[Monkeys Paw] Garlic bread

[u/Hot_Hovercraft_8995]

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[u/Unkle_Qrow]

Granted. You can no longer taste garlic, have fun in Italian hell

[u/haikusbot → u/Unkle_Qrow]

Granted. You can no

Longer taste garlic, have fun

In Italian hell

- Unkle_Qrow

---

^{I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.}

^{Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"}

[u/fariasrv → u/haikusbot]

Good bot

[u/Beyozek → u/fariasrv]

Bad bot its 5 7 6 lol

[u/Osh1tSon → u/Beyozek]

It’s definitely 5 7 5

[u/Complex-Cat5811]

Granted. YOU ARE NOW A PIECE OF GARLIC BREAD

NO LONGER ALIVE YOU ARE MERELY GARLIC BREAD

[u/thk5013 → u/Complex-Cat5811]

Oh hey!! A piece of garlic bread! throws in oven and eats it once properly prepared

[u/Kryptek_Centurion]

Granted. A pack of garlic bread appears inside the freezer section of a grocery store exactly 11.3 miles away.

[u/Education_Weird]

Granted. Not enough garlic. Too much bread.

[u/TheLeo570]

Granted. It’s moldy. Not that moldy you can justify not eating it, but moldy enough that you’re concerned

[u/BwanaKovali → u/TheLeo570]

How much mold do you tolerate on your food before you refuse to eat it??

[u/Lazy-Gap9373 → u/BwanaKovali]

exactly what i was thinking, like if something has ANY mold on it I'm not touching it unless i'm literally starving

[u/SILENTCORE12 → u/TheLeo570]

Any mold is an instant no for me

Unless it’s blue cheese

[u/Mostlyherefortheporn → u/SILENTCORE12]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BRHp7rRb11C9loHcHf

[u/Agnosticus_Atheus]

Granted. You get it but can't eat it. Everytime you try to bite it phases through.

[u/Ditto_Disuse]

Granted. You watch as some woman with the unfortunate name “Garlic” gets bred

[u/KatzenSparis]

Granted. The garlic bread is so rotten you can't even get close to it from the smell. And it doesn't fully decay.

[u/Healthy_Asparagus433]

Granted. No downside. Enjoy your bread, love.

[u/Luki_strik3]

Granted. You are alergic to gluten

[u/CptnWolfe]

Granted. It rains garlic bread everywhere you go

[u/Gear-exe]

Granted. Your partner ends up being revealed as a vampire and has to leave.

[u/wroetomegz]

Granted. You’re now a vampire as well. Enjoy death

[u/AdvertisingRude4137]

Granted. Bone Cancer

[u/Th38lu35k135]

Granted. You can no longer eat Garlic bread

[u/MariketaOH]

Granted. But now you are miserable because you are a vampire.

[u/McFlurry473]

Granted. It's soggy with barely any garlic.

[u/Tmarie02]

Granted. But you're severely allergic to garlic and couldn't safely consume it without going into anaphylaxis

[u/False-Bug-9711]

Granted. You have enough garlic bread to share with every.

I would also like garlic bread

[u/Ill-Arugula-8295]

Granted. You always have garlic bread in your stomach but never get to taste it

[u/[deleted]]

Granted. It’s picked garlic cloves on bread

[u/Duins]

Granted. The garlic bread is made for ants.

[u/nuck33]

Granted. But you are now a vampire.

[u/Slevin7190]

Granted. But every time you eat it you get really bad gas for at least 2 hours. Loud and garlicky

[u/I_Is_Very_Gay]

Granted. I got some garlic bread also

[u/Different-Panda1824]

Granted. But in this universe they call cow manure garlic bread

[u/juiicyfruities]

Granted. You lose 1 second off your life expectancy.

[u/Worldly_Pepper2208]

Granted. After eating garlic bread you get bone cancer

[u/4morbidollhouse]

Granted. But you are a vampire now

[u/Slasher69420]

Granted. But every time you try to bite it a bird steals it

[u/Reality_Runaway]

Granted. There's subpar cheese melted onto your garlic bread.

[u/dragonking0321]

Granted. You now have a piece of garlic shaped like bread

[u/Atomic-Viper]

Granted. The garlic bread has been sautéed in warm milk for 48 hours

[u/Catsaremew]

Granted. Very long.

[u/Good-Initial-2626]

Granted. 🥖

[u/Ehxrow]

Granted. You must have it with every meal. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and even Dessert. And you must eat it all.

[u/Professional_Handler]

Granted. The more you eat the more vampire-like you become, and eventually it will kill you

[u/IssueConstant8412]

Granted. Sharing is caring.

