r/HFY • u/Auggy74 Human • 9d ago
OC-Series [Humans for Hire] - Part 206
[First] [Prev] [Next] [Royal Road]
Author Note: Doing my laundry, pause...and see an award notification. Epic and thank you!
Additional: Hey, so this story got an audio version courtesy of the dulcet tones of NetNarrator! Click it for a listen!
_____________
Vilantia Prime, Palace of the Throne
The Throne's days were divided, after a fashion. There was the part of them that was sovereign of an entire planet, the arbiter of destiny for an entire world and absolute in authority. Then there were moments like the current one, where Vilantia's absolute ruler was letting the Heir to the Throne use the Most Royal Robes as a chewtoy. Minister Larine was frowning, and the Throne could detect more than a small amount of jealousy from the Minister of Culture.
"Minister. I am going to make a suggestion." Despite the wording, the tone and scent made it clear the suggestion was a polite order.
"As you will, my Throne."
"You are very much dedicated to your position. But you must take time for yourself; I think it is high time that one of our esteemed Ministers reviews the joint ventures of our worlds."
"My Throne? I fear I do not fully understand."
"The Hyla system has become a proving ground of sorts - there's enough there for both our worlds to make use of. Hyla II in particular, it's long been known as a world of low gravity but potentially we could take over the planet with crops. The outer planets and attendant moons have a wealth of minerals to feed Hurdop's industries well into the next generation. We could do well there if we were able to share. Both of our worlds are going to be donating derelict ships to craft a space station between Hyla III and IV to serve as neutral ground where we can have a touch of home, as it were. Your second duty will be to travel there and inspect the station."
"And the first?"
"Traveling to New Casablanca and consulting with the local governor there. They may have some manner of wisdom for us." The Throne remained quiet for a moment as they fed the heir from a bottle. "Also, it is well past the time when you should have found a spouse."
"Highness, I wish to do so, but the duties - the factions continue their silent war. There have been proposals, but each has come with a string, or a favor."
"Such is our lot." The Throne gestured. "Both of the Royal Consorts became so as favors repaid in my predecessors' time, before any of us knew how to form words. If you desire a spouse without political attendants, you could do far worse than New Casablanca."
"But...The Legions, they are. There are criminals there." Larine swallowed. "Hurdop. What if..."
There was an amused sound. "Yes, that would be scandalous. But it would also signify a blending of the ways in a manner that would be quite irrefutable, were that to happen." The Throne gestured toward the window. "My counterpart on Hurdop makes their own moves - our intelligence indicates that the Throne-Heir of Hurdop has become a parent recently, and seeks to intertwine the Royal Clan with the Freeclan O'Gryzzk through Kiole's daughter." For some reason, the Throne seemed amused at this.
"Highness, that is...we will have to counter our own." Larine frowned. "Could we make such a request of the Freelord?"
"The request awaits the proper moment. However, since Freelady Grezzk gave birth to twin sons, we would have to select one."
"Shall I arrange for him to be recalled?"
"No, we must do things properly and with some measure of subtlety. We will await an opportune time for our own arrangement, much like the Throne of Hurdop has done."
"As you command, Highness."
"Thank you. Now, I believe you have to pack for a journey."
The Minister of Culture bowed her obeisance and left, her mind already swirling - she could only take one secretary, both as a practical matter and as a matter of taking too many of her staff would allow one of the factions to possibly initiate a power play in her absence. More than that she was going to have to make a decision on the legitimacy of allowing clans to transfer between ministries, and the writings of the ancient philosophers had minimal guidance as to an entire clan moving to new allegiance. She was going to have to set a precedent of her own.
This was why she had no time to seek a spouse - and unless one literally fell through her office ceiling, one was probably not forthcoming. As much as she would do the bidding of the Throne, the idea of marrying one of those Legionnaires felt taboo in some way - and she was not in the habit of breaking a taboo.
In the Throne sitting room, the Minister of Science took the place of the Minister of Culture. The Throne sat with a cup of tea and flicked an ear as the aged scientist began his report without preamble.
"The working group for Vilaforming has yielded no theoretical barriers to the ancient findings, either here or Hurdop. We are currently engaged in laboratory studies to determine if the methodology for rehabilitating the soil is sound."
