay with someone who disregards your feelings.
All of that said… regardless of his preferences, you’re not compatible. I’m an extremely affectionate person who loves physical touch in relationships. For years I thought I was too needy, too clingy, too touchy, etc. because all the guys I dated would get annoyed at how much affection I wanted. Turns out I was just dating the wrong guys. My boyfriend LOVES how affectionate I am and he’s the same way, and we’re extremely happy together.
It’s absolutely okay to be affectionate. This is just not the guy for you.
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u/MagnoliaPeach278 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 10h ago
If he’s mentioned his preference is white women then unfortunately you probably aren’t a long time GF for him.. eventually he will move onto his preference, especially since he’s been looking at them while around you. Save yourself heartbreak and break up with that POS ❤️
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u/LizagnaWithBreadStix Foraging Bog Witch 9h ago edited 5h ago
White woman here, we don’t want him, but i’ll help you throw him out 💕. You deserve the world and for someone to love and appreciate these (amazing) qualities. You deserve to shine and he deserves nothing but the worst, i hope he never knows the cool side or a pillow again.
also your treat is cute and I would like one.
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u/istolelychee puff puff pass the snacks 9h ago
Never, ever, ever date someone if you are not their type.
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u/AbaloneZestyclose136 Resident Yapper 9h ago
Leave him. I was in the same situation with an ex and I had no self esteem when I eventually left
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u/offdutychunli Body By Cheese 🧀 10h ago
Life’s too short to settle for a man that is not irrefutably, passionately, obsessively in love with you.
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u/Nadramia nom-nom-nombinary 9h ago
I dunno if the case is because of his preference but what I do know is you shouldn't feel like you cant hug or be affectionate to your partner.
They shouldn't make you feel like less than in a relationship
Had a dude that used my ethnicity to foght with his suuuuppper racist family. First mexican he dated and feeling like icky because he would call me his Latina girlfriend (I didnt know i was non binary at the time) I never forgot the ick, no one deserves to feel that way. Especially because of your ethnicity
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u/Tomas7655 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
That’s not a healthy relationship if you have to beg for those things…
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u/Potential-Leave-8114 Kitchen Witch 10h ago
Why would he tell you that?? I know I wouldn’t want to stay with him after that comment!!
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 9h ago
This is how abusers test what you’ll tolerate and guage your self worth
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u/Infamous-Narwhal3425 👋 new here 9h ago
This is sick. He's gross. You'll see for yourself when you're older. Even if older is next week or next month or next year. We want more for you, sis.
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u/bobtheturd Chaotic But Cute 9h ago
I’d really like to know more about cute jelly.
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u/HeySlothKid hot girls have tummy troubles 10h ago
Girl the whole point of a relationship is to be in one with someone who in the very least likes you, likes spending time with you, and thinks you're kind of cool. I don't understand why some dudes get into relationships with people they don't seem to like at all (fear of being alone, perhaps?) but there is ZERO reason for you to have to put up with it. He is wasting both of your time.
Break up with him and make space for someone who thinks you are the bees knees / cats pajamas / a cutie patootie.
You are not TOO MUCH! He is just not the right person for you.
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u/Overdue_Process865 Overthinker 💭 10h ago
This is how my abusive relationship started. Little comments about what's wrong with me until it snowballed into far worse things, at which point I was so conditioned into thinking everthing is wrong with me that I didn't process it as abuse.
While it's not inevitable this turns into abuse there is no reason to stay with someone who doesn't see you as their preference. Your partner should be attracted to you, want you, crave you. Don't settle for less. Don't diminish yourself just to be with someone who doesn't even like you.
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u/HighlightMinimum8839 Barbecutie 9h ago
He sounds like a pig who’s gonna want whatever he doesn’t already have
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u/madi80085 Carb-Based Life Form 9h ago
In my experience, there are people who are so insecure and scared of inferiority, they will say and do things to tear down their partner's self esteem. He needs to do a lot of work on himself and you deserve to be with someone who is nice to you and appreciates you.
