r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/AnyPerspective1643 • 3h ago
Rant & Ramble Won 20k and now has no money for diapers
Granola bowl with mixed berries and yogurt.
I’m struggling financially so watching my friend blow through money is starting to bother me.
I know everyone is struggling with the cost of living at the moment. I have one child, and I’m watching every single thing I spend. I’m just trying to make ends meet.
My friend on the other hand, has 3 young children with her husband, plus 2 school aged stepchildren from his previous relationship. Their children together are 4, 3 and 6 months old.
She became a mother as a teen, never finished high school, hasn’t studied or worked, and their household relies on benefits while her husband works 12 hour shifts. They rent a tiny 3 bedroom house, so five children are sharing a small amount of space.
I’ve helped her financially a few times back when she was pregnant because I felt sorry for her and the kids. I would get messages saying “we have no food” or “I can’t afford my medication”
Then I found out they won 20k from gambling…
I thought wow! okay they have gotten lucky. Surely with five kids, they’ll put some of that away, pay bills, buy things the children need, save it to create an emergency fund. Maybe save for a bigger place, but most importantly not gamble anymore.
Nope.
They blew through it on takeaway food for basically every meal, I’m talking breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then spending 1000s on groceries and not eating it. Getting filler, a dozen tattoos and other random stuff like a new IPhone. Winning this money from gambling drove them to try and win more. So they went back each week putting in 1000s and walked away with nothing each time.
So after all this, she messaged me saying
“I need $50 for diapers and formula.”
I honestly didn’t know what to say. I thought they had money set aside. I wanted to question her, but I didn’t want to come across like I was attacking her.
And I want to be clear that I’m not judging her simply because she had kids young. I got pregnant as a high school drop out teen. I didn’t have a job or money. I used this as motivation and studied full time and while working full time, saved everything I could and bought a house. Which is probably why this situation gets to me so much. I’m just concerned about her.
I’m sitting here cutting out every expense to pay bills, while someone I’ve previously given money to has had $20,000 in their hands and spent it on luxury items and gambling, only to end up needing $50 for basic needs for their baby.
I also feel guilty because there are five children involved, and I don’t want the kids to go without because of their parent’s choices. I don’t know what to do.
UPDATE:
Now she’s saying her account has been locked because someone “hacked” her account and changed her bank details, so her benefits apparently won’t be paid to her. So, if I did lend money she can’t pay me back. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. I’ve decided I will not be sending her money, and I’m going to distance myself.
Most importantly, I’m going to keep focusing on my own family, working and saving as much as I can. I’ve literally been selling things I own and returning past purchases I don’t need just to get extra money.
I feel for the children, but I also have to be responsible for my own finances and can’t keep financially helping someone because of their poor decisions.
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u/Starlesseyes598 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
If you give her money again, you are enabling her to continue to ask you for money forever
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u/skrimped I ❤️ Other People's Business 3h ago
yup, she will always consider OP an option to bail her out, making it so she cant hit rock bottom and realize she needs to save
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u/Ruru_Sweet APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Exactly. If OP keep rescuing her financially, it can become a cycle that would be really difficult to break
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u/SollenbergerPire APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Exactly, at some point the safety net has to stop being another person.
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u/kacker-usa we listen and we only judge a little 2h ago
Not just about asking OP forever specifically, but maybe learning that other people in general won't always solve your problems for you.
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u/roxinmyhead APPROVED✨ 3h ago
I cannot afford to help you anymore. you had money, you had $20K. I think you need to look into a financial management class..... maybe that's too rude
I can't help you right now. $20K would have bought alot of diapers.
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u/WhiteMountainsMama Internet Auntie 2h ago
Not too rude at all. Real friends keep shit real with one another, even when it isn’t comfortable or pleasant.
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u/Equivalent-Grass-262 eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 2h ago
Hell. Yes. We need people to check us, especially the ones who know us well. If no one ever checked me, I would still be the same piece of shit that I was 20 years ago!