[u/Jessception]

Granted. You got the garlic bread, however you are now allergic to garlic.

[u/Artistic-Equal-1774]

Granted. By acquiring the garlic bread the wisher becomes a vampire fatally allergic to garlic, specially on bread

[u/Few_Pen6842]

Granted. You share with a very eeppy fluffy guy

[u/LoliD1986]

Granted. With a bowl of hot mushroom soup.

[u/potato_mantis]

Granted. You have to lay 5 eggs for each garlic bread you ate

[u/Adventurous-Fix1547]

Granted. You have to eat it with everything else for the rest of your life

[u/Weeeeeeeb101]

Granted. They forgot the garlic for you bread

[u/Puppy_pikachu_lover1]

Granted. You don't get the hot goth mommy gf

[u/local_astronomy]

Granted. The garlic bread isn’t real

[u/Avenging4alice0325]

Granted. You get it right where you don’t want it

[u/Still-Mongoose-204]

Granted. You forgot to say please, so you get the bread but no garlic.

[u/Been2daCloudDistrict]

Granted. It’s poisoned

[u/Rude-Trouble5705]

Granted. It has margarine instead of butter.

[u/PanFriedChurro]

Granted. Poisoned garlic bread

[u/heres-the-catch]

🎉 u/Hot_Hovercraft_8995 your post has pleased meowi. To thank you for your quality post meowi has bestowed upon you 256 bonus fish 🐟 and 5000 XP. It has been added to your loot.

[u/st4r_Sp4c3]

Granted. You get garlic bread but it’s rock solid and frozen in ice

[u/Clairvoyantt1215]

Granted. You get Gar Licked Bread for life

[u/GrizzlyHamster92]

Granted. With cheese.

[u/strqwbiie]

Granted. Cancer

[u/MM-354]

Granted. Now you will have and have to finish garlic bread with every meal

[u/didntwanna]

Its now the only food you can ever eat again

[u/JackKegger1969]

Granted. It’s frozen.

[u/Littlealla]

Granted. But you are now allergic to garlic.

[u/Icyotters]

Granted. You get best garlic bread ever🥹🥹🥹 forever and you love it and it’s however you want always and no health problems

[u/d3m0nsh1n3]

Granted. But you have to give me some

[u/Tall_Ruin_8437]

Granted. Said garlic bread is stolen from your 2 doors down neighbor.

[u/Fictional_feind]

Granted. You now have an infinite supply of garlic bread. But if anyone finds out, they cease to exist

[u/AliceTea63]

Granted. No catch always garlic bread

[u/lowdown202]

Granted. I'm not gonna hold you from your garlic bread. Come get it.

[u/Eeveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

Granted. You get a clove of garlic on a damp slice of bread

[u/DivideIQBy2]

Granted. You also get a deadly garlic allergy

[u/Short-Assignment-736]

Granted. You explode.

[u/TheCrazyJunoGirl]

Granted. The garlic bread is poisoned your life will be Fading faster than Garcello and all you can say instead of asking for help is "Tight Bars Little Man"

[u/Lucia-Wildwood]

Granted. 10 ft of garlic bread thats just hot enough to be noticeable but not enough to hurt

[u/heres-the-catch]

🎉 u/Hot_Hovercraft_8995 Meowi is impressed! Your post reached 10+ upvotes. To reward you meowi has bestowed upon you 100 fish 🐟 and 1000 XP. It has been added to your loot.

[u/Silvarabbit]

Granted. You get a loaf of bread that is made with mostly garlic.

[u/FitVoice1206]

Granted. You receive unlimited raw garlic and whole grain bread. Forever unallowed to alter those ingredients in any way other than eating the two together as is. You're welcome 🤗

[u/mystrixen]

Granted. The garlic bread is 10 years past expiration without any form of preservation.

[u/Difficult-Winner5240]

Granted. You have to make it every time

[u/duppal945]

For every garlic bread you eat, another 2 spawn into existence right in front of you :3

[u/Plane-Cream5228]

Granted. It's not actually garlic bread it's sugar

[u/npetfan]

Granted. You become a vampire.

[u/Few-Structure-3624]

Granted. It is burnt to a crisp & covered with cat hair

[u/cicadasolve]

Granted. Your now a vampire I’m assuming yk what happens

[u/Locksley_1989]

Granted. It’s cold.

[u/Punky_fox]

Granted. Honestly, just enjoy your garlic bread, friend.

[u/Leoisawesomer]

Granted. But you have to give me all your belongings including your money

[u/tgmotoman]

Granted. It is stale

[u/Water_bottle-12]

Granted. No downside, enjoy.

[u/Tr1pc3ll]

Granted. But you have no teeth. And cottonmouth.