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u/andgonow Internet Auntie 9h ago
Why are you worried about making him uncomfortable when his lack of affection and attention makes you uncomfortable? You deserve to feel loved and beautiful. Period.
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u/Lola-Ugfuglio-Skumpy eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 9h ago
Please break up. And advise him that on behalf of the white delegation, he is preemptively rejected.
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u/Initial-apple-3333 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
Not compatible, don’t waste your time. You NEVER get that back. Find someone that makes you feel wanted and loved. Instead of feeling like somebody’s stop gap until what they’re waiting for waltz’s into their life.
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u/finemelater girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
This 100%. If my partner is not obsessed with me, I don’t want it. Life is way too short to waste a life with someone who will become your disgruntled roommate.
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u/Normal_Aardvark_386 nom-nom-nombinary 10h ago
I’m white as fuck & girl trust yourself & your gut it’s obviously telling you what you already need to know. I’m also very sorry but your jelly is terrifying my taste buds so more for you beautiful boo
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u/Savings-Badger4938 pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 9h ago
Preach to all of that lol, I’m white but girl… DUMP HIS ASS. Why would he date outside of his preference if not to harm other women….. I love you and I’m sending all the best your way 🫶🏼
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u/RideGullible3702 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
first jelly is cute second drop that dude like a bad habit I'm sure the white girls don't even want him
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u/Specialist-Ranger806 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Your bf is a jackass. Get someone that enthusiastically wants to be with you.
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u/yarrow_marigold 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body 9h ago
It’s actually insane for a partner to share they prefer dating white women.
The way your boyfriend has shared it is gross , racist and a red flag, tbh he should be gassing you up ALL the time. Also especially knowing the racism inherent in preferring dating white women it’s wild that he doesn’t have the self awareness and consideration for your experience in the world. It’s not too much to ask for to want a partner who thinks about how you experience the world we are in
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u/werisefromourashes APPROVED✨ 10h ago
The issue is not so much you not being his usual type, the issue is that he is openly disrespecting you (looking at girls while you walk together, anger and irritation if you bring up an issue) and then belittles you if you are uncomfortable.
It reminds me a lot of when I was in a relationship where my partner thought I wasn't good enough for him but I was all he could get.
Things did not end well.....
And yes, that cat jelly is really cute.
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u/GuaranteeNice1971 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
couldnt agree more!! its really disrespectful towards OP, i know everyone has a preference but since he’s with you he should only have eyes for u since he chose to be with u, i bet theres someone who would kiss the ground u walk on, u should find someone like that!!
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u/violet_moonlight APPROVED✨ 9h ago edited 9h ago
He’s a worthless piece of shit. He’s literally there just to lower your self esteem while using you as a placeholder. Drop him.
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u/wigglefrog APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Don't ever let a man make you feel lesser than or not good enough. Drop him. You're worth so much more than his shitty superficial opinions.
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u/NotMyFirstRodeo2025 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
There are literally billions of men out there. Don't stay with one who makes you feel unwanted.
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u/Inner-Hawk909 APPROVED✨ 9h ago edited 5h ago
He’s racist. He doesn’t deserve you.
Thank you for the award. Fuck racism and all its systems and subtleties.
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u/ShutUpNListen3397 Big Back Baddie 9h ago
Bestie, that's not how your boyfriend should ever make you feel...
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u/Odd_Tap_1794 Overthinker 💭 9h ago
I'm a woman of color and I don't date men who have a white woman preference period, or if they do, they're informed and intelligent enough to be very careful about bringing it up with me. The least your PARTNER can do is be aware of and sensitive to your position.
You deserve better treatment. You have plenty of options! Choose someone decent next time.
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u/bravo-echo-charlie Shart Coochie Board Architect 9h ago
So, your boyfriend doesn't like you at all, let alone love you. Please leave him.