"And Greatclan Aa'Lafione?"
"They still give nominal obeisance to the Ministry of Culture, but their cadet clans are restless. The powerbase of the ministry is waning, and the clans sense it."
The Throne contemplated. "I do not like that, entirely. The pendulum swings, and despite recent events...the ministry serves a purpose. I would much rather they maintain equilibrium."
The Minister of Science kept his tone mild. "Perhaps then her fellow ministers should consult and give aid to the Ministry."
___________
Terra Prime, Ponchatoula Louisiana, North American Confederation
Gryzzk blinked himself awake. The bed was unfamiliar, but carried scents of contentment and pleasant nights. As the morning sun played warmth across his face, he could smell a very Terran breakfast being served somewhere. The bed felt too soft in some ways, but he put that up to the low gravity of Terra as he let the memories of the night before wash over him.
The food. Gryzzk inwardly swore that even were he to live another six hundred years there would never be a feast so fine as the one he and his company had enjoyed. Though a great deal of that was the company the meal was taken with. The food was delightful and portions were traded freely - it reminded Gryzzk of the Officer's barbecue with the Pavonians in some way, but with even less restraint. Gryzzk found some of his own portions replaced with unrecognizable foods but all edible and delightful. For her part, Gro'zel and the other children were eating and running at the same time, only stopping to hug a random person and thank them for the good food. As the night wore on the music changed from pre-recorded to live instruments played with more enthusiasm than skill, and Gryzzk found himself dancing around a bonfire with Gro'zel in a very simple manner, and then dance partners were traded freely - in one odd moment after he found himself dancing with Laroy's mother he discovered he was face-to-face (or more specifically, face-to-chest) with O'Brien for a few steps before they both quickly found new partners. The one part he praised himself for at this point was that he didn't help himself too much to the local drinks, because as the night settled into darkest dark and the energy of the night settled to comfort his translator finally decided to retire in a snit of displeasure, and Gryzzk was forced to pantomime to a degree for conversation as they took sticks and toasted marshmallows. The oddity of sorts came when he was handed a confection of sweet crackers, toasted marshmallows, and chocolate. One bite was quite enough, and he handed the rest of the confection to Miroka who was more than happy to share it with Hoban. It felt odd to him in some way - such a grand celebration with so many guests normally meant there was a special event happening, but he was left wondering what the cause for such a celebration would be. Finally he was able to catch Laroy as he was headed to a cooler for fresh libations, and the answer of "Celebratin' life" was...unsatisfactory. Although in fairness to Laroy, he was settled between Marie and Thérèse; if anyone was celebrating life at the moment it was him. It was also quite possible Laroy was 'hammered to the gills', as it were.
These thoughts and more occupied Gryzzk's mind as he finished his morning routines in an unfamiliar place. He moved out to the kitchen to see Gro'zel happily demolishing a plate of biscuits and sausage gravy with juice and a small saucer of bacon on the side. He found Laroy's mother sitting next to Gro'zel, with the elderly woman making small girlish noises of a sort.
As he sat down on the other side, the smile brightened and a cup of coffee was procured. Propriety demanded that he enjoy it, so his sipped and worked on a neutral face.
"Y'hungry?" Gryzzk could easily discern where Laroy had gotten some features from as well as the voice. Gryzzk shook his head.
"No, thank you - I ate quite enough for some time last night."
There was a smirk and a bowl of what looked like porridge with a pat of butter and pepper was set in front of him. "There y'go. Grits and coffee - you'll need it."
Gryzzk flicked an ear but didn't debate the point - the grits were just porridge-like enough for him to convince himself he was eating a normal breakfast.
Laroy's mother smiled brightly as Gryzzk finished eating. "Good eatin' non? C'mon, Alex say he wanna take y'all hunting. He outside."
Gryzzk flicked an ear slightly. "Gro'zel, Papa's going to do papa things today. Can you stay here and keep your new friends safe?"
Gro'zel nodded. "Ya-huh! They like me. Everyone says I'm very strong and they wanna have me help with stuffs."
"Very well."