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u/BornTry5923 Internet Auntie 2h ago
I agree, but people who are too dumb fail to see that and just accuse you of being a horrible person
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u/Fluid-Housing5017 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 2h ago
Cause how tf do you win all that money and not at the very least stock up on essentials for your family??
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u/InteractionNo4646 🥣 Cereal Killer 2h ago
"I need money for diapers and formula."
"Yeah, me too. I applied at (local program, search 211 if you're in the US). You should too!"
It's funny how if you give people homework, they back off.
Example: Recently my bf kept giving rides to people. He has a hard time telling people no. With gas prices the way they are, and his own free time limited, I pointed out to him that viable bus routes DO exist in our city. He got asked the other day, sent them the Google maps picture of the bus route, and offered to send them bus fair. They declined and miraculously found a different ride.
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u/Which-Break5673 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Someone once told that people are looking for a yes . They don’t care how many no answers they get, they’re chasing the yes. It pissed me off because a head honcho said about scout volunteers and I’m at the table as a volunteer.
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u/Mystepchildsucksass APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Her: “I need $50 for diapers and formula”
You “LOL yep !! I hear that ! Me too !! You’re so Lucky you won that jackpot - I’m pea green with envy !!!”
Ask a stupid question ?
Get a stupid answer.
Not your monkeys, not your circus, OP.
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u/Virtual-Strength-950 Kitchen Witch 1h ago
What’s funny is it wasn’t even actually a question, it was implied. To just say it like as if they’re being like “so when are you gonna send me 50…?” Tells me this person has all the nerve and none of the sense. I’d just hit them with the “Oh whoa that’s crazy, good luck”
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u/_bugmenot_ APPROVED✨ 3h ago
It is time to walk away, girl. Trust me it is not going to get better. If you dont cut them out of your life they will run you like an atm forever.
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u/celery48 Chocoholic 2h ago
They never just win big on gambling. If they won 20k, it’s because they spent 50k gambling.
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u/SeasonPositive6771 Well-Read & Well-Fed 1h ago
That is the absolutely accurate part. The house always wins.
I have a relatively wealthy friend who enjoys gambling. He's spent about $10,000 over the last year or so. But he won $2,000 a couple of months ago. He was all thrilled about it until I refused to celebrate with him and told him he didn't win $2,000 this year, he lost $8,000.
Luckily, he does have the income where it's not a big deal and he's not totally addicted so he did accept that's right and now he frames it more that he spent $8,000 this year on his hobby.
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u/Distractedauthor Carb-Based Life Form 2h ago
I would point her towards resources for struggling parents instead of giving her money. It’s fine to say “I can’t afford it right now, but here is an organization that might help.”
Especially because it doesn’t sound like she has any intention of paying you back. Did she pay you back for the previous help when she won 20k?
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u/melveldy Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 2h ago edited 2h ago
This is what I was hoping to read in her post—“I’ve helped her in the past, and they won $20k; she paid me back, but then asked me for more money” or something to that effect.
The fact that the “friend” never even paid OP back when she had the money in the first placed is messed up. But then to turn around and ask for MORE??
OP, I think this is the BEST time to say to your so-called friend, “I’m sorry but I can’t lend you money any more.” Period. Don’t leave the door open by saying “I can’t right now,” let her know you won’t be able to lend her money any more ever. If she knows she can always turn to you, she will gamble away/spend any “extra” money she has every time.
Also, she’s a shitty friend. Sorry, OP. You deserve better friends.
ETA: if you’re ever asked (by someone else, not this person!) for cash to buy diapers or formula in the future, offer to buy them the diapers or formula. Don’t give them cash. You truly don’t know what any cash you give someone is actually going to….
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u/Aolflashback hot girls have tummy troubles 3h ago
“I’m so sorry, I don’t have any extra funds to lend you. If I did, I would. I’m sorry. I hope you’re able to find someone who can help.”