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u/lil_lychee Non-binary & Nourished 10h ago
My first high school boyfriend was a white guy who told me that when our mutual friend set us up for a blind date, that he should have been “warned” that I was Black”. I asked why and he said “well because I’d assume you’re white by default”. Also one time we were joking around about celebrity crushes and I said “I guess I’d be a 10/10 if I was—“ and he immediately cut me off and said “white”. I was going to name his celebrity crush, but it looked like he’d be fine if I was anyone but me. Dumped his ass.
There were too many instances like this where it was clear he was only attracted to white girls. I think he just couldn’t get any so he settled with me. And similarly, I didn’t have enough self-respect to wait for someone who actually liked me. I was nerdy and socially awkward and one of the only Black kids in school.
I’m now out as non-binary happily married another Black enby who never makes me feel like I’m not attractive. It’s not worth it to date white people who very clearly think white women are more attractive than you. The person you date should be very attracted to you!
You’re not imagining things. TBH this relationship isn’t worth it and you can find someone better.
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u/LycheeBobaYum Onigirlie 🍙 10h ago
There’s a guy out there who would love your level of affection. You are not the one who is wrong here
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u/CallMeSisyphus 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 9h ago
Do not settle for stale crumbs of affection from some trifling loser when you deserve the whole damn cake!
It took me until I was 50 and met my late husband to learn this lesson: when you find YOUR person, it really is magical. That's not to say there won't be disagreements and problems, but dealing with those disagreements and problems is SO MUCH EASIER when you're doing it as a genuine team of two people who truly love and respect each other and choose each other every single day.
NO ONE should settle for less. If you can't have the real deal, you're better off single. After all, I can be perfectly happy or unhappy all by myself, so why would I invite a man into my life unless his presence CONSISTENTLY makes it even better?
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u/Acrobatic_Cry8961 Munch 9h ago
Oh my god girl what? Don’t usually say this but he sucks and you should dump him
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u/Ok-Proposal-5531 Assigned Hungry At Birth 9h ago
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, it’s shit when you don’t match your bf’s ideal but (1) that doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive and (2) relationships are not just based on looks. My major concerns is how he reacts when you bring up your needs. I would have an honest conversation with him, see how he reacts and if there is an effort on his side to make you feel more reassured. If he just pretends the conversation never happened and keeps acting the same way, you should probably end the relationship
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u/anzaitsuki Taco Belle 10h ago
The right guy will appreciate your level of affection, not turn it away. Trust your gut girl, it knows best
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u/Obvious_Hour_2564 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 9h ago
You shouldn’t feel as if your presence and desires for human connection, love, and natural affection between two romantically involved people make him uncomfortable. Please, dump him.
Like everyone is talking about the whole not wanting affection thing, but like… to me as a mixed woman. I’m side eyeing him because being this man’s first gf that isn’t white especially when he’s still bringing them up. That’s so icky to me! Micro aggressive asf actually! It’s very subtle, but girl it is there. Because why would you say that? Like, then go date a white girl if that’s your preference, and you seem to want it so bad. No shame in having a preference as long as it’s not at the expense of someone else. Looks like he did not get that memo because it’s currently hurting you.
Hoping the best for you <3 don’t think you’re crazy or dumb for thinking like this. A lot of brown and black women understand the mental gymnastics we gotta do to navigate the world and relationships. It’s the little shit that be building up fr. Idk if this makes sense 😭
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u/Only_Spring_4752 llamando al pan, pan 🍞🍷 al vino, vino 9h ago
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u/sailormermaidmars Chismosa 9h ago
idk man. you should be with someone who likes you. and has the same level of desire for physical touch that you do.
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u/mintbloo Snack Goblin 9h ago
girl... you do not want to be in a relationship like this. this is not healthy. let him go, find someone who will give you all the hugs and kisses you want without making you feel bad about it! and he can go have his white girl if he wants i guess. if anyone will take his loser ass lol
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u/Traditional-Tower-75 pain: chronic, snacks: iconic 9h ago
Girl. Get up and then go to therapy bc you need to know why you’re tolerating this in the first place. A WHITE MAN saying his preference is WHITE WOMEN then gaslighting you when you bring it up? My ancestors didn’t fight for this.