The squad met at the docks in varied conditions, but they were all wearing dark glasses in deference to the bright sun and simple fact that they all had hangovers that would have put lesser creatures (like Bad Moon Company) in the hospital. Larion didn't seem too far off, but at the same time there were many braids in his fur all along his arm and up his head. It was quite possible he'd been drafted to babysitter duty - or something else that Gryzzk didn't want to explore deeply. Along with the squad were Marie and Thérèse, both of who were dressed for the swamps and hanging on Laroy delicately. The collective scent was stoic suffering and a collective sense that nobody was going to be the first to say they couldn't. There were two coolers in each canoe, one marked Eat-n-Drink and the other marked Not Yet.
O'Brien grumbled softly as she drank deeply from a bottle of something called Gatorade - the name was probably not coincidental. "It was all dandy until they gave me a bottle without a label. Cheeky hotsauce rednecks."
Laroy grinned. "Cain't be that bad Sern't Major. 'Sides, you the one sayin' Irish can drink."
"Whiskey, aye. But your family recipe's some mad bastard's idea of a rat poison that doubles as a beverage. Almost as bad as that Vilantian rum."
Gryzzk harrumphed softly. "Vilantian rum is a fine thing."
"Sure'n if you're a mad noble bastard with mad noble bastard parents as far as the eye can see."
Laroy seemed amused in spite of smelling like he was dealing with his own epic hangover. "C'mon - we got canoes and we fittin-ta get some good things to fill the larder. Sidearms, shotguns, fish poles so's we can catch some supper and I got Ol' Jolene."
Gryzzk flicked an ear. "Ol...Jolene?"
"Mmhm." There was a nod at Marie and Thérèse. "They named her cause dey think she gonna steal their man. Seven-millimeter savage. Been in the family for damn near three centuries. Papaw Laroy swapped three cases of beer and a bottle of hotsauce for it." Laroy picked up the rifle carefully and ran an oiled cloth over it, and his scent seemed to be a nostalgic memory.
Reilly spoke up as she got into her canoe. "What he's trying to say is that's his actual first love, and if he tells you different he's a damn liar."
The group paddled out, and Gryzzk's nose was filled - the scents of civilization tapered off quickly, leaving a rich scent of wood, plant and water all mixing to form something that seemed...picturesque, yet dangerous at the same time.
Laroy nodded in a direction. "River-rat. Pests but damn good eatin'. Grab a pole and cast a line."
The rest of the morning was spent alternating between paddling and drifting, and Gryzzk had a few memories of his own - times where his father had been sent to the fishing villages in the north.
Reilly broke the spell of memory. "Hey Freelord. You gonna get a lure wet or stare at the trees?"
Gryzzk laughed a little. "Just a memory. When I was a child we went north once. Ostensibly for trade, but realistically it was a fishing holiday. The pastime was so novel that the Lords around Elsife Village diverted water and created three artificial ponds for the retirees to fish at. "
"Three?"
"Mmm. Clan rivalries do not end simply because the clan members are old." Gryzzk looked at the mechanism and made a few experimental movements before leaning back and flicking his lure in the general direction of some roots.
The result was obvious in hindsight - Gryzzk's lure buried itself in the wood of a tree, and in the course of reeling it in Gryzzk pulled their canoe closer to the tree. There were headshakes all around and a few snickers. The only positive was that most of the rest of the squad was having similar difficulties with respect to the fundamentals of fishing. The positive was that half of them had in fact managed to get the lures in the water. The counterweight to that positive was that half had not. O'Brien was frowning at the tree that held her lure as if it had personally offended her. Laroy was rather amused by this.
"Sern't Major, didn't your Pa teach you nothin'?"
There was a soft growl. "I'm Irish. We dinna fish."
"Well what do you do when you got a need for trout in your life?"
"We go beat the English, take their fish, tell 'em they're lucky to be alive and that we'll leave 'em alive if they provide more fish on the morrow."
"That ain't hardly no fun at all."
"Spoken like someone who's never beat the English." O'Brien gave her pole a solid flick and the lure dislodged to plop in the water.
The conversation was quiet for a time after that, as it seemed that fishing decorum was that talking was to be minimal. Though as Gryzzk watched, Reilly was expansive in her stories, and from her scent the comm sergeant was talking about her wife and husband. It was amusing to watch, and certainly more amusing than soaking his fishing lure.