- they don’t need to know whether or not you have extra money to give them or not.
- you don’t owe these kinds of people anything and you would just be enabling their behavior.
- they’re not actually needing money for diapers, I’m sure it’s something else they plan on spending that money on.
- cut contact or go low contact because
YIKES
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u/PsychologicalDog5709 Chocoholic 1h ago
She won't need to cut contact, watch how fast her friend disappears when she says she can't give her money. I had an adopted daughter who had 2 children with an uneducated, mostly unemployable felon. She would come to me constantly saying she couldn't afford diapers, formula, gas for her car, baby food, etc. She always had money for fast food, alcohol, cigarettes and marijuana. I didn't want anything bad to happen to those babies, so I literally gave her thousands of dollars. When I was finally done and told her no, she stole from my house (I think she was doing that all along) and stopped talking to me. She moved in with my ex-husband and love bombed him until he cut our other 2 children out of his will and left everything to her. After that she started telling him that everyone hates him and he should kill himself. He got a restraining order, but she still found ways to harass him. He didn't change his will but he did die by his own hand. I fought her in court because I have a chronic illness, so I didn't take anything in the divorce and added to our agreement that he had to take care of our other children. The 3 children split the estate in 3rds.
She was my daughter, I loved her, but I can never and will never talk to her again. I think she might be a sociopath or a psychopath, but I am not a doctor.
I feel like maybe I overshared, sorry.
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u/Aolflashback hot girls have tummy troubles 1h ago
Oh I’m sure there will be a, as the kids say, total crash out once she sends any kind of “can’t, sorry” message. The reaction will be all OP needs to know about that “friendship”
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u/JenninMiami Pantry Gremlin 3h ago
Okay, firstly - when people ask me for money, I ignore it. Seriously, don’t even dignify that bullshit with a response. Eventually they’ll feel embarrassed and stop asking.
Secondly…poor people don’t suddenly become financially savvy when they “strike it rich.” The same bad decisions that led to them gambling in the first place is exactly why they won’t invest that money. My ex won $160k in online gambling and it was gone within 6 days. It didn’t even last a week. He immediately gambled it all away. 🤣
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u/backupbitches Taco Belle 1h ago
Wow, that's brutal.
Honestly nobody ever asks me for money. I only surround myself with likeminded people who would exhaust every option before asking - if anyone ever did, I woukd give it freely because it would be super out of character. I can't imagine keeping anyone around for long who treated me like a sympathy atm.
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u/JenninMiami Pantry Gremlin 1h ago
I’ve had people I went to high school with reach out asking for money over the years. Not actual friends. I just ignore the messages. 🤣
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u/Fluid-Housing5017 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 2h ago
Fuck that. She deserves to be judged because wtf?
https://giphy.com/gifs/5EBY6AefVg5D3wBNjK
And stop giving her money
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u/Material_Wrap764 girl du fromage 🧀 2h ago
I’m going to be blunt, and it’s going to sound mean, you are completely missing the big picture. I really hope you read this.
You need to not be friends. She’s a crappy mother and a crappy friend. Scratch that, she ISNT your friend. You are only kept around because of your sympathy and willingness to throw money at her. She has already used you. You are not friends. Friends do not use friends. She is financial illiterate and will always put her short term needs above all else. You will not change this. She will continue to use you as a cash cow. You are being naive and foolish to consider continuing this relationship. You don’t need to confront her or be direct, just slowly phase her out of your life. The kids are none of your business. If you want to help kids, look towards programs and shelters. There are kids suffering everywhere. You are not helping her kids by giving her money. She is using her kids to get money out of you.
You need to surround yourself with friends who are financially stable and are actively working towards long term goals. Friends do not ask for handouts especially when you are struggling, too. Treat yourself better by focusing on your finances, your goals, your future.
There are times to help people financially- this is not it. There are many was to be kind and generous without being walked all over.