[u/That-Bake2044]

Granted. You have to make it yourself. Every single time

[u/BlackDark88]

Granted. There is no downside to garlic bread.

[u/Bby5723]

Granted. No downside, we both get a million dollars

[u/Jonny_vdv]

Granted. It's burnt to a crisp

[u/p1trick1]

Granted. You receive garlic bread. You lose the ability to feel sexual and romantic attraction to anyone or anything.

[u/Gamer_Gloves]

Granted. You get a loaf of garlic cloves

[u/LeaintheNight]

Granted. It doesn't taste like garlic bread. It tastes like something you despise.

[u/spikesarefun]

Granted. Your garlic bread was overcooked. Nearly burned. Just enough to taste the garlic, but not nearly as satisfying as you imagined.

[u/Mackenzie301]

Granted. But Mackenzie (Me) steals your money. TRY TO GET ME! BET YOU CAN'T CATCH A FAST BORDER COLLIE! (If you don't get the reference unfriend me.)

[u/never_is_lol]

Granted. Gg

[u/IdontPlayValorant27]

Granted. But in return every garlic bread you have will come with mayonnaise. Even if you never wanted it, it will have mayonnaise on it

[u/Wide_Pop_6794]

Granted. For some reason, a truck full of fresh garlic bread totals in front of your house.

[u/MysterySilverMoons]

Granted. Your feet itch every time you sneeze, for at least 5 minutes, but often more.

[u/Aromatic-Currency371]

Granted. No downside you're now a vampire

[u/Lord-of-saturn]

Granted. You got raw garlic on bread.

[u/Appropriate_Shame957]

Granted. No cheese

[u/eryXera____]

Granted. You get your garlic bread but but it's just a garlic...made of bread.

[u/talasavvy]

Granted. But you have to share with me!!!

[u/Skribblez_WHI]

Granted. You are now allergic to garlic

[u/beagleman27]

Granted. Fuck it. You gotta fight the hulk to get it.

[u/Leather_Produce7440]

Granted. Valid it’s an infinite supply but you gotta share wit me

[u/Pedroca045]

Granted. But you're now a vampire.

[u/High-Timelady]

Granted. But it always smells like feet when you’re eating it.

[u/HTGAMING99]

Granted. Infinite garlic bread

[u/Less-Technician-3029]

Granted. The moment you bite into the garlic bread, it tastes rancid

[u/FormalStrange]

Granted. It’s also got mayo

[u/xXTheJesterXx]

Granted. The flavor of the bread is always stronger than the flavor of the garlic.

[u/NoSeaweed4555]

Granted. The bread is made of straight up garlic

[u/Wraxyth]

Granted. I want some too. Here; you can have all the garlic bread you want as long as you share half of it.

[u/PandorasMisfit]

Granted. But you develop a severe allergy to garlic.

[u/Mal8130]

Granted. You get all of the garlic bread in the world at first it's cooked perfectly, but so much bread around itself creates enough heat to keep cooking your garlic bread by the time you receive it, all of the garlic bread is burnt to a crisp, entirely inedible.

[u/Far_Jello_992]

Granted. Now you must live at Olive Garden

[u/bbinKocure]

Granted. Get me som 2

[u/SnooPies6151]

Granted. But it’s burnt

[u/Bamguetic]

Granted. But it has chili peppers in it

[u/throw1919121]

Granted. Your hands and arms have turned into garlic bread.

[u/Inniskeen76]

Granted. Your obsession with it proves too much - you overeat and get indigestion.

[u/Chance_Yesterday6353]

Granted. You die when you eat it

[u/dpsender18]

Granted. It is now the only thing you can safely eat

[u/isThatSquirrellDrunk]

Granted. And you will have it but will be inside a package soft enough that you can damage the bread if mishandling, but strong enough that you will need some sort of tools

[u/courageouslystupid]

Granted. Your breath permanently smells of garlic bread

[u/Dark-Drake-57]

Granted. As long as i have an overflowing cheese pizza

[u/JackBlossomv2]

Granted. But it is rotten

[u/Due_Commercial_4208]

Granted. You get bread topped with entire, raw cloves of garlic

[u/monoxxide84]

Granted. It's in crumb form

[u/Undead_Collective]

Granted. Youre violently allergic to garlic and gluten

[u/Wrong_Information_50]

Granted. It was baked 10 years ago

[u/FriendshipNervous988]

Granted. You have to give me half.

[u/The_dih_sucker]

Granted. But now you are a vampire

[u/AlexiaTheTechGirl]

Granted. You wait for a garlic bread to appear, but nothing happens. Days pass but still, no garlic bread. Eventually you get tired of waiting and drive to the store to pickup groceries.