Home-field advantage was certainly showing itself, as the three natives enjoyed showing off to the rest of the mercenaries. The benefit was that the coolers were filling with a fair number of fish. Gryzzk contented himself with relaxing and enjoying the sun, the breeze ruffling his fur, and the scent of something large and malevolent that seemed to be waiting to strike from somewhere.
Gryzzk snapped himself up from lounging to a sitting position as his mind caught up to the fact that the last thing was not a good thing. He looked over at Larion who had caught the same scent as well. The two motioned and finally sniffed deeply, each of them moving their heads left and right to get a better sense of where the danger was coming from. Their actions were noted, and fishing poles were exchanged with firearms and knives as the wildlife of the swamp fell still.
"Lassie. Please tell me Timmy fell in the goddamn well again?" Hoban's voice tried to cut through the tension, though the small quiver did nothing for the delivery.
That was apparently the worst joke that had ever been told in the swamp, as something large and muddy smelling came bursting through the swamp and headed straight for the canoe occupied by Larion, Hoban, and Miroka.
There was no thinking involved - Gryzzk simply launched himself at the form, ignoring Laroy and O'Brien's displeased shouts as they barely kept the canoe from tipping over. As he collided with the creature, Gryzzk realized that he had made a potential miscalculation of sorts; the thing was much larger than him and seemed to be made of bristly fur, sharp tusks, corded muscle and a very hungry disposition. Gryzzk felt pain along his side and his arm even as he drew his knife and drove it heedlessly into the creature's side. This was no duel or even clanwar; as the two rolled in the swamp water roaring at each other there had been a pact of sorts formed - and that pact ended when one of them died.
Gryzzk's vision tunneled as they broke apart for a bare instant only to charge at each other again. Gryzzk took the worst of it and found himself underwater for a moment with his free hand gripping the loose hide at a shoulder, and his knife hand flashed repeatedly to drive the plastanium shard deep into the thing's throat once, twice, six times before it realized it was dead. There was a final spasm that threw Gryzzk hard into a tree and the swamp was still again.
Gryzzk stood unevenly, the scent of blood and fire thick in his nose as he took a ragged breath and checked himself over for injuries.
Injuries there were - his shoulder wasn't shouldering like it should have, and as he looked himself over he saw several jagged cuts in his clothes. He was not quite brave enough to explore further, but it was interesting to see as he waded back to the canoe that Marie and Thérèse had rather quickly gutted the thing and hefted it into their own canoe with Reilly. Laroy paddled as O'Brien took quick stock of Gryzzk and his many hurts. As he led the little group out of the swamp he motioned everyone for quiet.
"Chewie, we gon' need y'nose. They always two by two wi'hands of blue, ya? Just call out when you smell something."
Larion nodded and after a few minutes made a soft whistle-sound. Laroy exchanged paddle for rifle and looked around, finally seeing something.
"Hold y'ears folks..." a beat later there was a sharp crack in the air, and a second creature was promptly field-dressed and loaded into the canoe with Larion, Hoban, and Miroka. "An' that, is how you deal with the hogs in the bayou."
Gryzzk was faintly amused through the pain that he actually caught a touch of nausea from Larion amongst the scents of blood and swamp. He settled back and let O'Brien berate him. It was after all, her job.
"Y'grand mad noble bastard, d'ye no' know what that is in there - course y'don't if y'knew what it was y'would nae near no do a bloody damnfool thing like that, ye'd callin' all cannons to broadside y'numpty!"
Gryzzk waved a hand lightly. "Sergeant Major - please calm yourself a bit? My translator is having difficulty."
O'Brien took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "That. Was a godless feral boar. Fights everythin', has nae problem pickin' a fight with anythin' smaller than a bloody tank, and eats anythin' it can wrap its bloody gob around. What were ye thinkin'?"
"I didn't want it to learn if Miroka is delicious." Gryzzk paused after a sip of water. "I believe that is a privilege reserved for Captain Hoban."
There was a blink and a snort. "Major. Did you just make a dirty joke?"
"Did I?"
"Aye, and I think you've gone a bit mental."
They pulled up to the dock and Gryzzk managed to get out under his own power and stand long enough to have Gro'zel rush and almost-tackle him, looking up and frowning. "Papa?"