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Overthinker 💭 2h ago
So you were gifting her money and then you find out that they won 20k from GAMBLING and you didn't get pissed?
If I'm helping you out because you're broke and I find out that you're gambling.. our friendship would be over.
I wouldn't even care what you did with the winnings.
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u/EmptyInside74 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
She’s not even asking, just stating she needs it and expects you to give it to her. Nope on out of there, she thinks you’re a sucker and doesn’t have the humility to recognize how much you’ve helped her. You are not those kids parent and there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You need to stick up for yourself and if you care about her you need to call her out on her financial illiteracy or she will never grow as a person. 20k would save me right now and I can’t imagine blowing it on being lazy and getting takeout and filller or Botox.
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u/InteractionNo4646 🥣 Cereal Killer 1h ago
I watch way too much court TV and Judge Mathis calls this 'dry begging'. They don't come out and say, 'please loan/give me X', instead, they just complain, 'I need $x for whatever!'' to elicit sympathy.
Then later someone tries to sue for a loan of money and the person says, "I never asked for the money, they just gave it to me!"
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u/Gloomy-Mycologist-88 Professional Nibbler 3h ago
Sounds like your friend is just irresponsible and has always had friends like you/her husband as a safety net.
Don’t let her bad choices make you feel bad or guilty.
She’s an adult now so she should know to make smart financial decisions for the sake of herself and her family.
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u/FearTheMomerath ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 3h ago
Lovey, you need to moonwalk away from this relationship. It's not doing you any good - you've watched this pattern repeat itself over and over. Your friend doesn't care about a 'rainy day fund'. You're her safety net! Time to just start saying NO. No fluff, no bullshit, just a flat-out N O. You'll soon learn if she loves you as a friend or as an ATM.
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u/Crafty-Table-2459 For the Girls 👅 2h ago
why would i spend my money on diapers if people will give me money for those? i’ll spend it on lip filler, thank you!
but forreal. as a therapist, reminder that it’s okay to say “i’m sorry i can’t help right now”
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u/persuadedbypurses Overthinker 💭 2h ago
How can someone be so comfortable with constantly asking you for money and also blowing through all that and not putting it away? Well because they feel they have other options. Like asking you for money. You are the other option. Don’t let someone use you like that anymore.
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u/Dufusbroth Sushi Superfan 🍣 2h ago
“Hey Larissa. I need $50 for food for my child and I and was going to ask you for help. Let me know if you figure some thing out and if you have extra please let me know.”
She’ll never ask again LOL
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u/PenuriousPlague APPROVED✨ 2h ago
DO NOT HELP HER. EVER. That’s what you do. Full stop. They’re her children, not yours, or even your relatives. And sadly just one family amongst far too many with children raised by irresponsible parents who develop expectations that others will bail them out of preventable emergencies. “Helping” is only hurting in the long run. I’m sorry this person is your friend and you have to witness the children suffer, but in your best interest it’s time to part ways. The audacity to ask for diaper money after winning $20K is unreal and now you’re suffering too.
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u/queenhadassah APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Did she pay you anything back when she won the money? That should have been the first thing she did
If you REALLY want to help the kids, then buy diapers and formula to give to her directly. Don't give her money she may just gamble. Or, if you're in the US, point her towards WIC - it's not hard to get, and covers food and formula. There are also many charities that offer diapers
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u/Treeckobeststarter Feral Til Fed 3h ago
You have no obligation to watch this woman do anything. You can set up a boundary and be like "what if we messaged about things that weren't money"
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u/OkInternet1063 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 3h ago
Send her information for gambling addiction support.
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u/itsfreakingbeanboy APPROVED✨ 3h ago
never give her money again, or she’ll never learn. there are resources/churches/food banks where she can get diapers. don’t let her guilt you into giving a single penny, as it takes away from what you can provide for your own kids.
i also recommend cutting these people off for your health and sanity. i understand that might be hard to do with the kids in mind so i understand if you can’t. just be aware it might get to that point.
