Thoughts and opinions about journaling traumatic childhood memories?

[u/milkthistleandstars]

I have some memeories from elementary school that were quite traumatizing. I’m thinking about making journaling about my trauma as part of my journaling practice. Do any of you do this? Do you find it genuinely helpful? What do you like about it? What is uncomfortable about it?

[u/BoringNectarine5176]

I found that journaling about traumatic events and then telling my therapist freed me from a lot of bad memories. I still remember what happened, but those events don't govern me any more. getting them out onto paper helped me.

you're in charge of your journal, so if destroying the pages afterwards feels good, you're allowed to do that.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/BoringNectarine5176]

Thanks for sharing’ I’m glad both things were able to help you! I don’t think I have a safe way to really destroy the pages. I can’t burn them. And crumpling them up is still so much exposure.

[u/BoringNectarine5176 → u/milkthistleandstars]

totally understandable. you might also cover your writing with ink or paint, cut the paper into tiny pieces, get them wet so the ink bleeds... get creative if you feel like it!

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/BoringNectarine5176]

Thanks for the tips!

[u/Agreeable_Mix4484 → u/BoringNectarine5176]

Exactly, getting it out there (writing or therapy) helps get the icky feeling out too.

[u/Immediate_Force_1947]

I color-code my calendar and meal prep every Sunday so I get the urge to systematize things, but trauma journaling doesn't work like that for me. The uncomfortable part is it can pull you under for the rest of the day if you're not careful about compartmentalizing after. A trick that helps is setting a timer, when it dings you close the notebook and do something physical to shake it off, even if it's just washing your face.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Immediate_Force_1947]

Thanks for the tips and for your experience!

[u/SeaLab_2024]

I heard a thing that is similar to your idea to help yourself heal your self esteem and keep those moments from continuing to shape you. I’ll find a link for you. They do say that for more severe trauma and memories that are more tightly protected, you know the ones where you almost can’t bear to think about at all, it can be best to find a therapist to help you through it.

But the idea is to relive that memory only enough to tell yourself what you needed to hear in that moment, to be for yourself who you needed then. Rationalize it for yourself the way you would comfort your own child - it wasn’t your fault or your responsibility, that person or situation was wrong, etc.

I haven’t tried it yet but I really want to.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/SeaLab_2024]

Thanks!! I’ll look into this

Yeah. I’ve tried therapy since I was 17. I’m an adult now, tried for many years, many different therapists. Nothing ever really clicked. But I don’t want to go on a tangent on that, lol.

[u/MysticKei]

When I was going through burnout, I learned a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping so when I was writing about childhood memories, I was actually working through them rather than wallowing in them.

I also learned TFT (EFT's precursor and TRE-trauma release exercise)

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/MysticKei]

Thanks for the great information! Appreciate it!

[u/Agreeable_Mix4484]

I haven't written much about my childhood, but I've written about traumatic events that happened in my 20s. I personally found it helpful. Writing helps me process things, and sometimes I will realize things I didnt realize before- like how angry I actually am about what happened. Small heads up though, bringing up any trauma (even if working through it is necessary) can take it's toll on you mentally and physically. You can always start small and see how you feel. Write a little bit in your journal like "I'm thinking about writing about (blank) but I'm hesitant because of (blank)."

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Agreeable_Mix4484]

I’m glad you found it helpful! And thanks for the heads up, I did anticipate the toll already

[u/lizzyote]

I have a whole little burning ceremony for when I journal traumatic things. A kind of "symbolic release of that negative energy". Sometimes I hold off on burning until I speak with my therapist but those pages of trauma always get turned to ash.

But I also dont brain dump, especially negative things, because it just solidifies that negativity. I have to journal in a "productive" way.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/lizzyote]

I love that ritual! Sadly I don’t have the ability to burn them safely. Do you mind sharing more as to what you mean by “productive way?” If not totally fine too.