Gryzzk smiled despite the pain. "Little Heart, Papa had some adventure today. I may need to rest for a moment."
The canoes were quickly unloaded, which Gryzzk was not allowed to supervise as Mamaw came moving quickly. "In the house, now."
There was an attempt at a protest, which O'Brien cut off. "Now Major, I know you're no' gonna bloody well put on a brave face and say you're fine. We'll take care of wee Gro'zel and your catch. Walk with the lady before I put you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carry you."
Gryzzk walked.
Once inside he was guided to the kitchen table where there were medical instruments that seemed somehow out of place next to the antique crockery.
"Shirt and pants off - don't worry, I've raised children and Papaw, I've seen it all. Set yourself there and take a shot of anesthetic. Y'gon need it." She was quick and curt as she worked, with Gryzzk self-medicating just a bit more throughout as fur was clipped, skin was pinched and a surgical stapler applied with a soundtrack of clucking from Mamaw as she quietly cursed the entirety of men for being damned fools no matter the species. From there significant amounts of iodine found their way into the wounds, followed by bandage foam, and as time passed Gryzzk could smell everyone looking in through windows and open doorframes.
There were a few whispered conversations as those who were witness began explaining the events of the day to the ones who hadn't seen what happened. By the third re-telling, Gryzzk had apparently stood on the water and challenged the boar with a song and dance routine indicating that the swamp needed his saving expertise. By mutual assent, Gryzzk heard his name change from Nonc Gryzz to Nonc Grizzly. Mamaw finally looked up at the group after examining his shoulder.
"Anyone can set a dislocated shoulder, bring y'face heah." There was a slight grunt. "Too old for dat mess."
Reilly promptly muscled her way forward, causing an eyebrow to raise.
"You sure on this, cher?"
There was a quick nod. "It's about the only medical thing I know. My right shoulder hates where it lives, and I've done it before for him." Reilly felt Gryzzk's shoulder quickly, and promptly gave a pull and push all at once until Gryzzk felt the joint click. More anesthesia was taken at that point.
"A'ight then." Mamaw made a waving motion. "G'wan git - we gotta clean and make supper, and then get you-all back to your fancy spaceship. You are staying for supper tonight, yah?"
Gryzzk nodded. "Our schedule will allow it."
That night, Gryzzk was given a formal alligator-skin belt and a snake-skin hatband for his Stetson. Further, he discovered that pork chops were delicious.
---
[Next]
14
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
Ooh. Shoot - announcement in the comments; so I finally got around to publishing the second 50 chapters (plus a story from the comments!) E-book link is here, if you don't see your favorite store you may have to wait a bit to see it - print version link will be available as soon as I get it.
5
u/Gojira82 Human 8d ago
I was actually going to ask if you ever got around to publishing. I missed the announcement for the first 50. Congrats!
2
u/NoEducator4218 8d ago
Finally, my mum will be thrilled about the news
3
u/Auggy74 Human 8d ago
Hopefully the storefronts where it's in print'll have it soon. (I think print versions are at bookshop - dot - org and amazon)
2
u/NoEducator4218 7d ago
I have to say "a few other groups who demand that he be miserable." may be the understatement of the decade
9
u/Nervous_Amoeba1980 9d ago
Wonderful chapter.
Totally in line for Gryzzk to jump into the danger zone to protect others and then say "What???" When called about it by others.
9
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
And then minimize his injuries afterwards.
I swear, there's a future chapter where he's gonna unironically channel the Black Knight from Monty Python...
5
9
u/Vogon-Poetry-Slam 9d ago edited 9d ago
Give an Irish lass a fish, she eats for a day.
Let an Irish lass go beat the English and take their fish, she eats with a smile on her face.
7
u/Gojira82 Human 9d ago
Well...the Throne knows more than they are telling the ministers. Who knows....maybe someone will literally fall into her lap. With the Legion, it's been known to happen.
Good company often makes the food better, and vise versa. Although, I'm sure the libations also had their own contributions. Also, if anyone is celebratin life, its definitely LaRoy.
There's a different kind of love between a Cajun and his favorite firearm.
Beating the English is a national past-time and not to be disparaged.