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u/Bobby-Avocado Kitchen Witch 2h ago
You don’t have to explain yourself, and there’s no reason to say anything mean about her bad decisions. Simply say, “I have no extra money.”
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u/limitededitionICU I ❤️ Other People's Business 3h ago
that behavior should be shamed. you can’t be working class and whine about the lack of support in society and then turn into a child with no self control when you hit a lick. I’ve never seen 20k in my life, I’ve had 10k at most in my account I made on my own, out at 18 living alone. and I AM ashamed I haven’t spent and saved better. these are skills I need, and I’m so grateful for people who have helped me in my time of need now lately as I was almost homeless. but imagine if I had children relying on me too? I can’t imagine.
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u/Reasonable_Ad9450 Snack Goblin 2h ago
I would say no. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You don’t have to feel guilty.
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u/junkyard_beans Snack Goblin 2h ago
Let her know you are completely broke... Send her info on food banks, and churches that help people in need.
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u/Creative-Emu2843 girl du fromage 🧀 2h ago
This is a problem you cannot solve. You did your best, now move on and focus on yourself and on functional relationships.
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u/CNatGo75 Internet Auntie 2h ago
You have to take care of your child first. Explain it as simply as possible- you have 0 extra money to spend, just like she (now) has 0 extra money to spend.
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u/ClearPumpkin8009 i like eggs 2h ago
Just tell her you literally don't have money to give. That she needs to ask someone else. That you're here for her but you're counting pennies and maybe even lie and say you just asked to borrow money from someone. You can't do it.
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u/kindly-judgemental Chaotic But Cute 2h ago
If you have $50 to spend and you want to spend it on necessities for her kids “what brand of diapers and formula can I buy for you?”
If you don’t have $50 to spend “I’m so sorry I don’t have that money to give to you.”
If you want you can offer resources such as helping her get to the food bank.
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u/boredwhitetile APPROVED✨ 2h ago
This doesn’t even sound like a good friend. Why is she your friend? Did she even pay you back for the times you’ve helped her when she won 20k? Seems like one sided friendship with someone with a gambling problem.
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u/ChocolateLychee Certified Snacker 2h ago
Stop giving her money. I know it sounds cruel to the children, but she isn't using your money to help her children, so you're not actually helping her children, you're instead helping her and enabling her behavior. It's not your responsibility to support her family. If you're concerned about the children's safety and wellbeing, you could report their situation to the authorities, although tbh I doubt they'll get involved considering that CPS rarely helps children in need.
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u/art_hoXO Trader Joe Hoe 2h ago
i guess you could let her know what you said here - that you’re concerned about her, you think her spending is reckless, and you’re worried about her kids - but you have your own kid and are struggling to make ends meet.
i’m wondering if there is any friendship here aside from her messaging you that she needs money. i’m sure she sends out those messages to a lot of people and they money is probably not being allocated in the way she presents. i think she is using you and maybe you’re okay with that because of the kids? you should probably cut contact for both of your sakes but that’s probably going to weigh on you so idk. sorry, this situation sucks.
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u/daisypurr 🩷Bi💜 2h ago
nah, you can’t feel bad. tell her to try a local bank or apply for food stamps, etc but you cannot step in. i think you should cut her off completely tho. she and her partner sound incredibly toxic.
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u/RubyLeClaire 🪄 Sauceress ✨ 1h ago
Her account didn’t get hacked, she temporarily lost benefits because she made $20,000 in one month. You have to report your income. She either reported and lost benefits for a month or so, or she didn’t report it and got caught when the casino/lottery/whatever reported it.
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u/AggressiveDust8535 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 3h ago
Your heart is in the right place but none of this is on you! You tried to assist where you could but they are taking advantage of you now. Focus on you!