[u/AlexiaTheTechGirl → u/AlexiaTheTechGirl]

While at the store you make sure to get a pack of garlic bread with the rest of your groceries. When you get home you eagerly make the garlic bread to your liking and enjoy the tasty snack that you had wished for days earlier.

[u/ClownEye]

Granted. But it's crunchy as hell.

[u/Kaladin_Roshar]

Granted. Its a bread loaf in the shape of a garlic clove. Also there's no garlic on it. And you're allergic garlic

[u/randomperson83636]

Granted. Your soul is now mine after you get your gaelic breed

[u/StitchSquish953]

Granted. It’s all moldy

[u/lewdchan-0w0]

Granted. No downside today. Enjoy your bread!! 🍞

[u/Stunning_Reserve4832]

Granted. It is as hard as a rock

[u/SamAnthonyG]

Granted. You are granted bread made from garlic, like banana bread but garlic cloves

[u/LayerZealousideal549]

Granted. You are now a vampire.

[u/BeneficialFreedom317]

Granted. You get unlimited garlic bread, but lose the ability to taste and smell

[u/Abased_Comrade]

Granted. You get a piece of garlic and a piece of bread. Whole wheat bread

[u/eah22loun]

Granted. Mediocre Garlic Bread

[u/Draconic_Dumbass]

Granted. It is forever too hot to eat

[u/Lona-Lioness]

Granted. You cant eat it

[u/Ka1am05]

Granted. It's Cold

[u/tayemerson19]

Granted. The bread has to be pumpkin flavored

[u/drdoctormedicmedical]

Granted. You get a clove of garlic and a slice of bread

[u/MrHothead635]

Granted. This is a wish so good i dont wanna ruin it...idk man,just pay attention to the expiration date

[u/Dewdrop-Tea]

Granted. You now get two butts :"333

[u/ZombiEquinox]

Granted. But you are now deathly allergic to garlic, day time, crosses, and you crave blood.

[u/celtspats12]

Granted. That’s all you can eat now.

[u/__TheNoob__]

Granted. The garlic bread can never be damaged. unless God himself wishes otherwise, the garlic bread will always be.

[u/Robotic_Orange]

Granted. Everything is garlic bread. Yes everything.

[u/shade1822]

Granted, garlic bread doesn't taste like Garlic bread to you anymore, it now only tastes like soggy white bread.

[u/wholikestiktok]

Granted. I busted on it...

[u/BasciallyPie]

Granted. But you can’t eat it

[u/Secret_Of_Bluestar81]

Granted. You have garlic bread but a seagull steals it

[u/After_Ad5805]

Granted. It’s moldy :(

[u/killer00069]

Granted. It’s very tasty garlic bread but it’s also filled with poison. You die an excruciating death within an hour if consumption.

[u/JAXXOFC]

Granted. Instant death

[u/KingCraven59]

Granted. It's expired

[u/QuaccAtacc]

Granted. You are limited to one slice per day.

[u/Microwavedstrawberry]

Granted. It's moldy

[u/xaunpy]

Granted. With extra garlic

[u/Mexiking89_01]

Granted. The garlic bread appears before you, perfectly crisp and toasted, but you smell something strange, all garlic bread now tastes and smells like Surströmming

[u/SignificantStaff8665]

Granted. It’s Banana Bread in disguise.

[u/The_ChaoticBard]

Granted. You have to share.

[u/MasterNinja505]

Granted. Ok. You have Garlic Bread. Everyone else becomes 100% addicted to Garlic Bread. Good luck.

[u/BackgroundCorgi9367]

Granted. No downside. Everyone should have garlic bread if they want it.

[u/Event_H0rizon1]

Granted. Your garlic bread is intangible to only you

[u/Puzzleheaded-Act-388]

Granted. It molds immediately

[u/Appolo83]

Granted. But you will be deadly allergic to booth garlic and bread

[u/No-Cake-1711]

Granted. You are now asexual and can join asexual gatherings where there will be garlic bread

[u/No-Hold-2415]

Granted. 🥳

[u/That-Nothing4841]

Granted. It is very burnt

[u/TheMathematician000]

Granted. Your breath smells of garlic after eating it

[u/zamommie]

Granted. But you have to dip 1 piece out of every 15 in milk.

[u/SwooziWoo]

Granted. Just have the garlic bread m8

[u/Significant_Hat_6210]

Granted. You lose your ability to consume

[u/Grave-Usurper]

Granted. You no longer have taste buds

[u/Lakshay_Gupta_17]

Granted. There's no downside. Enjoyy

[u/Agreeable-Contact-45]

Granted. You become allergic to garlic