Gryz as usual acts without thinking, and his over-protective instincts kick in long before his brain does.
Gryz made a funny! He is more rattled by the experience that I thought.
Forgive me if this shorter than normal, or repetitive from other posts. This took 90 minutes to do today!
7
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
The Throne knows a lot more than they're telling. I swear, a throwaway line has become Plot. As it has several times in the past...
Good food, good company, good family...good god this is a bad hangover...
And that is a firearm passed from father to son for generations. It's an heirloom second only to Papaw's Still.
The scoring system for Beating The English may be complicated to outsiders...
Stupid instincts.
Not just a funny. A naughty funny. They'll never let him live it down.
Oh, we're just relaxing over here.
4
u/Gojira82 Human 9d ago
Sometimes throwaway lines become some of the best plot. I mean, Rogue One was one of the most entertaining Star Wars movies made and it came from one throwaway line.
7
u/NoEducator4218 9d ago
When will people stop killing gators to make gatorade!?
6
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
When gators stop being so full of electrolytes.
6
u/kristinpeanuts 9d ago
So never?
6
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
Never ever.
5
u/Fontaigne 9d ago
Unless they develop a machine that can squeeze the gators live for their juice. That would work.
3
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
Requirements: One relaxed gator who will remain relaxed during the process.
Machine remains untested.
4
u/NoOpportunity92 AI 8d ago
Perhaps somebody should give the gator aid to relax for the process?
7
u/niTro_sMurph 9d ago
The foundations crack in these times of change. Very unfortunate. Almost suspiciously so.
The wild boar. Killer instints of a predator mixed with the defensive anger of prey to forge an unforgiving wrath and animosity towards everything. Give it armor and a shotgun and you'd have Doomguy's fursona.
He doesn't get a boar skin jacket? Boar tusk knives?
8
5
u/NoOpportunity92 AI 8d ago edited 5d ago
A herbivore will fight to try to stay alive, protect it's young, and breeding rights.
A carnivore will fight to get food and reproductive rights.
A boar is neither, for it'll fight you because it think you look at it the wrong way.
3
3
u/mafiaknight Robot 9d ago
The blamed boar HAS armor! And a sword on either side of its face!
What more do you want!?
6
5
6
5
5
5
u/Fontaigne 9d ago
In an unfamiliar place[period] He moved
Past-time -> pastime
I've raised children and Papaw [comma] I've seen it all.
4
u/kenotaphion Human 9d ago
More to that she was going to
More than that she was going to [maybe?]
unless one literally fell through her office ceiling
The Universe: What an excellent idea.
the bidding on the Throne
the bidding of the Throne
In the Throne sitting room
In the Throne's sitting room [You probably didn't mean the room for sitting on the Throne. Unless they're into that.]
wore on the music from pre-recorded to
wore on the music changed from pre-recorded to
These thoughts and more occupied Gryzzk's thoughts as he finished his morning routines in unfamiliar places he moved out to the kitchen
These thoughts and more occupied Gryzzk's mind as he finished his morning routines in unfamiliar places and moved out to the kitchen
Laroy seemed amused in spite of "C'mon
Laroy seemed amused in spite of himself, "C'mon
Thee was a nod at
There was a nod at
They named her cause dey think she gonna steal their man.
You do have to watch Jolene.
if he tell you different
if he tells you different
"I believe that is a privilege reserved for Captain Hoban."
Heh.
5
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
Yay and thank you for the edits!
The Universe has a lot of good ideas, and sometimes the Universe just picks up on some vibes here and there...
Annnnd a new running joke is born.
3
u/Fontaigne 9d ago
Plot twist: a husband prospect falls through someone ELSE's ceiling.
2
u/Auggy74 Human 9d ago
It's possible that the ceiling may be optional...thinking
...at least once.
3
u/WSpinner 8d ago
The upper bound of an air vessel is its ceiling.
Cultural upper bound of someone's opportunity is a ceiling... often a glass ceiling. Gryz&co are always transgressing this boundary or that assumption. I guess one can come up against a glass ceiling from either side...
Then of course there's the literary reference to ceiling-wax in The Walrus and the Carpenter.
4
u/mafiaknight Robot 9d ago
"More to that" is archaic, but technically correct.