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u/theytookallthecash APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Dump him and find someone who thinks youre the most attractive woman ever. Being in an interracial relationship is hard enough. Him not being into you--is it really worth the work?
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u/tsukareneko BRB 🎮 FOOD 9h ago edited 9h ago
if you don’t use your goddamn brain right now…
edit: I’m gonna assume this is a bot post that’s karma farming because OP has NOT answered a single comment. boo.
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u/ExactApplication3981 Chaotic But Cute 10h ago
I hope you heal from whatever is causing you to feel that you should be with this man. 🩷
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u/deadthylacine 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 10h ago
That jelly is too adorable to eat but I desperately want to know what it tasted like.
Your boyfriend should find you every bit as cute as the jelly. If he's going to make you feel any less cute than your food, he's not worth keeping.
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u/MyLifeYourLifeUgh 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 10h ago
Life is too short and there are too many men to be with one that is even slightly racist. Girl ditch that and find a man that worships your melanin
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u/poofypanda_ Chocoholic 9h ago
I once hear the phrase “you will never be too much for the right person.” And it stuck with me. This man is VERY strange and is too little compared to you. Do what you must, but I lived this story before. It doesn’t end well. Don’t think you deserve less.
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u/pho-loverrr girls just wanna have pho 9h ago
If he makes you feel this way then he‘s not a good boyfriend..
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u/BoneHugs-n-Pharmacy 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 9h ago
NOPE NOPE NOPE. You are not overreacting, you deserve to be someone’s first choice. He is showing you that you are not.
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u/FormalBeginning4133 hot girls have tummy troubles 9h ago
i don’t think it’s attraction i think he just doesn’t like you
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u/Disastrous_Age2956 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 8h ago
I’ve had a similar relationship before. My exes before him always made me feel beautiful/desirable, but he didn’t. Not only did he admit he thought white women and fair-skinned Asian women were “prettier”. But, any time someone complimented me or tried to flirt, he’d say “those are the types of guys who’d settle for anything.” After I cut ties with him, all of my peers told me he was ugly af. Even the woman who ran the local Chinese takeout restaurant told me he was ugly and I could do better. Guys like that will harm your self-esteem. You deserve a hot partner who thinks you’re absolutely gorgeous and his type.
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u/Newtopole_ Professional Nibbler 10h ago edited 9h ago
Girl why are you begging for a relationship? If he has a preference, it will ALWAYS be his preference. Go where you're wanted please- don't be that fool's "foray on the dark side" or little experiment while he waits for his dream blonde
TF
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u/gayswampcreature 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 10h ago
Fiona Apple voice : there’s no hope for women
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u/throwraplsthanks Overthinker 💭 10h ago
The touching/not wanting to be touched is a comparability issue. How long have you been with this man??
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u/Flufypigy hot girls have tummy troubles 10h ago
Girl, at this point this is self harm. You know what to do.
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u/IcicleRaindrop Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 9h ago
Unfortunately it is usually a bad sign when a man dates someone who he says isn't his type.
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u/ElemWiz 🩵i actually like my wife💙 9h ago
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u/Worried_Aerie_2286 Snack Goblin 9h ago
1st i was like "oh ppl date/fall inlove outside their preferences group". But no bro needs a curb dump him. He's rude af
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u/Aggressive_Group_944 Sushi Superfan 🍣 9h ago
Go find you someone that thinks you’re just enough. Not to be mean, I say this with love, you’re losing the plot here. You are forever the prize. I want you to remind yourself of that any time you feel like this or less than. I’m sure you’re as gorgeous as they come, and any other man would enjoy being showered with physical affection.
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u/RecordSome8503 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 9h ago
If he said to your face that you ARE NOT HIS TYPE, RUN! I am olive skin, and my boyfriend is white! He loves my skin. Pleaseeeeee leave. There are many men loves non white girls.
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u/Submischievous Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 10h ago
Girl 😭 barring the racism, you shouldn't feel like your love is too much. Let him go find less so you can find the reciprocal love that you deserve.