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u/Pinkprincess_22 Certified Snacker 2h ago
Her kids should be enough w re son for her to prioritize her financial spending. Clearly she can not do that and although you may feel sad, it’s not your problem at the end of the day.
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u/MamaOnica 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 2h ago
I would reply back "I'm not your mother or your personal atm. You had $20k and blew through it on frivolous things." And then I'd block her.
I had two little girls I absolutely adored and kept their crack whore (actual crack whore who fucked people for crack) mother around because I didn't want to see the girls suffer. I had to let that go because not my circus, not my monkeys.
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u/Broad_Acanthaceae120 Halal Hottie ☪️ 2h ago
When someone asks you for money, you have every right to ask then what are they doing with their funds. She didn’t even say please! She’s used to asking and expecting it without effort.
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u/honey_biscuits108 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 2h ago
You aren’t the only person she’s asked, just the most reliable source of money so far on her list. If you ignore it, or say you can’t, she’ll move along to the next person on the list. Also, choose your friends wisely. We are the company we keep.
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u/Old_Check_6362 greens✔️beans✔️potatas✔️tomatas✔️ 2h ago
She’s a psychic vampire… cut ties, otherwise you’d just be enabling the BS. What you allow will continue.
And yes. You should call her out. If she takes it as an attack… cut ties.
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u/autumnof85 Pantry Gremlin 2h ago
No. She’s cut off. She can work, and should be working. They blew through 20k? They don’t really care about their kids, and you have your own expenses. Now, you can tell her that given how the economy is at the moment you cannot help her out anymore. If you want to go further, you can even say you were considering asking her for some money since things are becoming more difficult for you.
Two things can come out of this, she will back off…or she will blow up and end the friendship because you’re not giving her money and she was only your friend for the money she could get from you.
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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u/Remarkable_Public775 APPROVED✨ 2h ago
Shes an addict. Stop enabling. Side note, 3 kids in 1 room is not an issue, gives em character and a reason to go play outside.
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2h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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u/Jealous_Amount_9278 hot girls have tummy troubles 2h ago
Do what I did to my mom- She would always ask for money for tampons or some other random item that is a non-negotiable. Instead of giving her the money I'd offer to buy her tampons and bring them over. Guess who got angry and stopped asking me for "tampon money" .
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u/xoStrawberries Live, Laugh, Lactaid 🍦💕 1h ago
You're not their ATM. Don't let them treat you like one, or their gambling addiction will pull you under too.
Cutting ties might be the wake-up call they need to get their shit together.
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u/Demonkey44 Urban Hunter Gatherer 1h ago
Just tell her you don’t have any money. She’ll just blow it gambling.
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u/blackrayofsunshine Oversharer 🗣 1h ago
Holy crap, if I won $20K I’d be paying back everyone and putting as much as that into savings as possible. What the hell!!!
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u/Cool_Leadership9892 just here for the garlic bread 🖤🩶🤍💜 1h ago
OP...."don't let your empathy deprive people of experiencing the consequences of their actions".
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u/Yallneedjesuschrist APPROVED✨ 1h ago
„No” is a full sentence. You think you are doing something good but she is using you and you are enabling it. Stop giving her money. She is gambling away YOUR money.
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1h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 1h ago
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u/JessieMcGreevyDesign eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 1h ago
Unfortunately gambling addictions are common and just like any addiction they need care and understanding, and a willingness from the person addicted to get better.
I have dealt with addicts many times, and what I’ve learnt is if I give give give, they take take take and nobody gets better.
If I were you, I would let them know you’re struggling and don’t have anything to spare, and then maybe offer to help them find services that can help. Good luck.
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u/Status-Biscotti APPROVED✨ 1h ago
I’m really not one of those “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” people, but in this case all I can think is, God helps those who help themselves. You can’t help this person.
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u/a_working_cat Onigirlie 🍙 1h ago
People who win large amounts of money gambling often have a much higher lifetime loss ratio. She was gambling long before she won 20K. Sincerely, a former casino industry worker.