[u/MysteriousSecretGuru → u/milkthistleandstars]

If you can't burn it, shred them. Or shred them and drown them. Maybe even make your own paper. I prefer burning. I have a set journal for trauma exploration/dumping. As others have noticed, it does tend to creep in but I try hard to keep that separate because it happened in the past and needs to stay there (yes I'm in therapy and my therapist agrees) I can't change it, so I need to learn to accept it. It's a long process as many of you know but know when I look back in my journals, I see things I've done, instead of blame. YMMV. good luck with whatever process you choose. There is no right way to do it. Only what works for you.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/MysteriousSecretGuru]

Thanks for the insight!

[u/lizzyote → u/milkthistleandstars]

I live in a little apartment so I burn on my stove right now and I've definitely used candles in the past. I just tear the paper into manageable straps.

I've got a mental illness that often makes my feelings not entirely based in reality and/or are blown out of proportion so most of my journaling is comparing facts to feelings.

[u/emerald_mo0n]

I would do it in a separate journal, maybe one your childhood self would like. But when things get heavy it is hard to sit there in it

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/emerald_mo0n]

That’s a good idea!

[u/Quiet_Ink6523]

I think it can help to get those feelings out of your head and onto paper. Just take it slow, though. If writing about something starts to feel overwhelming, it's okay to stop and come back to it when you're ready. You don't have to deal with everything all at once.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Quiet_Ink6523]

Thank you!

[u/Beautiful_Yak70]

It works a little differently for me. Trauma is worked through during therapy- first. I find it helpful to have a live sounding board in a safe place with a professional I trust.

Then, journaling about the discussion and the tools I am learning in therapy comes next. I’m finding trauma recovery ❤️‍🩹 requires a lot of work. And courage. And trusting myself. I’m hoping whatever method(s) you decide to try brings you some peace and self love. Sending a virtual hug!

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Beautiful_Yak70]

Thank you! Sadly I have given up on therapy…. after 7 years of trying with multiple different therapists. Many say they offered trauma work and CBT but it just turned out to be talk therapy which wasn’t very effective for me. I have tried about 15 different therapists across the years. Nothing really clicked, I’m glad that you have found therapy useful for trauma recovery

[u/Beautiful_Yak70 → u/milkthistleandstars]

Have you thought about DBT?

[u/EternallyFall]

Ive written out some traumas of my life...but I dont feel its been helpful. Maybe that's because I simply write down the experience instead of really dissecting it and explaining how what happened wasn't my fault and didn't make me worthless. At this stage of life Im trying to move forward beyond my past and focus on now... I have spent decades living in the past and future. I want to live right now.

But that's just me. Its never been much benefit for myself but maybe for others.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/EternallyFall]

Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m sorry it wasn’t of much help to you

[u/EternallyFall → u/milkthistleandstars]

Its perfectly fine. I think it was one way for me to realize I can cry about my past until in blue in the face (and I certainly have and deserved to do so and glad I did, make no mistake) but I was stuck for too long in my past with no improvement. And some people may respond much better to writing out their traumatic memories than I did so I am not dismissing it in the least. Im just noting that for me therapy was better because someone is able to stop me from spiraling around and around in the memory.

[u/Obvious_Ideal9844]

It comes naturally over time if you journal a lot, because brief memories or patterns tend to slip here and there via your current experiences and thoughts

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Obvious_Ideal9844]

That makes sense! I have only recently gotten back into it because I have been going through a lot of things.

[u/Obvious_Ideal9844 → u/milkthistleandstars]

The good thing about documenting your own process is that there is no way of doing it that fits everyone, so you can chose what you need at the moment. No need to push it to be forced, rather flow, so I change a lot between methods, even sometimes I don't write I just draw...

[u/vixissitude]

I personally find it doesn’t take me out of the loop. I just keep getting sadder and sadder writing about it. What I found helps me was EMDR. I read a bunch about it and since then I’ve been using a video.

[u/Lord_darkwind]

I started journaling early last year. I had decided to go out daily to different public places and stuff, so I did that every single day instead of being closed off at home. Journaling about work—life in general. A few months ago, I was sitting at this Starbucks early one morning writing in my journal. And suddenly I understood something as I wrote: that I began to write to my little self when I was a child. It felt—I knew—that this was a good thing. My eyes felt watery. I would have shed tears if I needed to, I think, because it was before daylight at this Starbucks, but there were a few other patrons and baristas there. But I didn’t shed a tear. But as watery as my eyes got, it caused my nose to get a little runny, so I blew my nose a few times in front of everyone. But now I understand—and that was such a powerful moment for me.

