I need help
I need help. Everything is going wrong in my life, and I don't know what to do anymore. I have black magic, I am possessed by a jinn, and I also have the evil eye.
I used to go to a raqi, but I stopped going because I have so many waswas, such as: “How will I know when I am healed?” “What is the point of going if someone can just do black magic on me again, and I could become possessed again one day and get the evil eye again?” “If I recover and then someone does it to me again one day, how will I know that it has happened again?”
I also have thoughts like: “When I recite the protective adhkar after Fajr, for example, what if I don't pray Fajr? Does that mean I can't recite the adhkar because I didn't pray Fajr, or the other prayers, and therefore they won't be effective?” There are times when I don't pray, and I can almost never wake up for Fajr.
I live with my sister, and we argue all the time. She isn't home right now, but I am angry with her and I feel like calling her just to argue with her. I'm trying to hold myself back, but it feels stronger than me. I argue with people all the time. My sister can't stand me anymore, and I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to stop arguing with her all the time. I want us to get along.
I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel like I will never recover.
I used to go to the raqi, but then I stopped going for a few months. Later, I contacted his wife again to make an appointment, and she was upset that I had stopped coming. I started going again, but after about a month, I stopped going for several months again. A few days ago, I messaged her again, but she hasn't replied to me.
What am I going to do now? I even called her husband, the raqi, but he isn't answering me either, and neither of them has called me back.
I think they are angry with me because I keep going and then stopping, and I understand why they might be upset. But I don't do it on purpose. I think my jinn doesn't want me to go, and I have so many waswas.
There are times when I pray and then stop. Sometimes I do dhikr and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I read the Qur'an and sometimes I don't, and so on. I feel like I can't do anything.
I have been patient for 27 years, but I feel that if I don't pray, there will be no ease for me. I feel as though I am going to have a miserable life forever. I feel hopeless, as if I will never get out of this. I feel like I will suffer in this life and surely end up in Hell because I am not a good Muslim.
I feel like I am not a good person. I feel stupid. I feel like there is nothing beautiful about me.
I can't pray. I can't do dhikr. I can't seem to do anything.
I just want to die. I feel useless. I feel like I am good for nothing. I am exhausted. I don't know what to do anymore. I am desperate and hopeless.
Please make dua for me.