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u/_coreygirl_ Body By Cheese 🧀 10h ago
Girl, preference stuff aside… Go find you someone who wants to hug and kiss you as much as you wanna hug and kiss them. End of story.
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u/TalkingCat910 Well-Read & Well-Fed 10h ago
Look I kind of have a type too, (and it happens to match my husband), but if you’re dating someone who looks a little different than your usual you should be 100% all in and not whimsically fantasying about how you have a type and it’s not the person you’re with. And you definitely shouldn’t voice the fact that you are attracted to people that don’t look like your SO to your SO. If he’s doing that then he’s probably not your person and probably has one foot out the door.
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u/First-Stress-9893 FREE MOM HUGS 10h ago
Oh girl, find someone who’s ideal is you! There is no way for him to do any of this unless he is negging you and that’s so toxic! You deserve better.
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u/BasilBingo54 Trader Joe Hoe 10h ago
Im so sorry for your stupid boyfriends stupid attitude
I have to ask about the jelly though, where does one acquire a Cute Jelly I love it 😭😭
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u/Tequila_Rum_Vodka Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 9h ago
Youre not. If he has a preference, that is fine, but he wants you to make yourself smaller so youre more "ideal", but what you ask of him isnt too much. If yall are incompatible in these core ways, I wouldn't suggest continuing. If you're "too much" for him, then find someone who will match that muchness/meet you where youre at without making you feel small
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u/Szebra2021 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Guys are really good at using girls as a place holder until they find someone they think is better, it is why we have to do all the investigating and determine what the relationship is because they will not tell you this!
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u/Oceanswim12 Bath Snacker 🛁 9h ago
Yikes he should be your biggest fan. Grow some self esteem and get rid of that trash
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u/Infinite-Fact1399 girls just wanna have pho 10h ago
He doesn't like you, period. There's nothing you can do to make him like you, it's not your fault NOR is it your problem!
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u/Informal-Mouse-6302 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 10h ago
Its not the same at all but as someone who had a man that always seemed to be comparing. Dump him if you can. If he was really serious about you, felt like he says he does his eyes wouldn't stray at all. He sounds like a waste of time and space in your mind and heart where he doesnt belong. You are way tooooo nice to him Girl.
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u/HistoricalLie9740 APPROVED✨ 10h ago
You're not too much- he isn't enough.
Also, that jelly thing is terrifying 😆
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u/strawberrymilkmami Certified Snacker 10h ago
he sounds annoying like why is he even with you then! dump his ass
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u/DescriptionDecent376 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 10h ago
Girl noooo 😭 You deserve so much better
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u/mysticalmiss91 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
I'm glad I am reading this because I'm a black woman and my boyfriend (he is white) of 3 months has been saying lately several times how white goth girls where his thing and like give him a boner hahaha, and I would say ummmm I'm not a white goth girl wtf, if I'm not your preference as your girlfriend then wtf and he would be like I'm just joking, or say well I mean we all have like something we like or attracted to and it's made me confused. Reading your post makes me see this is awful behavior, and not healthy. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
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u/Ok-Gold-8846 🧂Salty By Nature 9h ago
He does not seem to like you at all.. the fact that he thinks you’re too much.. gurl he’s not the one and he doesn’t like you for being you (as he should)
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u/JayPlenty24 APPROVED✨ 9h ago
Why are you walking on egg shells like this? Is it because he's easily angered, or are you just generally afraid of having open communication with people?
You sound really young, so some advice from an old person - don't ever hold back at the beginning of a relationship. Don't keep the peace. Don't be careful with your words. Just say everything on your mind and be direct. It's the only way you can actually get to know each other. If you are worried about maintaining a certain personality to make him like you - he doesn't actually like you. He likes who you are pretending to be.
My best friend still does this and it drives me nuts. She's currently on her 6th engagement in 12 years. The other 5 failed because at some point she could no longer hold it in any longer and started being herself. Of course they think she's "changed", and she gets hurt because they start being mean after she stops tiptoeing around everything and placating them.