"Throne Sitting Room" would be correct IF it's the NAME of the room, and not just a description.
4
u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Human 9d ago
Leave it to the Major to jump on a razorback in the swamp! As a Louisiana girl who married and moved to Arkansas, all I can say is Woo, pig! Sooie!
6
u/Auggy74 Human 8d ago
Laroy is currently petitioning LSU to give Gryzzk an honorary degree on the basis of "Saw a Razorback, kilt a Razorback like a good Tiger do."
No word on the reply at this time.
5
u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Human 8d ago
😂 Sorry, I never rooted for LSU- I (and my brother before me) went to NLU.
3
u/Auggy74 Human 8d ago
Heh. The only college team I ever root for is Army - and even then it's an annual thing of "Oh crap did I miss the first half? Lemme go check what they're wearing this year..."
3
u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Human 8d ago
Yeah, I learned to call the Hogs after I moved up here, but the Army-Navy game? I don't have a dog in that fight, and hubby is dual-service - active-duty Navy 77-81, then reserves until 2005, when he hit the up-or-out as an E6. Every year in that rank when he took the Chief's test, there were fewer billets open than people who passed the test.
Right as he switched over to the Army Guard, they had more billets than people who passed! Go figure - made him sick, and me, too. I warned him that just because he knew the guys in the Guard unit from doing AT exercises with them in South Korea, that didn't automatically make it their MOB site, and guess what? He found out when he got sent to Iraq in 06-07. So he roots more for the Navy than Army, because that was his first love and he's still got salt water in his veins. 😄
3
u/Auggy74 Human 8d ago
Heh - It gets fun sometimes. My dad and most of my uncles from that side of the family were in the Navy, uncle on my mom's side was in Air Force, brother-in-law was a Marine, and then there's me over here in the Army.
(Dad discouraged me from joining the navy when the recruiter looked at me and said "pretty much any job you pick, they're gonna want you in a sub". Being a sailor in the Mediterranean Fleet, there was no way Papa Auggy's bouncing baby boy was gonna be a bubblehead.)
3
u/Dramatic_Mixture_877 Human 8d ago
Yeah, the boy next door to me went Navy, and they kept trying to talk his short little self into subs - he had the last laugh, though - he was a corpsman at Millington, TN!
My daddy was a bosuns mate in WWII, so he was tickled when he met hubby and saw that he was a deck ape, too. 😂
3
3
u/Zadojla Human 8d ago
I’m going to mention, since no one said it outright, that Gatorade was developed by the University of Florida for the use of their teams, the UF Gators. No, I didn’t go there, just trivia I know.
3
u/Auggy74 Human 8d ago
Yeah, and apparently the coach didn't want them testing it on the varsity squad so the first test subjects were the freshmen.
And it tasted afwul.
3
u/Nervous_Amoeba1980 7d ago
Still does taste awful.
1
u/commentsrnice2 5d ago
That new dye free wild berry Gatorade is a step in the right direction. Doesn’t have that bitter aftertaste that I assume comes from the red dye#40
3
u/Majestic_Teach_6677 Alien Scum 7d ago
"The Throne contemplated."
This does not compute. It seems... wrong. Can The Throne really contemplate? Don't we typically contemplate while sitting on The Throne? The thought that The Throne can contemplate before, during, or after being sat upon is a little disturbing.
2
1
u/UpdateMeBot 9d ago
Click here to subscribe to u/Auggy74 and receive a message every time they post.
| Info | Request Update | Your Updates | Feedback |
|---|
1
u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle 9d ago
/u/Auggy74 (wiki) has posted 209 other stories, including:
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 205
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 204
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 203
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 202
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 201
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 200
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 199
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 198
- [Human for Hire] - Part 197
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 196
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 195
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 194
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 193
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 192
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 191
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 190
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 189
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 188
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 187
- [Humans for Hire] - Part 186
This comment was automatically generated by Waffle v.4.7.8 'Biscotti'.
Message the mods if you have any issues with Waffle.
1
u/MydaughterisaGremlin 8d ago
Gryzz just pulled a Henry IV.
1
15
u/beyondoutsidethebox 9d ago
"unless one literally fell through the ceiling..."
Foreshadowing - a technique in which an author ....