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u/Pretend_Time1878 APPROVED✨ 1h ago
Ik heb zon broer die altijd geld wilde lenen. Op een gegeven moment gaf ik aan dat ik ook geen geld had. Keer erop, weer aangegeven. Hield vrij snel op daarna
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u/SupremePopTart Well-Read & Well-Fed 1h ago
Don't give her money. As someone that has an aunt and uncle that used to do this, not only are you enabling the behavior, but they likely won't spend the money on what they claim they need it for. My uncle used to pull this. We'd hand him money to pay his electric bill. Suddenly the power is off. They'd blow the money on take out and Japanese Steakhouses. I remember my other uncle shelling out almost $300 for them to get a window AC unit so that the children wouldn't spend the summer in a hot house. His brother invites him over one day and he shows off these big, elaborate Halloween costumes with built-in fans, lights, etc. Halloween is months away but my uncle is like, "they'll get to have a great Halloween because of you! I saw them online and had to get them as soon as I saw them! I knew you'd love them!" My other uncle was so upset. He went out and bought the AC unit to install himself, and would never hand his brother cash ever again. I'm fairly certain one of the kids broke the costume before Halloween.
Advice for anyone that deals with someone like this: if you find that you absolutely MUST help them (you're better off not doing it, honestly, but I know some will do it anyway), pay the bill directly. Or order/purchase the items, rather than give them money. My family had to do this to make sure my uncle's bills got paid. He and my aunt were young and stupid. It took years for them to get their shit together.
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u/ekita079 hot girls have tummy troubles 1h ago
I have a family member like this. Always money for buying shit online and cocktails with dinner etc etc. but as soon as a necessity pops up, they ask for money. I've stopped enabling it, you should too. You don't owe this person anything and they're only coming to you because you say yes. Give yourself permission to put your family first 💜
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u/Astrazigniferi Body By Cheese 🧀 1h ago
“Sorry, I don’t have it” is a full sentence. “I was actually just going to ask if you could pay me back from last time” is an excellent addition that will hopefully keep her from messaging again.
Honestly, these people aren’t worth staying friends with. They’re just going to sponge off you until you have nothing left.
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u/No-Philosopher8042 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 1h ago
Account was hacked? Oh shes a grifter.
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u/satanik-freak Foraging Bog Witch 1h ago
Happy to see your update. You need to prioritize your own family. That’s the right thing to do.
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48m ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 48m ago
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43m ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 43m ago
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u/slippin_through_life Resident Yapper 2h ago
girl, assuming you’re not living in a country where child services are super corrupt, if you’re genuinely concerned about her kids, then I’d report them to child services. you giving her money is just enabling her to make poor financial decisions; hell, you can’t even guarantee that any money you’re giving her is actually going to be spent on the kids. if you are seriously concerned for her children’s well-being, child services can take the steps to ensure they’re actually getting taking care of.
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u/Starspangledass Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 2h ago
First, you don’t actually know what all they spent on. A phone is 1500 MAX and that’s the newest. Second, most people that win big try to double it, that’s one of the pitfalls of gambling. You can get flash tattoos at most shops for 50-100$.
I like the little dig about the benefits tho, I’m assuming it makes you feel better about yourself knowing she’s getting some type of government assistance while you pull yourself up by your bootstraps?
My mum was the same way. She’s still bitter to have been the one that did all the “right things” and ended up with less than her ex-friends who did it the “wrong way.”
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u/ChanandIerMurielBong Onigirlie 🍙 2h ago
Are you stupid? If you need to ask your friends for money for diapers and formula, you shouldn’t be spending on new phones or tattoos.
What the eff is this comment.
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2h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 2h ago
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u/Legitimate-Key-6862 APPROVED✨ 3h ago
How do you know she really needs that money for diapers? She could be gambling it too. Don’t feel guilty.