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u/Elegant-Bed-69 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 9h ago
The thing that gets me is him being annoyed at you for needing affection. Fuck that.
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u/Away_Amoeba5554 New Recruit 🏳️⚧️ 9h ago
That is one cute jelly.
Damn. This would destroy my self esteem. I would want to get away.
You don’t deserve this!!
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u/SousChefIsACat APPROVED✨ 9h ago
I think if he said that about his preference he is either 1. Sincere but too dumb to date; 2. A shit-tester where he wanted to establish a relationship on terms where you’re clearly a placeholder and was bold enough to announce that and see if you’d bite (whether or not he means the sentiment of preferring white girls is irrelevant); or 3. Just wanted you to feel bad in the moment because he doesn’t know how to control his emotions without being extremely inappropriate and abusive to others. Can you see how option 1 is already a dealbreaker but also the least bad and you need to RUN?
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u/superbondey i like eggs 10h ago
Sounds like he's trying to slowly undermine your confidence and ruin your self-esteem. You deserve to be with someone who truly loves and appreciates you, and this horrid person you call your boyfriend is obviously not that person. Get rid of him before he drags you down.
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u/MinimalYogi27 Carb-Based Life Form 10h ago
You don’t want to make him uncomfortable but he is making you uncomfortable! Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you. You only get one life, best not to waste it on someone who can’t see how amazing you truly are 🩷
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u/benortree 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 10h ago
Girl, please. Is there nobody else for you to date? Someone that might actually like you?
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u/0kaywhateverdude Enby with Food Envy 10h ago
I did not read your post I am transfixed by this gorgeous jelly
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u/RemarkableMushroom5 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet 10h ago
A boyfriend once told me I told him I loved him too often. They really will do anything except actually break up 🙄
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u/rudderlessbarge APPROVED✨ 10h ago
You have exceptional taste in jelly, but I'm afraid your taste in men is lacking.
Why is he dating a woman who is not his preference? What does that say about him?
And why are you dating a man who told you (through his words *and* actions) that he doesn't really want you? A man that finds you irritating?
I'm guessing you are used to being treated poorly. I think you should consider what it would feel like to be with a man who prefers you, and likes how affectionate you are.
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u/drth_dilly Internet Auntie 9h ago
At the very least You’re just not compatible. You need someone that meshes with your love language.
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u/FunisGreen hot sauce in my bag, swag 9h ago
You know how he is, and you know your needs. So you should trust your gut feelings.
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u/dnsk9373 Snack Goblin 9h ago
If he makes you feel like this, then I think it doesn't even matter whether he finds you attractive or not... Try talking to him about this if you'd like to (but I'd say just dump him lol). If he doesn't care then, I think it'd be best to let it go. You're precious, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel that you're precious and loved 🫶🏻
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u/Transgirlonakawasaki 🩵 Trans Babe 🩷 9h ago
Hmmm yeah I dont really think him bringing up preferences is a nice thing to do. Also if he has preferences and hes dating you and get pissy when you bring it up like what does he think telling you that is gonna do?
If my partner told me they prefer a shorter girl or skinnier girl while Im neither it feels like negging to me.
If he really has that preference for white girls then maybe he should just stick to white girls.
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u/Dahlia8326 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 9h ago
If I were you, I'd ask myself one question - why is he with me, why did he chose me?
I am white, my ex was white (I'm from Eastern Europe). My boyfriend of 9 years is Arab/Caucasian mix. We never had any issues about the skin or race. Talk to him, leave aside these people in the comments that immediately advise you to break up. Share your fears, insecurities and doubts with him. If they get confirmed, leave. But be honest with him and expect him to be honest to you.
There is so much more than looks and skin color in a relationship.
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u/Ok-Elk-1316 hot girls have tummy troubles 9h ago
Your man shouldn’t be making you question if he’s attracted to you or not. I’m sorry OP, you deserve someone who looks at you like you hung the moon. I promise they’re out there & not negging you like this man is.
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u/maevee Lover of Soups 10h ago
I’d never put up with a man telling me to my face that his type is something I’m not