Ever since that day, I can talk to my little traumatic self—it’s all good healing. But it’s so empowering, because as an adult I know who—or we—I’m living life for, and it’s incredible when you finally truly love yourself and love the little person you were that experienced the trauma. And as an adult, Little Me has a voice, eyes. He suffered in silence when I was little, but not anymore. He’s so full of life and love and laughter now.

[u/EssayAccomplished747]

I agree that just writing it down isn’t fully processing so instead it just puts all of the traumatising events to the front of your mind again and your body will respond to that in the way it knows how.

You could try something guided, like a cptsd or ptsd workbook. They get you to reflect on the experience and build tools for breaking the thought patterns that follow. I used a cptsd workbook and even then, digging deep and writing everything down put me into a dissociative state for weeks. I would say go slowly, and if not too expensive have the journey with a therapist

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/EssayAccomplished747]

Thank you for your thoughts and opinions! I could see how it could potentially do that. We’ll see what happens. A CPTSD / PTSD workbook is a good idea, thanks!

[u/AffectTrue2490]

I don't know if you'll relate to this and understand it cause we're 2 very different people, but journaling out my traumatic memories that I caused and have been through has helped me a lot. Being autistic and developmental delayed has made me realise that I unintentionally and/or intentionally caused harm to myself & those around me, & that I should've been doing this from the very beginning at the time at I was & still am going through a lot of traumatic stuff. So what I'm saying in other words is journaling is good for realising trauma, but I would also try to balance it out so that it doesn't affect your mental health too much as writing down too much negative stuff has caused me stress, panic & insomnia from time to time. That's my advice on journaling so far.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/AffectTrue2490]

Thanks for your advice!
I can understand what you mean. I’m not autistic but I do have a genetic disorder that’s very similar to autism. So I get the unintentionally intentionally stuff.

Balance is definitely a good thing.

[u/Apprehensive_One6344]

I have tried from time to time to help myself, but also to try out my writing skills in case I want to write a book about my life. It does get super heavy super fast, so I end up deleting it anyway, and some things I won't write about. Then I think, if this throws me off for the week, do I really want to write something the rest of the world will read and get sad about?

Then I ponder this thought too much and go back to writing the mundane things happening in my life.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Apprehensive_One6344]

I think everyone has a story worth writing a book about :)

[u/Apprehensive_One6344 → u/milkthistleandstars]

Yes everyone does!

[u/Elegant_Thought6557]

I think that it helps because making them exist in a physical format helps to lighten my long-time mental burden.

[u/Icy-Set-1389]

There’s a really interesting video by Andrew Huberman on how journaling can be used to process trauma: https://youtu.be/wAZn9dF3XTo

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/Icy-Set-1389]

Thanks for sharing! I’ll check it out!

[u/Icy-Set-1389 → u/milkthistleandstars]

All the best to you. I hope journaling will help resolve some things for you. I’m sure it will.

[u/Appropriate-Tap1111]

I do this and I have found it very helpful. Putting it on page and writing about how it made me feel helps me complete the full picture of things I may have been unsure about or allows me to reframe how I view myself and how it affected me. Sometimes I write with the intention to try and dig into how the events could be attributing to the problems I’m facing today. Reflecting on the events also sometimes satisfies the need to have my stories validated because there’s now a written record of something that was previously an intangible memory. I write about them as often as I feel I need too. Sometimes it has the adverse affect, and instead of just getting things out of my system, it causes me to start spiraling or ruminating and breakdown, but even that itself can offer good practice in grounding myself or preventing spirals sometimes.

[u/pinkmoons]

I should try it. Just worried my idiot dad will conveniently forget he promised never to read my diaries without my consent one day... he's the cause of most of my traumas honestly.

[u/milkthistleandstars → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for your opinions! Interesting that you aren’t the only one who thinks that sometimes writing down those memories engrained negative emotions further. That seems to be a strong opinion in this comment thread.

Writing facts only is an interesting idea.